FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

A catchy intro theme plays and a mean looking white wolf in a red bowtie appears on the TV screen. The white wolf says, "Welcome to the Zoological Funhouse." The wolf dances on his four legs as the audience applauds. The wolf waves a paw and the crowd quiets down. He says, "My name is Sugar. I'm the host and what I say goes. How about we find our first participant to transform."

The camera pans to the audience and a spotlight circles over them. People wave their arms and yell. The spotlight stops on a human security guard standing in front of the audience. Sugar say, "Hey it picked Phil!" Phil looks around and says, "What? No. Am I standing in front of someone?" Sugar says, "Phiiiiiil! You signed the waver. How about we make you something more capable of holding back the crowd?"

The crowd laughs as Phil is grabbed by his coworkers and roughly dragged onto the stage. Sugar looks Phil up and down then says, "I'm seeing a bear. Throw him in guys." Phil is roughly shoved in a transformation booth. Sugar says, "What type of bear should we make him?" The crowd yells answers and Sugar asks, "Did I hear someone say a Care Bear? Let's do that!"

A stagehand slides goggles onto Sugar and the wolf sits on a chair behind a computer console. Sugar presses buttons with his paws and the booth hums to life. The crowd gets drowned out as the bass roar rocks the room. A flash of light from the porthole on the booth's door signifies the process is complete. Sugar walks over to the door and the stage hand pulls it open for him. Sugar sits with a smile looking into the foggy booth as the mist clears. Poking it's head out of the booth a huge polar bear looks around.

Sugar exclaims, "Phil! Get out here and show yourself off." Out of the booth lumbers a large polar bear with black claw scars covering his head, neck, chest, and front legs. Sugar says, "Uh oh, something must have gone wrong!" The crowd laughs and Phil stands up to tower over them. The crowd's laugh gets nervous as the people in the front row slouch down in their seats. Sugar asks, "How do you feel?" Phil stokes his belly and says, "I'm hungry." Sugar says, "A polar bear can eat up to 50 kilograms in one meal. That's a lot of burgers!" The crowd laughs.

Walking back and forth across the stage, Phil shows off his massive body. Sugar says, "I have a surprise for you Phil! Your wife is here." Phil looks at Sugar with surprise and says, "Oh no! How am I going to tell her what happened to me!" Sugar says, "I don't think you have to worry about that. She volunteered to become a bear just like you." Sugar turns to the side of the stage and yells, "Come on out Ling Ling."

From the side of the stage, a beautiful Laotian woman walks out wearing a bikini and high heels. The crowd whistles and cheers as she gives a wave. Sugar exclaims, "Hello hello. You did very well for yourself Phil." Sugar stands on his hind legs and hugs her. He rubs the side of his head against her tits. She laughs and hugs him back. Phil yells, "Hey, that's my wife!" Ling Ling lets go of Sugar as Phil walks towards them. Sugar hides behind her.

Ling Ling says, "You're so adorable now!" Phil quickly forgets about Sugar as Ling Ling hugs his head. Ling Ling says, "Your fur is so soft! Stand up so I can hug you more." Phil stands on his hind legs and she presses her back against his belly. Ling Ling grabs his paws and starts rubbing them up and down her bikini clad body. The crowd whistle and cheers at the slightly inappropriate display.

Sugar says, "Ling Ling are you ready to join your husband as a bear?" Ling Ling says, "Give me five more minutes of this!" The crowd laughs as she sensually rubs against the ugly polar bear. Sugar says, "Imagine how good it would feel to also be a bear." A stage hand holds open the transformation booth and Phil pants as he watches her walk across the stage towards it. Ling Ling climbs in and the booth comes to life. Sugar uses his paws to rapidly press buttons and says, "Let's set it on hot asian bear and see what happens."

The bass roar returns and with a flash of light, the booth turns off. A stage hand swings open the door and a panda come padding out. Sugar says, "Wow! How lucky can a guy get?" Ling Ling walks over to Phil and the smaller panda bear hugs him. Sugar looks into the camera and says "We'll be right back after these commericals!" The three animals walk backstage as the crowd applauds.

As soon as they are off the stage, Phil says, "I can't believe I let you talk me into doing this stupid show." Sugar says, "It was pretty fun right?" Ling Ling asks, "Did you hire a stripper to play the human version of me?" Sugar says, "Yeah, Diamond is great." Phil laughs and says, "Oh yeah, that's where I recognize her from." Ling Ling slaps a paw against Phil and says, "Why would you even be going to strip clubs as a polar bear?" Phil answers, "The advantage of being an animal is that strippers love to touch my luxurious fur coat." Sugar snorts, "You sure didn't follow the care instructions and tore up the front half of it."

Phil rubs a paw across his scars and says, "Why would people even believe a freshly transformed person would come out all scarred up?" Sugar says, "Suspension of disbelief. I couldn't have the actors strip naked either now could I? Some details need to be fudged for the show." Troy the Moonbear looks out from the greenroom and asks, "When is it going to be my turn to climb out of the booth?" Ling Ling answers, "Your up next, sweetie."

The trio gets waved back on stage as the commercial break ends. Sugar looks over the audience and says, "Phil and Ling Ling love their new bear bodies." The spotlight on the audience focuses on a 12 year old boy raising his hand. Sugar asks, "You have a question?" The boy says, "Panda bears are actually raccoons." Ling Ling yells, "You're a raccoon!" The crowd chuckles. Sugar says, "How about we make that literally true? Grab him boys!"

A stage hand grabs the small boy and carries the stunned child to the transformation booth. The kid bangs on the inside of the door as Sugar jumps behind the console to slap his paw on a button. With a hum and a flash the booth does it's job. Troy the Moon Bear walks out from the mist and Sugar says, "Oh no! It must have gotten stuck on Asian Bear!" Troy covers his head with his paws and says, "My mom is going to freak out!" Sugar says, "Don't worry about it. You can always go live in the woods." The crowd erupts into laughter at the kids misfortune. Sugar laughs and dances on his paws as he enjoys how much the crowd loves him.

With a start, Sugar awakens in his bed. Sugar's grandson, Ivan, stands over Sugar and whispers, "Dedushka, you were kicking me in your sleep!" Sugar looks around his dark room at the petting zoo and realises that it was all a dream. With a heavy sigh, Sugar says, "Sorry." Ivan lays back down against Sugar and quickly gets comfortable. Sugar thinks about the idea for producing his own show. He quickly pushes the idea away when he remembers he has too many skeletons in his closet to become more than a minor local celebrity.

An urge to buy a red bowtie flairs up and he admits to himself that it would probably look good against his white fur.