That Gay Goth Dog: Chapter 18: The Battle to be Normal.
#70 of That Gay Goth Dog
Panting with thoughts ran on and on, this nightmare grew worse and worse. But, for some reason, there was something there for me. The lights lifted, the stage energized. And my fucking bass player was passed out cold from to much whisky flowing though his system.
"Can anyone wake up my fucking bassist?" I yelled out from the back door. If my memory served me right, I think the group before us was out back snorting cocaine with my guitarist. "We blow up, and they fall down. Fucking great!" I angrily claim under my breath. "Maybe its time I left this life... Maybe I need to restart, and re-do everything I have done"...
Looking over at the giant tour bus, the albums we stashed all over the place. Everything I have worked so hard for was placed in front of me, and yet again I don't have a fucking clue what to do. I guess you can say that's just like every part of my life now. Coming off a Speed addiction to Adderall, the months of popping pain pills just to cure the muscle ach, and the amount of weed we smoked. Even tried my paw at cocaine! And that's when I noticed the down fall of everything.
"Jerom!" My bass player came falling into the back stage dressing room.
"God please not this now!" I whined under my breath, sluggishly turning around to the wolf that just mixed both my names into one, my eyes couldn't help but close due to irritant male. "Its Storm; or Jeremy." I spoke.
"Yeah what the fu~k Ever, you: FAGg-hic-GET! Get your shit to the stage boi, we gotta go!" He slurred trying to walk to the stage, but bumping to everything within three feet of him.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah... Just gonna slit my wrist here quickly." I spoke trailing off towards the end of my statement. But before I could walk up, I smelt a familiar musk, along with two white and black arms wrapping around my shoulders, the paws gently brushing my stomach before the voice spoke up.
"Hey babe, you okay?" The husky I have been with for over seven years spoke.
"I just want to end it and restart." I spoke up nuzzling into the creek of his neck leading to his muzzle. "I swear you are the only reason I haven't shoved my nose into a big pile of cocaine. Hell, who knows what else." I spoke remembering those days of hyperactive anger that speed would give me. But just the same I remembered that amazing euphoric high, the speed I could think at. "Fuck." I groaned and weaved my fingers with Hayden's, trying to have the addiction leave my nonstop thought loop.
"Guess this is the wrong time to tell you..." he spoke softly, before speeding up to finish what he had to say. "Nate just dropped two tabs of acid."
"God, you kidding?" I shook my head and nearly started to crush my skull with the heavy fists I wore on the end of my arms*
"Babe, just one more show, and you are going home with me! Try to have some fun, if you can." Hayden spoke softly, ending his motivational speech with a kiss to my right cheek.
"God I missed you hun, I hope I don't have to leave this again" I stood, grabbing my drum sticks, and giving my husky one last hug before I hit the last show of the tour.
(Korn- Pray for Me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wV8KZ2PjuZ4. )
Walking on stage is like the best high you can ever have. The rush of Adrenalin, the crowd cheering your name, your bands name, even the logo you thought of years ago is now worn on faded hates. Shirts are torn, but still worn. Metal crowds are true pack, love their music with all their heart. Even my dysfunctional family of musicians tends to sober up right before hitting the spot light. And when those toms hit, that guitar sustains, and our vocalist hits the mic, magic can happen. To bad we sing about how I feel too close to everything.
"How come what's wrong with you? Darling faces all strung with frowns Let's do what devils do Hiding in shadow, no one's around Why can't I torture you? Giving pain, you take it away The little things you do Simply, I love your evil ways"
Our singer sung out with all his might, his voice cracking as the crowed came in and screamed along.
"Prey for me, I think I owe you an apology Somehow you bring the violence out in me I'm just a shell of what I used to be Passion is sometimes a fucked up thing for me"
It seems like they sing about themselves, maybe this isn't the life I am meant to have. I have been here, I have done this, but I cant give it up? Can I? I mean honestly its my life, its all I know, but am I really meant to be doing all this? Looking over at Hayden before the second chorus sang out I just couldn't help but get this feeling like I have hurt him as much as I hurt myself.
"Prey for me, I think I owe you an apology Somehow you bring the violence out in me I'm just a shell of what I used to be Passion is sometimes a fucked up thing for me (Pray for Me) I think I owe you an apology Somehow you bring the violence out in me (Pray for me) I'm just a shell of what I used to be Passion is sometimes a fucked up thing for me Goodbye, so long Wish I could stay, but everything is all wrong Goodbye, so long Wish I could stay, but everything is all wrong Everything is all wrong Everythings wrong"
We just gotta get past this last show......
Just as fast as we started, we took a 20 minute break. Back stage was buzzing with people chatting, yelling. Bands and groupies talking, some of them were even having sex in their rooms, few others were out with lines of cocaine on the table, and oxy as far as you could see. Each tempting substance calling my name, but i can not fall back to it. But will power does not belong to a weak tired canine. That hundred dollar bill found its way to me, and a nice line as thick as my front front claws were. And one, two, three, up the left nose for me. Holding my nose shut, and snorting as hard as i can, that hit of bliss found its way to my brain.
"Thats a good shepherd!" a young Mancoon cat spoke out slapping me on the back in joy and praise.
"Dam, Storm... Didnt know you could go hard?!" His friend and fellow band mate spoke as i passed the bill and mirror to my guitarist.
"Yeah, this shep knows how to snort and blow down." I spoke with a happy tone, but inside i was screaming and killing myself on the inside. I couldnt believe i just jumped the fire again.
"Fuckin A! The start we saw you doing EVERYTHING and fucking... Like a few months later we hardly would see you, but for on stage." The Female fox, who was on the Mancoons shoulder spoke out, laughing and taking another line of cocaine
"Thats cause Jeremy is a fucking prick who dosnt party!" Nate, my bear of a guitarist yowled out. "FUCK THAT WAS A GOOD LINE!!! WHOOOOOOOOOhoooOOOOOOO!!!!" He shouted loudly, maybe even as loud for the crowd to hear."But yeah pussy should party with us man! Fucking the colors i see right now are AWESOME!!! You look like a wolf, Jeremy!" he spoke to me, touching my face, which made everyone else laugh, but for me.
"Please man, just call me storm. You know i dont like my name being around drugs and stuff." i spoke with a whine, as the bill got passed back over to me after the first round.
"Well then dont be around it, easy as that!!!" He spoke as i looked down at the line and couldn't resist one last bump.
"yeah but then i would be left all alone in my room, 24/7. You guys ALWAYS have drugs on the table going around to share." In reality i wanted to say i couldnt stand being alone, but to them it seems like thats all i want to do. Just then i saw Hayden walking up, and i quickly tossed the bill to the Mancoon cat. "Yo, dont tell that husky i just did some cocaine." I spoke fearing for what he would say to me.
"Hey guys, good first set?" he spoke and noticed the lines of cocaine on the mirror in my guitarist paws. "Jeremy, thought you said you were doine messing with all this?" He spoke in a heartbroken, almost motherly tone. I could just see his heart break a bit, which forced me to just spit out the next thing.
"No, no, no, no, i wasn't doing any of it. Its just lonely back in my room alone, and i wanted to hang out a little bit." I spoke standing up to give Hayden a hug, but he just gave me a light soft hug.
Just then Nate spoke up. "Should we tell the black wolf, the brown wolf knows how to do cocaine?" And with that the husky turned around and glared at the bear with a death glare that could melt steel.
"He wouldn't of had this issue if you wouldn't have offered him so much, and always had it with you..." He spoke growling at the bigger male. Haydens tail would flick back and forth showing his temper about the situation, and luckily i knew the one way to calm him down.
"Guys, stop fighting, please... Babe, dont worry, im really trying to be a good boy for you. I promise." I spoke wrapping my arms around the husky to give him a hug, pulling his back against my toned torso.
"Okay, i guess ill trust you, but i dont fucking trust Nate." He said lovingly to me, but spat back at Nate towards the end. "Anyways, its time for the second half of the show guys," he said to my group before turning in my arms to face me, muzzle to muzzle. "And ill see you tonight, at home." A soft smile broke on his face as his left paw reached up and traced the out line of my muzzle.
"And i cant wait babe!" I smiled giving him a long kiss. I honestly wouldnt know what i would do with out my husky some times, even tho i know im not good enough for him.
Running off the set was the best feeling ever, the show ended on a good note, and even I was getting back into the music for the first time in years. Walking back to my dressing room, I quickly pulled off my sweat soaked t-shirt. This was one out of the 10 shirts I wore every show, if not the one I wore the most. Giving it one last glance over, I tossed it into my gym bag of clothing and traded it for my blue tooth speaker. Instantly I threw on Invincible by Tool (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hxsld16TjSU). Taking a breath or two in time to the song started to slow my rampant heart beat down back to normal, or as normal as a hyper dogs heart can be. I stripped off my black Jordan shoes, quickly followed by the black socks on both hind paws. Then came off the white athletic shorts I always wore during a show thanks to hayden.
"hey stud, great show tonight!" Hayden chimed walking into my dressing room. At this point almost my full body was completely unclothed, minus the jock strap I had on. which only hid my sheath and balls from the outside world.
"Thanks, Husker." I smiled and opened my arms wide to give him a hug.
"Yeah, no, you stink." He smirked at me, teasingly running out the door, but did come back rather quickly. "I guess I should hug you, since you are so.. Forgot how good you looked." He spoke checking over my muscular body before wrapping his arms around my waist giving a tight loving hug, and a kiss to my lips. "Also: Invincible by Tool right?" he pointed out the song playing from my small speaker while nuzzling into my tuff of white chest fur."
"Yup!" I smiled before giving my husky one more kiss. "ill be out in a few, it will be easier for me to pack up with out your fine booty teasing me at all." I chuckled, which he turned back with a nod and headed out the door.
"ill be with the tour bus then, don't be to long!" He spoke walking past the heavy metal door to my room. "Long in tooth and soul Longing for another win Lurch into the fray Weapon out and belly in
Warrior struggling To remain consequential Bellow aloud Bold and proud Of where I've been But here I am"
I sung with the radio packing up some knickknacks I carried all tour with me. Each little photo, trinket from a fan, even a foam peanut from the gig we got to unpack our pyro show! Gah, the flash backs flowing from these material objects was over hauling my mind, forcing a tear to run down the side of my muzzle, past the cheek, and onto the desk I used for my clothing and photos.
"Beating chest and drums Beating tired bones again Age-old battle, mine Weapon out and belly in
Tales told of battles won Of things we've done Caligula would grin
Beating tired bones Tripping through remember when Once invincible Now the armor's wearing thin Heavy shield down"
Tossing everything into my gig bag, gym bag and suitcase, I finally turned to shut off the lights of the back stage one last time. The road crew was still working on the stage, but we have to make sure our own rooms are turned off, and locked up. The heavy clank of the door echoed though the once bustling hallway. Now its as salient as a lamb but for a few strikes of hammers on truss, and the occasional fur yelling out orders on the load out bay. That's when the speaker spoke back up to me
"Warrior struggling To remain relevant Warrior struggling To remain consequential Cry aloud Bold and proud Of where I've been But here I am Where I end"
Who knows what will be to come tomorrow. But I will be strong, and I will stand bold and proud.