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C omplex - Part 3

D efinition : Psychological problem

S ynonyms : anxiety, exaggerated reaction, fear, fixation, fixed idea, hang-up, idéefixe, insanity, mania, neurosis, obsession, phobia, preoccupation, repression

_ 3_

Pitch black. I couldn't see a thing. I tried to move but found it harder to get the message to my arms. I lay there, thinking, where am I? Why can't I move? What's going on? A couple seconds had passed when I could start to hear the faint sound of what I thought was a sprinkler. It was cold. I was uncomfortable. I tried to pay attention to what I was listening to. The sound slowly got louder as my consciousness came back to me. I immediately recognized the sound of rain. It was like a silent shower in the cold air of overcast mid day. I was able to open my eyes and look around for a bit. Although having my eyes open didn't make my vision any better. Things were still a little blurry as I tried to focus on where I was. I closed my eyes and tried to listen again. This time there was a more distinct sound, the sound of water rushing, just not far away from here. I opened my eyes again and used my right hand to rub them to rid me of that blur I was seeing. Once I could see, I knew exactly where I was. In the middle of the street, soaked with water and confused. But I knew where I was. Just about one block from here was the creek I go to with Alex and Josh after school. Just a little past the creek, was Josh's home.

How long have I been out of it? When did it start to rain? I sat up looked around for a bit. "Oh yah, my phone." I checked my two front pockets, nothing there. Then I check my two back pockets, nothing there either. I was cold and realized my jacket was missing too. I struggled to get to my feet. Almost immediately after standing, I began to fall back down. Everything felt like it was in slow motion.

I opened my eyes again. My face really hurt. Mostly my nose though. I got to my knees and looked at the ground. There were darker spots on the road right where my face was. I wiped my dominant hand across the front of my face just below the nose and above the lip. A dark red streak was left over. I used my shirt to stop my nose from bleeding and continued to Josh's house. I would have gone home if it was closer but I have traveled pretty far. I might as well go there and get a change of clothes and a shower. His clothes would be a little big on me but that's better than having clothes that fit too small on me.

I was able to get up off of the pavement and start walking. The trees, houses, and even the road I was walking on looked like it was spinning. I must have hit my head pretty hard to feel this dizzy. I thought to myself.

Most of the time I'm a pretty laid back guy. Most people would be freaking out after a situation like this happened to them. But I don't really let things get to me. I think of the present. Not the past or the future. The now is what is really important. And as long as that's all I think about as far as time goes, I should be able to stay sane.

There was this one time I was helping my neighbor take care of her baby when I was young. Well, I didn't really help, I just watched. It was a really sunny day and the temperature was just perfect. They had a slide and swing set in their backyard for their baby when she got a little older. But until then, I used it. We didn't have a fence to separate our yards at the time, and Carol, the neighbor lady, was glad to let me play on the play set. She said she would rather it be in use than just sit there for two more years. I didn't complain at all. I was on a swing trying to pump myself up as high as I could. There was a really big oak tree beside the swing set where you could just almost grab the leaves and pull them off of the tree if you reached out far enough. At the time, that was my own personal goal, to take one of those bright green leaves off of the over extending branch. I would wait a month and try again seeing if growing would do the trick. Every month I got a little bit closer but today was going to be different. I was going to grab that leaf. No matter what It takes. I have been waiting patiently for months to grow and now I could just barely feel the leaf at the tip of my fingers if I stretched out far enough. Carol was holding her baby, who was just about 4 months old, and walking around the patio. The small baby would cry, then stop, then continue crying, then stop, for what seemed like constant hours. If I swung high enough on the swing, carol couldn't see me from the patio. Then what happened next did not have a very good ending.

The patio had an awning for shade, a small outside table to withstand the weather, and concrete slabs to walk on that had my chalk drawings on them. Most of them were non-proportionate stick figures and bunnies or something happy. I would fill the entire patio with my drawings, and then wait for the next rain to come so I could start all over again. The times were great. I had nothing to worry about, my parents were still together, and my brother loved me like... well, a brother. Things were definitely going good at the time.

I was swinging as high as I could so I could just reach that vibrant glowing leaf and maybe claim it as my own, like a trophy of some sort saying, "You did it". After every swing I would scoot about an inch closer off of my seat to get as close as possible to that leaf. I would take a big swing, miss, and then scoot closer to the edge. Take another big swing, miss, and scoot closer to the edge. This repeated about four or five times to an extent that didn't seem possible. I was swinging back and preparing myself for the next big swing toward that leaf. This would the one. I would get that leaf this time. Then I would put that leaf on my dresser next to my bed. My mom would tell me I should put it in a book so it stays nice and flat to preserve it for a long time. I could see it in my mind. I pushed forward as hard as I could, gaining the most amount of momentum I could possibly force out of my small body. I grabbed it, I had the leaf in my hand, then the next moment, I was suspended in mid air, my swing falling behind me, without me, leaving me here to keep myself up. I looked down; things seemed to be in slow motion at the time. I couldn't see carol, and she couldn't see me to react in time to catch me from my fall.

The next thing I remember was waking up in a big white room. There were doctors standing around my bed, asking me strange questions, making me follow a flashlight with my eyes, etc. I asked my mom if I had fallen off the swing. She must have not heard me because she was in the comfy chair in the corner of the room. I looked around and saw my dad at the other corner of the room sitting on a small stool. I wondered why they weren't sitting together. They were both crying in their arms, then I fell back to sleep.

The next morning my parents were fighting. They were arguing about something that happened to Carol's baby and suing my family for something. I didn't know what that meant at the time, just that it was a big deal. I didn't find out the whole story till later when Carol had moved out. It seems that Carol had dropped her baby on the concrete when she saw me fall flat on my face from such a height. The baby had landed on its head and didn't live through the night. Ever since then, my parents haven't been themselves. They lost their money, their jobs, almost everything. That includes their relationship.

Now, after that incident, I have an "at least it can't get any worse" attitude. In a way, that has helped me through a lot of things. Even now, soaked in the rain, confused and hurt, I still try to find the positives.

I had finally reached Josh's house. He had a small home with long, uncut grass in the front. A small fence surrounded the perimeter of their front yard, then a bigger fence in the back. He had a giant willow tree that seemed to give shade to the entire front yard at any time of day. It must have been extremely old to have gotten that big. I walked up the small stone path to the bright red front door. It had a golden knocker on the front which I used because I knew the doorbell was broken. I pounded on the door, grasping that golden knocker in my hand and then waited for a response. There was no response. So I knocked again, louder this time. And still, no response. "if I had my cell phone with me I could just call his home line and see if he or anyone else would pick up." But then why would they pick up the phone if they could hear my knocks? The house wasn't that big. The sound traveled throughout the entire house easily.

I had given up and started heading back home. I was still walking clumsily when I started to pass the creek. I had decided to head over there to see if maybe Alex was waiting for me. I climbed down some rocks and took a small trail that leads through a small brush forest till I could see the river. I didn't find Alex, but what I did find was unexpected. My jacket was hanging in a tree just above the river. That limb was where I would stash my jacket if it had gotten too hot outside. I jumped the rocks that were slippery with rain and water to grab my jacket hanging just above me. I put on my jacket immediately to maybe warm me up a little. I checked my jacket pockets where I found my cell phone. I opened the flip lid and went straight to messages. There was one new message from Alex. The message was kind of hard to read and I didn't understand why he would send me this. It read:

From: Alex

4:53pm

Jac ,I ne d he p. h rry qu ck.

463 ea t Pilg im Lane.

7400 sout Park Driv .

Then it ended. I filled in the blanks to find something pretty disturbing. Alex needed help. Hurry quick. 0463 east pilgrim lane and 7400 south park drive. That's where the grocery store and that pizza place are. I had to get to him, fast. I don't know what kind of trouble he's in but I can't just leave him there. Then I thought, maybe I'm over reacting. Maybe there was just something he really wanted me to see like a new soda at the gas station or half off pizza or something like that and he needed my help to buy it for him. Whatever it is, I'm sure he can wait till I get showered and put on some new clothes. I opened my phone again to check the time but the battery had run out. "Of course. Just my luck." I said to myself out loud.

I began to run home because I was tired of getting soaked in the rain. When I got home, something about my house seemed... different. I couldn't put my finger on it. This day has been pretty weird, freaky weird. And something tells me going into my house under these strange circumstances won't make anything better.

I opened the front door anyways and began to take off my wet clothes on the tile so I don't get the carpet wet. At least my boxers stayed dry. I thought relieved. Then I heard it. It was the crying again. That eerie whining in the kitchen that I remember so well from hearing it every day. My dad must have woken up. I peered across the living room and saw my dad with his head down on the kitchen counter. What happened to this place? The kitchen was a disaster. Pots and pans had looked as if they were chucked across the room, cereal boxes were laying on the floor with most of its contents spread across the floor as well, and my dad. He looked dreadful. He looked as if he hasn't showered, or even gone to the bathroom in weeks! His green shirt had holes in sides where his armpits were. There were darker spots on the shirt that might have been sweat and body odor. His pants were torn down the sides like he got in a fight with a motorcycle and lost. "hey uh, dad. I'm just gonna take a shower and change my clothes, then I'll be off to meet Alex at the grocery store ok?" he didn't answer me. I decided I would leave him alone till later when he was feeling better.

I put my wet clothes in the dryer in a small closet close by my room then headed for the shower. This time I remembered to put shampoo in my hair. I couldn't stop thinking about that dream from last night. I was still in the shower enjoying the heat after being out in the cold for so long. But the heat wasn't going to last much longer. We didn't have a lot of warm water in house. Only my dad and I live here so we don't need that much, once again, saving money. Why was Alex just standing there in the hall way. Why wouldn't he answer me? How come nobody could see me until I entered Mrs. Jefferies classroom?

The sudden blast of cold water sent a shock to my system that had me pawing at the shower valve to turn off the water. I had managed to shut it off but only after risking a heart attack. I dried myself off and picked up another random set of clothes off of the floor. I picked up some blue jeans and a red shirt with a hot dog on the front. Wait a minute. What is Alex's shirt doing here? Did he leave it here last time he came over? Why would I have it? I grabbed another shirt, this time plain blue with nothing special to show off, grabbed my backpack and shoved Alex's shirt inside so I could give it to him when we meet up. I put my phone on the charger and closed my bedroom door behind me. "K'chink." The door made that same closing door sound. I hesitated after closing the door to stop and listen. The whining, it stopped again. I turned the corner to look across the living room where my dad was sitting. His head wasn't on the table anymore. He was sitting straight up. It looked like he was looking into another world or something. But I couldn't tell seeing as I could only see the back of his head. "hey dad, I'm going to meet up with Alex now ok?" no answer again.

Suddenly there was a high pitched ringing in my ears that only seemed to get louder. It was like a dog whistle if I were Bones. The high pitched ringing only grew louder and louder as the seconds ticked. I tried to speak but couldn't hear myself. "DAD! DAD!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. I couldn't hear a thing. It continued to grow louder and louder. It became unbearable to listen too. I placed my palms over my ears and fell to me knees getting in a ball position on the wooden floor. Shutting my ears didn't help at all. I was at the mercy of that freaking noise. I couldn't do anything about it. It was painful. I have never experienced something so loud and harmful before. I imagined a siren passing by my house on a quiet summer day, a blow horn at a local football game cheering on the High Peak Falcons at a home game. I imagined my alarm clock from this morning but none of those were as bad as this. They couldn't even compare to the pain I was feeling at that moment. Pretty soon I would be bleeding from the ears just from the sheer pain.

Then just as fast as it had started, it stopped. I could hear again. But there was nothing to hear buy my own thoughts going through my mind. I had a pounding migraine all of the sudden. I started my walk over to the kitchen to grab some Advil or something to stop this hammer in my head. I opened the medicine cabinet and got a glass of water. I didn't notice before but my dad was gone again. Just disappeared, just like that. In an instance. I couldn't believe it. When did he leave? Didn't he see me on the ground? Where did he go? What is going on here! I swallowed my pill and sat down on the couch. Right after sitting down I made myself get up to check my phone for any messages. I had none. I opened a new text, my head still pounding like a drum, and sent a message to Alex.

From: Jace

6:32 pm

Alex, I'm sorry. I can't make it tonight. I have a major headache. Maybe we can hang out tomorrow morning when I'm feeling better.

Your buddy: Jace

I pressed the Send key and continued toward that comfy couch where I would lay down and fall asleep, not waking up until the next morning.

I was able to fall asleep but I didn't wake up the next morning. I got up and went to my room, that previous ringing and my dad still on my mind. I checked the time on my phone. It said "Charge Completed." I clicked the ok button and continued to the main menu of the phone. 10:40pm. "Ugh... I should just go back to sleep." I looked down at the phone where a little phone icon was blinking. That meant I had a new message. It was from Alex. I called my voicemail to check on what Alex might have left. *Riiiing*... *Riiiing*... *Riiiing*... "You have reached the voicemail of, Jace Hawthorn. One new message. Press one to listen, or press two for mo" I pressed the one key and heard the dial tone. "Thank you." The next thing I heard probably more strange than anything that had happened earlier that day.