Jurassic Encounter
Jurassic Encounter
by ff_b
The image first became apparent to me in the discoloration on the wall of my shower; it was a figure, but not one quite human. My eyes squinted as I tried to understand what I was seeing, when suddenly I had a flash of insight...Bones of the Saints, it was Raptor Jesus that I was beholding!
Brushing my cat aside, I ran barefoot on the wet floor, slipping as I did so. My heart thumping in my chest, I ran leaping and screaming out into my front yard, crying "It's Raptor Jesus, I see Raptor Jesus right now in my shower!" Thinking of the media attention this divine visitation might bring me and the long lines of money-bearing pilgrims who might thread their way into my bathroom, I dashed excitedly into the street and was promptly hit by a Toyota Prius, which probably couldn't have braked anyways.
The impact threw my unconscious body to the pavement, where I was drawn through a long, dark tunnel at great speed towards a bright light at the end of it. Emerging into the dazzling radiance there, I saw a buffalo, passenger pigeon, and a dodo playing poker at a circular card table. The buffalo raised his huge shaggy head from his hand of cards and gazed at me. "We only process hunters at this station," he said dispassionately. "You need to go next door," he gestured with his hoof.
Immediately I was sucked into the long dark tunnel again, regaining consciousness on the floor with an angular figure in long flowing white robes standing above me. The image assumed substance and cocked his head as he regarded me with intelligent reptilian eyes; I gasped as I realized I was in the presence of Raptor Jesus! My eyes widened and my mouth gaped as I began to babble my joy about being in the company of the Jurassic Jesus; "What large teeth you have, Raptor Jesus!," I enthused.
"I know, my child," chortled the Jurassic wonder.
"Can you guide me in the ways of carnivorous enlightenment?," I begged.
"Suffer the children to come unto me," replied the raptor, "for they are tender...err, tender-hearted...sweet, I mean!--Oh, just forget it!," concluded the raptor, with a dismissive gesture of his talons.
"My God's a Jurassic God!," I marveled. Raptor Jesus flashed his eighty razor-sharp teeth at me as he grinned.
"My child," said the raptor softly, drawing closer. "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day...but teach that man to use Facebook, and he'll be out of your hair for at least a week!"
I was astonished at the wisdom in this reptile, as well as by his dentition. "Oh Raptor Jesus!," I exclaimed, "I love you!- -Do you love me?"
Raptor Jesus looked sternly at me. "Did I not become extinct for your sins?"
"Yes, you did!," I cried, convicted of my unworthiness. "Oh Raptor Jesus, I feel the call!- -I am pulled to become one of your priests!"
Raptor Jesus looked at me with deep sadness. "That pull you feel, my child, is just one of your cat's claws caught on the leg of your trousers.--This is all but a dream!"
I felt myself being drawn up into the air, pulled away from Raptor Jesus. Desperately I reached out to him, but he admonished me with clicking sounds and said, "Spread the word to all the lands, my child...let me grow in you, and I shall see you again, say in December of 2012!"
Then Raptor Jesus vanished from my sight, and I awoke on the floor of my bathroom, where just as I had been told my cat struggled to remove his claw from the fabric of my trouser leg. I must have knocked myself out as I slipped and apparently then fell in the bathroom!- -Had this truly been just a dream? I lifted up my trouser leg to extract the cat's claw, and saw that the skin in that area had begun to transmogrify into scales!- -Praise be to Raptor Jesus, he was growing in me, just as had been foretold!
...and looking up at the discoloration on the wall of my shower, I beheld again the image of Raptor Jesus...and he winked at me! If all the wonderous things done by Raptor Jesus had been written down, the world could scarce contain the books!
...let they who have eyes to see and ears to hear, be edified!- -Come, Raptor Jesus!
(Enroll in Raptor Jesus Camp this summer, and achieve carnivorous enlightenment!)