FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

"Are you ready James?" asked Mr. Rodersten.

"Y-yeah," muttered the boy, "so...whut do I do?"

"Just follow our instructions, do not worry, you are safe here. Alright everyone take your places and we shall begin shortly."

Standing in a ceremonial room with ancient carvings of stone, James watched a mixture of rexes, brachiosaurs and stegosaurs carefully set up a small tunnelled archway resembling a garden trellis. Hardened wood wrapped in brimstone and ancient flowers woven between the twisting branches to give off the constant scent of warm flames in a prehistoric forest. The walls of stone resembled trees clustered together, the faintest shards of light coming through windows peeking between the sculpts that gave a sombre glint to the entire scene. Miriam stood beside the raptor and petted his shoulder.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" the cheetah asked.

"N-no...but I have to."

"If this is uncomfortable for you we can stop."

"No. I have to do this."

"We're here if you need us," a human's hand gripped his other shoulder, "just tell us alright James?"

"O-okay...thanks mister John."

"Youuuu can just call me John if you want."

"Okay."

"Same for me too," said the zebra bending down beside him, "you just tell us what you need."

"You didn't have to come," he muttered wringing his hands.

"I think every parent should be there for their children's needs. You need this, so we're here to support you."

"O-okay...thanks Lisa."

They petted his head one after the other before they stood by the door, an allosaur waiting patiently with med kit on standby whilst the Pangaeists set up the ritual.

"Soooo what can happen during this?" asked Lisa to the medic.

"Don't worry," the allosaur cooed, "at worst he might get a little singed if one of the brimstones gets too hot, really I'm just here as a precaution."

"Are you sure?" asked John. "It doesn't seem like much trouble."

"Sometimes you can have a regression go a bit too far, very rarely but there are a few who don't react well to it. I'm just here to make sure that IF that happens we got some sedatives here for them to help calm them down."

"That's good," Miriam sighed leaning against the wall, "your um, chief said normally this wouldn't happen until James was sixteen."

"We all thought it strange too," said the medic drumming his kit, "but from what we heard about James, if we can help him through this then we should."

"Silence please." Rodersten put up his arms in full purple sleeves as he approached the raptor. "Child. You have come to seek knowledge and peace from the mercy of Cxulubcah."

"Y-yes?" he whimpered uncertain.

"Repeat after me. Blood become ash. Ash become light. Bone become dust and so we knew the great fire."

"B-blood, become ash. Ash become light. Bone...become dust a-and we knew the great fire."

"Good. I take you now, to the lands where we once walked as kings." Adrian brought out a bowl of wet ash in his hand. "Where darkness never came and the cold never stayed, never touched...until the great fire burned its dust and took the sun away."

A lone voice started to sing as a stegosaur began her hymn, joined by two other males that filled the room with their timberous melody. Rodersten dipped his claw into the ash before smearing it upon James' head, tenderly stroking the soft scales down to the end of his snout as he smelt the traces of fire.

"The fire took our flesh," he continued, "the fire took our home and so wounded us, but our ancestor's souls were saved by Cxulubcah's light, his own fire warm and safe, not harsh and burning. We must remember the sacrifice of our ancestors, who watch over us from Pangaea. Believe in Pangaea, believe in ourselves for it is by the grace of Cxulubcah that we were born anew into this world, to respect the land, and to walk amongst others as equals."

He gripped James' shoulders and turned him towards the long dark tunnel of wood and brimstone.

"Now, step forth, James Robert Campbell. Pangaea calls you, Cxulubcah summons you into his warm embrace."

"O-okay," he whimpered.

"Become our tribe once again. The hearts of ancients sing for your peace and so you shall recall the paths your ancestors took. Follow them James. Follow your ancestors and recall the fire from whence it came."

He let go of James as the raptor stepped into the dark. The smell thickened within his nostrils as his eyes watered from the heat singing across his face. Flowers came briefly as soft-honeyed scents that led him on and became strangely sweeter against the bitter ash that lied underneath. The choir of three continued on from outside as he walked further in, his tail swishing softly from their soothing melody as the firey scents thickened to a smog that made him cough partially. Wood began to crackle, gently twisting against the heat of the brimstone that splintered all around him as he felt something pull at the back of his mind. Something familiar. Something he never knew.

"H-hello?"

The darkness began to fade, the wooden tunnel showing itself above his head as he kept walking to the end feeling it longer than it actually was as he tried to remember the room he had once been in. But then he saw something green. Something fresh. Something he never knew.

"W-wha...m-mister Rodersten? M-miss?"

Ferns brushed against his side as he saw a great forest, tall imposing trees standing before the evening sun that bathed the world in liquid fire. Puddles became amber under his feet, a path already laid out for him within the darkening forest that curved to his right as the sounds of chanting voices turned greater in his head to drown out his thoughts. He caught a scent of something. Someone familiar. Someone he once knew.

The raptor ran with a sudden spurt, pounding claws into the undergrowth as he felt a strange energy in his body, leaping over fallen logs and swiftly dodging round hidden pits he could somehow sense before even seeing them. His body took on a strange gait, bending forwards with stronger legs that scattered dirt and leaves behind him as the voices rose to a crescendo. There was a cave in the depths of the forest where he found the trace of the scent. Calling him. Beckoning.

The cavern descended in a gentle slope as he turned cautious, stepping beyond the light's reach as his claws clicked against the floor with the sounds of a rumbling depth burning in his ears and the fresh scent of seawater beyond the dark. The child hurried on through the tunnel as the sounds of the ocean seethed beyond the subterranean walls. His arms stretched out to feel along the walls and guide himself further, trying to fight against the visions of fear his mind conjured as shadows and demons slowly filled up the hall around him. Bodies that crushed him, suffocating against his chest with a deep deadening weight as he felt the hallway turn thinner, his hands forced into a tightening space as the droning shudder from outside deafened his thoughts, voices became muffled in the echoing hall that became claustrophobic, crushing against his body as my breaths became short and I stumbled farther until he grabbed me.

"Hey, you alright?!"

I clutched for his body and held close to his chest.

"Jeez dude calm down they'll think we're married."

I tried to laugh, but I forgot how to in that moment and just seized up on the spot.

"Oooookay buddy come on, we're almost there just hold on tight."

He pulled me with a gentle force, my feet dragged behind as the sound of a monstrous roar echoed behind me. I kept thinking it was a dream.

"Flight one-oh-seven is now boarding."

The place didn't smell like I thought it would.

"Flight one-oh-seven to Johannesburg."

I always thought airports smelt like hospitals. I hated hospitals.

"All passengers for flight one-oh-seven please proceed to gate nine."

It's funny how focusing on things I hate actually calmed me down more than hope ever did.

"Come on dude, we're almost free."

Not as much as his voice. His voice always helped me more than anything. He pulled me through the darkness and we step out towards a hall with a gate, light shining down from windows with guards on either side of a metal frame, a fox and two badgers that look like mall cops. I knew they weren't going to let me through. Sorry your passport wasn't cleared. Sorry we don't allow Canadians in this country. Sorry we just had a call from some "people", you have to go back home. I looked to their guns, the fox closest to me I could grab his holster and put it to my head before anyone could stop me.

"Next please."

I knew he'd understand. He knew I could never go back. The passport machine does its thing, scans, stamps, whatever it does, beeps up green because of course my friend can go through. Then it's my turn.

"Next."

He wanted to tell me something, but he worried how it looked in front of airport security. They're paranoid for a reason, like me, so I did my best to steady my nerves and hand over my passport. Scan. Stamp. My body already moved towards the fox and my fingers stretched ready to grab his gun.

"Alright yer through. ...sir?"

I froze up, trying to process what he said before my friend shouted at me.

"HEY, come on you're holdin' up the line!"

"U-UHhm, s-sorry!"

"It's his first time," he turned to the guard patting me on the back, "he still can't believe the plane actually landed safe, dude passed out twice on the flight over."

"Nae prob," the fox waved me through, "welcome tae Scotland, enjoy yer stay."

"Um, th-thank you."

I stepped through staring at my passport, trying to find a problem, something they missed that they should've noticed, something that should have made them refuse me but I found nothing. Stamped with approval I looked upon my own face, haggard at 26, grey eyes and old bruises only I could see. Gerald Campbell. Born Canadian, June 18th, 3454.

"We gotta get you a new picture dude."

The voice of my friend pulled me back as he stepped up beside me and put his arm round my shoulders. Tall green triceratops, brown leather jacket with the tassels that I hate. I missed seeing his glasses, he started wearing contacts which is something I never understood.

"See you're alright we got through!"

"I don't feel like it," I murmured.

"What do you feel then?"

"...sick," I clutched my stomach and pulled at my coat, "maybe I got a flu, oh god what if I brought a disease in they'll send me back-"

"Noooo no no no," he pulled me close, "you're safe here now come on, they can't come for you."

"You don't know that."

"I know Gerald. I do know...I won't let them come to you. They come for you I'm gonna kill them. I promise you."

I know he would. I've never seen him fight but I know he would. Whether he COULD was the problem. Charlie Henderson was the only friend I ever had, and therefore the only one I could trust, the only one who went that extra step to go beyond the pale for my sake. Shame that never happened later in life. Maybe things would have been different.

We walked down the halls of the airport, him holding me close like a child with our luggage together, frightened and helpless, feeling so small beside him more than usual. He was a foot-and-a-half taller than me so he could easily shield me with his body. The only person I'd ever let hold me, at least back then as we passed through the terminal of waiting lines crisscrossing in neatly-folded sections where posts connected to black belts in a row, giant windows of glass showing an overcast sky where planes rumbled past. Anthros and humans mixed together, stressed with luggage, children running between lines whilst parents frantically force them still between talking to clerks at the desk and checking if their partners have the tickets. The noise was overwhelming, screams of frustration against cries of relief when people hugged across the terminal, the tannoy sounding off with the loudest monotone. It really was as bad as the movies made it out to be. We saw our surnames written on a sign carried by a stoat.

"Ey there!" He shook my friend's hand first. "Ahm Gary, good flight?!"

"Yeah we managed," said him, "nice to meet ya I'm Charlie an' this is Gerald."

"Nice to meet you," I put my hand out, "I...didn't expect anyone from the company to come."

"Ah mean migh' as well," the stoat shrugged, "get yous settled in 'fore you start workin' fer us ken? Plus ah can telt you 'boot thuh company an' whit sorta place yer workin' at."

"Fine by me," Charlie waved dismissive, "long as I get to hear foghorns blowing through my skull everytime I file my index, I'll be good as new."

"Hahaaa nae danger there pal!"

We moved outside and for the first time I saw the city we would be living in. The air was cleaner here than back home, the buildings were low and a great shining estuary stood southwards directly alongside the airport. A mountain overlooked the city from the north where I saw a shining red beacon in the darkening sky thinking we had come late. Then I remembered it's 4pm in November.

"Ahhhh smell that dude?!" Charlie slapped my back firm. "That's sum good seawater, right there."

"We always lived near the sea," I shrugged.

"Yeah but now it's a DIFFERENT sea!"

"Still smells like salt to me."

"You'll feel better once we settle in, come on let's go."

We step into a hovercar after the luggage was packed in the back, the stoat from the company driving us as Charlie sat beside me on the rear seats. I don't like sitting up front, I worry about the glass, having read too many risk assessments to feel safe in front. The first thing I saw of the city when we rolled out the airport was its great sign, proclaiming itself as "DUNDEE, THE CITY OF DISCOVERY". I saw the North Sea to the east, a long bridge spanning over the estuary whilst the city of Dundee built up around us. The gentle hum of the hovercar soothed me, barely, but it soothed me. The city felt like home, but a different one, it was home beside the sea with buildings of the same style, 19th century preserved the best way possible. We passed briefly through the city centre where grand stone buildings and storefronts stood with all types of food from across the world and a shopping mall opposite a bus stop. The city expanded out to sea with giant rigs that had once been used for fossil fuels in the past, now converted into floating streets that eked out onto the river. Wind turbines dotted the cityscape, tall stridant guardians with angelic wings. Our destination was somewhere north through several parks closer to the industrial estate, where garages clashed with textiles for spaces, hardware stores and electronic companies. Then I saw it. Termon & Termon, two names and an ampersand that made my heart sigh with relief. The driver told us about its history as a branch, the services nearby, the higher-ups we'd be working with in a half-joking manner. I just wanted to sit behind a desk without fearing for my life.

"Arigh' that's whurr we live!" said the stoat.

"Wait you live there?" asked Charlie.

"Aye well number o' hoors we put in we might as well ken?!"

"Hahah, should we bring blankets to work then?"

"Ah mean if ya needin' a kip beneath yer desk ahll nae telt ya!"

We parked in a shared lot and headed over to the company with a third of our luggage. Too similar to the place I worked back home, making my heart start to shake until Charlie gripped my shoulder to bring me back. We met the receptionist, taken up to seventh floor where we met the majority of our co-workers including the boss, a sharp-looking hyena with a cane.

"HeHEYYYY welcome to Termon & Termon," his American voice punched our ears, "my name's Tom, it says Burnquist on the door but just call me Tom."

"I'm Charlie Henderson, this is Gerald Campbell," Charlie always shook hands first, "thank you so much again for taking us on."

"Heheh no problem, honestly when I saw your report I thought 'these canucks are givin' me a gold egg for the price of a lead weight', so I was definitely taking you on for our branch."

"I mean yeah I'M pretty good, but Gerald's the real deal here, you saw his report yah?"

"I did, not gonna lie he's a real deal-sweetener," Tom pulled out a flask from his pocket and sipped mid-sentence, "mmmngh, I mean you alone woulda been great but BOTH the legendary boys that solved the Cracknell dispute?! My wife woulda made me put one of you back on the shelf for being TOO good a deal, haha!"

"Well we're very glad to be here," Charlie bowed and I did too, "so uhhh do we have an office?"

"Right over here."

Our boss led us through hallways of wooden doors and foggy glass before we reached a lone room with two desks and a filing cabinet within.

"Need anything else just talk to Michelle, she's always stickin' her nose in every hinge so much it's bent out o' joint, hahaaaa I'm kidding she's a good girl just eager to check up on ya."

"So we're just putting oor stuff down yah?" Charlie put down our stuff. "Cuz we still got the apartment to check on-"

"Oh yeah yeah just get yourselves sorted first and registered an' all that shit, you start this Thursday officially so take your time, relax, get used to the city."

"Sure, sounds skookum, got any places you recommend?"

I didn't pay attention to the places he listed off. I wanted to find a bed just to fall under the sheets and never come out again. We left the office, our driver took us over to our address, a quiet street down someplace south. Blackness Road, number 283. There was a park, a hospital and a school all of which made me thankful. Public places to run to if I needed help.

"Wow they got a chesterfield here!" Charlie pulled our luggage through. "NICE, saves us a bit o' furnishing!"

"Previous owner didnae wan' it," said our collie landlord, "decided tae upgrade themselves to them fancy lot up in Downfield. Anyways yer payment's all sorted, if ya need anythin' just gimme a shoot."

"No worries thanks, we really appreciate it."

There was a living room with a kitchen in the corner, a bathroom and a single bedroom. I was afraid to be too happy, but that one bed made me smile for the first time since our arrival once we were done unpacking.

"Woah woah what's this?" Charlie tipped my head up to face his. "Is that a smile on your face, did someone in your family die?!"

"Pffft, Ch-charlie no!"

"Awww well here's hoping, hey let's head down and grab oorselves a twofer."

"Can we rest for a bit?" I leaned against his chest. "I'm tired."

"Aww...poor baby," he patted my back and led me to the sofa, "alright let's siddown for a bit an' see what they got over here."

The sofa was nice and cold, soothing my aching muscles as he pulled me close whilst we watched Scottish TV. All the accents we laughed at, some much thicker than others, but all of them we understood, game shows and sitcoms and odd commercials that we found strangely charming for how subdued they were compared to the crap we saw back home.

"What you think of our new boss?" Charlie asked.

"I don't like him," my arms crossed tighter, "no work ethic."

"Yeaaaah he seems kind of a dick, but he loves us which means we should get a lotta shit done without being hassled."

"He pulled out a mickey in front of us."

"Well yanno what Americans are like, none of them are keeners, that's what we're for."

"You really think I should change my passport photo?" I pulled it out to look again.

"Uhhhh, yeah dude," Charlie scoffed, "let's have you NOT look like a bluenose for once."

"Mmmm, true but, I'd rather not get deported halfway through the photo op."

"Nah they only do that if your picture's bad, I mean worse than this."

"Dammit," I cupped my face, "what the hell was I on when I took this?"

"Well this was after you kicked your math habit."

"KhhhehahaH_AAA!_"

I laughed too loudly, too sharply from all the pressure in my chest. I clammed up and shrunk into the sofa, but Charlie pulled my head against his chest and noogied me. We went out only once, finding the nearest shops and familiarising ourselves with this new place whilst getting all the basic groceries for at least two days of provisions. Kids stared at us when we talked, adults didn't care except the one or two we spoke with who were pleasantly surprised by our origins. Even the beer tasted better in this city, despite it being the same brand we had back home until our brains became foggy.

"I wasn't sure if you wanted your own," said Charlie looking at our bed.

"No." I gulped back trying not to smile. "No this is good, I...I-i like this."

"You really don't mind sleeping in the same bed as me?"

"If I did we would've gotten different rooms in college."

"Yeah...I just wanted to make sure."

He always hugged me at the end of each conversation. I didn't like it at first, because he was the first person to ever hug me and I had no idea what to do. Now they help me sleep, such as the night when we first moved in and he pulled me close. I knew his feelings for me, that was never a secret even though I couldn't reciprocate, but it's because of those feelings I knew that he was genuine. I never slept naked, nor did he which suited me just fine with his boxers and my briefs as we went under the covers and he kept me close.

"Feel good Jer?" He asked me always before we went to sleep.

"Y-yeah." I pulled tighter against his chest.

"We'll head oot tomorrow, get used to the sights, see that shopping centre we passed."

"Can we just never leave this room?"

"Awww come on dude we're free now you gotta loosen up."

"I'm trying. I just...I just wanna sleep, in peace for once."

His hands wrapped tighter round my body.

"We can stay inside tomorrow, okay?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Alright. G'night sexy."

"G-goodnight...handsome."

I never left that bed for the next day. It felt like a haven of peace from the world where I could just pretend that nothing else existed, apart from me and my friend Charlie. We only left to take care of our bodies, but beyond that we read books, we talked, we laughed. I cried sometimes but Charlie always brought me back to laughing. The first days we spent in Dundee were slow but peaceful, at least to everyone else whilst I was constantly on edge expecting my world to come crashing down at any moment. The second day we explored the sights of the city, taking a long long walk around its busiest centres. Two shopping malls on opposite ends of the high street with fast food, jewellers, clothing stores, taverns, toy shops and the Caird Hall overlooking a great plaza where few people sat. I thought it was a museum at first for how austere it looked with its old pillars and sloping roof. There was a dragon statue, marked to be a thousand years old with its tail wrapped, said to be a symbol of the city's strength to remain standing through such arduous times. Everyone patted the statue's head in passing, said to be a good luck charm. I patted it twice.

We wandered down to the seafront where the streets opened up to cafes and pawn shops, music stores that sold revinyl discs alongside digital players and bustling quay where ethnic shops floated on the water. There was an old ship in the harbour, preserved after 1300 years to remain afloat by the grace of some god that people came back and forth from. Charlie pretended to be a pirate, I told him this wasn't even the right time period, he called me a landlubber and we took some photos. I had to admit, Charlie was right in that the sea was different in Scotland, tasted cold but sweet on the breeze, not like back home when it was sharp and icy.

The airport was someways out west, blinking its lights from the tower as planes rolled back and forth above buses and hovercars that rumbled through the streets. We read up information boards, we ate fish and chips, we found a movie theatre in town just down the street from a traditional theatre and looked up what was on for later, pleasantly surprised to see indie movies running as we made a note for the times we could come. The university just along the road had an open day showing a collection of feral beasts from the old days before Dr. Karenn's work. We saw fossils of our ancestors, joked about which of us was the meat-eater then kept wandering. We saw a Pangaeist church once. We never went down that road again. We walked onto the floating streets down by the quay to embrace the North Sea, we took a bus out east towards a township called Broughty Ferry, a quiet town by the beach where there was a castle out on the sandbar. We had ice cream. We had paninis at a cafe. We returned home exhausted but happy. So happy that I became nervous again but Charlie brought me back, talking about all his favourite things about Dundee since we arrived, all the streets we walked, all the little things we bought and the odd episode of a TV show we got really into. Once we started work, I was much more at peace. I like to work more than anything, it helps distract my mind from the rest of existence.

My first client was a human telling me about his new patent, a treadmill exercise game disguised as an arcade cabinet. It sounded good at first, something to keep youngsters fit at the arcade, something to please the parents as an excuse to let them go. There's just one problem. This man is an idiot. Everyone is an idiot. My job as patents attorney was to prevent idiots from hurting themselves on contraptions that idiots make, by installing safeguards and precautions in the planning stages. I also prevent idiots from libellous lawsuits by altering their design enough to not be sued over in court, or discover other patents that are too similar to my own idiot's and then sue those other idiots in court. It's a thankless task, but one that saves lives and lawsuits down the line even if people don't know it.

"So, what do you think?"

I gloss over his poorly-made blueprints. There were seven problems already with his design. This axle will break someone's shin, that screen is too close to the player, this footing I need to know what material it's made out of. I ran through my script of technically-true-without-insulting.

"Well it seems to be a working concept, definitely marketable with the right fixes on it. I'm interested to see how this works in action, in fact I would like to set up a further meeting with you concerning a prototype so we can iron out a few of the bugs."

"Oh there's no bugs in it, don't worry about that-"

"It's just a formality sir, we do it with every product you understand, gives us a physical structure to work with so that way we can estimate how much better we can optimise it if at all needed, like say this axle here."

"The what now?"

I struggled not to scream as I tightened my neck.

"Don't...worry about it, do you have a model I can inspect more fully for a better estimate?"

"Yeah I have one at home, you want I should bring it or-"

"We'll come to you," I just wanted him to leave, "what time is good for you?"

"Uhhhh...I got a free day next Wednesday at round maybe four?"

"I would prefer three, just because my work ends at five."

"Alright then cool, three it is!"

I make a note and shake his hand wishing him well. This product will never see the light of day, his dream will be crushed over a long realisation of lacking the talents and programming skill necessary to complete it. The best I can do is soften the blow and encourage him to try again, until the clock signalled the end of work and I left with my friend.

"Soooo how'd your first victim go?" Charlie stretched his arms.

"He's a moron," I said filing papers in a briefcase, "won't last the planning process, he didn't even know what an axle was."

"Are you SERIOUS?! The guy wants to make an exercise game and he can't even figure that?!"

"I know, I'm already figuring out how to let him down gently."

"Well maybe some chocolates, maybe a movie?" Charlie grinned nudging me. "Tell him it's not him it's you and all that?"

"Would that work on you?" I poked his belly.

"Anything you do would work on me sexy." He pulled my tie pretending to kiss me. "Sooo you wanna catch that movie after?"

"Sure, which one was it again?"

"The Winds of Space."

"Ooooh," I made a brief smile, "damn when was the last time we saw a sci-fi?"

"Like, college dude," he elbowed me soft, "remember that Centaurus marathon?"

"Oh my god that was the best, I wish we could do that again."

"We could, just get a subscription for our TV!"

"A-alright, sure-OH, damn!" I clapped my hands excited. "The new season of Sandy Mann's started I have to catch up!"

"Awww god they still making more of those, hell yeah alright I'll set it up tonight!"

"Theeere's my two Canucks," Tom came snaking his way from behind, "settling in alright?"

"Sure are sir, thanks."

"Hey-ey, call me Tom, it's all good, see you handled your first clients."

"Nothing too major," I waved my hand, "I haven't done arcade cabinets before though."

"Yanno there's an arcade up at the Overgate," Tom drank his flask again, "if you wanna get better detail on how those work."

"That's a good idea, thanks sir."

"Just Tom, please, alright you boys have fun, don't get up to any mischief!"

"We'll try!" Charlie waved him off before giving me a throat-cut motion. "God what is with that guy?"

"I know," I muttered as we stepped in the lift, "trying to be oor friend but also oor boss, no."

"Yeah it's kinda weird, also he makes a lotta jokes about his wife."

"Yeah that's sorta gross eh?"

"Yanno we got time before the movie, you wanna check oot the arcade?"

"You mind?" I knew he wouldn't as we stepped out the door.

"Nah let's check it oot, cummon," he slapped my shoulder, "maybe sink a few caps."

"I think they're called queens here."

"These guys don't even HAVE a queen, her tomb's down in England!"

"I didn't make up the currency, I'm not a banker."

"Thank god you ain't, you'd have overdosed on math."

"Pfffft, c-come on you already used that joke!"

"Still made you laugh bluenose."

He pinched my snout as we walked down to the Overgate, a half-curve-shaped mall with knick-knacks and health shops and pizza parlours. The arcade was loud and damning to my ears with blasting pixellated lights and polygonal screams tearing across our vision, most of the gamers being younger than us as we wove through the crowd of shooters and fighters amongst button-mashing panels and VR simulations of futuristic vehicles to meet the owner.

"Excuse me, sir?"

The komodo tried not to laugh at my shirt and tie.

"My name's Gerald Campbell, I work for Termon & Termon and I require some assistance. Do you have a spare arcade machine I can inspect so I can ascertain how it works on a technical level?"

"Uhhhh...you pullin' me leg mate?" his Australian creep betrayed a cackle.

"I'm in the business of patents law," I showed my card, "do you have a machine currently not in use so I can inspect its technical specs?"

"Mate just tell me yer blog an' oi'll email you the specs meself."

"I don't...what?"

"He's serious," Charlie leaned over the desk with his own card, "we're trying to learn about this kind of technology so we can do our job better as patents attorneys, now do you have a machine available?"

"Alrigh' mate, simmer down, oi got a thing in the back."

He let us through into the back storage showing us a small set of machines currently out of order. We read up on the diagrams, took notes and then the machines apart with careful provision from the staff making sure we didn't break anything.

"What are these switches?" I asked buried within wires.

"That's fer option adjustment," the komodo vaped between words, "thet row's fer point bonus adjustment, thet row's fer adjusting how many credits you get per queen."

"You can adjust that?!" cried Charlie slapping his frilled head. "God why is that even an option?!"

"Sometimes we run special offers in the summer, start up high, then drop 'em low an' more people come in if yer offering four credits per coin rather than two."

"Sounds kinda grifty to me."

"Just business mate," the owner puffed a burning bubblegum scent, "oh thet row's fer difficulty by the way, dependin' on complaints we get we can adjust the game to be either hahder or easier."

"Right right," I nodded checking a further row of dials, "so this is the smoke test, and this is theeee-"

"Thet's the picture adjustment," he bent down beside me, "yanno in case it's slightly off to the side which means a shootin' game'll be a noightmare to play if it's not adjusted proper."

"Got it. So what's wrong with this one?"

"Dunno, just stopped workin', meanin' to get a technician in."

"What problem did it have?" My eye started moving across the circuit board.

"Just the sound stopped workin', then the screen turned half to black on the upper 'alf. S'not thet popular a game anyways so not much hassle needed-"

"This solder's faulty."

"Uh?!"

I pointed to one side of the circuit board where the metal alloy had warped itself slightly.

"The solder's dented here, the circuits are all uneven which would be cutting half the power to the AV processor."

"Oh...fuck me." The komodo clapped his head. "How the shit did oi miss that?!"

"It's really slight to be fair, I think I could fix this actually."

"No shit really?!"

"Yeah," I stood up to stretch my back for a moment, "I mean the machine still works right, it's only screwing up the sound and visual."

"Yeah yeah, just thet!"

"Alright, you have any tools?"

It took me forty minutes to correct the solder and straighten it out. Luckily the movie had thirty minutes of commercials before the actual film started, so by the time I was finished and we started the machine up, there would be ten minutes left until the film started. I felt like Frankenstein the moment its lights blinked on with virtual shrieks.

"Holy shit mate, noice!" the komodo clapped his hands. "Awww mate you saved me a call an' a haff how much oi owe ya?"

"No no I don't take payment," I closed up the service lid, "I'm not strictly speaking a licensed electrician, I just have a degree that allows me to serve as an authority on-"

"Mate naw cummon you really 'elped me out, wot if oi gave you sum queens fer the arcade?"

"Just ten or twenty then," said Charlie pulling me towards the door, "we really have to get to an appointment though so-"

"No worries then, thanks again!"

He handed us a twenty-pound note, which made the movie essentially free including a few extra snacks for ourselves. It was a cute cinema, largely devoted to the more off-side films and smaller productions that wouldn't see the big theatres with a special viewing of ancient Disney movies they managed to procure. The movie we saw was good, even if I don't remember much of it beyond the flashy battles and melodramatic starkness of its lunar landscapes, but we both came out of it with a smile two hours later as we headed back uphill to our apartment.

"Well this day went pretty well eh?!" he nudged my cheek. "See I told you coming here was a great idea, you already made new friends!"

"Y-yeah yeah," I smiled with a shrug, "just trying to help yanno."

"Yeah but we got like a twenty out of it dude! Yanno you could definitely make a good electrician if for some reason the patents thing falls thr-"

"NO!" I stopped him from completing my thoughts. "No, no I have to be, don't do this to me, don't please-"

"Alright alright!" He grabbed my shoulders and pulled me in. "I didn't mean that Jer, come on, i-it was just a metaphor!"

"...right...yeah."

"Sooooo you need help with this moron and his treadmill of death?"

"No I'll be fine, I don't wanna burden you-"

"Hey-ey, you're not a burden." He bent his head down closer to me. "Seriously, I can come with, I got nothing that day."

"A-alright...thanks Charlie."

The first six months of my time in Dundee went by with little fanfare. My jobs were many and varied, all specialising with electrical equipment from new household appliances to computer parts. Sometimes it was a student from the university with a new device they thought hadn't been invented yet, other times it was some fool who had pottered about in their backyard scrapping together parts to make an awful treadmill machine which would never see the light of day.

Beyond that my days were unintrusive, though I did become a friend of the komodo at the arcade as Charlie had suggested, Seamus his name was. I knew nothing about videogames, but in turn he knew little about electrics so I taught him and he taught me, showing the tricks of each game he had in his arcade as I tested each one out with Charlie as my wing. We spent more than I want to admit, even with the discount that Seamus offered us for our assistance in technical work. Life turned stable. Life was perfect. My job was simple and well-maintained with my own desk in a room I shared with Charlie. With each month that went by I started to forget about old unhappy far-off things. I was happy. I thought my life couldn't get any better until the day I went to the library on a work assignment.

"You sure you don't want me to come?" Charlie leaned back on his desk.

"It's just some research," I waved him off from the door, "need to get some references on local laws and ordinances for low-flying aircraft."

"Iiii'm pretty sure it's the same everywhere dude."

"Not if your client's making an aircraft too small to be a plane but too big to be a drone, gotta check the measurements in this country's definitions."

"Alright well call me if ya need anything."

"Sure, later bogtrotter."

The day was May 10th, in the year 3480. It was a nice day for a walk and I was glad to get out of the office for a bit just to enjoy the sunshine, but I also knew Charlie hated libraries for the quiet they enforced. He hated the quiet, always needed something to be on or some murmur in the background to keep his thoughts silenced. I thought I would hate the quiet too but somehow I found it soothing. The library was deceptive, an old stone carved exterior resembling a lawman's office from medieval times but inside it felt like a council building, with nice green carpets and white ceilings with motivational posters encouraging the latest novels to be read.

"Excuse me," I asked the clerk alsatian, "I'm looking for the section about locals laws and ordinances of Dundee."

"Ah it's just doon there," she pointed round the corner to the very back, "section I just up against the wall."

"Thank you."

There were a few others I passed, mostly students trying to find sources or at least something they could copy-paste the best ideas from but everyone respected the silence. Someone was already back there on a ladder, the shelves oddly high for a public library that reached twice the height of my head which should have rung alarm bells for me. I don't know why I wasn't paying attention that day between the hard faux-wood cases filled with reference books that needed both my hands to carry. I've gone back through this memory many times over the past few years, wondering if I had done something, anything different.

"Wh-WHUH!"

Would my life had gone better, or worse?"

"F-FUUUCK!"

The day that something broke my head heavier than my father's fist.

"FUCK, F-FUCK AHM SO SORRY!"

There was a voice that wasn't mine just before I blacked out. I smiled when I hit the floor, hoping this was the day everything would stop. The hands of angels lifted my face.

"Ohhh GOD, JESUS fuck shit d-don' pass oot, come oan s-stay wi' me!"

It was then that I saw heaven. When I saw her face. A raptor with green eyes torn between fright and rage.

"Ah need you to stay awake! D-don't pass oot, don't you fuckin' dare pass oot! SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE!"

"Shhhh!"

"DON' FUCKIN' SHUSH ME YA BAWFACED CUNT AH NEED A FUCKIN' AMBULANCE!"

I never expected a voice like this to both almost kill me and yet bring me to life again. I passed in and out seeing nothing but white. White ceiling, white van, white ceiling again that rolled past me with the sounds of wheels and doors thumping. I never stopped smiling. Throughout all of this I saw her face, stricken with fear and guilt as she tried to keep me talking. I don't remember anything I said, or even if I said anything to her between the hours or seconds that it took. But I remember everything she said to me, since the day we first met. I woke up in a hospital room, the sky still sunny with clouds as it hurt my eyes to blink. The smell made me sick.

"Ohhhh thank christ yer awake."

I looked over to my right. There she was again, the raptor with green eyes sat on a chair beside me.

"Are you okay?"

"I...wh-what happened?"

"I uh...I-i...drapped a book on ye."

"A book?" My mind felt blood racing down the back.

"Aye, um, s-so, ah wuz jus' gettin' a book, studyin' up oan local laws, an' this big fucker wuz wedged in tight, ah musta yanked it oot tae much an' it slipped oot mah fingers."

"Oh...yeah, I was looking laws up too."

"Ahm really sorry," she clutched her fingers tight, "ahll pay fer anythin' ya need, it's totally mah fault, a-ah, ah mean, ah called the ambulance, they ken who ah am just PLEASE let me help you."

"H-help? Pay?"

"Aye ah work here, ah paid fer your stay so that's good aye?!"

"I-i um...I..."

Something about her face brimming with hope struck deep into me, her eyes shining wider as her tail flicked behind her seat. I thought in that moment I was suffering a heart attack for how quickly I started to breathe, and how hot my chest started to feel with my fingers shaking and my throat turned dry to the point she almost reached for my hand before remembering herself.

"Whit's wrang?!"

"I-i-i um...I-...I-i don't know-"

"There any chest pains you have?!"

"J-just um...my...heart."

"Oh god alrigh' um lemme get a doctor!"

"I thought you were-"

"A DIFFERENT doctor, one that didnae fuck up an' bollock ye jus- GAWD!"

"Ahahahaaaaaoooow!" I smiled too much and my head muscles hurt.

"Awwww j-jesus ahm really sorry!"

"H-hahahaaaow i-it's fine I-i mean um...th-thank you for bringing me here."

"Ah mean...aye." She squirmed in her seat. "S-so you, um, would you mind if ah help pay fer yer treatment?"

"That's uh...that's, sure, you don't have to though-"

"No no please, lemme help, it's mah fault ah insist!"

"I mean um..." I struggled not to move any part of my body, "I-i won't make you."

"Well ahm daein' it!" She clapped her hands gently. "Soooo uh, is there anyone ah should contact, yer family or-"

"N-NO-A-AAAGH!" I shuddered from my own scream. "N-no, no family, NO FAMILY!"

"ALRIGH' ALRIGH' just fuckin' caaalm doon, ahll nae contact anyone."

"N-no...no just, um, Ch-charlie, Charlie's my friend, you contact him if you have to."

"Wait, Charlie Henderson? Big green trike?"

"Y-yeah, is he here?!"

"Aye he came first day you were in, friend o' yers?"

"Yes...um, he's my best friend-wait, first day how long was I in?"

"Uhhhh aboot...two days?"

"...oh." My eyes widened fearing how much pain Charlie was in. "Could you please call my friend Mr. Henderson and tell him that I'm alright and awake?"

"Aye definitely," she stood up with a deep sigh, "ahll tell the doctor that's assigned tae ye too sooo back in a bit."

"Thank you miss...doctor."

She left my room as I fell back against the bed. My body relaxed once again and I stared up towards the ceiling. I was still not entirely convinced that this wasn't heaven, because I could not believe someone so beautiful could just exist in the same world I lived in. The doctors were kind but I remembered none of them except for her constantly floating around behind them like a spirit tending to me, her presence making my heart race again. Charlie arrived an hour later clearly upset, his eyes reddened and his shirt uneven as she tried to explain to my friend's increasing anger.

"Ah telt ye before ahm payin' fer it-"

"You damn right you're paying for this, you almost killed him!"

"YES, ah ken that, ahm a medical professional, please do not shout at me!"

"You weren't a medical professional when you crushed my friend's head!"

"Ahm sorry are you his family?!"

"No I'm his best friend-"

"Well you cannae grief me with any authority if yer no' next of kin, so ah SUGGEST you keep a hauld oan yer tongue if ya dinnae want me tae throw ya oot!"

"Oho you won't dare, I work in law, you will NOT move me from this room-"

"Charlie." I grabbed at his wrist. "Charlie it's fine, she said sorry, she's making up for it."

"Wha-no G-gerald-"

"Please, don't be mad at her. It's fine."

I gave him a look. Not my best but one I knew would stop his tracks as he relented and backed himself off from the fight and sat down before she approached me.

"Just haftae make sure yer good with a few tests, then we'll send ya hame-"

"She means OUR home," said Charlie pre-empting me.

"So, you dinnae have any family here?"

"No he doesn't."

"Uh excuse me are YOU Gerald Campbell?" she turned to him with my chart. "Aye, that's whit ah thought, now, MISTER Campbell, do you have any family here?"

"No," I said tightening arms, "please do not contact them, ever."

"Aye ya said that before, can ah ask why?"

"No you can't. Please."

"...do you need help?" She sat beside me and took my hand. "If you need someone ah can refer you tae-"

"I'm fine," I squeezed her fingers, "Charlie takes care of me, we live together."

"Oh, alrigh' thas good then, are you sure?"

"Yes, thank you um...uh, m-ma'am."

"Thompson," she said with nervous grin, "doctor, Thompson."

"Well we know who to sue," said Charlie leaning back.

"I'm not going to sue her," I turned to him, "she helped me."

"Yeah after she bludgeoned you."

"Ah telt ya before it wuz an accident!" she thrust a clawfinger to him. "Ahm daein' mah best here sir, where were YOU then aye?!"

"What do you mean where was I?!"

"Mr. Campbell says that you take care of him, where were you when he wuz oot concussed oan the floor of a library?!"

"Bu-you-guh...Gerald, come on I ASKED you and you said no!"

"I did actually," I nodded sheepish to her, "he did offer to come along and I said I was fine being alone."

"Well...wh-whatever, glad you're taking responsibilty for it doctor."

"As ah telt ya since we started," her teeth raked against each other, "aaaanyways we'll just keep ya in fer a few hours mair, but ah think you'll be fine, the swelling's gone doon an' there's nae internal damage, you just had a wee bit o' bleeding we managed to siphon oot an' clean up roond yer cranium."

"You might wanna wear a hat," said Charlie pointing at my head.

"It's not THAT bad!"

"It's like he's wearing a skullcap that's three sizes too big!"

"You wan' him tae just bleed oot all over his pillow lahk a fuckin' tampon, SURE, why not let's just take aff his bandages why don't ye?!"

"Don't you take that attitude with me for something you caused!"

"Which ahm PAYIN' tae cover, do ah haftae check you in fer an ear appointment next?!"

"Maybe YOU need to switch career to something more suited for your skills like the city dump, unless you got fired from there too for dropping a whole damn car onto someone because you can't look DOWN like a basic person-"

"CHARLIE THAT'S ENOUGH!"

I didn't expect myself to shout at him. He didn't expect me to either as he gently clasped his hands and kept quiet before the doctor gave me the rest of my checkup. I left the hospital six hours later, Charlie had left already to make the apartment welcome for me as I stood at the hospital entrance around night time. Thompson even paid for the cab as a final well-wish when she shook my hand.

"Ahm sorry again," she winced at my smile.

"It's fine really, thank you again for covering all this."

"Ah just felt it wuz right, yanno, considering ah put you here."

"Well it...wasn't...all that bad."

"No?"

"I got some time off from work, some peace...met a nice person."

I muttered the last part hoping she wouldn't hear it. She smiled rubbing her head as a blush came to her cheeks.

"A-ah dinnae ken who you met but glad ya did."

"Well just u-um...j-just, yanno, nice person did a nice thing for me even though they had no idea who I was and took responsibility and I think that's a really nice thing and you're a really nice person and I normally hate hospitals because the smell makes me sick but you made me kinda forget aboot all that-"

"Aboot?" She smirked with a giggle that made my legs turn weak. "You already fit in with the patter aye?"

"No that's...th-that's, how I've always said it."

"Well, um...t-take care, see ya soon actually no, not that ah want yae to be back here god, no ah mean lahk, see ya aroond, but not, well, you live in this city righ', yer bound tae see me agai-ken whut just go ahm fuckin' this up already."

"Hhhahahaha, um...alright, thank you Dr. Thompson."

"Aye, you too...Mr. Campbell."

I never saw her for the rest of the month, trapped inside a cab that drove off slowly down the hill as she stood in front of Ninewells Hospital. We watched each other before I disappeared and yet the longer I went without her, the more I started thinking about her. A week passed with my head in tatters, tripping up over numbers to the point that Charlie had to take me aside during our lunch break round the water cooler.

"Hey uh, you doing okay?"

"Y-yeah yeah I am," I kept pulling at my tie, "just been a pretty hard day."

"Gerald, you never have a hard day at work when you're just filing spreadsheets. You LOVE spreadsheets, that's like your favourite thing to do at the office."

"It's just so easy like eating candy for the mind I don't know why other people find it difficult."

"Soooo what is it?" Charlie rested his elbow on the cooler. "You haven't been right since the hospital, you think that extra bump is messing with you?"

"N-no?" I rubbed at the new growth on the top of my skull. "I don't think it's that."

"Well you've only been spacing out since then, so what else could it be?"

"Um...w-well..." I shuffled closer to him then took a cup of water to drink, "I...I-i keep thinking aboot her."

"Her?"

"The doctor, the...raptor."

"Awwww no Gerald come on don't do this Nightingale shit."

"I'm not I swear, I-i just think she's nice!"

"She fucking brained you dude!" he snarled whispering.

"Y-yeah but she paid, she didn't have to!"

"She paid her dues because she felt guilty, that's it dude."

"No I think...I think...god I can't stop thinking aboot her."

"You're not gonna ask her on a date. You're not, this, this is unethical, I'm certain there's a hospital code that prevents it."

"Only when I'm her patient, not after I'm treated!"

"Gerald please, do not date the doctor that almost put you in a coma."

"It wasn't THAT bad," I shrugged with pathetic grin.

"You were out for two days, that's pretty bad!"

"I-i still wanna...maybe, make it up to her-"

"Gerald."

"Maybe as a thank you-"

"Gerald!"

"I-i just-"

"GERALD!" He grabbed both my shoulders with a hard stare. "Please, you know how weird this is gonna look, you wanna cause more problems for her?!"

"N-nooo!?"

"Then just move on and forget aboot her. Alright?"

"A-alright."

I did not listen to my friend. It was the first time I disobeyed him and perhaps the only time I would. I don't remember exactly how we ended up on our first date. I sent flowers to the hospital as a small thank you to her, she sent back a letter of thanks, somehow that ended up over a week of correspondence to having us stand outside a restaurant in our nicer-than-usual clothes on a warm Saturday night. She was a goddess, wearing a blouse and smart jeans with me in my finest polyester suit.

"Hiiii!" Her smile was genuine with worry. "You daein' alrigh'?"

"Yeah great thank you," I shook her hand as we walked in to take our seat, "I um...wasn't, sure what sorta food you liked but everyone said this place is great."

"Oh aye it's pretty nice, last time ah wuz here they had these perfect wee muffins ahm definitely orderin'."

"Oh, y-you've been here already?"

"Aye mah parents took me oot when ah first got mah job at Ninewells."

"Oh that's cool. Thank you again for uh...coming to see me."

"Is fine, ah mean hey it's free food!"

"You're not, worried I'm like some kinda stalker?"

"Well if you were, remember ah ken your medical sheet so ah know all yer weaknesses."

She motioned at the graft-bump on my head with a fiendish grin that tickled my heart something fierce. We had our starter for soup, our main course of beef wellington, and much to her delight we had muffins for dessert. Public domain classical music pumped through the air with a soothing tone that helped relax me.

"Are you alrigh', you seem awfy tense."

"Hmm?!" My spoon was shaking somehow. "N-no I'm, I'm fine."

"You dinnae have any allergies do ya?"

"No no, nothing like that. So um...um..."

My brain emptied itself. I panicked with headlights for eyes and drying throat with hands going stiff as she threw me a lifeline.

"Soooo whit sorta job you dae?"

"O-OH, ummm I'm a patents attorney."

"Oh, that's unusual, howzat different from yer usual attorney?"

"W-well, it's largely involving inventions. I help someone process the paperwork involving the development of their new product, ranging from health and safety to comparing with existing products to even the standards of advertising it."

"Ahhhh ah ken ye," she tore down a third of her beef, "whit sorta products ya dealt with?"

"Mostly electrical appliances," I finished my soup putting the bowl aside, "a patents attorney must be specialised in a certain field to learn aboot the product, for example I specialise in electrical engineering."

"Oh wow, yer an engineer?!"

"Well, not strictly but I know the science enough to rule on it and fix a few things."

"That's pretty braw, whit college ya went tae?!"

"Nova Scotia Community, what aboot you?"

"Ninewells, they've a training college in the hospital."

"Wow really?!" I started on the beef with tender chewing. "What field are you working in?"

"Neurosurgery...been aboot, nine years ah think?"

"Oh...so a brain surgeon."

"A-ayyyye basically."

"Sooooo when you first met me, you were the perfect kind of doctor that I needed."

"Ohhhh gawwwd," she cringed with a heady gulp of beef, "ahm really sorry ah just REALLY didnae-"

"N-no no no it's fine!" I stuttered waving hands. "I-it's fine really, I'm okay, thank you!"

"Ah just, ah mean...can ah be real with you?" She leaned forwards to touch my claw. "Is...is it bad of me that ah only agreed tae this date cuz ah still felt super bad aboot all that happened to ye?"

"Well...I-i did kinda suspect that," I murmured, "n-not that you had any obligation to, I just wanted...I really like you Dr. Thompson."

"D-doctor?" She started laughing and squeezed my hand. "God yer not mah patient, come oan just call me Mary!"

"A-are you sure?"

"YES! God ah ken you were worried but yer makin' it soond lahk an interview we're havin'!"

"Hah, hahahaha, I-i-i at least dressed for it!"

"Well ah really like yer credentials Mr. Campbell," she took a bunch of napkins and shuffled them like papers, "ah think you'd make an acceptable partner sae far."

"U-um, thank you," I bowed with a chomp at my beef, "I'm honoured to be working in your uh company, and the uh, pay...um...u-uhh-"

"Pfffffft, heehehehehaha! Would you rather we dae this lahk an interview?"

"Um...a-a-actually yeah that'd be kinda fun."

"Hmhmhmhm...well let's see, you're a patents attorney, you're from Canada, you're a polite sweet raptor who's been exceptionally patient from all the wee hours ah spent with ye."

"U-u-u-um, you think so?"

"Aye ah dae, you've been such a...well, ah dinnae want tae say a good patient but thank ye all the same."

"I-it's fine," I finished my main course, "you really helped me when it mattered."

She took my hand once again. We shared muffins and I paid the bill before she asked me if I wanted to meet her again. I didn't call her Mary until the third date, after which Charlie found out and got mad at me. I didn't care, every time I was around Mary I felt the world's colours come into focus, like staring at a painting lit up in daylight. She took me to the cinema, I took her to the gallery. She took me on a pizza date, I took her to another restaurant. Every day I came into work after a date, I had the stupidest grin on my face that I struggled to mask when meeting clients. The days that went by without her I started to worry, let my fears cloud me over. What if I screwed up, what if I said something wrong, what if she was figuring a way to let me down gently? What if my family came for me, what if I was suddenly taken away and she was left waiting in the rain, without any word of what happened to me, what if she thought I just dumped her and moved on and I left her with a broken heart?

All of these questions turned in my stomach and ripped through my brain, claws of doubt raking across my dreams in fits of frustration. A few months passed, we were still somehow dating and she decided it was time that I met her parents. They lived up on the outskirts of Dundee in a place called Fintry where houses stood tall and red like singular bricks.

"A-are you sure this is alright?" I asked the third time.

"You'll be fiiiiine," she cooed patting my cheek, "my mum's nae bother it's just me da ya haftae worry oan."

"We've only been dating for like five months, you sure this isn't too soon?"

"Ah mean it's almost half a year noo, ah haftae telt them 'fore Christmas comes roond, we're serious aren't we?"

"Y-yeah, um...at least, I like to think so, do you think we're serious too?"

"Aye, absolutely." She walked up the small flight of stairs outside a lonesome door. "Now you just be yerself."

"That is the worst advice you could possibly give," I muttered stiff as a board.

"Why? It's why ahm still with ye ken?"

"I-i...um-"

"Look, just think of it as an interview, remember oor first date? Think of it as that, yer just speakin' tae sumbody fer an interview."

"U-uhm...alrigh-"

"DAAA!" she grabbed the shadow at the door.

"Jeezus christ who's this big lass here, sorry but ahm taken!"

"UGH daaaa dinnae say that!"

"Hmhmhahaha, howzya daein' lass?! LIZ, MARY'S HERE!"

Mary's father was a tortoise, that I did not expect. You'd think in a world of so many species you'd learn not to judge, but here I was trying not to gawp at a 5-foot-4 dark green tortoise with a wrinkled neck and the arms of a sailor.

"This is Gerald," Mary started clenching my wrist, "he's mah boyfriend-"

"Well he's no' yer brother."

The look he gave me could kill as Mary tightened her neck and turned to kiss me. I felt a test would come upon me, her eyes almost cracked, she wanted to say something to me but her father's gaze turned her words to silence as she squeezed past him into the house.

"Ah just haftae telt mum sum girl stuff, couldya wait oot here with mah da?"

"Wait what?!"

"Back in a bit! MUM, MUM KEN WHIT HAPPENED?!"

My paranoia served me right. Mr. Thompson leaned against the door to let his daughter through and tightened his beak in my direction. The longer I said nothing the worse it was going to be as I offered my hand.

"It's an honour to meet you sir. Mary tells me you were in the Navy?"

"Aye," he crossed his arms tight with a sneer, "ah'd ask whit ya dae but ah ken yer a pencil-pusher."

"Yes sir, I am, patents attorney."

"Ohhh a lawyerboy eh?" His tongue pushed the inside of his cheek. "Zat a good life fer ya, wuzzat whit you wanted?"

"Yes, y-yes it was," I nodded with my back straight. "I...I love my job, and I take pride in it, being part of the first step in helping someone form an idea that can hopefully succeed and make the world better by a new invention."

"Get sum real shite on yer desk ah bet, people inventin' useless tripe."

"I...well, not every invention is good, no," I tried to suppress my gulp and leaned back on the step, "I just make sure people don't die or get hurt from them."

"People'll find a way," the father pulled out two cigarettes and offered one to me.

"No thank you."

"Hmph."

He lit his own taking a thick drag that puffed out over the air. I struggled not to cough, wheezing at his smoke knowing I already looked weak.

"You anaemic or whit?"

"H-huh-KHHHH, khhh, um, pardon?!"

"Yer awfy thin, Mary usually picks sum meat in her choices."

"S-some...meat?"

"Aye, muscle. Even the neds she brought hame were bigger than ye."

"I was...never very athletic, sir."

"Ohhhh ya don' say?!" He snorted another thick cloud from his beak. "An' here ah thought you's just came from the track-and-field with them gangly-arse chicken legs of yers."

"Well, I um, I can definitely run fast."

"Fast enough tae catch a bus?" He suddenly looked behind him and flicked the cig over the stairs.

"Ahm baaaack!" Mary stumbled her way down before stopping to sniff the air. "Da, you been smokin'?!"

"Naw naw lass," he lied clutching his chest.

"Ah telt ye before, ah seen whit that happens tae ye if ya keep daein' it!"

"And ahm tellin' yous ah wuznae, git oaf mah back!"

"Ah can fuckin' smell it!"

"Yous callin' yer da a liar?!" he turned with a creep in his neck.

"If the fag fuckin' fits in yer beak aye!"

"Yer embarrassin' yer boyfriend Mary."

"...Gerald?" She turned to me. "Wuz my da smokin'?"

"Well, wuz I lad?"

Both of them had the same look that it was uncanny. Mr. Thompson gave the smallest lick of his beak like he was judging which of my bones were easiest to break, whilst Mary half-pleaded half-demanded with her eyes and the slightest nod of hope. My mind wanted to tell me it was the most difficult choice as I felt cowardice creep through the back of my skull. But then I saw Mary. And I felt something new that pushed back the darkness.

"Yes, he was."

"Whuh-...ohhh so that's how it is?!" He snarled reaching his neck back like a serpent. "You young'uns with yer 'self-care' shite an' aw ah dinnae haftae excuse mahself to yae!"

"I'm sorry Mr. Thompson but Mary is right, she is a doctor, you should not be smoking especially at your age, she knows better aboot health and wellbeing than either of us could."

"Hmph. Fine." He put his hands up when Mary filched his pocket for the pack. "Yer payin' fer that."

"Like fuck ah am," she scoffed crunching it up and tossing it in the bin, "naebody's forcin' ya tae buy this shite!"

"Alriiiigh' christ it's bad enough with yer muther. Go oan, get inside both o' ye's."

Stepping up a narrow stairway of red-and-grey carpet, Mary took my hand with a gentle squeeze and a quiet "thank you" in my ear before we went into the living room where her mother sat. The room was awful, the grey walls and floor contrasted hard with a disgusting mirror where red smoky trails covered its glass in some vague sense of fashion. I kept focus on her mom just to not feel sick, another raptor just like her hitting close to her 50s.

"Ohhhh helloooo sweetie!" she hugged me out of nowhere as I felt my arms slip round by instinct. "Mary told me a lot about you it's so good to meet you finally!"

"Um, th-thank you ma'am, my name's Gerald."

"I'm Elizabeth," her accent was much more refined like a noble empress, "don't mind Elliot he's always grouchy."

"If ya ken that why'd ye marry me?!" the turtle snorted slumping on the sofa.

"Because I find your grouching adorable dear." She blew a kiss to him that he batted away. "Now, Gerald, you must tell me about yourself, you're such a breath of fresh air from Mary's usual."

"M-muuum!" she cried sitting down with me.

"I'm just saying dear your usual dates are much more brusque, it's good to see you've settled with a nice young raptor."

"Oh aye lahk you did, you ran aff with da!"

"Only because my parents tried to force me into an arranged marriage, that's entirely different."

"Wow really?" My eyes widened as I shook my head. "That sounds awful."

"Well, it wasn't the worst, I was just rebellious at a tender age, but I have never regretted it thanks to my Elliot."

"Ah wuz just chuffed tae piss aff yer smarty-arse family," the turtle grinded his shell on the sofa's back, "shows how much they ken aboot romance, me an' Liz've been together fir years an' we had nae troubles with it."

"I'm very glad to hear that," I smiled politely bowing, "Mary told me you two met on a shore leave right?"

"Aye, Liz wuz lookin' fer a wee rebel to fire her up, an' she met me. Whisked her away oan a tour of the toon, then we ended up wi' oor wee Mary."

"I admit I panicked about it at first," said the mother clasping her hands, "but if Mary wasn't the most precious little egg we had."

"Aye she came oot fightin'," he crackes his thick knuckles with a smile on his beak, "always bin a wee firestarter oor Mary, that time ya beat the shite out of sum lass gettin' fancy oan ye-"

"She wuznae gettin' fancy oan me!" cried Mary slapping her knees. "She fuckin' tried tae acid me!"

"Wait what?!"

At my outburst she showed off her neck. I had never noticed the old burn scars on her before as Mary shrugged.

"Last year o' high school there wuz this jealous bitch who always hated me, we were rivals in chemistry, fuckin' psycho tried tae acid mah face but ah managed to put a counter-solution oan it in time after ah fuckin' kicked her in the cunt halfway oot the windae!"

"OH, M-mary please!" the mother cringed in her seat. "Less of the C-word please you know how I feel about anatomies."

"Sorry mum...but aye."

"That's awful," I took Mary's hand in mine, "and yet somehow you look even more beautiful."

"Pffffft, oh you still trynae charm me ya wee wally?!" she gave me a motherly pinch on the cheek, "you already buttered me up enough-"

"I'm serious! Everything about you is beautiful, even that scar gives you an artistic uniqueness."

"Boy," the father warned me with a clenching fist, "yer pretty words mean fuck-all in mah hoose, we havnae heard much aboot ye or where yer frae."

"Well as I said I'm a patents attorney and I come from Canada, I was sent over to the branch here."

"Oh goodness," Elizabeth simpered shaking her head, "that is an awful long way from home, do you not miss your family-"

"No."

They felt something wrong. Mary knew what it was as did her mother, but Elliot hated secrets. He was my worst enemy this day as he leaned forwards.

"Yer awfy quick to dismiss yer family lad."

"I don't...I don't like to talk aboot it-"

"Da leave him," Mary tried to defend but he wouldn't have it.

"Let the lad speak fer 'imself, yer nae his mother. Gerald wuzzit, let's hear aboot yer family."

"Elliot please," the mother reached out her hand, "there's no need to pressure him-"

"In mah hoose if a lad cannae take the heat he stays oot o' the kitchen. Ah dinnae wan' any secrets, someone who doesnae speak aboot his origins is one ah dinnae trust."

"Och da, gies it a rest!"

"Whit's it gonna be lad?" He spread his arms against Mary's protests. "You wanna gies mah lassie yer heart, you best be prepared tae open it up tae us."

"I-i...that's not really any of your business," I muttered.

"Is it no' mah daughter's business either?"

"N-no, I just...it's very uncomfortable for me, and I wanted to tell her when I felt we were um...c-close enough."

"Wha?" She looked to me with a hand on mine. "Close enough?"

"I-i just don't want to burden you with my problems, please Mary."

"Well...ah thought we were serious noo. Ahm ready tae hear yer problems."

"But I'm not."

"Then yer nae ready fer mah daughter," said Elliot snapping his beak, "maybe you can call me a pushy auld bastard, but if you's can stand by her when ah wuz smokin' ootside, whit makes ya think she'll nae stand by you now?"

I understood there and then. The look Mary gave me showed that she understood too. So I told them all I could about my family. This is what I told them.

My father was Onesiphorus Campbell, a name that was feared throughout the Pangaeist community and very well-respected. Almost nobody named him Campbell, his first name alone was enough for people to know who you were talking about. Only one person ever called him Oney, like the demon but trying to be cute, and that was my mother Priscilla. No one called her Prissy. My father's family stretched back to one of the first members of Alberto Noriega's paklah, in the awakening of Pangaeism allegedly. The ramblings of a survivor with a tongue so silver it went platinum, selling his madness as ancient prophecies. Then it turned out there was a truth in his words, at least one like all good lies should have. That saurians had dreams of the past, ancient blood awakening things in us.

I remembered the stories in high school, when parts of the world treated saurians as second-class citizens which is just a polite way of saying "roaches" or "subhumans". The latter is less easy to pass for nowadays but the meaning is still the same, because of our existence that even other reptilians would find a mistake. Why would someone revive us from the past, why would someone deign to offend the history of the natural earth, by not only resurrecting such beasts but also give them the same sculpt as men? Maybe that was why Albert Mortensen made a religion, so we could claim that we have souls and dreams like any other anthro would. I hate the dreams we have. They feel like a curse, like being forced to rewatch your family's death. That dream never left. That would always be my curse.

My brother, Liam, was a ghost to me. Not dead, just someone who's barely in my memory like he was written from another story. He wasn't mean to me, which is probably why I don't remember him much. I don't remember the happy times despite being so few and far between, you would think I remember them more for how rare they were. Maybe I just never knew how rare they were, like when you see bugs that look like any other type but unless you know what you're looking for, you don't realise you just passed by a rare species of moth that's not been found in decades.

My brother was the loved one, the one destined for success, the firstborn who was given the keys to the kingdom Jurassic. He became a strong solemn member of the paklah who went to other places, drifting from the house and back. I never saw him again after I turned sixteen, and I know exactly the reason why.

The few times I remember him we spoke like brothers do, not the family kind but the more churchy type. He spoke to me like I was a member of the flock gone astray he was hoping to bring back, kind and hoping yet disappointed every time. He never spoke up for me, but neither encouraged the beatings I took. He always took after our mother, showing not cowardice but piety. It's like that old Christian story I once saw, well, heard on a comedy skit but I got the gist of it. Father takes the son that he raised and loved to be sacrificed to God, because God tells him to as a test of obedience. Angel stops him at the last minute, satisfied with his devotion. My father wouldn't have stopped, but I'd probably have made him do it just to teach him a lesson. It only works if you sacrifice something you love.

That was when I showed them the marks underneath my shirt, the burns my father gave me that my mother said was the price I must pay for my cowardice. My father said it first, the ritual that I failed to complete and so made him a disgrace in front of his paklah. I broke down in front of them. I was trying to hold it in for so long but Elliot forced it out of me. I could tell he regretted it after hearing everything, which was my only comfort in this time of weakness that I had hoped not to show Mary this soon in our time together. But she never left. She stayed with me somehow, for reasons I never understood she tolerated my fears. Charlie started to ease up about it once he saw how happy I was with her, to the point that they became odd friends with the most disturbing conversations I was not privy to. She came round to our place, I would cook for us all and we went out to movies together like friends do. She stayed with us to the point that sometimes I slept over at her place when I started to become braver and she was all the more eager to bed me. Her warmth is different from Charlie's, but it was the same kind of love except one that I could return in full.

I never disappointed her, despite how much my mind said I did. Every night we made love, she would hold me when we were finished and we stayed silent for a few minutes, staring into each other's eyes or feeling our hearts beat against each other. Six years of Dundee went by in a flash, during which I kept working, living between Mary and Charlie who always hugged me every hello and goodbye. Then I married Mary. Charlie was my Best One. I should have taken her name, I vaguely remember the chapel we went to, her parents weeping gently to one side with my family's seats absent. I had no family, far as anyone knew and I preferred to keep it such. But I never understood why Mary insisted she take my name.

Did she want to break the curse of the Campbell clan? Did she want to stop the fire that haunted my dreams by taking my name as our strength together? I can't remember, everything of that day was a blur and the years we stayed in Dundee followed the same until there came a choice. Mary had finished her training, and with it came a job opportunity all the way down in London, a cybernetics lab where she had already made friends at a trade exhibition. Charlie couldn't come with us. But he understood, and to celebrate our last month together in the same city, we went all-out on Halloween in the year 3486. I remember Mary and me standing in front of a mirror, herself a banshee in white and purple whilst I was her pirate companion in blue and white like the clearest skies could be.

"Is this for anyone this uhhhh recording?" I held my phone up.

"Nawww," she said, "jus' wanted tae keep sum memories of us an' Dundee an' aw."

"Ah. I see. It's uh...gonna be weird I admit."

"Come oan, Charlie's waitin'."

He met us on the street, dressed equally as a pirate in black-and-white and far more into it than I was.

"AHOY THERE SHIPMATE!"

"Hehehe, hey Charlie."

"What? Gerald come on, no pirate ever goes just 'hey'."

"You don't know that."

"I've watched twenty-seven different pirate movies and not one of them said 'hey' for a greeting come on, give'r!"

"He has a point Gerald," said Mary nudging me, "ah nehvurr ken any pirate tha' said that."

"Ugh fine," I regretted them ever meeting for the times they ganged up on me, "forgive me fer...bein' late, aye wuz busy with mah ship."

"Thaaaaat's better, see it's fun isn't it!?"

"S-sorry I just...heh, you're right, so uh where are we going?"

"Caird Hall jus' doon that ways, but let's heng oot at thuh Wellgate first an' see if we cannae pick up sum lassies ehh?"

"M-mary!"

"Whuuut?! You dinnae like wummin Gerald?"

"He married you didn't he?" Charlie winked. "I think he already has enough woman to handle what with you around."

"Pffffhaha, awww an' ah wuz hopin' tae give mah hubby a wee birthday present fer a threesome."

"Make that four, I'll come by with some pizza so you can 'tip me' some other way."

"I'm standing right here," I tried to be upset but I never could be.

"...soooo is that a yes or no?"

"......no. No it's not."

"KHHhhhhhahahahaha!"

We walked down the street and found the party at Caird Hall. I can hardly remember the path we took or even half the faces that I met. I only remember her and him, the smells of Polish food twisting with Arabic flavours on opposite sides of the street where cars both wheeled and non-wheeled went to and fro. Humans, canines, saurians all dressed as creatures and various occupations more fantastical than the regular suits who were stuck on the bus beside vampires and astronauts. The dragon gave us good luck as we patted it in passing, except Mary who always kissed it. We met a fortune teller in the square where tents stood out in rows selling their tat and junk, I don't remember what she said. We went to a party where a sea of faces met us, Mary immediately joined up with all her friends from the hospital, sharing gruesome stories whilst me and Charlie stuck close to ourselves like we did in high school.

"You alright?" He turned to me. "I mean, I know you're not big on parties bu-"

"It's not that...mainly, it's just...just today and everything."

"What you mean, did something happen?"

"It-...you don't remember what day it is?"

I had to tell him what was bothering me. I hoped that he would remember knowing that the one thing I hated more than remembering it, was explaining it to other people, knowing I had to bury deep into the voice of my ancestry. What was worse was Charlie's expression of horror upon me.

"Cxu-rho-khuu SHKRIEH."

"H-h-hhhoh jesus why do you even-h-how do you...DO that shit?"

"They taught us back at the sanctum how to reach back into our language. All the ancient Pangaean stuff, today's what we call 'the Day of Ashen Skies' to...celebrate, no not really it's more like our rememberance for the second trial of our ancestors. First was the Day of Fire's Scream, cxu-lub-cah. Then it was the Ashen Skies, cxu-rho-khuu shkrieh. And lastly...it will be the Coldest Sleep, cxu-hhrr-hrrah, to mark the anniversary of our species' death...until the rebirth in this late eon we stand in. I wish I could forget all of this."

"Then stop keeping it alive, fuck's sake I thought we were done with all this."

"I know...I'm sorry, I just...h-hate the way my mind keeps thinking things and...trying to correlate all of this, I just wanna forget...I-i just...I just wanna forget." I struggled to speak, until he hugged me firm. "I-i...I don't...I-i-i don't wanna remember these names anymore Charlie, I wish my mind would just f-fucking stop doing this to me but it's burned into my head-"

"Shhhhh...it's okay...come on, they don't got any power over you now. You're here now, with me, and with Mary. You don't got to give a shit about your parents anymore or whatever cult shit they get up to."

"I-i know...I just...I just wish-"

"Stop it. Stop torturing yourself, you have a great job and a wonderful wife."

"...I don't deserve you."

Charlie tightened his lip with a grave insult. I was almost frightened of him.

"Don't. Ever say that to me."

"Wh-wh-what?"

"You have no right to say what you don't deserve, what the fuck makes you say that dude?!"

"You...y-y-you took me along with you, I-i wasn't even the best person you coulda taken with you to Dundee, there were other people."

"You're my best friend." He grabbed my shoulders. "I know you, I would have taken you with me regardless of what's happening all with you because you're a great worker, and I knew you would flourish out here without having to hide from your family. I never seen anybody else memorise a fuckin' bank receipt come on you were a shoe-in!"

"B-but...but now I'm leaving you," I turned from his gaze with a shiver, "Mary, sh-she's got this job in London a-a-and I'm abandoning you, because...b-because I wanna support her but it's not FAIR to you Charlie!"

"What? Is that what this is?! Khhhh! Hhhahaha, G-gerald, come on, you really think that?! I'm not upset about you moving away, we talked about this!"

"You're...y-you're not?"

"Noooo what, come on dude seriously! I know you love her deeply, trust me, I know you wanna follow her, that doesn't mean we're gonna not be friends anymore, we got videophones for that! We can still talk to each other when you're free, just because you're not gonna be working around the same office doesn't mean I'll just forget aboot you. I know you won't forget aboot me. Heck it's gonna cost cheap to call you since we're all still on the same island right? Come on."

His large thick green fingers brushed my tears away.

"You don't owe me nothing. Okay? You're not betraying me, you're not being some kinda hypocrite, I know you. Alright?"

"I'm sorry...I-i-i just...I'm scared."

"I know you're not great at moving to new places...but you can do it. You managed to come oot here didn't you, look what we did! We became free males living out here with our own places and you landed a sweet-ass lady that loves you to pieces. That's worth following, believe me I would be doing the same."

"You sure?"

"Positive. Now come on, let's go grab Mary and see if we can't find some real fun aboot this place."

"Okay...thanks, bogface."

"Shut up bluehead."

I wish I had stayed. I wish I had brought him with us, paid for something, anything to have him come and stay with us. I should have asked Mary, she would have accepted it I knew she would. But I couldn't. I knew I was asking too much. Even though I know both of them would have said yes. The last time I hugged him was at the airport a month after the party. I breathed in his scent. I never knew how much I would miss that scent. London was so much different from Dundee in ways I didn't like. The air was awful, the streets were confusing and the people abrasive as if they didn't want to be here anymore than I did. But I was here for her, I made a promise. To never leave her side in sickness and health. Til death would we part. I took that too far. Our apartment was Savile Close in Wimbledon, somewhat gentrified in a rough area where humans and anthros mixed none too well but the rent was good, the house fit both of us.

"Hoooo...christ," we finished unpacking, "cannae wait tae start work, god ahm sae excited!"

"I don't think I've seen you this happy," I smiled setting up the kitchen, "even when we were married you weren't THIS elated."

"W-well just, this is BIG stuff Gerald this is lahk workin' close tae government research! Ahm already oan this staff who are making special nanochips tae reverse alzheimer's!"

"Wow seriously? So that's why they brought you on board."

"Aye," her smile filled the room with warmth, "all mah work on degenerative disorders comin' hame tae roost!"

"Hahahaha...god."

"So, you really are okay with just bein' a hoose-husband?"

"Absolutely," I tried to copy her grin, "I still have Charlie to talk to on the vidphone."

"But you're nae gonna get bored in the hoose all day?"

"I'll be fine." I walked to her with a hug. "You need this Mary. You can help save the world one brain at a time."

"Pfffft, hmhmhahahaha, now THAT'S a movie line, 'saving the world one braaaaiiin at a time'!"

"Hhhhahahahaha."

We danced and we skieed, spinning round the flat boards between boxes piled up all over the place. We went out, tried foods, came home, made love, watched TV. The first few days she was at work I managed well enough, feeling stronger and more confident for my decision to come. Some days I didn't manage well, huddling up in bed regretting everything, sitting at the door waiting for Mary to come home. Charlie called me whenever he had time helping me out a lot, speaking all through our lunch break. Sometimes Mary spoke with him too whenever she was around, almost always half-dressed in our apartment which gave Charlie some terrible ideas.

"So, what you're saying is," my friend started, "you could wire someone's brain to cum everytime they yawned?"

"Yes!" she snickered with a snort. "Ah mean obviously ah wouldnae dae that ever, but you can!"

"Cuz like, I always had this thing where everytime I get close to my home I start getting this super-bad urge to pee-"

"Oh that's latchkey incontinence, it's nae that uncommon, but that's mair a process all doon tae your own pavlovian responses associating stuff with 'oh ah haftae piss' an' yer body just trains yerself, that's mair psychological than actual neurology which ah deal with."

"Okay so how is that different from say syncing up someone's orgasm to yawning?"

"Cuz that's an involuntary action connected tae a muscular motion, your urge tae piss gettin' hame is connecting a muscular motion tae environmental influences from yer memory which is sorta intangible data."

"Ohhhhh," Charlie clicked his fingers, "so you're like the hardware specialist, you rig up the PC but all the software and coding is not up to you."

"Aye exactly," she looked over a small stick on the counter, "if summat's wrang with yer heid lahk the actual PHYSICAL parts of yer heid, that's mah specialty."

"Are you guys finished?" I asked cooking up a stew. "Do you have to talk aboot bodily functions every time I cook?"

"Ayyyye," Mary turned to me, "it's mah job Gerald."

"You're not his GP."

"I wouldn't mind if she was," said Charlie's face from the vidphone beside her, "I bet she could give me a pretty thorough examination."

"Mister Henderson!" she cried with fake protest. "Are you suggesting indecency with a married lady such as me?!"

"You're married but you're definitely not a lady, I've seen the way you eat."

"Pfffft, you bawfaced fuck yer gettin' fresh with me now?!"

"I can get fresher than that, just saying if you guys need a free body pillow I can squeeze myself in between you."

"Mmmmmmhhhh," her tail twitched in the way I did not like, "ken how many times ah imagined that?"

"Mary please," I tried to stop her but Charlie went further.

"Not as many times as I've imagined, what's your fave idea, you in the middle or Gerald in the middle?"

"Ohohhhh DEFINITELY Gerald in the middle!" she clapped wickedly.

"Guys, PLEASE!" my arms twitched between laughter and discomfort. "Seriously I'm trying to cook could you not do this in front of me?!"

"That's how sex works Gerald," Charlie poked the screen, "you HAVE been doing it right have you, Mary he's been doing it right yah?"

"Oh aye, definitely," her lip crawled with rogueish teeth, "ah ken Gerald would never dae this but ah always woulda loved seein' him with-...Gerald. G-gerald, GERALD!"

"What what is it NOW?!" I was losing count of my stirrings when I turned to her face. "If you really need to talk aboot your sexual fantasies could you at least keep me oot of the-"

"I'm pregnant."

We stopped. The stew wasn't as good as usual that night because I lost count of my methods, but at that moment I didn't care. I never imagined I would be a father, even though we were planning to have one the past year. To have you. We first found out in the year 3490, our fourth year in London. Charlie sent us gifts, as did Mary's parents who wished us joy and hope with Elliot giving me a private call to take me aside and give me advice from one father to another. I can't say these words now, knowing that I failed him, knowing that I broke everything. The next several months, Mary changed with all the ways that I expected. She became thicker in the belly, she ate coild beans from the tin, she flipped between screeching snaps and sobbing mewls which resulted in something strange. Something I never thought would happen that I was capable of doing. We were walking down the street, Mary ran out of beans and desperately needed more, she also felt too cramped up in the house so I walked with her shuffling behind me, this great genius of science trapped by the ancient urges of a new life growing inside of her. She hated it. I held her hand as she shivered clutching her beans.

"A-a-ahm sorry, ahm sorryyyy!"

"No no it's fine, Mary it's fine-"

"A-a-ah sh-should've been, ah shoulda thought AHEAD d-dammit an' noo we're oot in this f-fuckin' street wastin' oor time!"

"You never waste my time, you know that."

"Geraaaaaaald," she clutched me to bury her face in my chest, "ah wanna go hame...ah just wanna crawl up an' never leave oor bed."

"We can do that, it's fine," I rocked her gently, "come on, we can cuddle up under the sheets, I'll bring the TV through and we just have the whole weekend to ourselves."

"A-alrigh'....ah ken that, th-that'll be nice, thank you-"

"EYYYYY BABY!"

Voices came jeering on the street, a small group of builders who for some reason thought this was a good idea. I didn't realise until later they were all mammals led by a rhino.

"Lookit that boys, a fattosaurus an' a stickosaurus!"

" Bloody 'ell it's Little an' Large, HEY LITTLEFOOT, GREAT VALLEY'S BETWEEN 'ER THIGHS!"

"HHHAHAHAHAA!"

Normally Mary would have torn them a new one with words I'd dare not repeat. She'd have turned the air bluer than the sea and almost certainly would have knocked their heads into a triple concussion. But her body was in a state, her mind was all over the place with her emotions haywiring as she just stopped in the street and started crying. I never saw her cry like this until that day, not from anger or fear or sadness but just overwhelming weakness at her lowest state. I realised then that this was how I must have looked. It was awful. And it was then I finally realised why she kept close to me. Why she protected me. Why she would never leave me. And it was that moment that I knew I had to do for her what she would do for me. Walk right over to the biggest fucker and crack my fist into his chin.

Madness is a funny thing, because the way others describe you it's always telling what they think of you. If you're poor, they call you crazy. If you're rich, they call you eccentric. I was me, so they called me something else once their laughter stopped in shock.

"YO you fuckin' slow-headed or wot?!"

"I have more brains than you, hornface."

The rhino snorted rubbing his chin, balling his fist ready to hit me back as his friends started to crowd me.

"You fucked up mate."

"No, YOU did," my teeth creaked against each other, "and if you lay a hand on me I guarantee you that you will regret it for the rest of your life."

"Oh yeah? Whyzat?"

"I'm an attorney." I flashed my card quick enough to show the office name. "You just insulted my wife, who is pregnant with our child and now you decide to beat up the husband? Do you know how bad this will look in court when I'm defending myself, knowing every single pitfall and form of legalese to brand you as a monster, a punk and a racist who thought it funny to call my heavily-pregnant wife fat? You're a disgrace to your company."

"Woa-woa-woah mate, mate..." he chuckled cracking his knuckles, "this isn't goin' to court."

"It will if you say another fucking word to me or my wife ever again, do you know how many cameras are watching us right now?" I pointed to the three shining lenses up high above. "This is all on tape, and yes I did throw the first punch but juries really do not look on favourably to people who emotionally abuse pregnant wives out on the street. So go ahead. Take a swing. Make the first mistake for what's left of your miserable future when your company fire you, your union blackballs you and you're going to have to explain to your partner why all this happened and they're not going to look at you the same way again. Do it."

I spread my arms with Mary's strength.

"Do it. Destroy your life. DO IT!"

He backed down. He did not apologise but I knew he was regretting it. That was enough for me to walk away with a smile as I took Mary by the arm and we walked back home. She never stopped thanking me. This was the only time I ever managed to find that strength, but at the very least I now understood the feelings she had for me. I was her rock, and in turn she was mine to help find our footing in the world so as not to get washed away. Then you were born a year later.

I cared for you when Mary laid you, a warm blanket beside a heater in a special bed as you grew inside your egg where some nights I saw the shadow of your hands. Mary would brood over you much more than me, her primal instincts welling up as she would hold you in her arms, stroking your smooth shell and kissing you goodnight. I sat beside her every time, waiting for that day when you would hatch, wrapping that blanket round your egg.

"Whit do we call them?" she asked rocking you in her lap.

"Oh, damn we never wrote down names did we?"

"Wanna start noo?"

"Yeah why not, we have to eventually." I got up to grab a pen and paper before coming back to her side. "Alright so, you want to do the girl names or the boys?"

"Mmmmm...ahll dae boys, you dae girls."

"Alright...Sally."

"Whit, lahk mah friend?!"

"It's a good name!"

"Aye...hmmmm...Kevin."

"No I don't like that."

"Put it doon anyways."

"No that's an awful name."

"Whit, naw it's not, put it doon either way!"

"Fiiiine," I relented and wrote down Kevin, "Alice."

"Mmmm," she pulled a face, "kinda prissy isn't it?"

"It's a lovely name!"

"It iiiis but, ah dinnae wan' people thinkin' they're TOO sweet."

"Hmmmm...Joanna?"

"MUCH better, thassa good un!"

We went through thirty names, fifteen of each gender with at least five equal for both. I liked Ashley, she didn't, she liked Jess, I didn't. We filed it down to eight names, sometimes trading one name off for another over the course of an hour. I like to think that you heard all this, wondering why Mommy and Daddy were calling you all these different things when you were just clearly Child. Forty minutes after, we finally settled on two names.

"Alright...James if it's a boy, or Joanna if it's a girl."

"Ah lahk J-names," she shrugged, "dinnae ken why, they got a nice mooth-feel."

"Hehehe...I mean, my name is also a J, phonetically I mean."

"Oh yeaaah yer right! Hmmm...can ah ask summat?"

"Sure."

"Ah would like their middle name tae be Robert."

"Your...after your brother?"

"Aye." She looked away for a moment to steady her throat. "Just, yanno, sumthin' tae keep his memory alive."

"I think that's a good idea." I kissed her cheek. "Works either for a boy or a girl, if they're a girl people'll find that unusual."

"Aye that's true, an' they can always call it Roberta if they wan'."

"Hmhmhaha-"

"OH, oh he's kicking!"

"Oh god he is?!"

I felt your struggles within, and I sympathised dearly. Somehow I felt your dreams, your troubles, your fears that I couldn't explain. I gently took you in my arms and stroked your shell, keeping your blanket wrapped round you as I sang you the song that I sang to you every night.

"Come aloooooooong

Will there be sunshine shining will we find a silver lining, come aloooooong.

Sing a soooooooooong

When today becomes tomorrow will we find joy or sorrow, sing a soooooong.

Is it wrooooooooong?

To put all our hopes together and wish for something better, is it wrooooooong

To be loooooved?

To face the future with another who means more than any other, is to be loooooved.

We'llllll paint the gray clouuuds, with pretty rainbooow huuuuuues

And we'lll brush, the gloom awayyyyyyy, and save it for a rainy daaaayyyyyyyyyyy.

Rainy dayyyyyyyyyyyyyy, ohhhh todayyyyyyyyyyy!

If troubles cast a shadow, and shadows make the sun afraiiiid to stayyyyyyy

Why it's okayyyyyyy

Cause there'll be sunshine shining and we'll find a silver lining, another dayyyyyyyy.

Tomorrow is another dayyyyyyyyy.

How I hope you'll always stayyyyyyyyyyy."

I felt the peace in your heart return as Mary held me close, stroking along your shell as you fell asleep. Somehow in those few months when you were growing I became more a better person than I ever was at any point in my life. How I hoped I could always stay, how I hoped tomorrow was another day. Then you were born. September 9th, 3491. When I held you in my arms, I thought that I had finally done it. I broke the curse. I brought something good into this world, something pure and untouched, something no one could ever hurt. You were the one thing that I never regretted, never sullied with what-ifs and horrid fears knowing that you were my hope. My love. My future. My everything. But that's when I forgot. Forgot the most important thing about myself.

I'm still Gerald Campbell. I'll always be Gerald Campbell, and because of that, I will never be free. I failed you. I failed everyone, just as my father said I would because no matter how far I walked, no matter what strengths that you and your mother gave me, the great fire would come. The dust would take my son away. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry James. I thought I could escape my family, and our curse to save you.

i can never escape