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_ Shallow Goals _

"Got you, Cloud!" I almost choked on a mouthful of chlorinated water, yelling out so fast after climbing back to the surface. "You're it!"

"No way!" my brother cried above all the splashing and yapping in the pool around us. "Not even close."

"I gotcha tail."

"Quit lyin'."

"I'm not lying!" He smirked. That just got me madder. "Jerk!"

"You can't keep up with me, Rudder, and you know it."

"Hey--!" Cloud dove back under, disappearing in the slapping splash he threw up into my face. By the time I found him again, he'd become a brown, otter-shaped blur attempting a getaway. Fat chance!

Full speed, I followed my older brother's kicking paws and swishing tail, swerving through and circling the shallow end of the pool. Cloud moved fast, but I moved faster, clawing through the currents, settling into his slipstream, closing in on him slowly, slowly.

Round and round we went, dodging the limbs of the other otters sharing the water. Usually, that wouldn't have been that much of a deal. But then, we weren't usually sharing the pool with the Velikan-sized members of our extended family.

It wasn't just giant otter arms, legs, paws and feet we had to contend with. The stiffer currents they kicked up from the deep end radiated all the way here to the 'shallow' section, creating an undertow that made things tough for sure, but more so for Cloud than me. No doubt in my mind.

Second by second, I pulled in what remained of the distance between us, kicking harder and harder. No matter how much he tried, no matter how many twists and turns he threw himself into, my brother couldn't outpace me. He realised that for sure once I grabbed his ankle, clung on tight, and shadowed him all the way back up to the surface.

"Not so hard!" Cloud cried. "It's tag, not wrestling."

"Just making sure you didn't miss it."

"Why you gotta take stuff to far, Rudder?"

"Why you gotta lie and cheat all the time?"

"Didn't!" He swiped an arm and splashed me.

"Did, too!" I returned the favour. "Can't take losi--"

A torrent of warmth slammed over me. Swept us sideways. A huge wave sent me and my brother reeling, dragging us all the way to the side of the pool. I only knew that from the bump I found it with.

I checked around to try and work out what was what. Had someone jumped in? Passed by closer than they meant to? I floated all the way over to the smaller-sized ladder leading up to the poolside. Cloud meanwhile solved the mystery for us. "Damn it, Star. Watch what you're doing!"

"I am watching," our younger, not-so-little sister replied. She bobbed on the surface, looking between the pair of us with an ever-growing grin. "Just helping my little brothers to cool off, that's all."

"Yeah, thanks." I coughed through what remained of the mouthful of water she'd forced on me. "I'm sure you'd like someone coming up to try and drown you."

"Oh, quit being such a drama queen, Rudderbutt," she sang. "It was just a little splash."

"To_you_," Cloud snapped.

"To most everybody else here in the pool."

"Really?" I scoffed. "Then why don't you go and find one of them to annoy."

"I was just playing with my little brothers. What's wrong with that?"

"We're older than you. Both of us."

"Maybe. Still smaller."

I grabbed the ladder, jaw tight, fully sure I knew the answer to my next question already. "Listen, are you gonna keep bugging us, or can I get back to swimming?"

"Undecided." Star glanced back over her shoulder to where the rest of our family were swimming and playing. "The shallow end here still seems like more fun to me right now."

"Fine," I growled, starting to climb. "You have your fun. Guess I'll go get a soda or something."

"Hey, Rudder, wait."

"Rudderbutt, don't be so moody..."

My brother and sister called after me the whole way up to the poolside. They gave up once I reached the top, stomping over warm, damp concrete towards the refreshment table. Away from the heat of the pool, I could breathe easier. I calmed a little. Enough to remember to take care of any large otters that might forget to do the same.

An outdoor pool might not be the most common or practical of venues to host a family reunion, but for a family of water-lovers, let's be real, it was probably one of the few locations that'd be met with universal approval. Not only that, but up until the drama with my siblings, spending all afternoon in a pool had helped make things a little less awkward than the last Damwell reunion we attended, three years ago. Mom had only married my stepfather a year or so prior to that gathering, which made almost everyone else there a stranger to me. Save of course for Dad, and my younger step-sister, Star.

But, as good as time had been for helping me to feel a part of the family, I struggled to see how time alone would smooth out the size aspect. See, Mom, Cloud and I weren't simply the only non-biological Damwell family members here; we were the only Polcian-sized members, too.

I made it across the concrete lining the pool without issue. Most everybody else was in the water, enjoying themselves in the deep end way over at the opposite end. The only other otters on dry land looked to be my father and my uncle, Michael, deep in conversation, standing so close to the catering table that they might as well have been guarding it. Hah, I'd expect nothing less from 'Big Uncle Mike'...

As I moved from the smoother concrete tiles to the dryer, rougher outer edges, I spotted Mom perched up on the table, too, almost hidden away along with the buffet set aside for us smaller Damwells.

"Hey there, Leon." My uncle waved. "How ya doing?"

"Fine, thanks." Craning my neck high enough to make eye contact from shin-level sure took some effort. "You?"

"Yeah! All good, all good." I wasn't sure if his enthusiasm was for me, or for the snacks he was piling onto his plate.

"Are you after something?" Dad stepped forward, taking a knee that my fast stiffening neck very much appreciated. "Some food?"

"You gotta try these battered fish bites," Mike mumbled through what I assumed to be a mouthful of them. "So good."

"Maybe if you leave enough behind for him?"

"There's plenty here."

"Nah, I'm good," I called. "Looking to grab a soda is all."

Dad nodded, offering down a paw. "Up you come."

I loved how casual he always was with that. Always ready and willing to offer a helping hand. With one hop, I reached his webbing. Another hop took me up into his paw proper. In no time at all, Dad climbed way up to his full height, offering a small step out onto the catering section where Mom stood in wait. Way better, way faster than having to rely on riding the lift section up from ground level.

"Are you enjoying yourself?" asked Mom. "I hope you are."

"Yeah, I am," I insisted. That wasn't a lie. Star's nonsense aside, the afternoon so far had been nothing but cool. "Haven't really spoken much to anyone... mostly I've been enjoying the pool."

"Of course," Uncle Mike sang. "What kinda otter wouldn't? Big or tiny."

Dad snorted, poking his brother's bare, doughy stomach. "And you'd know all about big."

He huffed back, bumping the poke away. "We can't all be skinny rakes, looking like they need to fix themselves a good meal..."

I left them both to it, drifting off, not totally by choice, within myself. That 'tiny' comment hung over me, jarring ever so. It held on just long enough to allow for a moment of pondering or two, leaving me as fast as it came.

Usually, the size thing didn't matter to me much. Sure, logistics were sometimes a pain, and a helping hand like the one I got from Dad always came welcome, but nobody had ever not been there to offer it. More importantly, nobody had ever made me feel bad for it. My stepfather and the family I'd been welcomed into had never been anything less than kind and open. Grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, you name it. For that reason, I could forgive any misjudgment when it came to comments about size.

With all that said, forgiving as I might be, there'd always be one surefire way to get my teeth grinding.

"Leon?" Dad called after me. "Do me a favour, won't ya?"

"Sure?"

"Remember to stick to the shallow end if you're heading back into the pool."

"Yeah, I will," I snipped back. "I have been."

"Look, I know it's a pain, but it's for the best. The deep end's all crowded, and I don't want anything to happen to you, or to Cloud."

"And you told him the same, right?"

"Yes! And I plan to again, if he comes over here."

Bite your tongue, I told myself. Walk away. "...I've never had a problem in any other pool I've visited."

"There's always a first time." Dad frowned. "Just be safe. Stick to the shallow end." His arms folded. "Better that than the Polcian-sized pool, right?"

"C'mon, Roy." Uncle Mike nudged an elbow into his ribs. "Lay off a little." He winked down at me. I smiled. "Leon gets it. We're all here to have fun."

"Yeah, yeah. You play the cool uncle and all--"

"Will do--"

"And_I'll_ play the parent."

"Dad," I growled through my teeth. "I got it. I'll stick to the shallow end, okay?" My soda suffered most with how hard I snatched it from the table. "You might be big, but you don't have to be so overbearing along with it."

"He's just looking out for you, sweetie," said Mom. "That's all."

"Yeah, I know." I didn't look back. The slow lift section Dad had helped me avoid suddenly had a lot more appeal. "I'll be fine."

Yeah, it might have been damp, and I might have got a few more splashes here and there, but my seat at the side of the pool gave me peace from my parents at least. I finished off my soda, letting the waters of the shallow end flick at my dangling feet, choppy as they were. Huh... with so many giant otters swishing and slaloming around the opposite end, creating strong currents even here, I didn't get how Dad could claim the shallow end was anything like 'safe'. These waters were rough, half as deep as most Velikan otters stood tall, and probably five times my own height. Most Polcian-sized swimmers would have struggled here, far better off sticking to the separate pools set aside for us. Not me, though. Not my brother, either, comfortably riding the waves rolling out from the far end. Otters didn't need any of that 'sized down' stuff, not when it came to the water. We proved that by how easily we took to this supposed 'shallow' area.

Knowing that, watching everyone else having fun over in the deep end while sipping soda was tough to take. Not just aunts, uncles and the like. There was my younger sister, of course, having the time of her life over on the diving board. Then we had a fair number of cousins around about our age, racing around the place. Darn it, we even had some of our nieces and nephews, far younger than all of us, free to swim and splash around to their heart's content, in whatever waters they found themselves. But not me. Not the otter who was a member of his school swimming club. I had to listen to those telling me to stick to the kids' section, even when the kids themselves didn't have to! Okay, shallow, deep, at our size, it doesn't really matter I guess... but it's the principle! Why should I be told no, you can't go and join in the fun with everyone else, because we said so and that's final? There was no good reason for it. No reason at all! That did it. I might be small, but I knew I could swim with the biggest and the best of 'em. And I'd prove it to everyone!

"Rudder? Where are you going?"

I didn't bother to respond to my brother. Instead, I kept on marching my way along the long end of the poolside.

"Don't be stupid," he called again. I heard him paddling harder to keep up with me. "Mom and Dad told us to stick to the shallow end."

"And you can stay there if you wanna."

"Rudder!"

My feet reached the red painted marker showing the starts of the change in depth. I'd made it there with a smile.

"Rudder, wait. Hey! It's not safe there with so many bigger..." Cloud whined. "Gods, I can't deal with this."

My brother's voice soon became lost to the sound of our family's ongoing, uninterrupted enjoyment. I passed a few of my younger relatives there at the midpoint, too busy thrashing and fooling around to notice me here up on the poolside. As much as I didn't need all his bellyaching, I figured Cloud was right in as much as I should probably take at least a little care here. So, giving the kids a wide berth, I waited for space before stopping and setting myself at the very edge of that pool. I sucked in air and pumped myself up. Loosened my legs, my arms, then my shoulders. Swung back, then forward, jumped high, arced through the air, and cut the water with the most thrilling, liberating dive, ever.

Even on the slope towards the deep end, I could take myself so deep. Downwards and downwards, and still I wasn't close to the bottom. Man, I felt so free. Free to go all out, to push myself, to carve through the currents and blast my way at full speed in any direction, swishing past larger brown paws and limbs without notice or issue whatsoever. My heart raced with excitement and exertion. An adrenaline high the likes of which even swim meets couldn't touch. Mom, Dad, Cloud: they'd all worried way too much about me. This was easy. I was so deep in my element, I could do anything. Go anywhere. So why not take myself all the way into the deep end?

The waters grew wider, busier. Big otters in every direction, both underwater and on the surface, circling around, crashing into one another with their playing. Still, at my size, I had room down here. I could keep my distance from the livelier members of my family, and keep on swerving with ease past the large, lumbering limb movements of the others.

The adrenaline pumping through me lasted only so long. Soon, I started to feel the strain of my efforts in the wild waters, aching arms and legs asking me to slow down to let them recover. They'd be ready again soon. They always were.

I allowed myself a break. All those currents Cloud and I had been playing with in the shallow end held so much more force this close to their origins. Ribbing Velikan friends over how sluggish and plodding they appeared from my perspective was always fun, but deep down, you couldn't deny nor be amazed by the sheer power they possessed, knowingly or not.

I spread my arms, relaxed, and allowed those strong, relentless currents to roll over and carry me along with them. A gentle exhale sent bubbles fizzing against my face, dancing towards the surface. Closed eyes allowed me full relaxation. Freedom. Pure freedom. A few more moments to enjoy this, I figured, then I'd swim my way up for air--

Something hit me. Something big. From above. The water parted with powerful jets of blinding bubbles. Pressure forced me way down to the bottom of the pool. I struck the tiles. Bounced up hard. Those former currents were nowhere to be found. Replaced instead by what felt like angry, vicious paws grabbing and pulling in every direction. They spun and rolled me. Left me to watch the sky turn to floor turn to sky turn to floor. Numerous otters and their limbs were replaced by just one, crashing through the water like a living tanker ship. Their movement alone dragged me back down with them, no matter how hard or fast I tried to pull myself away. These new currents were way too strong. I couldn't fight them. All I could do was give in and allow myself to be taken along for the ride.

I was okay, I told myself. I could handle this. I'd had practice. Unknowingly, this giant relative of mine had whisked me away to... who knows where, but no matter. I had enough air. Enough to see me through until I surely got free. Don't panic, Rudder. Stop panicking! There was no need to pan--

Another blast of pressure came at me. Threw me violently against the side of the otter towing me. I glanced to its source. A kicking leg, drawing closer and closer, despite my attempts to free myself from these overwhelming currents. It took everything. All of my force and will just to dive the smallest margin. My sore arms and legs had nothing left to give, but I'd done enough to slip beneath those fast kicking feet, passing close enough for me to feel every bit of the pressure they thrust down upon me.

With all this fighting, all of this movement to steer clear, I'd forgotten something most crucial. It wasn't just the otters in the pool that I needed to be wary of. One moment, I was rising towards the wavy sun beyond the surface. The next, no matter how much I kicked my legs or pulled at the water, I drifted left, jerked right, then found myself dragged downwards, as if something huge had snatched at my leg and tugged with all its might.

I had to fight. Through emptying lungs and tiring limbs, I knew I had to fight. My prize was the surface. The light above. Light that disappeared again and again, more and more regularly, beyond the huge forms of passing relatives. I could make it, though. All I had to do was keep giving it my all and I'd cut through these currents like--

No... It couldn't be? My jaw physically dropped. Dread rushed through me. Something rough pressed at the sole of my right foot. I glared down... only to find no more pool beneath me. Just the floor and the floor alone. I'd put everything into this... given my absolute all, just to get sucked right down to the very bottom.

I opened my mouth wider and screamed, blasting out bubbles, what little remained of my air, just for it to rise and be lost amongst all the boat-sized otters swarming above.

Gods, I'd made such a mistake, but I had no time to dwell. I was free, for the time being, from the currents and the forces that'd sucked me in. My heart pounded. I didn't have long. But I did have the floor to offer me some help at least.

With as much spring as I could muster, I crouched down and pushed off. A jump up through the water would only carry me so far. Tired, drained, I put what little I had left in my reserves into paddling towards the open air, as far from any otters as possible. My heart beat faster. Chest got tighter. I'd been under the water for so long that every instinct was telling me to breathe. Thankfully my body still had enough fuel and wherewithal to ignore those demands, at least for the time being.

I wriggled, kicked, pulled, did whatever I could to climb higher. The currents that'd taken me had at least thrown me closer to the poolside; a quieter place with far less traffic to get in my way, or tow me someplace I ought not to be. I'd reached halfway in no time. I was doing it!

The currents were strong, but not strong enough to derail me. Lactic acid ran fierce through every single one of my muscles, forcing them to scream and cry out in agony. Not as loud as the droning alarm sounding over and over in my fuzzing head.

I hacked up a cough. Little if anything escaped my mouth. Three quarters of the way there. Fight harder. Kick faster. Ignore the otter coming in fast. Just get to the light. Get to the surface. Get to air--!

I broke the water with what must've been the longest, deepest and loudest gasp ever, Polcian-sized otter or otherwise. The strong sun kissed all over my short fur. It felt so good. Like nothing before. I sucked down all the air I could get at, feeding my starving lungs.

"Oh jeez. Oh darn." I choked and spluttered, struggling to find the energy to tread water against all the rocking waves. All while the happy chirping and playful screaming of my family rolled out around me.

I didn't have long to get my bearings. Where was the ladder? Where was the shallow end, and the table my parents had been at? At the least, which way to the side of the pool?

As it turned out, I had even less time than I anticipated. Enough only to turn my head left, find the wall of the pool, then get thrown hard the short distance between it and myself.

A booming blast of water rocked my ears. Waves broke against my back, crushed down from above. Caught in a raging river, I barely had time to figure that someone else had dived in. Never mind to throw out my paws and at least try to cushion my impact against the poolside.

A short, sharp pain radiated from my wrists. The thump of my chest against the wall stole most of the air I'd fought so hard to get. My left cheek struck next. Then the rest of my head. It blew all sense from me. For as long as it took me to bounce back towards the centre of the pool, I was a passenger in my own body. Experiencing what I could only describe as my very own personal full system crash.

I recovered enough to think that raising my arms might be a smart move. Through the fatigue, I waved them as far and fast as I could, calling out as loud as possible for help. I couldn't see much past the rocky waters, then even less once the underwater currents returned to reclaim me. The last I heard from the surface were unbroken cries of joy. My efforts had been for nothing, clearly. One Polcian-sized otter in the deep end was very easily missed.

The surface moved further and further away. Tired, physically and mentally drained, the undertow was just too much. Too strong to fight. I changed tack, scanned around for the closest otter to me, and gave it my all to thrash and to wave and to bellow out the biggest bubble jet I could. Surely someone would see me, surely. As large and as fast as they were, they couldn't possibly miss me forever... right?

Otter after passing otter, they proved me wrong. Even those coasting beneath the water, so close that they were practically peering right at me. A few of those passes were close, bringing with them moments of hope quickly dashed by sparks of fear as they brushed past at lightning pace. A few of them knocked me back. Sent me spinning and panicking on a whole different level. Then, disaster really hit. Literally.

Someone dove in, directly above. They blotted out the sun. Thunderously obliterated the surface. Raged down like an enormous, otter-shaped hammer, sending visible ripples of breakneck undercurrents hurtling out from them. I yelled again but found it and myself lost to the ongoing carnage accompanying this big, shadow otter speeding right down at me.

I threw up an arm to block them. Instinct bafflingly ignorant of the hopelessness. An eruption of pressure spun me at speed, sent me tumbling and twirling in a deep, fizzing jungle of blinding air. All I could do was cry out, again, scream for my life... until something clamped around me from all directions.

The spinning stopped. The force crashing into me eased into nothing. I struggled. Pushed out all around me. Only my legs were free to lash out at the water, but it did nothing. I was moving in a direction decided upon by something else. My prodding paws found... pads... webbing. Two and two combined into four. Oh... oh, thank you. Finally, someone had found me, had me in their possession. I grabbed whatever I could of them, silently said my thanks, and clung on as tight as they had done to me.

In darkness, I burst through the surface. Gasping for air had become an exhausting habit. Coughing and choking, too. The paws squeezing at me loosened, allowing me to breathe that much easier. My eyes narrowed to the bright sun beating down. I only had the energy left to drop forward and sprawl out face down in the wide-open palms supporting me.

"What did I tell you!?" The pushing and pulling at me hadn't finished yet. Fingers pressed down on my back, tugging and rolling me over. "What did I say!?"

The big, shadowy blur hanging over me kept on shouting. I was still in recovery mode, snatching at air, eyes struggling to refocus.

"Anything could've happened!"

It's only then I picked up on how quiet things had turned in the pool. All around, I spotted more and more blurry figures. The first thing I managed to focus on were the faces of my family, all wearing that same stunned, slack-jawed expression.

"You're lucky your brother came to get us." I blinked away what remained of the haze. From directly above, Dad snarled down at me, eyes wide and ears splayed flat out. "Stars above, you gave us such a scare!"

He didn't need to tell me that. His yelling came close to faltering more than once. It all sent me shrinking down even smaller in his paws.

"What were you thinking!?" Mom's turn to weigh in. I heard her crying from somewhere even higher above. My head was still such a mess, I had to take a moment to remember which way was up.

I spotted Uncle Michael first, his large frame standing on the poolside, towering over everything. He looked almost as scared as Mom sounded, holding her carefully in his own cupped paws.

"I'm sorry," I managed. My tail tucked itself tight beneath me. I shifted and shuffled, but there was nowhere to turn without having to see gawking faces of concern. "I messed up."

"You're darn right you did," Dad cried, breaking into a heavy, full body-warming sigh. "Don't you dare do anything like that again." He pressed me into his cheek, like hugging for dear life.

"I won't." I returned the hug as best I could while under so much pressure. At least this lung-squeezing sensation felt good on me. "I'm really sorry."

He lifted me up onto the poolside soon after, leaving me to be grabbed into another hug from Mom once Mike had lowered her down to the concrete. I had to hear her say her piece as well of course, reminding me of my mistake, and repeating Dad's fears, all while Cloud, Star and others slowly gathered all around us.

I couldn't blame her for being relieved, nor anyone. But still, despite it all, I had something to say once asked, all over again, "What were you thinking? Going in the deep end."

"I know I was stupid," I said, still sucking down air. "But it's hard to take... when everyone else is allowed."

"It's for good reason," Dad snapped, pulling himself out of the pool with a crashing shift of water.

"I know!" Being thrown back under his shadow knocked my voice down a peg. "It feels... I don't like how it feels. I can swim well... but everytime, always, I'm stuck getting splashed in the shallow end... just because I'm smaller."

"It's not about your size!" Mom said. "It's about being safe."

"I didn't mean to make you mad," Star added, holding our brother in her own paws. "I was playing. The splashing was only playing, Rudderbutt." Her head dropped. "Sorry for making you feel bad. Didn't mean it."

My words were creating more of a stir than I meant for them to. From all except our father, that is. "I wanted to know what it felt like... The deep end, that's all."

Dad dropped down, settling into a seat at the side of the pool, hitting me with a spray of yet more warm water.

"I do, too." We all turned to Cloud, waiting for him to explain. "The deep end, I mean. I've always wanted to swim there, too.

I expected Dad to snap again, or knock the suggestion back in some way. But he didn't. Instead, he sat there, quiet. I swear I saw a flicker in his eyes.

He glanced at Cloud, then back down to me, kinda sad. Almost apologetic, as bizarre as that might sound. It didn't last. A smile soon replaced it. Maybe even stranger still.

For the rest of that day I stayed out of the water, firmly shackled to the buffet table at the far end of the pool. Throughout, I wondered what Dad had been thinking in that moment. Turned out it'd take another week for me to find out for sure...

We made our return to the pool that next Saturday. The refreshment tables had gone. All the otters, too. In their place, swimmers of all species, water goers and not, left free space at a premium. The separate Polcian-sized section had reopened for us smaller swimmers. That wasn't to be my destination, however.

"Are you two ready for this?" Dad looked to me down in his left paw, then to Cloud in his right. He had us both wrapped up in a firm grasp, crouching in the water at the edge of the shallow end.

"Ready!" Cloud replied, firming his grip at Dad's index finger. "Rudder?"

"Born ready," I called back, securing my own grasp.

"Good answer." Dad grinned, shifting back against the pool wall. "Here goes!"

I had myself ready. I had myself set. When the time came to go, though... man, I realised I didn't have any of that at all!

We pushed off hard, rocketing up to full, blistering pace in a heartstopping instant. The warm water crashed into my face, folding around me as the three of us cut through like a hot knife through butter. Dad held me firm throughout. I barely budged in his paw. I could focus totally on the rapid beeline we made straight into the bustling deep end.

We bombed along at such a speed that it was a battle to keep my eyes open against the pressure. I dared not to. I didn't want to miss a second of this. Dad danced through the water, effortless, gliding past the other swimmers at a pace I couldn't hope to achieve, even in my wildest dreams.

My heart was pounding, faster and faster, like it was me putting in the work to flow through the pool at this intensity. I didn't want it to end.

I forced my gaze across to Cloud in Dad's outstretched right paw, watching him cheer with paws in fists stretched out ahead of him, matching our father's pose. A pose I figured would look good on me, too.

I yelled and screamed, like riding an otter-powered, underwater rollercoaster, throwing out blast after happy blast of bubbles into the water. Adrenaline coursed through me for all the right reasons, adding to the relentless, whiteknuckle thrill. In that moment, as we curved sharply around a big, oblivious fox wading in the water, I pondered that for all the difficulties and dramas, for all the feelings of being out of place, being blessed with a family filled with giant otters... it was pretty cool, actually.