FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Another boring day at work. For the third time that month, Roger found himself dealing with the same bug ticket in their system. Every fix he had tried had seemed to work for a while, but then the same damned bug reared its head again, and he was determined to solve it once and for all.

In a way, the task was a welcome one. Having his work to distract him helped the feline forget about his recent break-up. He was thankful that most of the office paid little to no mind to the coders (except when their software inevitably broke, of course). It was bad enough hearing the lot of 'em gossiping about themselves. There was no way he'd be able to get through his days if his own emotional turmoil had been water-cooler discussion among those pricks in marketing. Ah, well. At least the pay was good.

It had been a stressful few weeks since his break-up. He'd needed a couple days off to process it. Thankfully, he'd still had a few vacation days saved up, and a couple nights out with his old college crew had numbed the blow. Now it was well enough behind him, and he could at least focus on his work again.

Cindy hadn't called once since the day he walked out (was it really only five weeks ago?). He'd thought about calling her. Decided against it. If she wanted to talk, she'd call him. He'd already written off the clothes he'd left there. Not a big deal.

Much as he hated to admit it, he did appreciate his new, higher income, now that he wasn't subsidizing Cindy's apartment. It wasn't a moment too soon, either. His ancient Hyundai was acting up again. Rather than sink more money into it, he figured he could just dump it and get a new car. That Lexus dealer he passed each day on his commute was looking more and more tempting...

Roger was yoinked from his fantasy test drive when his phone started vibrating. He snatched it up off his desk and glanced at the screen. The number seemed vaguely familiar, but he couldn't place it. May as well answer.

"Hello?" he said.

"I-is this Roger?"

That voice. It was high pitched, like a child's, and seemed oddly familiar. But who would... wait...

"Olivia?" Roger whispered.

"Uh huh. Is that you, Roger?" the kitten replied, her voice timid.

Well, this was quite unexpected. Olivia had never called him. The number made sense now, though: it was Cindy's landline. But where had she gotten his number? Well, that mystery could wait.

"Hey. Yeah, it's me," Roger said. "Uh... what's up, Livvie?"

"Mommy's sad," Olivia said. She didn't sound so great, herself. "C-could you come over?"

Roger blinked. Had he heard her correctly? She wanted him to come over? Why?

"I can't right now, sweetie. I'm at work," Roger said as his brain tried to process what was going on.

"Pleeeeease? I'm real worried about her," Olivia said.

Roger sighed. This was a mistake. He shouldn't do this. "Tell you what... I'll stop by after work today. Okay?"

"Kay," Olivia said, her voice brightening, though it hadn't completely lost that edge of fear. "Th-thank you."

"Sure thing," Roger said. "I'll see you tonight."

"See you," Olivia said. The line went dead as the girl hung up.

The male placed his phone back down and checked the clock on his PC. An hour and a half left of his shift. He could keep working on this damned bug until five, then go check in on--

Wait. Something here wasn't adding up. The emergency numbers Cindy kept on the fridge included her mother, who lived just twenty minutes away in one of those senior communities that dotted the edge of the desert, and Cindy's sister, a housewife in Orange County. Either of them would have happily leaped to Olivia's plea, and been there far sooner than Roger could have hoped to get there. So why would she call HIM?

Well, he could investigate that one when he got there.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The sun was just disappearing behind the mountains as Roger guided his car off the freeway. A twinge of guilt rattled him as he drove down the familiar streets of Moreno Valley. His brain worked on autopilot, guiding his car through the evening traffic. He was still trying to puzzle out why Olivia called him of all people as he guided his car into a spot in the parking lot.

A chill ran down Roger's spine as he looked at the apartment. He remembered last time he had been here, and he had no idea what he was going to find when he went in. He sighed and shook his head, then pulled his key from the ignition and climbed out of his car.

Warm, dry air greeted him as he abandoned his air conditioned vehicle. Once again he found himself asking why he had traveled nearly two hours out of his way. For what?

He gritted his teeth and walked up to the door. His paw shook as he knocked. He could already feel his nerves failing.

The door opened up a crack. A small yellow eye peered out at him.

"Hey, Livvie," Roger said, his voice cracking. He inwardly cursed.

The door slammed shut. A few moments later, it opened up wide. Roger walked inside.

Cindy's apartment wasn't anything like he remembered it. Dirty clothes were piled in a corner. Fast food wrappers littered the floor. The sink was full of dirty dishes. The garbage bin was overflowing. The odor of dirty clothes and rotted food assaulted Roger's nose. He cringed.

"Wow," Roger muttered. He shut the door behind him and looked down at Olivia. The kitten's pajamas were stained. "Uh... w-what happened here?"

Olivia stared down at her footpaws, her handpaws behind her back. "Mommy hasn't been feeling well," she muttered.

"Is she sick?" Roger asked. A knot formed in his stomach. Please, let her be okay.

"She's not sick," Olivia said. "Just... really sad."

The pieces were coming together. Maybe the breakup had been harder on her than he thought. He glanced at the bedroom door, then back at the kitten.

"So, why did you call me?" Roger asked. "You could have called your grandma, your auntie, so many other furs first. Why me?"

The kitten trembled. "Mommy doesn't wanna see anyone else?"

'And she'd want to see me?' Roger thought. He bit his lip, then walked over to the bedroom door and gently knocked. "Cindy? Babe?"

There was no response from the other side.

Roger sighed and gripped the doorknob. His paw felt clammy against the metal as he twisted it and pushed the door open.

"Cindy?" he called.

The bedroom was in even worse disarray. It seemed that every item of clothing she owned was strewn about the floor. Even the clothes he'd left behind were crumpled in heaps. He spied his ex's form on the bed, the feline curled up around a pillow, her back to him.

He gingerly made his way across the room, and rested a paw on Cindy's arm. "Are... are you okay?"

"Go away," she sobbed.

He rested his paw on her arm a moment longer, then took a step back. "As you wish," he said. Roger slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and closed the door behind him.

As he emerged, he saw Olivia standing just outside. The kitten looked up at him, tears in her eyes. "Roger... y-you aren't gonna leave... a-are you?" she whimpered.

The cat sighed and shook his head. "No... not yet, at least." He brushed past her into the kitchen. "I can't leave the house like this. Livvie, gather up the clothes into a basket, we'll get some laundry going, and then we'll clean up around here a bit." He pulled a couple of trash bags out from under the sink, then looked at the kitten. "Have you eaten?"

Olivia shook her head.

"Damn," Roger muttered. "Well, we can't go out with you looking like that. Let's get the apartment a little cleaner, then we'll figure out dinner. Okay?"

The two felines set to work straightening up the house. Roger set himself on filling trash bags with the discarded fast food detritus littering the living room while Olivia filled their two laundry baskets with her clothes and her mother's. As she pushed the second one into the living room, she sighed and looked up at Roger.

The male caught her eye as he finished tying up his second bag. "Everything alright, Livvie?"

The kitten shook her head. "I want Mommy to be okay again."

Her voice trembled in a way that broke Roger's heart. He sighed and walked over to the kitten. "I wish I could make it better, but Livvie... your mom needs to find the strength to move on. She's managed this far alone, right?"

"B-but... sh-she doesn't wanna be alone," Olivia whispered. "A-and... and..." She trembled, then collapsed into Roger's chest, the kitten burying her face against him as she cried into his shirt.

It took Roger a moment to process what was happening. He had seen Olivia throw tantrum after tantrum, but this was the first time he had seen her genuinely cry. And she went to HIM for support?

There was only one thing Roger could do. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

"There, there, Livvie," he whispered. "Everything will be okay... you'll see."

"N-no it won't," she sobbed.

Roger held onto the crying kitten, one paw rubbing her back, the other gently cupping the back of her head. "Shh, shh... don't cry, sweetie..."

"It's all my fault!" Olivia cried.

The male's ears stood at attention. "Oh, honey... it's not your fault," he whispered.

"Yes it is!" Olivia replied. "I didn't want you to take Mommy away from me, so I tried to make you go away, and then you did, and I lost Mommy anyway..."

Her words were like a knife to Roger's heart. Maybe she had a point. But he couldn't let her know that. He dropped to one knee in front of her and cupped her chin in his paw, bringing her face to look at his.

"Olivia, listen," Roger said. "First of all, it's not your fault. Don't you dare blame yourself. And second of all... I'm not trying to take your mom away from you. I love her, and she loves you, and I'd never want to get in the way of that." He sighed. "Look, maybe I haven't been the best father figure, and I'll be honest, I have no idea what the hell I'm doing. But you're important to Cindy, so you're important to me. Okay? Now, if you don't want me to be your dad, I get it, bu-"

"But what if I do?" Olivia squeaked.

Roger's eyes widened. Surely he'd misheard her. "W... what?"

The kitten trembled and buried her face in his chest again. "I... it's just... you're nice... a lot nicer than the other guys Mommy's dated..."

He could barely believe what he heard. It seemed like the breakthrough that he'd been looking for, but he didn't want to hold his breath.

"Look, if you want to give it a try, we can. But right now, let's just get the house neatened up, okay?" Roger said.

Olivia looked up at the male and nodded. It was a start.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

A knock at the door announced the arrival of dinner. Roger dried his paws, surveying the freshly cleaned apartment briefly before turning his attention to the pizza delivery.

"Dinner time, Livvie!" he called.

Olivia bounced out of the living room, the kitten's tail whipping wildly behind her as Roger exchanged cash for their meal. She followed him eagerly to the dining table.

The male smiled at the kitten as he set down the pizza box. "Dig in, sweetie. You've earned it."

Without a moment's hesitation, Olivia snatched up a paper plate and opened the box. A wave of steam and the scent of hot cheese and pepperoni filled the room. "Thank you, Roger!" Olivia said as she grabbed a slice and slid it onto her plate.

Roger grinned at the kitten as he took a seat next to her. As he grabbed a slice for himself, he heard the bedroom door open.

Cindy emerged from the hall, her nightgown falling off her left shoulder. "Roger? W-what..."

"Glad you could join us!" Roger said. "Sit down, have dinner with us." He slid a paper plate towards the delirious feline. "Hot and fresh."

His ex took a seat across from him, an eyebrow raised. She seemed unable to process what was happening. "Why are you here?"

Roger took a bite of his slice, then looked at her. "Olivia called me. She asked me to come. So here I am."

Cindy frowned. "Do you always do what little girls tell you to do?"

"Not usually, no," Roger replied. "But it was the first time Livvie actually asked me for anything that wasn't 'go away' or 'leave me alone,' so I thought this might be the time to actually listen."

"Roger and I cleaned up the house!" the kitten said. She grinned at her mother, beaming with pride.

Her mother looked unconvinced. She turned her attention to her daughter. "And why would you call him? You know Grammy's and Auntie Linda's numbers."

The kitten lowered her ears. "But Moooom, you wouldn't even talk to Grammy last time she came over! And you an' Auntie Linda got in a big fight, remember?"

The older female sighed and shook her head. Clearly that wasn't the answer she was looking for. "Well, thanks anyway, Roger," she said. Without looking up, she grabbed a slice of pizza, looking at the table the whole time.

"Any time, babe," Roger replied.

That got a snort from the feline's ex. "Why would you still call me 'babe?' Do you really think I want you in my life anymore after what you did?"

Doubt began creeping into Roger's mind. Maybe he made the wrong choice. "Well, if that's how you feel, Cindy, I can leave."

"Please don't go!"

Both adults looked at Olivia. Tears were welling up in the kitten's eyes.

"Pumpkin," Cindy whispered. She reached a paw out for her daughter.

The kitten trembled as her mother touched her forearm. "I want my Mommy back," she whispered, tears starting to flow down her face. "I'm sorry... I j-jus' thought you still liked Roger..."

The elder female sighed. "Olivia... please go to your room. Roger and I need to talk."

"But mooooom," Olivia began.

"No 'buts.' Bedroom," Cindy said.

Her daughter left the room in a huff. The adults watched her go. Once they heard the click of her bedroom door, Cindy looked over at Roger.

"So... what do we do?"

Roger wrapped his tail around his waist, his paws grabbing it unconsciously. "I... I don't know," he whispered.

Cindy sighed and stared down at her lap. Her eyes seemed glazed over. "You shouldn't have come," she said coldly.

Roger stood rooted to the spot. His instincts urged him to leave. She made her position clear. But something else kept him there. "Then what should I have done?" he asked. "What's been going on with you? This isn't the Cindy I knew. What happened to that strong woman I dated? The loving mother? Olivia said that you're not talking to your family. What the hell is going on?

She remained quiet.

Roger released his tail and walked to the couch. He sat down next to Cindy and looked at her. "I still care about you, and I'm worried. If you really want me out, you can say so, but I'm not leaving until I make sure you AND your daughter are okay." He put an arm around her. "Talk to me. We may not be lovers anymore, but I still care about you, and Olivia. Talk to me like a friend."

In a flash, Cindy wrapped her arms around Roger. She pressed her face into his chest, her body trembling as she broke into tears. "Roger, I..."

The male wrapped both arms around her and kissed between her ears. "Shhh, it's okay, Cindy... it's okay. Let it all out. I'm here."

Time slipped away from the felines as Cindy let out a downpour of tears. Roger rubbed her back slowly, resting his chin on her head as he let her cry it out. He had no idea what to say. He'd never seen Cindy like this, not ever.

After several long minutes, Cindy finally seemed to calm. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

That was the last thing he'd expected to hear from Cindy in that moment. "For what?"

Cindy shook her head and sat up. Her facefur was stained with the tracks from her tears. "I... I put too much pressure on you... on Livvie..." She shook her head. "You have no idea how much shit my mom gave me for breaking up with you. 'You threw away the best man you ever dated!' 'This is what you get for being a whore!'" She glanced toward the bedroom door, then back at Roger and whispered, "She doesn't say those things often, but when she does, it hurts."

Roger pressed his ears down. He couldn't blame her for being hurt by that. He'd feel stung, too. "What about your sister?" he whispered.

Cindy shook her head. "She was just being her usual critical self," she said. "She doesn't 'approve' of single mothers and wishes I'd just settle down with someone, even if she won't admit it. Her heart's in the right place, she's just always been a little... tactless."

"Well, fuck her," Roger said. "She's not you. Only you can make that choice." He sighed and hugged her. "Livvie's a good kitten, even if she can be a bit of a brat..."

"I've tried my best," Cindy whispered. "But it's hard being a single mom... harder still to find a guy who isn't a dick and will take on and raise someone else's kitten." She sighed and shook her head sadly.

"Come on, though," Roger said. "You're a strong, independent woman. You've gotten this far on your own. What's stopping you now?"

Cindy pushed away from Roger and slid to the other side of the couch. "I... I don't know," she admitted. "I guess... I guess I felt like I'd finally found someone I clicked with, someone I could not only see myself with, but see as the father of my kitten, and when the fantasy fell apart, I... I cracked..." She pulled her legs up and hugged them. "It gets really tiring being alone all the time..."

Roger pushed himself towards Cindy and hugged her once again. "Look on the bright side, Cindy. You love Livvie, and she adores you. You're a great mom, and I've never seen you happier than when with your kitten." He kissed her forehead. "I'm just sorry I couldn't be a better dad."

"You're a good dad," came a little voice from behind them.

Cindy's head whipped around. "Olivia, I thought I told you to go to your room!" she cried.

The kitten squeaked and took a step back. "S-sorry," she muttered. Her claws made gentle clicking sounds against the tiled floor as she retreated back to her bedroom.

"Livvie, wait!" Roger called.

Cindy looked at him, thunderstruck. "Roger, what are you-"

"Livvie, before you go," Roger said, ignoring the dirty look from his ex-girlfriend, "Do you really mean that?"

The kitten poked her head out from behind her bedroom door. "Y-yeah... you're nice... some of mommy's boyfriends were mean... to her, to me..."

Roger sighed. "Okay... Livvie, do me a favor. Stay in your room for now, and I'll read you a bedtime story when your mom and I are done. That is, if you aren't too old for that."

"I like stories," Olivia replied.

Roger smiled. "Good. Now stay in your room for now while the grown-ups talk, okay?"

She nodded and gave Roger a little smile before closing her door.

Roger turned his attention back to Cindy. "I still care about you, you know," he whispered. "I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

Cindy looked away.

"Do you... do you want to give it another try?" Roger whispered.

She leaned into him. He wrapped his arms around her, and she cupped his paws in hers. Her eyes remained locked in the other direction, fixated on some far off point that only she could see. Roger didn't mind.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Pink and orange clouds floated lazily by as the sun set over the Pacific. A warm breeze blew over the beach, pulling in the salty smell of the sea. From his vantage point on the boardwalk, Roger took in the California evening. The wind caressed his chest, bared under his unbuttoned short sleeve shirt. Just another Saturday in sunny paradise.

It seemed wild to him how much his life had changed in the last six months. His old car had finally gave up the ghost, and he'd traded it in for a newer model, though certainly not as pricey a car as his heart desired. But given his new living situation, he no longer could splurge the way he'd wanted. All for the best, though.

"Daddy, look at this!"

Roger turned, a smile spreading across his face as Olivia ran up to him, her summer dress clinging tight to her body. She was holding a green balloon.

"How pretty!" he said.

The kitten threw her arms around him, her face pressing into his chestfur. She nuzzled him, then backed up and beamed up at him. "Uh huh! The nice man selling balloons let me have one for free 'cause it's my birthday!"

Roger laughed and ruffled the kitten's head. "Well, that was nice of him, wasn't it?" He smiled at Cindy as she approached at a more leisurely pace, her own shirt open, revealing her bikini top underneath. He smirked when she caught him admiring her breasts, then turned his attention back to Olivia. "It's getting close to dinner time, and you're the birthday girl, so you get to pick where we go."

The kitten looked up at him and batted her eyelashes cutely. "Can we get some fish somewhere near the water? I don't care where, as long as we can see the ocean."

The male cat beamed down at the kitten. "I think we can do that, sweetie." He held a paw out to Cindy as she reached him. "Up for a stroll until we find somewhere to eat?"

Cindy took his paw, a smile crossing her muzzle. "Of course, babe." She grinned down at her daughter. "I think there's a little place not too far from here. Want to take the lead?"

The girl's eyes brightened instantly. "Yes please, Mommy!" She ran off down the road, spinning in circles as she went. The adults followed.

"How'm I doing as a step-dad?" Roger whispered once the nine year old was out of earshot.

Cindy leaned into him and kissed his cheek. "Pretty good, I'd say. She's happy, her mom's happy... are you happy?"

Roger chuckled as he walked paw in paw down the road with his girlfriend, one eye glued to the kitten. "Don't run too far ahead! Make sure we can still see you!" he called. His mind replayed the last six months - moving into a two bedroom apartment a little farther from his work, moving Cindy and her girl in, all of the adjustments to actually living with his partner. He squeezed Cindy's paw. "Never been happier," he whispered.