Amnesia
#12 of The World Over
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Hello all once again to "The World Over." Here's chapter 12 for you.
Now, before anyone comments: I have midterms to worry about. So for a while there won't be updates. (Though that's changed recently from my 6 month hiatus). I'll try my best to get something up during December. But I make no promises.
Comments are always welcome, as are votes. So read away, and thanks for keeping up with me.
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Chapter 12
Amnesia
A young pantheress trotted home eagerly after a long day's work. Her home was right in the centre of the shantytown, a community of likewise impoverished people. Her medium frame wasn't the best suited for her kind of work but the imperials didn't care one way or another. Making bricks was part of the economy here in Kaa, and she had to do her part just like that well off person she had snatched coins from a second ago as they passed on the pathway. She smiled to herself as she held the tiny bag of coins to eye level before slipping it into a pocket concealed within her long grey cloak.
As she approached the hut she called home she could hear playful yells from two small children. They burst out the front door laughing with their arms spread out wide like birds, each making noises like the parrots that lived in the glades south of the city. Then a large woman appeared in the doorway that called out angrily for the two little ones, Mandhi and Jerath, a female and a male bobcat respectively, to come inside and return the fruits they stole from the pantry.
They were running so quickly and without care that they didn't even realize they were in mid air until Sara was holding them in front of her by the scruffs of their necks.
"You two should watch where you're going or one day I'll gobble you both up," said the pantheress.
The two little kittens giggled playfully and then shouted in unison when they realized their mother was coming closer, "No! Sara! Let us go before momma catches us!"
"You two should know better," said their mother, a plump woman about the same height as Sara. She was wearing tattered clothes held to her waist by a belt and had on her feet two sandals that were showing their use in every stitch. "Stealing food. I raised you better."
Sara turned them around in her grip so that they faced their mother. Their tails slipped between their legs and they instinctively curled up into a ball as best they could.
"But we're hungry momma."
"And I said I was making dinner; now hand over those apples, you know how expensive they are." The woman held out her hands and the two young ones dropped the fruit reluctantly into her waiting palms.
Sara put them down after the fact and watched as they darted away behind the house.
"Thank you Sara dear. If only I was a little younger; I'd catch them myself."
"It's the sixth day in a row Helerna. I think they like it when I catch them."
The woman sighed. "Well, you must be tired, come on in, I'm preparing dinner this very moment, it should be ready by the time Mathias gets back."
Sara had to keep in a smile at the mention of the name Mathias. Though Helerna didn't like it, Sara and Mathias were almost inseparable. Even though she knew that he harboured no feelings for her, she had some for him. For some reason she was attracted to him by his sheer neutrality and calmness. He carried a subtle, yet ever present aura of hope around him. It affected the people around him too. It was partly this fact that she could talk to him about anything. She knew she could express whatever she wanted and he would always respond with some sort of wisdom or calm reflection. She knew that many of the girls in this area, or rather, most of the women, did the same thing. It was something that only he could give people, a piece of something that no one could find anywhere else in this place of petty thieves and even pettier misdoings: pleasurable circumstances.
Sara followed Helerna inside and found comfort in her favourite spot by the fireplace. At some point she had saved up enough and bought herself a pillow in the marketplace for 14 silver pieces, a bargain as pillows went nowadays. It was large enough to seat her and one of the two children at once. But one person could sink right into the feathers under the fabric and the weight would push that person's feet off the ground and for however long a time, that person could forget that they had been stomping through the brick pits all day. Her pillow was more pleasurable than 1000 Mathiases all at once.
It was often too warm during the day in Kaa to run a fire, but now that the sun was setting and the sky was turning purple, everyone at least lit up one piece of wood.
Sara had come to Kaa 10 months ago; washed up on the Gann-Arias Coast one day and was hauled in by a fishing boat. Since then she had been put to work in the brick pits, slopping through mud to wear down the chunks of hardened clay and dirt to better fit the moulds. She had been taken in by this woman, Helerna, and given a place to eat, sleep and for the most part call home. Sara owed Helerna her life, and so in compensation she gave over a healthy portion of her wages, which were not much regardless, to pay for food and taxes.
One thing Sara could not remember though was whatever she had been doing prior to waking up on the fishing boat. They had guessed that she had lost her memory from being unconscious so long, or that she had hit her head off something when she was stranded out in the water. Either way, she only knew that this wasn't her real home. Still, it felt like home, and for however long a time, she was content in calling it such.
Helerna was a simple woman. She woke up every day and cooked, cleaned and took care of Mandhi and Jerath. This was her life. It was because of Mathias that she was able to continue this life without working in the pits, and to him she was eternally grateful. Mathias wasn't related, but was also an orphan like Sara, who had come to Kaa mysteriously and was suddenly deposited here without a past.
The two women talked for a while about their days and about the weather and nothing in particular until the children came running in once again.
"Momma, is dinner ready yet?"
"Yes, yes, but be polite and wait for Mathias to come back," Helerna responded.
"Aw..." the two of them chimed in chorus. They were identical twins and so had practiced their responses so carefully that they could now hold a single conversation at the same time for several minutes.
Then they rushed over to Sara and nearly pounced on her. Her eyes had been closed and she was dosing off a little when they made their move, so she jumped in surprise when she felt their weight on her chest.
"You said you'd gobble us up, but your mouth is too small," said Jerath.
"Yeah, but your mouth is big enough Jerath," retorted Mandhi.
"Hey, it is not!"
"Is too...!"
"You two have too much energy," said a familiar voice in the doorway.
The two children abandoned their perch on Sara and rushed to the door to greet Mathias with a hug.
"Welcome back. I've got dinner ready."
"Okay, thank you. Just let me wash up a bit first," said Mathias, holding the kids under his arms.
He let the two kids down and hung his cloak on a nail in the wall by the door. He left out the back and from the communal well hauled up a bucket of water, splashing it over his face and head to wash away the dirt and dust of the daytime.
"Welcome home," said a female voice from behind him, soft like velvet.
He turned, his face dripping comically with water. Sara stood before him and he smiled, "It's good to be back. I noticed you didn't greet me when I walked in, but you looked like you had one too many children on top of you."
"Two too many actually."
There was a silence for an awkward moment before both of them broke into laughter. Sara came to the well and splashed her face with a bit of water too. Her normally pitch black fur was dusty grey, something she had grown accustomed to remedying only once a week to conserve water. Still, she had urges sometimes to throw herself into the well and be rid of every scrap of dirt on her body.
"The water feels nice after a day like today."
"It does. It was warmer today than usual. Summer's coming," said Mathias.
She nodded in agreement.
"Sometimes I feel like it's not warm enough though. Like I know of summer's far warmer, or even springs far warmer than this."
"Well, you're not from here are you? That probably has something to do with it."
"I know. It probably does. But I can't think of any place I could have come from that would be warmer. All the maps here only detail this continent right? This is the only one." She said this very matter-of-factly as if she truly believed it to be true.
"The only one? Seems like an awful waste of space doesn't it? I kind of like thinking of other places and what they might be like. I think it's interesting."
They both dried their faces on their sleeves.
"You're probably right," said Sara after a while.
"About what?"
"Sometimes I get to thinking about my real family. What would they be doing? I've been here so long, I don't even remember what they look like, let alone where they are. I wonder if they're worried about me sometimes. But then I get sad to think about it because they probably don't know if I'm alive or dead. What if I was just out on an errand when something happened to bring me here?"
"I think it's in anyone's nature to worry about someone they care about when they're not right there with you. But I also think they wouldn't give up hope of seeing you again just like that. It's been a long time, but I don't think parents can ever really give up hope on their child."
He began to walk back to the house, leaving Sara leaning at the edge of the well.
"Mathias," she said in almost a whisper, "Would you worry about me if I were gone?"
He turned slowly and with a tender smile he replied, "Of course. You're an important friend to me Sara. I'd worry about you just like a parent would."
Sara decided to let that be the best thing she had heard all day and followed him inside, an inward smile warming her soul.
Life in the city was more or less the same from day to day. The city of Kaa was immensely prosperous, and it showed. In the upper level anyway. The city proper was walled off by stone at least 20 feet high. The lower city surrounded the walled fortification in populated bursts. To the south and southwest were farmlands stretching for miles and miles. In the other directions were the shantytowns that formed districts in each cardinal direction. Kaa itself, regardless of where you were, was a magnificent sight.
From anywhere, even the low town, the palace could be seen high above the walls. It seemed to reach into the heavens sometimes, but was especially pretty seeing the sun rise or set behind it. The light would make the bricks shine and glow, giving it an almost ethereal hue, to be dampened only by the shifting of the colours of the sky from yellow, to orange, to purple.
Sara lived in the western district.
Sara got up at the crack of dawn with the crowing of the rooster. She had helped Helerna make breakfast and then was off to the pits. She was always on time for the start of work so she had time to casually stroll down the dirt paths and take in the life of the city instead of rushing through it.
On this morning she was stopped when a wagon was passing through. It carried bodies of recently deceased to the gravesites and though it was something gruesome to behold, it was also daily life that people died from overworking or starvation. She happened to spot something, or rather someone, on the wagon that she faintly recognized and as though hit with lightning, her head jerked back violently and she instantly felt an incredible headache coming on.
"Do you know hide and seek?" she heard herself ask.
"Do I?" answered a small lion cub. "It's my favourite!"
"Okay then, I'll count and you hide this time."
"Okay!"
She watched as the little boy darted off and she turned around to count. She vaguely remembered the feeling of dried tears on her cheeks and the feeling of her heart rushing. But from what?
And suddenly she sat straight up in a bed, gasping for breath. Her head spun, and hurt wildly. Her skin felt like millions of tiny needles were pricking her all over. She realized that her arm was asleep.
"Oh my goodness! Sra, are you all right?" came a familiar voice.
She was at home and Helerna was crouched by her side with a small bowl of water and a towel. Sara fell back onto her pillow, her head thumping.
"What happened?"
"You fell unconscious on the street this morning. Luckily someone that knew you carried you back before someone less thoughtful found you. I'm just glad you're alright."
"I had a dream. I saw a little lion cub, and we were playing a game. And... Oh Gods..." she gasped, "That same boy was on the death cart this morning. I saw him with my own eyes. That little boy."
"Are you sure? I mean... could you have mistaken it?"
"No, no, I'm sure. Oh no, Tinmel!" she was crying almost uncontrollably now, and grasped Helerna's shirt, pulling the woman close, sobbing into her chest.
"Who's Tinmel, dear?"
Sara paused for a moment, trying to remember. "The little boy. The little boy on this morning's wagon. He's from..."
"From where Sara?"
"I don't... remember..." Tears started to well up again. "Gods... What if he had something to do with me before I came here? What if we were related somehow? He must have come here the same way?"
After that she couldn't find the words to speak in coherence any more, so Helerna left her alone for a while to change the water and to fix Sara something to eat.
That night Sara stayed in her pillow for hours. Even the children couldn't cheer her up and had left for more interesting pastures, namely their mother's patience. Mathias though, in his infinite soothing ability, sat down next to her and asked her, "What's wrong?"
She paused for a long while before finally saying, "Something hit me this morning?"
"What, like someone throwing something?"
"No, no..." she wasn't mad because she knew he wasn't trying to joke, "I saw someone I knew today, on the death cart, except..."
"Except?"
"Except that I don't know how I know him."
"Well it can be painful seeing someone you know pass on. But remember that he's with the Gods now. He's..."
"That's not the point!" she almost yelled. "The little boy... Tinmel... I remember playing with him. I remember talking to him. What if he was part of my life before I came here?"
There was a long pause. "I don't know how to answer that Sara."
"Remember when I told you that I thought about my family back in my real home?"
"Yes."
"I want to see them again..." she chocked back tears.
He put a hand on her shoulder. "Some day you will Sara. I'm sure of it. You can't be destined to stay here in the mud pits forever."
She placed a hand on his reflexively and looked at him, tears in her eyes. His face was blurry, but she knew he was looking at her as though he had absolute faith in his words.
She couldn't help but lean over and kiss him then. Not forcefully, nor out of want or need or lust, but lovingly. Their lips met and even though neither of them expended that kiss, she pulled back feeling so full of delight that her heart skipped a beat, and she was left breathless. When she opened her eyes she saw Mathias sitting there in the same position smiling at her. He didn't seem like he had minded the kiss, rather he looked as though he hadn't expected it. He smiled at her tenderly, though she felt no love coming from the smile, only the same kind of friendship he always showed. Still, thought Sara, it was better to be like this than to not have him at all.
She found that despite everything that day, talking to him, and having him sleeping in the same room that night (the house was only one room), she could still shut her eyes and fall asleep.
Life proceeded after that smoothly. No more repeats of the falling incident and no more outbursts of tears. Sara still felt sorrow for the little boy, but not more than her usual sorrow for the others dragged away.
It wasn't until about a week had passed that anything more happened.
For the end of planting season in Kaa, festivals for luck and fruitful harvests began. A weeklong celebration of wine, dancing and endless parties. Sara had got Mathias to go with her to one such party and though neither of them knew how to dance they both collapsed onto each other in fits of laughter and fun. Of course, others made their fair share of falling as well, so no one felt truly out of place.
And so they danced and drank into the night.
Helerna had taken the children to another house during the third day of the festival and was staying the night, so Mathias and Sara had the house to themselves. It was on this night of drinking that Sara fell into one of her "moods."
They barged in through the front door, forcing it to swing and bounce off the wall with a thud. Sara laughed as she had at so many other things that night and then stumbled into the house in the direction of her pillow.
"A nap about now would feel so good..." she sighed drunkenly.
"I agree..." replied Mathias, who helped her in despite her forceful independence.
"You always talk like that Math... loosen up a little." She collapsed onto the pillow with all of her sloshing weight and it sent her feet up into the air with the displacement. She giggled again.
"How should I talk then?" he asked.
"Like a drunk. Like me! I'm a drunk! And I'm loving it..." she flung her arms outward and rolled her L's.
"I'm drunk too... but I don't talk like that."
"Well you should. It makes you sexy." She had meant to say 'more sexy' but it came out different.
"You mean I'm not always sexy?" he laughed.
"You're always sexy. And don't let anyone else tell you anyone else."
"You should have stopped at six I think."
"You think too much. Come here and bring that big... sexy... brain... with you and I'll show you what I mean."
He smiled, too drunk to realize what he was walking in to and then flopped down on top of her.
"I'm here. So prove to me that I'm not sexy..."
"Now you're making fun. I said you are sexy."
"No, you didn't..."
"Yeah, I did. I said to... you're heavy..."
He rolled off her and onto the floor. He wore a wide grin and his arousal clearly showed through his pants.
"You know you're sexy, that's why you're tempting me... sly fox..."
"I'm no fox..."
"You're a horny fox is what you are... a dirty, horny... fox..." She giggled, and he giggled back and before either of them knew it she had rolled on top of him and was pressing her groin to his. He gasped and his eyes opened wide for a moment before his hands instinctively moved up and cupped her bottom, kneading the flesh in his palms. '
She was busying herself with getting her shirt off, which, while drunk, is a feat in and of itself. Though his was easier, since his limbs bore no strength to resist. His pants were no different, and slipped off easily once his belt had been untied. Hers was another story. Her manual dexterity was somehow far worse at removing her own clothes than others, so it took some doing to get the last bits of cloth off her body, made more difficult from Mathias's roaming hands.
He didn't have much strength left in him, and so once she mounted him and began moving herself up and down, his hands fell limp and all she could hear from him was deep, heavy breathing. Her eyesight was blurry, moving in and out of clarity every now and then. She found it difficult to keep him up enough to keep him inside her as well, which she had to compensate for by grinding instead of pumping.
After a few minutes of difficulty her sight came back to her and he was lying on the floor passed out. She giggled in drunkenness and leaned in to kiss him, bring him back to life she thought, when her head was sent flying backward and the same kind of sensation as last week rolled over her.
"You know what I saw?" asked a lioness, 9 feet tall at least.
"What?" she answered.
"I saw rape." Her eyes were watery and showed more pity than true anger. There was something about soup and the planned day and then the vision ended.
Sara picked herself off the floor and stared at the unconscious Mathias. She had been thrown back against the floor so she was staring at his nude form lying in front of her. Now that she thought about it...
And another wave hit her harder than the last one.
She saw a boy huddled up against the wall. One eye was permanently closed and against the wall in the corner was a cane. His cane.
"What did I do last night?" she asked.
He didn't answer, only averted his eyes.
Sara vomited on the floor. She felt the wine and she felt the food and she felt guilt. But not about Mathias. It resonated deep within her, from some place she didn't know she had. Her head jerked back again.
An explosion rocked the wooden deck and she felt herself flying against the wall. She managed to grab hold of something heavy and haul herself to the door and swung it open, bracing herself against its frame. Outside was a hailstorm of red light and explosions. From what she didn't know, only that every few seconds there was another one. She could vaguely make out figures being flung across the deck like rag dolls. One in particular, a small boy, a lion, and he was hanging on for dear life to a board of wood that had come lose from the floor. He was crying as he watched others being tossed from the ship to fall to their death.
She lunged for him, just as another explosion rocked where she stood and she too found herself clinging to the board for her life. The ship rocked to the side, and more men fell from the ship into the clouds, screaming horribly.
All around her danced flickering flames. The boy crying. Shut up! And then a voice. The boy with the cane and bad eye. He was running towards them. Even on the near vertical surface it was as if he wasn't affected.
It yelled her name and leapt at her with an outstretched palm. She braced herself and reached for his too when another explosion sent both her and the lion cub flying against the guardrail. She was looking down and all she could see was the blue of the ocean. They had passed the clouds. And the blue was getting big, fast. The child clung to her, and the one eyed boy made another reach, grabbing her arm and pulling at her.
"Hold on," he said, but one more violent explosion sent Sara and the lion cub flying off the edge of the ship.
The last image she could see was the boy reaching out his hand for hers in desperation and screaming her name into the last fireball before the ship was completely obliterated.
Sara rolled and screamed in unconsciousness. Her dream shook through her body like an earthquake, and when it had finally ended she laid sprawled out on the floor, blood rushing from a gash on her forehead, and no longer moved.