Next to Last
#2 of Dumb Stuff I Wrote on the Fly
For Crash Bandicoot Day
Okay, so, it goes like this. Mario is flying some kind of gaming console-turned-jetsonobile, looking down over the land of unrisen heroes, and sticking his butt out to wave at them. Sonic is hanging on the back by a chain, trying to throw darts made of olive pits and toothpickes. A ways behind him, trying to hang on to Sonic's shoelaces is Banjo Kazoey and the turkey, trying to best Sonic by aiming his banjo strings at him and snipping them so that they might pop him in the shin. Sonic turns around to jeer. "At least I got my own movie coming up!" "So did he," sneers Banjo, pointing at the mustached marauder. "And remember what an unforgettable performance Bob Hoskins did?" "Well mine has Jim Carey so Nyaaah!" "Yeah, playing your worst enemy!"
Behind these two is the titular ballular Crash bandicoot, who wonders why he hasn't blown up the engine and brought these uppity pants-pull-uppers down with him. He attempts to clambor up the turkey's tail feathers only to realize some fifth-rate loser is trying to climb up his ass as well. He tries to do the smart thing and kick this feller off. Banjo turns around. "Wowee suzanna, why didn't I tink of that?" Crash gets a great big foot in the face, and he lands smack in the middle of some retail landfill. A bargin bin full of segas broke his fall, and Bubsy is right beneath him. Bubsy tries to shave the bandicoot of his skin, but having so little edge, his claws are quite dull. Crash gives Bubsy a wedgie then walks up to the cobweb apparelled dweeb circulation desk worker to ask of his whereabouts, and Mr. Knucklebreath says this is the land of unfertile imagination. All the lame cartoon and video game characters go here. Just then, a flying fishhook flies overhead with the classic "Dah-ah-ah-ah-ah" that familiar porous, absorbant, yellow laughter rings from the 'bove, as some fish hooks park halibuts flop around at their feet.
Welp, even though Crash tries his best to appeal to a broad audience, he fails at it. Still, he gets taken in by a family of niche anthro enthusiasts, right before he resorts to his chaotic, rambunctious nature in their bedroom so as not to forsake his own edge u3u