Howlr Diary: Coming Out

Story by Skip Lyons on SoFurry

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Title says it all. Silver finally comes out to his family. And it's all thanks to this supportive bull he'd met online. But then, maybe he was becoming more than just a bull after all.


"Hey Silver?" "Yeah Thrad?" "I think you should come out to your parents."

Silver had said the words "Yeah Thrad" with a contented sigh. All the nights he spent with Thrad were tied for some of the best nights of his life. Possibly they were the best nights of his life, because it was only recently that he started to learn what his life was meant to be. Or, rather, what he wanted them to be. And he'd been manifesting that vision of his over the past year. Each Howlr connection taught him a little more about himself. He took value in the effects he had on men of all types. He loved being able to pleasure them, and get them off. In a strange way it was how he had chosen to give back to the world. Not only was it tremendous fun, but someone had to be the number one, sex crazed twink in this town. He was proud for having taken that mantle for himself.

But sex with Thrad had started to be more than just sex. He'd been able to confide in this bull from Howlr. They were the sorts of secrets he hadn't ever intended to particularly share. But his nights with Thrad had proved comfortable, and safe. And yes, they were sexy as hell. Over the past year Silver had learned all about the physical aspects of sex. And they were glorious. But with Thrad he'd been learning the emotional aspects of sex as well. Calling them a relationship was a strong way to put it. But they did have a relationship, even if they weren't boyfriends yet. He hoped that someday they could be. But he was more than willing to take Thrad's lead, and go at the bull's pace. He could trust the bull, not just in matters of sex but in life as a whole. While Thrad wasn't an outwardly emotional creature by default, he really did tend to be right most of the time.

Probably he was right about this as well. But it sure was a great way to put a damper on Silver's mood.

"Now?" Silver asked with a cringe. He hadn't meant it to mean coming out at this exact moment. What he was asking was more like, "We're comfortable and cozy in each other's company, and you decide to bring that up now?" But Thrad seemed to get a different message, either by accident, or by intent. "I think now would be great. If not now, then when?" "I dunno. Any other time?" "Okay."

Dammit. Thrad was so nonchalant. And he knew how to play Silver by now, even if the tabby was still the emotional powerhouse in their relationship. Whatever that relationship even was. He knew he had planted the seed. And he knew that Silver couldn't resist following it up.

Silver squirmed uncomfortably before speaking up. "Why now?" "You're antsy." Thrad said. "And I think coming out would help you with that." "But, why now?" "I'd like to support you in it, that's all. Coming out can be a scary thing. But if I'm here with you then maybe it doesn't have to be."

Thrad was right, of course. It didn't take Silver more than a few moments of thought to understand that. He turned the gears around in his head. He had no doubt that Thrad could see those gears turn as well. It was only a matter of time until Silver followed Thrad's train of thought. Silver knew he'd come to the same conclusion his bull had.

There was one other person in Silver's life he could trust in the way he could trust Thrad. That person was Luck. But the deer was so involved in his own world that he didn't have much time for Silver's antics. He was somewhat interested in Silver's sex life, but it was more in a cursory way. Luck was (questionably) straight, but for some reason he was fascinated at Silver's great and varied exploits with anonymous men. He had watched, and encouraged, Silver's marathon practice on deepthroating those veggies, after all. But Luck was a bachelor to the core. He loved having ladies over, and so much of his conversation revolved around the physical aspects of hooking up. Opposed to Thrad, who was calm and confident in most matters in life (no doubt due to his many years of experience he had on either Silver or Luck), Luck was more emotionally unaware. Silver knew the buck had been in love. But for some reason Silver felt like it wasn't the same type of love he'd started to feel for his supportive bull.

That was most likely self-centered bullshit from a naive teen. But the point was that Luck couldn't give much in the way of emotional support. This wasn't any particular fault on Luck's part. It was just the way of things. And outside of his roommate, Silver's only other connections were people from work. But he didn't hang out with them or anything. Maybe some day he would - but there wasn't any way he'd lean on them for emotional support. That just wasn't the type of relationship they had.

That meant that Thrad was the one he could lean on for something like this. Then Silver realized that he could do more than just lean on Thrad. He wanted to.

That was a bit of a bombshell moment for Silver. In just a few moments he had gone from not thinking about coming out at all, to being mildly panicked at the idea - but now he wanted to. Not because it was a necessary move in life, although it was. But he wanted to share the experience with his bull. Their first real conversation had been a couple of weeks ago, and they had grown a lot closer for it. Silver wanted to get even closer to the man he wanted to call mate. His coming out would be a huge step towards that.

Without thinking about it overmuch Silver fished for his phone. He tried to do it without getting off the couch, as Silver's pants had been cast onto the floor the instant they'd crested the stairs. He couldn't quite make it, not even as he extended out, supporting all his weight on his hands.Then he gave up and left the couch. He was aware that he'd make a sort of awkward spectacle. That was confirmed when he turned around and saw a certain glint in Thrad's eyes. Silver cherished that glint. It meant that Thrad was relishing in his company, or something very close to it. Under that glint's gaze Silver felt almost invincible. It was like he could do anything at all, or say anything at all - and Thrad would love him just the same.

There was that word again. Love. Silver shook his head to try and cast it from his mind. But over the past few weeks it had grown harder to cast aside. It was inconvenient, and it lingered in a pretty big way. He had become attached, alright. Even dangerously attached. But Silver maintained a youthful innocence towards that fact on his time with Thrad. He wasn't afraid of the heartbreak which might ostensibly occur. He was more excited about the good things which might follow if they did make it after all.

But the time for that "L" word was far, far away. Silver knew that coming out, with Thrad's support, could be a key step along that pathway. So he made a sort of awkward shrug and shuffled back into Thrad's embrace. He was trying to cover up his intrusive love thoughts by seeming nervous about coming out. Hopefully it came across that way. That was, after all, the energy he was getting off of his bull. That glint in Thrad was simple support of Silver coming out. It wasn't love, or at least, not yet. Silver had to remind himself of that.

He took a deep breath and tapped his mom's name from his contact list. He didn't care that his screen was free for Thrad to see. Nor did he mind that the vast majority of his contacts were obviously fuck buddies. The contact list was nearly entirely comprised of names such as "The Ferret", "Badger in The Suit", "The First Knot", or "The Bigger Knot". Thrad was well aware of Silver's storied history with men. So there wasn't much point at all in hiding that fact. Actually, it was quite the opposite. Silver felt a sense of empowerment as he scrolled past all of the obviously sexual contacts. Look at the twink cat, the phone said. Look at the feline marvel currently resting up against your chest. Gaze upon your incredible catch.

Silver laughed a little at that outrageous thought. It put him in high spirits as tapped his mom's contact info. He very nearly dialed her number with a casual ease. But he stopped himself in the nick of time. What would he say? What if it didn't go well at all? They couldn't kick him out, since he already lived on his own, but what if-

"It's okay." Thrad said. "I'm here for you. You can do this."

It was nearly all of the support Silver needed. But he still needed a little help to cross that final vestige of distance between himself, and an entirely new chapter in his life.

"What if it doesn't go well?" "I'm pretty sure it will, kitten." "But what if it doesn't" "I'm positive that it will." "How can you be so sure?" "How can you be so sure? You know it's going to go well. I get that it's still scary to do. But you've told me all about how supportive your family is. How could they possibly end that support now?"

Thrad had a point. That point was all the more emphasized when Silver recalled an earlier conversation he'd had with the bull a week or two ago. Not only was his family supportive. But they probably already knew. After all, how could they not? Silver had started to dress more gay, for an entire lack of a better word for it. He hadn't considered his wardrobe at all that first time he visited back home. And since nobody had commented on it, the second time he visited he looked even more gay. Again, that wasn't a good way to put it. But he had a thin, twink-ish form. He had developed a near perpetual, enticing sway. It was so prevalent, and he employed it so often, that it was nearly the only way he walked. This was to say nothing of his clothed themselves. His wardrobe had become nearly entirely "girly". Or at least, it came from the girl section. He wore cute shirts which perfectly fit his form. His pants were improbably tight. If his dick was any larger they wouldn't have fit at all. On most days he looked every bit the prototype of a sex-crazed twink. His every feature had started to say "I love cock".

By this point anybody on the planet would have known he was gay. Not to mention that he'd never shown any interest in girls, and all throughout school he thought that boys were "cool". It was the only word he had to describe it at the time, but really he just wanted to fuck them. He just didn't realize that about himself for an embarrassingly long time. Not for any fault of his own. Sex wasn't particularly talked about in his home (and why would it be), so he had no frame of reference for his feelings towards boys. It had come to a head his junior year of high school, then he started to feel trapped in his senior year - and he broke out on his own the instant he was able. Then the flood gates of sexuality were open to him, which lead him to this exact moment.

He was in the company of his bull, the person he cared so deeply for. In a way things were about to come full circle. He'd moved out to explore his sexuality. He had moved out because being perpetually in the closet wasn't any sort of life for a kid to live. But he wouldn't be in the closet for much longer at all. He was excited about what that meant. But for some reason, he dreaded it as well.

"You don't have to." Thrad said. Again, his tone was wildly supportive. Silver knew he could back out now, and Thrad wouldn't think any less of him for it. "No, I know. I want to." But Silver's heart just wasn't in his words. "You sure? I don't want you to do anything you're not comfortable with."

Then Silver looked up into his bull's eyes. He liked what he saw. Then he took a deep, steeling breath. Then another. Once again, Thrad really was right in all this. If now wasn't the right time to come out, then when would be? But then, there wasn't ever going to be a particularly good time to come out. So it might as well be here, and now. Leaning up against his bull's firm and inviting chest.

Silver tapped on the green phone icon before giving himself a chance to talk himself out of it. Then a light burst of panic set in. Then his mom picked up, and instantly Silver put the phone on speaker. He knew that Thrad wouldn't dare involve himself in the conversation. But Silver needed to not go through this alone. Just having Thrad in on the conversation made it feel more manageable. True to his own instincts, Silver did indeed feel more secure, and less alone. In Thrad's embrace he felt safe, and invincible. He could do this.

"Silver! This is a surprise. You never call. Is everything alright, what's going on?" Silver's mom said. It was a very typical thing for her to say, although maybe worrying was just a general mom thing to do. "No, everything is fine ma." Silver said. Then he wanted to blurt out that he was gay. But he wasn't sure how those words should come out. They were in his throat, and ready to come out. But they just couldn't seem to make that final leap. After a pause Silver's mom said, "Well, it's nice to hear from you."

She was supportive already, and genuinely warm and caring. Then she waited patiently for Silver to say something, although Silver felt like he could feel tension coming from the other side of the line.

"Is everything-" His mom started to say. "I'm gay." Silver said.

Turns out, the words blurted themselves out all the same. The only reason they made it out at all was because Silver looked up into his lover's eyes. Those polished, wooden-marble eyes wouldn't possibly lead Silver astray. And if they did, and if they were both wrong about how this was going to end up, then at least they would still have each other. That is, Silver would have Thrad. Which meant that Silver was safe. No matter how things went, no matter where he was or how storied his sexual history had been - he would always have his mate.

His mom didn't say anything for an uncomfortable length of time. In all likelihood it was a small pause. Maybe there wasn't a perceptible pause at all. But to Silver the time between his admittance and her response was torture.

"... I know." His mom said. "You do?" "Yes, Silver. Honey, we've all known for a long, long time."

That meant Silver's suspicions had been confirmed. He had been worrying about nothing for all this time. But for as much as he was relieved, he suddenly felt quite sheepish. How long had he been making up this problem in his head, when really it wasn't any sort of issue at all.

"... oh." Silver said. "And we love you all the same, honey." "I know you do, ma." "Have you met a boy yet?" "Mom!" "It's an honest question Silver. You deserve to find a nice boy in your-" "Mom! Stop talking about my love life!" "Well, I just think that-" "I know. But you're embarrassing me." "Oh yeah? Is he there? Tell me he's there."

God. Damn. It. How could she possibly have known that? Her motherly intuition was through the roof. This was because she was already an incredibly intuitive person. Anything that Silver was, he got from his mom. Including his natural penchant for saying things he probably shouldn't.

"Mom, he's not-" "Well tell him I say hi." "Mom! You're-" "Is he sweet to you? You deserve someone-" "Okay, love you. Bye!"

Then Silver hung up remorselessly. He knew his mom wouldn't take it personally. If anything she would take it as a vindication that she'd been right. Then, with the call over, Silver started to huff in a combination of relief, and residual panic, and deep embarrassment. He couldn't believe she had called him out in front of his boyfr- no. Not boyfriend. Mate. No, not mate. Friend? Fuck buddy? Fuck it. Thrad. She had called him out in front of Thrad.

Then he looked up into the eyes of his Thrad. The glint was there. It was framed nicely by the bull's smile. It reached up to his eyes, and it reflected a certain amount of pride. Silver smiled back at him. It was goofy, and a little giddy, and definitely a little bit loving as well. Silver's relief was palatable. And the only reason it had happened was because Thrad had happened. He had grown more in his time with this Howlr hookup than he had in the majority of his life.

Silver was grateful for that, to say the least. And in that moment he tried so desperately to be content with whatever it was that they had. But even then, as he started to feel even more connected to his bull than he already was - Silver still wanted more. Whatever it was that they shared, Silver hoped so desperately that they would have more.

Looking into his bull's deep and caring eyes, he had suspicion, or even borderline knowledge, that they would.