FSE

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I AM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THIS SHIT. Every day it's the same thing with them. They go off to work, struggle to make a decent amount of money, then come home to take out all the anger they had on me. Its like I'm a target here with big red and white rings painted on my back, outlined with flashing black and white colored led strobe lights. Everyday is a battle for my sanity, while I helplessly cling on to whatever bit of control I have managed to retain throughout the years. It starts off waking up every day to find that my carefree sisters, whom NEVER stay home anymore might I add, I see so much less of them it's like I don't exist. The 7-8 year age gap allowed me to grow up with them and do so many fun things, but now as they are 26 and 27 their lives revolve around their pets, work, or boyfriends. I'm not important anymore, they don't care anymore, I went from the most fun and love filled siblings to negligent and irritable, never smiling, or spending time with me. Any time they choose to spend ends up having their boyfriends and friend's children joining. And just like that once again I'm outcasted. Anyway, after waking up I'll find them either gone or rushing to finish getting ready. I go downstairs to find a patronizing and judgmental grandfather taking over the kitchen with his specialty dish, fish soup XP. Gag me. Finish getting ready to hide the depression and suicidal thoughts behind a façade of rainbows joy glitter and smiles coated in sugar that everyone at school believes. As per usual, a select few will notice the gloomy cloud of doom looming over my head, but they know I'm too mentally unstable to take about it. So they leave me be because, 'who cares that he isn't feeling ok?' 'who cares if he's suicidal?' 'I sure as hell don't.' and thus begins the first 5 hours of torturous hell that is high school. Life goes on around me as if I'm invisible, a ghost that no one pays mind to, or at least I want it to be, instead I'm surrounded by nosy and annoying people who are just looking to gobble up the next bit of juicy and delectable delicacy that is gossip. After suffering a whole day of this, I return home and immediately run to the bathroom to wash my bloodshot eyes from all the crying that went on throughout the day. Afterwards, walking out to find 2 parents exhausted from working all day and have no one but me to take it out on. It's like I have to be the targeted cause lord knows what would happen if my temperamental sisters got yelled at. Somehow, I last the night and make it to the next day. I expect something to be different, a small change, but no, nothing ever changes. Take the day I went through before, rinse and repeat until eternity. Nothing will change. My parents and family never cared, they wont care now, and probably never will. And I'm a fool for thinking otherwise. THIS, is the ugly truth, and this, is the life I, Tyler, live.