Alone No Longer
Alone No Longer
She walked the path that she knew so well by now, every crack, every bump, every start and end of every driveway, all memorized by her routine. But there was no reason she should not have. She traveled the furmade cement walkway on a regular basis, excluding, of course, the summer, when the high school she attended was out for break.
Jamie Wallace continued to walk. Although she was alone and silent, her closest companion sang into her ears. The mp3 player in her pocket had a wire that lead from her too-skinny legs, up past her relatively flat chest and into her rodent ears. It shouted a medley of songs, each darker and more gruesome that the last.
When Jamie arrived at school, the fourteen-year-old mouse continued her routine and sat down at the table she always sat at. She was by herself like she always was and had her eyes closed, head bowed, and mind racing like they always were. Jamie was considered a loner by most, and unattractive by all, including herself.
The fur of the mouse was all white, but she wore nothing but black: black baggy pants, a black hooded sweater she used to conceal her pale pink ears, all this added to the loner atmosphere that had engulfed her. And she was so quiet; Jamie was always so timid, so afraid of nothing apparent to any other fur. She kept to herself, kept quiet, and because of this, stayed alone.
Her school day came and went, only speaking twice through the whole day, once to answer a question and again to order lunch. Jamie began her walk home, taking that same route she knew so well only backwards.
The sky was setting up to rain; dark ominous clouds hung overhead, warning of a storm that would not come very pleasantly.
Ignoring the warning, Jamie walked slowly, enjoying the noiseless solitude. It was Friday, but she had no plans or date. Jamie had not ever had a real relationship...there was one fur though, a long time ago before her life had gone to hell.
It was Jamie's last day of fifth grade and elementary school; the class was having a little party to celebrate. The day went on and Jamie was having fun, socializing with her friends and enjoying time well spent. At the end of the day the kids were watching a movie, some G rated film no parent could complain about. In the dark classroom the boy, a rabbit with fur as white as hers, had chosen to sit next to the mouse; she was too preoccupied with the movie to notice much, but he was there, and though also preoccupied, had no concern of the movie. The end of the tape and the three-o-clock bell that ended school for the summer were coming ever closer.
She saw the rabbit rustle around next to her; she turned her head to find him staring at her. During that moment Jamie was transfixed motionless. All she could do was stare back at the boy's eyes, drinking in his beauty. The boy leaned in; Jamie met him halfway for her first kiss, leaving behind her inhibitions.
Not even a whole second before their lips touched, the lights were flicked on. Every fur in the room, including the teacher, saw them and was now either giggling or whispering loudly. The mouse reared back, looking around and blushing a deep crimson red. The bell rang and she picked up her backpack and left the classroom as quickly as possible. She never saw the rabbit again. He had moved to a different city before Jamie got a chance to say goodbye.
As she continued to walk, nearing her house, Jamie remembered that day. She remembered her mother telling her that her father had left them, how she had beat Jamie for no apparent reason, and how she cried herself to sleep that night. To Jamie, that day marked the end of her life, and the kiss its highlight.
When Jamie had finished with her horrifying flashback she found herself standing at her front door, hand outstretched as if to turn the knob. Jamie didn't know how long she had been standing there, nor why her hand was positioned the way it was. Her hand followed through with what it had started. Jamie entered her home to find her mother sitting at the kitchen table; a half empty bottle of vodka smiling devilishly at the young mouse.
"Where the hell have you been?" The mother's speech was slurred and carried the retched stench of alcohol. Jamie knew she was drunk; she gave no reply to her mother's harshly spoken question.
"Why the fuck don't you answer me you little bitch?" Mother said. Jamie had seen this side of her mother many times before. It always ended with a few new bruises and a tear-stained pillow. Jamie didn't need this now; she just wanted to finish her homework and go to sleep. The young mouse turned around and headed for her room.
"I am talking to you, you goddamn whore!" Her anger was apparent and misplaced when she swung her hand back with the half empty bottle in it. Jamie felt a sharp pain in at the back of her head. Even though the mother had been drunk, she threw the bottle well enough to take her daughter's consciousness.
**
The mouse woke to the sound of a door slamming closed. Instinctively she curled into a tight, protective ball. No matter how often the beatings came, she was always afraid, and too scared to tell anyone.
Her breathing was shallow and erratic, after moments of panting and whimpering, waiting and fearing, she gathered enough courage to lift her head and glance around. Her tear-stained eyes worked franticly around the room. Finding nothing, she got up. At that moment, the roar of an engine sliced through the silence. Jamie flinched and walked to the front door, she opened it just enough to see her mother backing out of the driveway.
She closed the door, satisfied with her mother mercifully leaving her alone. Although Jamie knew she was probably going on a booze-run, and that her mother shouldn't be drinking and driving, the young mouse didn't care, she didn't care about anything anymore. Nothing she did would matter to her and things could only get worse.
Jamie decided on what she would do; it was not a very hard decision for her.
Who would miss me? She questioned as she went to the garage looking for a good length of rope.
It's not like I've got anything to look forward to. Her mind was saying things she had never though she would hear.
After finding what she needed, Jamie walked out the back door. It was raining, if such little water could be called rain. The sky seemed to reflect Jamie's mood as the tiny droplets of water added to the tears steadily streaming from the mouse's eyes.
Her backyard was of average size. On the deck immediate to the back door there was an old charcoal barbeque. It brought back so many of her cheerful childhood memories. Those remembrances where short lived as the rope in her hand reminded Jamie of her more recent set of memorizes, and scars. She grabbed a near-by stool and continued on.
The grass was green and wet from the slight but steady downpour. In the middle of the yard was a tree. It was old, older that Jamie herself. When their parents had first moved here with Jamie they had built her a tire swing. She remembered how her father had pushed her and spun her around and around in the worn down loop of rubber.
The tire itself was gone now. Jamie didn't bother to go looking for it; there were more important things to be done at the moment. But what was left of her childhood play toy was some of the rope that had suspended it. It was still tied tightly around the horizontal branch and from the knot about a foot's length of rope remained.
The rope was weathered and was beginning to untwine. It looked as if it was ripped, like the weight of Jamie's heart was transferred to the tire, and the rope simply couldn't handle it, like Jamie herself could no longer bear it. Her rope was tossed over. As it was secured to the tree Jamie grabbed the stool she had taken and strategically placed it about a foot away from where the rope now hung.
She tied a hangman's noose. It was an odd skill to know, but she knew it never the less. As she calmly twisted the rope in to her death, she stood in silence; even her mind was at a stand still. She was staring at the braded noose that was to take her life; seeming catatonically bewitched.
Jamie calmly slid it over her head.
I wonder if it'll leave a mark?
With the noose now around her neck, she closed her eyes once more in silence. Jamie held her arms at her sides, her tail motionless, steadying herself for her leap. That steady trickle of tears now erupted as a spectacle of sobs and bawling.
"I wouldn't know what to write." Jamie had said as a thought hit her.
Jamie took a step forward off the stool she was standing on. Her weight began to transfer from her once supporting legs to her rope that now suspended her above the ground.
The noose tightened around her head, hugging and killing her. Jamie's pink tail curled around her leg as she wriggled about as a fish on a hook. Her paws clawed at her deadly collar not because she wanted out, but because of basic instinct.
She was starting to feel lightheaded, her struggling dying down. Jamie's last breath was a big one, trying to get as much of the cool fresh air as she could. The slight trickle became a steady downpour and was becoming increasingly noisy. The mouse didn't notice though; she was starting to lose consciousness and could not process with her oxygen-deprived brain. Her eyelids became heavy and it suddenly became hard for the young mouse to stay focused. She closed her eyes, her struggle completely gone, and waited for the end.
**
NO!
Her mind screamed as if it were a real voice. Jamie received an unknown strength and began her struggle anew. Her once limp body began flailing around; searching for the stool she once stood on. Jamie's searching was futile for it had been tipped over on the initial jump. Her rodent eyes were clenched tight; she could feel herself spinning around on the rope like her old tire swing did. Her paws were grasping at the noose, only this time truly fighting for her life.
None of this did Jaime any good. Nothing was beginning to consume her senses again, the mouse's body once again beginning to lose its struggle.
Jamie opened her mouth to try and speak, a single sentence, a single word, anything to get anyone's attention. The noose choked her breath and stopped her sound.
Please...not yet...not like this...
As the rope stopped her voice it stopped her mind. Everything was going dark, sound and time were nothing to her. She was nodding off to her final sleep...
**
Jamie felt something cold and wet hit her knees hard, and then it hit the rest of her body. She began a fit of coughing and greedily gasped for air as if it were her last. The choking pressure of the noose was gone but Jamie still felt the rough rope against her neck. She got up to her knees and pulled on it, it let go of Jamie with no more intentions of trying to take anything from her. Her eyes were still closed as the mouse slipped the rope from her head, and threw it somewhere over her shoulder. On hands and knees, she crawled away from the rope as if it were to attack her again.
Jamie gained her composure, and finally opened her eyes. The rope had indeed left a mark, along with the claw marks of her change of heart. She was not dead, or to her she seemed not to be. As she looked back over her shoulder she saw the rope still tied in a noose. It had landed near the base of the tree and as Jamie followed its trunk upward she saw her salvation.
The offending rope had broken under Jamie's weight. It looked weathered and had untwined itself; next to the rope of the past tire swing, it looked older.
But that rope was new...I can't weigh that much.
Jaime thought about what had happened. She started to cry hopelessly into her hands.
I don't even have enough courage to kill myself!
Jamie was practically screaming at herself. She stood up and began to run, trying to get away from the horrid spectacle that was her attempted suicide. Out the backyard gate she went, running in no particular direction.
The houses moving past her became less and less familiar. Fatigue was starting to set in and Jamie settled down to a slow walk. Though there was no more rain, it was still ominously cloudy, and spoke of more water, among other things, to come. She took turns as she pleased, not really knowing where she was going.
It must have been and hour before Jamie realized that she was lost, though she hadn't truly noticed how long it had been. The strayed mouse had tried to retrace her steps, only succeeding in losing herself more. She felt the tears of hopelessness begin to well up in her eyes; a colorful shape flashed brilliantly in the distance.
Jamie hadn't known why, but she began to walk toward it, never blinking, as she got closer to the shape that was now joined by others. Though still a distance away, Jamie noticed the forms to be the slides, swings, and framing of a playground.
As Jamie got closer, she noted that the playground was part of a school, probably the backside of an elementary school. Arriving at the gate that separated one world from another, Jamie realized exactly what she was looking at.
There is no way...
Her mind was aghast as she stared at her old school; seas upon seas of happier memories flooded back to her. The school catered to kindergarten through fifth grade, but there were no kids running about. It was coming close to five o' clock and most, if not all, of the teachers had gone home to begin enjoying the weekend.
An unknown urge pushed forth in her mind as Jamie suddenly felt the need to enter the school. She was holding onto the metal gate keeping her back, looking and searching inward for something she didn't know.
Daniel...that was his name. Her mind explained calmly, finding what she was looking for.
Jamie looked right and found nothing but more of the barrier. She was dismayed and again on the verge of tears. She looked left and saw exactly what she was looking for: a crude cut in the chain link fence. It was a simple cut near the very end of the fence, straight down. It didn't keep open though, probably new; just for her.
The fence itself was old, rusted and stained in most places. Some trash was trapped between the small, comforting breeze and the divider. It reached up high, impractically high for kids so small. Jamie thought maybe it was to keep the unwanted out. It would have served it purpose had it not been for the blemish in its protectiveness.
The confused little mouse slipped through as a pill did through one's lips. She crossed the sand box that contained the colorful play equipment, a bit of wet sand got into her shoes but she didn't care, only looking forward to where ever she was going.
Jamie walked on, stepping out of the sand and onto a grass field. The field was definitely not front lawn worthy, what with the kids running and playing on it almost constantly. As she walked on, Jamie reminisced about the games she had played on the turf. Her day of attempted suicide was being turned around by the last place she had ever felt truly happy.
The mouse girl felt her foot leave the soft cool grass in turn for the smooth blacktop pavement. Jamie walked forward a ways and looked around.
The sky was darkening to a midnight shade despite the time; Jamie hadn't noticed. The street lights flicked on and gave off a buzz, omniscient and warning and unheeded
On the blacktop, foursquare courts and tetherball circles painted in yellow reflective paint. And a little distance away there was a puddle. On any day like that day puddles would go unnoticed and unperceived. But on that day, in that city, within that school, it was the only puddle to be seen.
The mouse walked toward it for it had a slight, lustrous glow to it. The glow wasn't alien and foreboding but kind and inviting. As Jamie got closer she realized the puddle might not be of rainwater. The liquid seemed to be metallic, and very reflective, gathering as much light as it could from its surrounding and throwing it back into Jamie eyes.
She kneeled down beside it, curiosity getting the better of her. Jamie touched the tips of her index and middle finger to the strange liquid. Jamie gasped; it was cold, very cold. It was then she looked around and realized how cold she was and how dark it was becoming. When she looked back, Jamie saw the strange substance had engulfed her whole hand.
The liquid was defiantly not water, it was almost like mercury, except it clung to her fur and was looking to engulf her whole body. It was mind-numbingly cold; Jamie couldn't move as it traveled up her arm. She took a step back in utter horror, accidentally stepping in the puddle again.
As the feeling of ice traveled from her arm to her chest, she noticed where she was now standing. Jamie hopped back, the young mouse lost he balance and fell to the cold ground. She was almost convulsing with fright.
Her horror had now consumed her whole body, leaving only her neck and head free. Covered in the liquid, Jamie was on the ground holding her chest, trying to keep herself from freezing to death. It slowed to a crawl as is approached her neck. It inched forward slowly, seeming to taunt her. Jamie, through all her chaos, realized exactly what it meant to do. Vainly she clutched her throat, trying to stop or at least slow the progress of the metallic covering.
The substance amazingly felt her reaction, and sped up. As it raced over her throat Jamie tried to scream, tried desperately to let someone, anyone, know what was happening to her. But as she opened her mouth the fluid rushed in, drowning her voice and suffocating her. She could feel the cold down her throat, slowly moving toward her lungs. Again she grabbed her throat, praying for anything to happen to end this torment.
The substance moved up her face. An overwhelming frost took over her as she fell to her back. Writhing in fright, it completely over took her, completely covering her features.
Darkness, silence, and waves of cold to freeze hell itself.
"No!"
The vixen bolts up from her sleep, screaming and clutching her neck as if a noose tightly holds her there. A white rabbit that was sleeping in a chair startles from his dozing.
"What? Whoa! Oomph." He exclaims as the chair tips backward, violently depositing him on the floor.
The vixen surveys her surrounding in a panicky manner. There are sterile white walls surrounding her and strange monitors at the side of her bed. She hears a steady but rapid beeping. An IV drip is stationed on the wall adjacent to the bed. She follows the tube down to her arm and rips the needle from her flesh.
The fallen rabbit gets up, rubbing the back of his head. He approaches the bed with a pained but joyous look on his face.
"Julie, thank God you're awake! I've been so worried about you." He reaches for her arm but she quickly pulls away. Scared and frightened, she crawls backward into the bed railing.
"No, stop!" she shrieks, pulling her legs close to her chest, shutting her eyes tight.
"Julie..." He trails off. The look of happiness gone from his face; replaced by an odd horror and fright.
The vixen looks around and over her shoulder, "Who...who are you talking to?" she pipes out through her hyperventilating. She watches tears begin to well up in his eyes; seesawing on a cliff of emotion.
"Please stop, sweetheart. Stop playing around. You're...you're scaring me." He says to her, his voice trembling, knees growing weak. He was warned about this, the head trauma from the accident could yield complications. He doesn't want to accept it, doesn't want to lose the love of his life.
He blinks; tears roll down his soft white fur. "I'm just going to get the doctor, okay?" he says in almost a whisper, the tremble in his voice has decreased but the vixen still notices the brokenhearted tone it carries. "Please, just stay here." He begs as he opens the door. He walks into the hall and leaves.
After a while, the beeping has slows down and the vixen begins to collect her mind.
I'm in a hospital. But, how did I get here? She looks into an upright mirror standing by the sink. Wow, there is almost nothing less attractive than a hospital gown.
She hops down off of the bed and walks toward the foot of it. A clipboard is sitting in a clear plastic rack. She picks it up and examines the writing as her tail sways side to side.
Julia Hartman. So he was talking to me. Who is he? Seems familiar. Age: 29, Sex: female, Species: desert fox, Height: 5 feet 8 inches, Weight 130 lbs, married...
"I'm married!" Julie exclaims.
A male wolf, 6 feet or so tall, wearing a white smock complete with stethoscope, comes in.
"No, actually, you're engaged," The wolf says calmly. "And to that rabbit you had upset earlier." Julie had considerably calmed down; realizing she could trust the people here, but the sudden intrusion of the doctor gives her a start.
The doctor's childish professionalism reassures Julie's mind as he offers a paw toward the confused vixen. She takes it and gingerly shakes his hand.
"I'm Dr. Reyoles."
Julie looks down at the clipboard again, "And apparently I'm Julia Hartman."
The doctor laughs and motions for Julie to sit. She takes a seat on the bed and lays the clipboard next to her as the doctor tips the chair back over. There is an odd silence as the two sit before Julie breaks the quiet.
"I didn't mean to scare him. I...I was just panicked." She brings her knees to her chest and rests her face on her furred arms. There is a slight tremble in her voice.
"It's ok Julie, it was an understandable reaction." Dr. Reyoles says, trying to comfort the distraught vixen.
"'Understandable reaction?'" Julie says as her head pops up from her arms. "I have no idea how or why I'm here," She says her voice rising in volume, "I was scared to death of my fiancé, I didn't even know my own goddamn name a few minutes ago!" She screams at the doctor through teary eyes. She lowers her head back down in frustration. Sniffles are heard; though her face is hidden, it is all too apparent that she is crying. "I don't understand anything."
"Julie, you'll be alright." He says abandoning his professional brand of comforting, adopting a more sincere and personal one. He puts a hand on her shoulder, almost trying to brace her for what he didn't want to say to her.
"I have to tell you something," He pauses, sighs hard and looks down into his lap, "Julie, you and your fiancé were in a car accident. He was driving when a drunk driver hit your passenger side head on. The drunk driver, a young female wolf, died at the scene. Your fiancé was able to walk away with minor injuries, but you suffered a major head trauma. You've been out for three days."
The doctor allows Julie to sit in quiet as she lets what she has been told soak in. After what seams like hours, Dr. Reyoles disrupts the quiet, "Do you have any questions?" He taps himself forcefully on the forehead. "Well of course you do."
"What is that supposed to mean?" the vixen says, leaving behind the emotions of self-pity.
"Well, you have amnesia, right? Can you remember anything before waking up?"
"No, I guess not."
"I'm pretty sure it's retrograde amnesia, but we'll have to keep you here for a few days to run some tests," the doctor says, resuming his professional nature. He takes the clipboard up off the bed, flips up the first page, and starts for the door. "I'm sure you still have some immediate questions but, I'd like to get your fiancé in here as well so I can answer all questions at once." He says nonchalantly as he continues to flip through the papers on the clipboard. He gets up and goes toward the door.
"Wait!" Julie says as the doctor's hand falls onto the doorknob.
"What is it?" He says, turning to look Julie in the eye.
"Do you know his name?" She asks, trying to look innocent.
The doctor smirks. "His name is Daniel."
**
As Julie stares out the passenger window, looking at the passing city, full of other furs going about their lives, Daniel sits in uncomfortable silence. She looks back at what past she remembers, vividly reliving the last few days.
The doctor had escorted Daniel back in, Julie looked down to her lap almost in shame. The rabbit sat next to her, trying not to make eye contact, but Julie saw the worry in his face. Dr. Reyoles went on with debriefing about tests that needed to be done, special mineral rich diets she'd have to go on, and other things of the like. Daniel listened intently, keeping his tender white hands in his lap, his long waggling ears alert, and his attention solely on the doctor.
Julie, on the other hand, listened half-minded. She found herself concentrated more so on Daniel, stealing glimpses of him as he nodded in acknowledgement to the doctor's statements. The vixen felt as though she should remember him, felt he had an important part in her past.
Well of course, we are getting married. She explained to herself. Her mind stirred as this brought about new questions. Can we still carry on our relationship? Will we still get married? We're still the same furs right? But...how can I marry someone I barely know?
These questions still swung around her head as a child on a swig set while the scenery changed from commercial to residential.
The doctor had said that there were more tests to be done and that Julie would have to say. Daniel opted to go home, he had been there the whole three days of Julie's incapacitation. The vixen didn't know how to feel about this; she was relieved there wouldn't be that awkward silence between them, but a bit angry she was left alone.
Once, while the doctor was explain results and what the meant, Julie interrupted him mid-sentence.
"Doc," She had said. Her eyes remained trained to the floor whilst her hand played with her tail.
"Hmm?" He said looking up from his clipboard. He had a pair of glasses on, not too think, probably just for reading.
"Was I..." she tried to say, her voice being chocked off. "Have I ever tired to kill myself?" She continued. Her eyes swiveled upward, looking for an answer before the doctor even registered the question.
He saw her eyes, heartfelt and wanting, waiting for an answer as if her life depended on it.
"Julie, you'll get over all this. You may not remember your past but you'll always have the present. Think about your husband, think about-"
"Doc, Calm down, I am not going to kill myself. This is just something I need to know...was I an attempted suicide?" she said calmly; again with the searching eyes.
"No..." He says after a slight pause, "That's what had me worried. Before all this, you were fine. No attempted suicides or depression, you're not thinking about it now are you?
"Doctor, I told you, no." She sighed and looked down into her lap. "I just feel like this is all a dream and that I should be waking up. But in the back of my mind, I feel if I do, I'll be waking up to a nightmare."
Her words ring around her head as though she had said them aloud. Logic explains to her that this can't be true, that she did suffer a serious head trauma, that she does have amnesia, and that this could all be a figment of her mind. But, something in her mind tells her that logic is lying, that this is not just what she feels, that it is the truth. But that something says such things in such a whisper, Julie cannot help but question them.
The car slows down; it pulls into the driveway of a beautiful home in a beautiful area. The grass is a deep green, fresh and crisp looking. The house is two stories; Julie marvels at the amazing sight from the passenger seat. The house is painted a pale peach, adding a very light and inviting atmosphere to the house.
The vixen's door swings open; Daniel is there to help her out. She takes his hand as she steps from the car.
A gentleman...
As the 'new couple' go down the path to the front door, the rabbit continues to hold onto Julie, not affectionately, or chivalrously, but as a fur would help a brittle old parent; holding onto the arm whilst pushing at the small of one's back.
"I have amnesia, not a broken hip." She says, somehow keeping an insulting tone out of her voice. She grins at him, confirming it was just a joke. He gives up a small laugh and slides his hand down to hers and switches to a daintier 'milady' type hold while giving the lightest of bows. She's still giggling when they reach the door.
Daniel fishes out his keys and jingles them around a bit looking for the right one. He finds it; a small brass key, though a little tarnished still glistens in the setting sun. The rabbit inserts the key; tumblers falling into place, recognizing their counterpart.
Such a simple piece of metal unlocks the front door to a beautiful home, Julie's home (new or otherwise), Julie's new life.
He twists the knob and opens the door. The rabbit enters the foyer and kicks off his shoes,
"Welcome home," he says, throwing his keys on a small table against the wall, and continuing in.
Julie follows suit and takes her shoes off and lays them near his at the base of the table. At the opposite side of the room, there is a closet and another door leading to the garage.
A mirror is hung in an elegant frame near the closet. The vixen steps toward it till she can see herself reflected in its borders.
Only now does she truly realize her physical form. Her long hair flows down behind her shoulders, silky and shinning. Her ears are furred a light brown on the inside but lined around the edges with a hazel that matches her beautiful hair. The fur from the bottom of Julie's muzzle, past her low cut shirt, down to her inner thighs, was a lighter shade of off white. The rest of her pelt was brown. Though as a whole it was considered a light brown, almost mocha, but when inspected up close, it contained all the different values of the hue. Her paws as well as the end of the vixen's tail have all been dipped in a shade of soft mud, accenting the rest of her coloring. Her muzzle is sleek and eyes of sky blue look deep into their reflection. A desert fox, built to blend in, sticking out with such beauty.
"I can...uh...give you a tour, if you'd like." Daniel says as he pops his head back into view. Julie can tell he's a bit uneasy.
This can't be too easy for him. She thinks, noticing his shy demeanor.
"Sure, that'd be great." Julie replies, giving a soft smile. He looks down, away from her face, away from her smile. She walks toward him coming into view with the kitchen.
"Well this is the kitchen." The rabbit says. Julie admires the sight, titled floors, beautiful cherry cabinets, and shining granite countertops. There is an island in the middle of the room; a built in sink and a bowl of fruits adorn it's top.
Daniel turns around and heads the opposite direction, "Here's the living room," he says and continues to walk toward a hallway, past it. Julie isn't able to survey the room, but she catches the sight of a big-screen T.V. and comfortable looking furniture set.
She follows him down the hall as he points out the rooms.
"The one on the left is my office, first on the right is the bathroom, and the second on the left is a spare bed room." The white rabbit says a bit blandly. Julie can't help but wonder what is on his mind as he turns for the stairs.
Julie notes how he acts toward her; not exactly cold, but not the warm spirit one should have for a loved one. She feels herself get a little tempered towards him till she remembers what kind of boat he's in.
On the second story there are three more doors.
"On the left, is just storage. This is the music room, and the room at the end of the hall is the master bedroom. There is another bathroom connected to the bedroom...I'd give you a tour of that but I'll be using it an a bit...uh, excuse me." He says, with a slight tremble, and rushes off.
Did he really have to go that bad?
Left alone standing in the hallway, Julie decides to do a bit of exploring. She turns around, thinking to venture into the living room, but the slightly ajar door of the room known as 'storage' catches her eye.
There are boxes in the room, but not enough to be cluttered or considered as pack-ratty. Most of the boxes are closed, but as she looks around there is a single box opened, and on it rested a large binder covered in texture paper; a scrapbook of sorts.
Julie picks it up, there is no dust on it; recently been handled. On the front is written: 'J&D', foreshadowing the contents of the book. As Julie turns it over to inspect the back, a card falls out.
It looks like it was hand made, a Valentine's Day card?
On the front of the cream colored card is a miniature rose, pink and made of paper. A small pink ribbon glued to the front ties it down. On the lower right hand corner is stamped "I love you" in a calligraphic font and tilted at an angle. Julie opens the card, almost afraid of what she'll find.
A poem, hand written in black pen, resides on the left hand side. The right is blank save for the same "I love you" stamp on the front.
As a child to candy,
I want you.
As a fish to water,
I need you.
As the ground to sky,
I am completed by you.
But as nothing of our world,
I love you, Julie,
Now, and forever.
Julie reads the carefully chosen words; feeling tears well up in her eyes. She blinks them away, and they fall onto the card.
Julie curses herself for ruining the sweet gesture of love, and goes to dap it off not wanting to smear the ink. As she take a closer look to see what damage had been done, she notices other tearstains, original ones.
Without much thinking the vixen assumes those are her tears; heartfelt tearstains made when she had first received the card, but after a moment's thought, the possibility of them being much more juvenile arises.
The sound of sobbing meets Julie's ears; they fidget, looking for the source. She walks into the hall, and continues to follow her ears toward the end of the hallway, to the master bedroom.
The door is open about two inches. The vixen can see the bed; queen-sized with blankets, pillows, and a sobbing rabbit atop it. She pushes the door open; Daniel is sitting on the bed with his back to the door. He doesn't see Julie walk in, but after she talks a few steps in he hears her.
Without turning his head, he sniffles one last time and clears his throat, trying to hide is distraught state.
"Did you have something in your eye?" Julie says, trying to break tension. She pads over to where he sits and takes a seat next to him.
"I, um...you," he starts, sitting up straight, trying to regain his composure. The rabbit sniffles once more and drags his right paw across his eyes. Daniel losses his control and breaks down before the fur he was planning to spend his life with. His right paw is covering his face and his left clutching his stomach as if he were to be sick.
Julie scoots closer to him and tightly wraps her arms around the rabbit in a close embrace. She lets him rest his head on her shoulder like a mother trying to put an infant to sleep; with all her might, she is trying to comfort the muddled rabbit.
"Oh, Daniel, we'll be alright...we'll be fine." She says.
Through his sobbing he starts confessing his thoughts,
"I want to love you. I want to care for you." He pauses; if he weren't already weeping, he would have started right then, "But I can't...I can't, because you can't." he says sounding defeated and broken. "Because you can't love a stranger, because you can't love someone you barley know."
By now the vixen is bawling along side him, still clutching him close in deep a caress. Julie is absolutely heartbroken at such strong feelings, and heartbroken at knowing he feels they aren't mutual.
"But, I do know you. You're caring, loving, and compassionate. Those things I know as well as this: I do love you." Julie doesn't know how she knows, or exactly where her words are coming from, but she knows they are true, just as she knows her own heartbeat.
His crying slows down.
After they're both cried out, Julie lets go, wipes her eyes, and looks to the clock on the nightstand near the head of the bed. It reads seven-twenty four; the summer sun just setting.
"We should go out." She says, "Anything you'd recommend?" She is hoping he'd suggest dinner, something to talk over.
"Well...the carnival rolls into town tomorrow." Daniel replies wiping his tear drenched eyes. They haven't left the single spot they have been staring at the whole time.
Julie is a little caught off guard by this. She wasn't expecting to be given a rain check. She looks at him, a slight quizzical look on her face. Just then he looks up at her, his emerald eyes wanting, needing, almost pleading for her.
She gives that same soft, soothing smile, "Okay."
**
The night after Julie's first at the house, the couple had gone to the carnival, having fun and acting like two high-school sweethearts out on a date.
Julie and Daniel are walking back to the parking lot; it's getting late and the place is starting to slow down; several booths are closing as the couple walks by.
Daniel has his right arm slung around Julies shoulder while she clutches to a gigantic stuffed rabbit known as a cartoon icon from a while back. He had won it in a ring toss game for her.
Very cliché, but sweet nevertheless.
Julie had learned much about Daniel over the little date: thirty years old, an accomplished animator, and he could also play the guitar (though he said he was more of a hobbyist). The fox also learned of herself: she didn't have any family (she was an only child and her parents had died in a car accident when she was nineteen), worked as a nurse at a hospital, which she found laughably ironic given her condition, she too was involved in music, though she played the electric bass instead of the guitar.
During the festivities, Julie asked Daniel about his first crush.
"It was back in fifth grade, a mouse in my class." At those words Julie felt enraptured, by what she didn't know, only that she found an odd familiarity. "I had a thing for her all year...Come to think of it, she gave me my first kiss..." he had said looking like he was lost in his memories. "You?" He said with a distant look upon his face; He truly was lost in his memories.
Julie leaned over the table they were sitting at and kissed him on the muzzle. It wasn't some peck on the cheek, nor a kiss of deep intimacy; it rocked on the edge of what was considered decent and acceptable in public. It was honest and cordial, openly portraying Julie's love for Daniel.
"Well, I'm marking that as my first kiss." She said. Julie could tell it had taken him completely off guard. They hadn't kissed before and Daniel was shocked, all Julie could do was blush.
The night had come to a close and both are ready to go home.
Julie walks with him, enjoying the touch of his arm around her. Looking back on the night, she realized how close they had become. The vixen knows she was telling the truth when she said she loved him.
As the two walk on, the kaleidoscopic lights and indistinguishable banter go unnoticed. Their features hold elating smiles of contentment, showing off their relationship to any fur that cared to suffer extreme jealousy.
As the two reach the parking lot, Julie is reminded of the thoughts of the previous night.
Why this night and not the last...and why the carnival?
She decides she'll ask him.
There must be a reason.
When the rabbit and vixen reach his silver car, Daniel opens the door for Julie and helps her in, placing the stuffed animal in the back seat. He walks around the front of the car to the driver's side, opening the door and slipping inside. He fiddles with his keys a moment and moves his hand toward the ignition.
Julie puts her hand on his, stopping him.
"What is it?" he asks. Julie can see that worried face of his, and she hates every detail in its beauty. Ever since she woke up to that face in the hospital, she hated to make him so worried. His eyes seeming so hurt, and his mouth and whiskers twitching in an ever-taunting dance: the guilt of bringing him to that state of anxiety a stab to the heart at each glance.
"I'm fine," she says almost immediately, his look of distress softening a bit. After a pause she continues, "I need to ask you something."
Daniel doesn't give a spoken reply, instead a sight but quick nod.
"Why did we go out tonight?"
"Well you're the one who said we should, not that I didn't have a great time, but I-" he starts.
"No, I mean why tonight? Why this night instead of last night?"
Daniel hesitates; it's easy to tell from his expression that he isn't sure what to say, "You know, this fair comes annually, every year on the same week."
"Daniel, quite dodging the-" She feels herself starting to get annoyed, or worried that there is reason to avoid the answer to that question.
"It's our anniversary." He blurts out, quieting the vixen. "Yeah, three years," he says without making eye contact, but only staring straight ahead at other parked cars, "The first day of this fair marks our first date together."
More of the uncomfortable silence during which Julie is able to hate herself for not trusting someone that had become so close to her in so little time.
"I'm sorry I just-"She starts.
"No, no. It's all right, understandable."
Again, he reaches for the ignition, and summons the car to life.
**
The car ride passes in silence, but a different silence than before. Tranquil, easy going quiet. A quiet where one is left with one's own thoughts.
Wow, three years. That's a long time. I wonder if we've ever...well we must have, three years is a long time. You can't share a bed without sharing a bed for so long.
Julie bombards herself with lifetime of questions about her sex life, slowly getting aroused at her thoughts.
The car slows and pulls into the driveway, they are home. Daniel opens his door and steps out and Julie meets him. She slowly takes hold of his paw and smiles divinely in the soft light of the moon and stars. They make their walk up the path and head inside.
Daniel makes his way to the bathroom, while Julie goes into the kitchen. She walks to the fridge and pulls out a chilled water bottle, twisting the cap off and taking a sip. She looks back on the night and suddenly feeling ashamed of the sudden kiss she had given him.
"I'm sorry if I was a bit too forward with that kiss earlier," she calls out, walking to the island and facing away from the rest of the house. She sets the bottle down and continues talking, making sure she is loud enough to be heard.
"I didn't mean for it to be so awkward and-" She is unexpectedly cut off by a force on her shoulder, spinning her gently but quickly around to face a snow-white rabbit. Before she can react or utter anything coherent, her muzzle is met by his, sharing the deep intimacy of a lover's kiss. She is backed up against the island and unknowingly wraps her arms around him, and actively participating in his impromptu actions.
After a few moments he breaks the kiss, "When did you have cotton candy?" he asks with a teasing smile.
"Oh shut up," she replies, turning them around and taking the lead. Julie pushes in deeper and leans them slightly over the counter-top.
After a few more moments of their heated passion, Julie breaks the kiss.
"We should, oh, go up-stairs," She says through puffs and pants as Daniel gently nibbles on her neck.
Doors will close, as they are apt to do. And lovers will love, as they are apt to do. She will never find out her truth. Never find out her liberation. But in the time that is the rest of her life, she'll spend it alone no longer.