Cohabitation - March

Story by AstroSecant on SoFurry

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#3 of Cohabitation

Initially this plot was going to take a different direction, but I decided that that didn't leave me enough room to develop things properly. So I shifted it a bit and made it crash and burn even more spectacularly. With all that going on, who's even got time for sex?

CONTENT WARNING: This chapter has sexual harassment and prejudice and stereotyping.


"You're seriously off your game, man," grumbled Cayden before slugging down a shot of whiskey. "Two months and you haven't managed to bag your roomie. Maybe you're not as good at this as you used to be."

"I'm just fuckin' fine at it," Jake growled back at the wolverine. "Lyle's just hard as shit to pierce. I've tried all the usual things and some unusual ones, he hasn't bitten on any of them. At this point I'm almost more worried about him than my sex life, that guy has some fuckin' ISSUES."

"I think his issue is that he's not getting routine application of cock," snorted Jerome. "Maybe your dinky dick just doesn't do it for him. Some of those bushy tails need something meatier."

"At this point I half think that he'd burst into flame if he even SAW a dick. He doesn't even like to hear me talking about sex on the phone, for crying out loud! Not even anything explicit, just mentioning it! And that's just part of it, you know he doesn't ever have anyone over? Huge house, it would be great for parties, even just the domestic ones, but the last guy that was over there that wasn't him or me was that one-night-stand cat over a month ago."

"You mean the guy he chewed you out over?" asked Xander.

"Yeah. The only people he talks to are through his video games. He's...I dunno, this way of living can't be healthy, he rarely leaves the house at all, almost all his shopping is done online. Hell, he has an outdoor pool and almost never uses it! It's fenced in and everything, but he can't even handle that! He's got problems, I dunno what they are, but it makes me wonder what the hell is up with him. Hard to get through that if he's got complexes to hell and back...he's even more neurotic than you, Benji."

"Is that even possible?" the cheetah asked.

"I didn't think it was, but hell if that's not the case."

"Sounds like a whole lotta excuses to me," Cayden sniped. "You need to step it up."

"Fuck off, Cay. You wouldn't do any better."

"Maybe we should test that theory. Ring us in, let us try to help you get through that shell of his."

Jake paused. That sounded like a good idea in theory, especially because work was running him down now - they had a big project that absolutely had to get out at the end of the month, and he was feeling the pressure as he tried to work out all the kinks that inevitably crept in while trying to program anything. But... "I'm not sure he'd even let you guys in the house, knowing you were my friends. And he'd boot you out the moment you tried anything funny. I'm game to have you come in on my side, but you gotta be SUBTLE. Otherwise, you're paying the rent on my next apartment until the year's out."

"Since when do you have to be subtle with a goddamn fox?" grunted Jerome.

"I'm SERIOUS. Stop acting like he's just a normal fox, if he was we wouldn't be having this conversation. I don't have time to be looking for a new place to live, so don't be pushy. Just...look, right now forget the sex thing, just try to see if you can figure out anything about HIM, something he might enjoy or something he might even freaking tolerate, something that I can actually use to get him even a little bit more comfortable with me. It's clear he's not interested right now, so if this is gonna go anywhere, I have to take time getting him interested."

"Fine, fine...gotta have SOME challenge, I guess."


The look in Lyle's face was not promising. Jake was trying to keep his expression even as he introduced Benji to the fox, not wanting to betray any nefarious plotting. He already knew it was going to be an uphill battle getting Lyle to trust any of his friends, he didn't need to make it harder.

It wasn't helping that Benji looked nervous as all hell. But Benji ALWAYS looked nervous as all hell, so there wasn't much helping that.

"So...you're one of Jake's friends." Lyle couldn't have been more nonplussed judging by his voice.

"Er, yeah...my name's Benji. Nice to meet you."

"Uh, right. So...yeah. Just don't make a mess around here, please. Anyway, video games are in the main room, don't make too much noise, please, I'd rather not have too much racket while I'm trying to relax in my room."

"Wait, hang on, why're you just gonna run away to your room?" Jake asked, a little more aggressively than he intended. "C'mon, Benji doesn't bite. Well, except that one time, but that's because Cayden snuck up on him."

Lyle's brow furrowed. "Uh...well, he's your friend, not mine, I assumed you'd be entertaining him."

Jake put a hand on his head. "Fuck's sake, Lyle, it's not gonna murder you to socialize a little bit! Hang out with us. Besides, Benji doesn't really do video games."

"Ah, yeah...I'm, uh, more of an outdoorsy type, and I never really, uh, mixed well with games like that," the cheetah affirmed. "But if you're not outdoorsy, I'd be fine with talking and stuff."

It seemed like it took everything in the world for Lyle to agree, which annoyed Jake - he could at least TRY to give his friends a chance. But agree he did, so they headed to the living room to lounge around and chat. It was a good chance for Jake to catch up with what Benji had been up to lately anyway, their group excursions didn't usually stray towards current life events - everyone had other things on their mind.

Unfortunately, that good chance was spoiled rather quickly by the buzz of Jake's cell phone. He pulled it out, intending to decline the call if it was any number he didn't recognize...and groaned when he saw it was one of his co-workers. "Hang on...hello? Alven? Dude, calm down, I can barely understand you...no, it's working fine, I just...what do you mean it's not? You're not...blooming hell. Hang on, I gotta get to my laptop..." Grumbling, the wolf stood up and headed upstairs. Fine time for a mess like this, now he'd have to rely on Benji to fish out info on his own and relay it back to him. Hopefully it wouldn't take too long to get Alven squared away...


Lyle was far less than thrilled about Jake flaking on his friend and leaving him to deal with him. At least he was pretty sure it wasn't just a random excuse - Jake had been swamped with phone calls lately even at home, and it was clear he was in the midst of a severe crunch period with his job. But still, if he was so busy, he shouldn't have been bringing people over, especially people that Lyle had no idea if he could trust or not.

The only saving grace is that this Benji fellow looked even more nervous than Lyle felt. The cheetah's eyes were wide with terror, and his fingers were gripping the arm of the seat as he looked anxiously at the fox. "Uh...so...um...what do you do?"

"What I want." It was a rather brusque reply, but he wasn't exactly all that hopeful that they had his best interests in mind. Fortunately, he'd had years of practice in avoiding giving away too much personal information.

"Oh. Uh. I, I mean...you know. For work."

"I do whatever I feel like." Truth, while being vague. Saying he didn't have a job would be something they could use against him...if they knew he was constantly at home, that meant they could start to plan around that.

Benji looked exceptionally unnerved now. "Ah...um...I didn't...sorry. Uh...I...I don't...really know what else to ask about?"

Well, this was going swell. Sitting here with a bored cheetah for who knew how long wasn't likely to end up any better than being dodgy. Lyle let out a sigh, frustrated; he had to at least try to keep things going until Jake was done. Time for tactic number two: make them talk about themselves, rather than Lyle talking about himself. "How long have you known Jake, I guess?"

"Oh! Uh...a while? Since I think, uh, sophomore year at the university. I met him at a class and we were paired up for a project...we got to know each other pretty well. He, uh..." Benji averted his gaze a bit, swallowing hard. "He got me, uh, more...adventurous, I guess. Broke me out of my shell a bit...it was 'cause of him that I met more friends."

There was an undertone to that that Lyle was pretty sure he had grokked. And that had him a bit rankled; was Jake thinking he could do the same thing with Lyle? Just wheedle his way into his life and then his body under the pretense of 'breaking him out of his shell?' But he kept his cool and didn't take it out on the cheetah - whatever conniving was going on, he still appeared to be a genuine friend of Jake's. "So you've hung out with him ever since?"

"Uh...well, we kinda were more off and on through college, he was busy a lot...his, uh, his degree was a lot more intense than mine was. But...well, he lived with me for a few years after graduation. He was going through a rough point in his life...uhm, I don't think I should go into much detail about that."

Lyle didn't care for more detail anyway. "So what is it YOU do?"

"Oh, uh, I work at a grocery store. Yeah, I...majored in English. I guess I thought I wanted to do something with reading and writing and stuff like that, but I don't...really know what to do with it, honestly. I mean, I could write a book if I knew what I wanted to write, but...I mean, that's pretty hard to do. But since I live in my dad's basement, I can get away with having a job like that."

"You haven't thought about moving out?"

"I...don't really know if I can until I'm making more money. It's not cheap to live around here. Dad doesn't really mind, either, he's...kinda lonely since Mom left, I think he likes having me around, it makes the house feel less empty. Might change if he ever gets a new girlfriend, but he's had some trouble with that...he's...well, not the kind of prize catch for most."

"Ah. Well, it works out for you, at least. Nice not to have to worry about where you'll be living."

"I guess not...uh, sorry, I've just been, uh...talking about myself all this time..."

"I don't really mind," Lyle responded. "But, uh, unless Jake's coming back sometime soon, I've got stuff to do." That was a bald-faced lie, but Lyle was pretty sure he could get away with it. Even if he had nothing, he could go for a drive - his car, at least, was fairly safe.

"Oh, okay...uh, I guess I can wait for-"

Before Benji could finish, they heard a yell from Jake's room. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S GONE?!"

Benji had leapt up a bit, quivering at the yell even though it wasn't directed at him. "Uh...I don't think he's going to be free any time soon...uhm...I guess I'll just...leave. Uh...thanks for talking with me, I guess."

"Sure. You all right going on your own?"

"Yeah, it's not that far a walk. Uh...bye." On that awkward note, the cheetah hurried out. Breathing a sigh of relief, Lyle went into his room to fire up a computer game - he ordinarily used the TV, but he had a sneaking suspicion that wouldn't be Jake's last outburst, and at least his computer had headphones.


"Seriously, Benji? Nothing?"

"I'm sorry!" Benji was excessively apologetic, looking majorly crestfallen. "I couldn't get him talking about himself! He just...he got me talking about me, and then I just...it was too awkward, I couldn't redirect anything to him! If you'd been there, it would've been easier..."

"Ugh...I know." Jake wasn't really that angry at Benji; he was more frustrated about the events of the previous day, which had kept him maddeningly busy until well into the night. One simple oversight, someone moving rather than copying a file, had created hours of headache that had thankfully been resolved without any greater harm than lost time and the fraying of Jake's sanity. It could have been so much worse, he knew, but that didn't really give him much relief. "I just was hoping that you might be able to get something out of him...since you're kind of the non-threatening one, I'm not sure he'll be nearly as comfortable with the others."

"Yeah, he...he seems really closed off. I get what you said about him, he didn't really like me being there."

"I'm sure he didn't. Well, you tried, and you tried safely, so...thanks, anyway. Guess I'll see if anyone else has any better luck..."

"I...I could try again..."

Jake shook his head. "Not right now...if he wasn't willing to give you a chance then we should probably just leave it at that. I don't want him catching on to what we're doing so I'm gonna keep it one at a time spaced out."

Benji nodded. "I guess that makes sense. Hopefully one of the others will have better luck..."

"We can hope." But Jake didn't have much of that. Benji had seemed to him like the best prospect, that's why he'd gone with him first. He felt like it might be better to just call it there, but he knew the others would let him have it, so on to the next one...


"Dude, I told you to dress modestly."

"I know. And I said fuck that. A fox needs a bit of eye candy."

Jake groaned. "Dude, I've tried that, I told you! He yelled at me to put clothes on."

Cayden snorted. "Really, man? You think YOU are eye candy? The only thing that looks sexy about you is your pheno, because like everyone drools over dogs for some reason. He's never gotten an eyeful of buffness like THIS before." Cayden flexed, making Jake roll his eyes. The wolverine was certainly more muscular than he was, without question, but he very much doubted that that was going to do anything to help this situation.

And sure enough, Lyle was instantly hostile when they entered. "Who are you and why the hell don't you have a shirt on?" he snapped at Cayden, leveling such a glare at the wolverine that Cayden was momentarily thrown. Though Jake was annoyed at what was starting to seem like a waste of time already, at least he was getting some satisfaction out of Cayden crashing and burning after he had been so derisive and cocky earlier.

His recovery didn't do much to help his cause either, as he tried to recoup his swagger. "Oh, well, sorry, but I'm just so smokin' hot that I've set them all on fire. Guess I need to get something that breathes a bit more so that all that hot doesn't build up."

"Right, of course," Lyle growled. "Should I turn up the AC to make sure you don't make things uncomfortable in here?"

Cayden faltered slightly. "Jeez...no need, your attitude is frosty enough."

"Glad to hear it. Whatever you two are planning on doing, I'm not interested in joining in, I've got stuff of my own going on. Try not to make a mess." Lyle went huffily to the kitchen, and Cayden turned to Jake with an expression of disbelief.

"Dude...what the fuck?!"

"Don't say I didn't warn you."

"Are you sure he's a fox?"

"Maybe listen before running your mouth next time. Come on, at least we can enjoy ourselves while we're here."

"Man, I'm not gonna enjoy much if I don't find some crack in that wall..." Cayden grumbled as he followed Jake up towards the wolf's bedroom. Jake hoped that they could find some way to talk about what happened while doing something to distract them from the failure...but no such luck was coming. His phone buzzed just as they reached the door, and he sent Cayden inside to cool off while heading to the bathroom to take it.

Of course, it was bad news. "Jake?"

"Daimon...please tell me..."

"Sorry, Jake, I really don't want to be calling you. I want you to be able to enjoy your weekend, but Marcel's sick and I don't know who else might know where these files are. I'll try to make it quick."

"Where what files are? Wait, I labeled all the directories clearly and sent out the e-mail with all of the filepaths. Didn't you get it?"

"I went to them. But they're empty."

The wolf's heart plunged. "Empty...they're..."

"I checked, I'm connected to the network, and I've double-checked the filepaths. The directories are there, but I can't see the files. Are you sure they're publicly visible?"

"Yes. Fucking hell..." Jake did his best to swallow down his panic. "I'm gonna have to remote in and restore from backup. At least I HOPE that they were caught up in the nightly backup...was anyone working on them earlier?"

"Oswald and Marcine are in. I didn't hear anything from them when they first got in, but Marcine was just in my office a few minutes ago asking if there were network problems because she couldn't save."

That was slight relief to Jake, the files most likely were there that morning then, which meant he could probably restore them from backup. "Okay...get them both off the computers, have them touch nothing, and then figure out what they were doing. I don't know whether it was intentional or accidental but one of them or both of them fucked up and we need to figure out who and how to keep it from happening again. We already had Kevin foul up something, people aren't following protocols and it's gonna make us miss our deadline."

"Trust me, I'm worried about that as well. You focus on the fix, I'll get to the bottom of that. If anything has any signs of funny business I'll let you know." The phone went dead on the other end, and Jake let out a deep groan. Of course this had to happen again...

Looking up, he saw the medicine cabinet slightly open, and realized with a jolt that he hadn't taken one of his pills that morning. The thing with Cayden had been on his mind, he'd just forgotten...he stared at it for a moment, and then shut the cabinet. Maybe this time it would be different...


Lyle had hoped that his quick dismissal of the wolverine would be the end of that story. Somehow, it wasn't the case.

He had an online gaming session going on, one of those all-day type affairs that kept him nice and occupied. As one of the strongest of his guild, they needed him and he was happy to provide al his talent and expertise to bring things to a successful conclusion. It helped that he had a lot of time to work on his character, of course. And a few of his online friends were also part of it...it was nice to be around familiar company, especially familiar company that existed only as voices and avatars that couldn't touch him.

They were on a bit of a lunch break, so he finally emerged from his room...and the damn shirtless wolverine was still there, for some reason. He gave him a hard look. "Where's Jake?"

Cayden snorted in annoyance. "Doing some computer shit. Been at it for like two hours. Can't fuckin' pry him away because his work called him. I played by myself for a while but it's too boring, no challenge in CPUs..."

"That's nice," Lyle said in a voice that plainly suggested he couldn't have cared less. "You don't have to stick around, you know, you can go do whatever you want."

"Maybe what I want is to chat with you."

"And why would you want to do that?"

"I'm questioning that myself, with how much of a pill you are." Cayden was glowering at Lyle, and it was making the fox feel a bit more nervous and defensive. "You've been nothing but an ass to me ever since I got in, and I didn't even do anything."

"You came on to me within 10 seconds of me seeing you. You call that not anything?"

"Most guys would take that as a compliment!"

"I think you've got a warped view of 'most guys.' Is it that out of bounds to want to be left alone?"

"You need to lighten up! It's not the end of the world if someone flirts with you!"

Lyle's cutting glare come out again. "It's none of your goddamn business what I do or don't need to do or WANT to do. I don't feel like being a piece of meat for some shallow meathead to treat like their personal conquest. And since you've confirmed that's what you're trying to do, you're officially not welcome here. Get out of my house."

Cayden looked at the fox in mixed shock and anger. "What if I don't want to?!"

"Then the police come, and you get to explain to them why you wouldn't leave despite me telling you to. And in the meantime, I have a very, VERY powerful taser."

The wolverine sputtered a bit, and then turned on his heel. "Fine! Your loss, you little twit! I'll go somewhere where I'm appreciated!" Lyle didn't trust those words until he heard the front door slam, and then he went and quickly locked it to make sure that Cayden couldn't change his mind. He had half a mind to call the police anyway, but he knew that wasn't going to do anything for him at this point, so ho tamped down the urge.

He REALLY needed to have a chat with Jake about his taste in friends.


"Dude, that fox is fucking crazy!"

"I gave you all the warnings I could and it's your fault for not listening," Jake said with absolutely no sympathy for the wolverine's wounded ego - which he knew that was what it was, it hurt Cayden on a deep level to be rejected by a fox of all guys. "And for all your talk, you did worse than Benji, he wasn't kicked out."

The wolverine just kept pacing angrily. "How do you put up with that? He's gotta be the must infuriating guy ever to live with! He barely even let me talk to him!"

"You tried provoking him. What did you think would happen?"

"What always happens with foxes! They drool over the hot guy and then lift their tail!"

"I've had plenty of foxes, and none of them have been THAT easy."

"You're not hot, Jake! I don't know how you even get laid as often as you do!"

Jake held his tongue on that; suggesting that it was because he knew how to give another person a really good time might have changed the target of Cayden's ire. That might have been less than wise at this point, especially given that Jake was pretty exhausted. Once again, work had thrown him for a loop at a key juncture - he'd successfully restored the files, but they were now down an employee after Daimon had fired Oswald, who had tampered with the files deliberately. Not to target the company, it turned out, but to target Marcine, who had emphatically turned down his romantic overtures. It was for the best that he was gone, but now the rest of them needed to make up for his work, and that was going to make things tougher in crunch time. He'd spent a good bit of time trying to get that sorted, and the last thing he needed was another problem on his plate.

"So, what's the plan then? How do we fix this?"

"YOU do nothing," Jake droned, trying not to let his annoyance show. "You had your chance, and you crashed and burned. I'd sooner try Benji again than you."

"What? Come on, you gotta give me another shot! I can't just sit here and not get a crack at getting through, this is fox tail on the line here!"

"He told me you were banned from his house for good. I didn't even argue it, you kinda brought it on yourself."

Cayden threw his hands up in exasperation. "Fucking hell! Jake, you can't let yourself get pushed around by this guy! Something's wrong with him!"

"Well, all right. How much are you willing to spend on my new apartment?"

Cayden's mouth opened, then shut, and his head sagged. "God dammit...you know I don't have that kinda money..."

"Exactly. So sit down and shut up. Let me do this MY way." It had gone just about as poorly as he had anticipated, and he still had worse coming...Jake wasn't even sure he wanted to go through with this anymore, not with all the stress he was dealing with already, but he decided it was at least worth trying...


"NO."

That rather emphatic response was just at the doorway of Jerome's place. And what incited it was Jerome himself - the bull was 'dressed' in a leather harness and jock strap, with a whip, collar and leash, and several dildos and other toys in his arms.

"What?" the bull asked as innocently as he could have possibly managed given the circumstances.

"Do we really have to have this talk again?" Jake growled.

"Cayden said he was hostile almost instantly. So talking ain't gonna get the job done, I might as well just dive right in, right?"

"You're NOT raping my landlord!"

"What's the big deal? I'm just trying to loosen up the fox tail!"

"And I'm trying not to get thrown out and probably arrested!" Jake barked back. "What the fuck does subtle even mean to you?"

Jerome grunted in annoyance. "It means dancing around the fucking issue rather than getting balls-deep like you should. Maybe if you weren't such a pansy you'd have your knot in his ass already, I think you need someone to show you how it's done."

"Nope. The only thing done here is this." Jake turned and walked back to his car, getting in and driving away while leaving the bull standing there with his supplies. Jerome looked stunned for a moment, and then snorted in irritation.

"Can't even figure out how to make a point to a fox..."


Lyle was getting pretty tired of Jake bringing people around. Even if they were his friends, they didn't seem like a good time to him...surely he could go to their places, rather than coming over here all the time, couldn't they?

And it was especially annoying when Jake wasn't even being the host. And this time it came on almost right away.

The monitor lizard at least wasn't as bad as the wolverine at the outset, a casual 'hey' all he gave to Lyle. He'd barely glanced at Lyle, and it didn't seem like he was trying to avoid his gaze. Still, Lyle didn't particularly trust him, and expected Jake to deal with him himself...until the wolf got another damned phone call.

"I have to go into the office." Jake sounded pissed enough that Lyle didn't feel comfortable telling him off. Annoying as these cases were, this was clearly NOT part of what Jake was planning with these events. "It should just be a half-hour or so...dammit, I don't know why I'm the one who gets to deal with all these damn crises, there are other senior programmers on the team! Why can't one of those other saps be the unlucky one?!"

"Dude, settle...it's okay, it won't be long." Xander seemed a bit evasive of Jake...that was odd for a friend, but Lyle had a feeling that Jake wasn't himself lately. The wolf seemed a lot more energetic, a lot more emotional than usual...and he hadn't been sleeping nearly as much as usual, Lyle had noticed him coming out of his room as late as 3 AM on a work night. His snippiness had led Lyle to avoid talking to him more, which wasn't really a problem for him, but he was starting to get a bit nervous.

"I know, I know...not your fault...just...haah...too annoying lately...I'll be so glad when this shit is done..." Jake turned and hurried out the door, leaving Lyle completely alone with Xander. The car screeched off rather haphazardly...another peculiarity, Jake wasn't typically a reckless driver, at least as far as he'd ever noticed.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Xander turned back to Lyle. "So...you own the house?"

"Yeah," he replied in typical evasive fashion.

"So, you're the one who doesn't like sex?"

"...Yeah."

"Me either. Now that that's out of the way, you got any good games?"

Lyle blinked. Wait, that's it? No way...there's gotta be more, right? But he was...that wasn't just an avoidance, that sounded so casual. And he hasn't been trying to ogle me... Taking a chance, he decided to respond more earnestly. "Uh, I've got lots of games. Fighters, shooters, racers..."

"Oh, do you have Shock Beat? I haven't played that a while, the single-player mode is ass."

"Yeah, you're right...sure, let's have a go!" Maybe it was worth holding out hope that one person Jake knew wouldn't be trying to get into his pants...


Half an hour had turned into almost half a day. Jake was about ready to strangle half his coworkers by the time he walked back into the door of Lyle's house. It wasn't even anything they had done, he was just so fed up with bugs and mistakes and all that that he wanted to take it out on SOMEone.

Some of that anger faded a bit when he saw what was going on inside. Xander and Lyle were on the couch, just finishing up some match of some shooting game Jake wasn't so familiar with. Not only was Lyle sitting next to Xander without any sign of discomfort, the fox looked like he was having FUN. It threw Jake for a little bit of a loop, after the way he'd reacted to someone as non-threatening as Benji, Xander didn't seem likely to have any better success, but he couldn't deny what he was seeing.

"Oh, hey, you're back." Xander turned and looked back at Jake, initially looking like he was going to invite him to join pausing as he saw the stressed, slightly disheveled wolf. "And I'm guessing you've had about enough of other people for the day."

"...Yeah. Sorry, Xan..."

"No worries. You think you can put up with me enough to drive me home?"

"Yeah, I can. Uh, am I..."

"Nah, we just finished." Xander stuck out his hand to shake Lyle's, which the fox actually returned. "You're a damn good player, I'm gonna have to work on getting better. Maybe we'll have to match up again?"

"I'd be good with that," Lyle replied with a grin. "Thanks a ton, that was actually fun!"

"Glad to be a fun guy. See ya." The lizard stood and stretched, then walked to Jake. "All right, suppose we should hit the road so you can get back and rest properly."

"Y-yeah..." Jake turned and the two went out to the car. His heart was pounding, maybe a bit too fast - but this was it! One of them had success connecting with Lyle! True, Xander wasn't turning him on any time soon, but finally he could get a little insight that maybe he could use to put Lyle at ease and make him willing to go further, or more like anywhere! He had to try to settle himself down so that he didn't drive off at twice the speed limit...it felt like he couldn't get anywhere he wanted to go fast enough.

"So, you two seemed like you were having a good time."

"Yeah, we were," agreed Xander. "He was pretty cool with me, I guess once he realized I really wasn't interested he felt better around me."

"That's great! I should have known, it makes sense, that's what he's so averse to so your asexual butt would be perfect!"

"Hey, more of me is asexual than just my butt."

"Yeahyeahyeah, whatever. So what did you learn about him?"

"Uh?"

"You know! What did you talk about, what did he tell you about himself, what did you find out?"

Xander thought for a moment. "Well, I found out he's damn good at video games."

"...What? I mean, I already knew that. What did you two actually talk about?"

"Well, we didn't really talk about anything. I mean, I was focused on trying not to get beaten. I guess we mostly talked about what we were playing, or wanted to play, or just...stuff relevant to that."

Jake's face fell. "You...didn't ask him anything about himself?"

"Not really. He didn't ask me, either. I guess we were just caught up in enjoying ourselves. Oh, wait, I was supposed to do that, wasn't I?"

"Ugh...it's fine..." It wasn't fine, but it wasn't Xander's fault...once again, if he had been around he could have steered things in the right direction. This whole thing had been a bust, and he couldn't blame anyone for it, really. At least there was hope that Xander could connect with him later, but every day seemed to take him further away from his goal...when would it end?