University Story - Chapter 8 : Part 4
*Sorry for the late post again. Been neglecting writing, which I hate. I took a lot of time figuring out where the story was going, but I think I'm on track now! Well, hope I never make you guys wait that long again! Enjoy the last part of Chapter 8! -Tidus
Chapter 8: Part 4 - No Dial Tone
Alex had stopped running hours ago. He was walking on some dirt road in the outskirts of town. He didn't know where he was, or what time it was either. He just kept going. He knew what was waiting for him back at Duke. Everything had gone wrong. Things had been so perfect, and he should have known it was too good to last. Everything fell apart, and he thought it was all his fault. If only he wasn't gay, he thought. He just wished he was normal, and had a normal life, and didn't have to worry about things like this.
Alex stopped dead in his tracks. "No." He said aloud to himself, "No, I can't think like that. I can't put the blame all on me again." Alex had tried to take the entire burden, but that was impossible. This wasn't something he could figure out on his own. It was something he, Keith and Shane had to work out together. This wasn't just Alex's problem. It affected all three of them the same. He couldn't keep them out of the decision-making. They had asked him to choose, but it was so hard. Alex had never felt the same kind of love that those two gave him. He didn't want to lose it, but like he said, this wasn't about him. If he really loved Keith and Shane, they deserved honesty and the drive to solve this problem. Alex couldn't just weep all night, but he was so scared. He wanted to act on this feeling, and run back to Duke to see the men he loved, but it was so hard. What if they hated him now? Maybe they didn't want to see him anymore. Maybe leaving was for the best. He just needed some advice, but didn't know who to talk to.
Alex came across a gas station, a bit run down, but that was no surprise considering there wasn't much around them. The place was open, but deserted. It was getting pretty late now, so the emptiness made sense. He walked in, and saw a male badger behind the counter. He was in his late 40's, and was tall and burly.
"Well, what do we have here? Didn't expect any more people at this hour! Whatcha need boy?" The older fur asked, having a slight southern accent, which was surprising considering they were nowhere near the south.
"Uh, ya, you don't happen to have a phone I can borrow, do you?" Alex asked nervously, rubbing his arms from both fear and the cold.
"Sure do! There's a payphone outside." He pointed to right outside the doors to the edge of the parking lot.
"Cool, thanks." Alex waved, and walked back outside where the cold night air met him. He shivered a little, but ignored it and hurried to the booth. He took out some change in his jean pockets, and held it in his paw. He shook it around a bit, trying to figure out who to call. Should he call Keith? Or Shane? But if he did call one of them, which one? It was just him facing the choice again. That wasn't going to help him now. He needed advice, and did the only thing that made sense. He put his change in and dialed an almost forgotten number.
*Ring. Ring. Ring* "Ya?"
"Oh, ah, hey. Dad?" Alex asked, more nervous than ever.
"Alex? That you? I'll be damned." Alex's father, Ace Mackenzie, said. His voice was deep, and Alex's spine tingled when he heard it. Even when he was calm, he still intimidated Alex. His father was nothing like him. He was about the size of Keith or Shane, 7 feet and massive. When Alex still lived with him, he only had to raise his voice slightly and loom over Alex to discipline him. He used to be in the army, and worked as a drill sergeant, so he had plenty of practice yelling.
"Ya, sorry to bother you Dad, I-I just wanted to talk to someone. Is mom home?" Alex's mother, Heather, was the first person he came out too. Though his mother comforted him, and told him she still loved him, it had led to the wrong ears. He hadn't talked to any of his family in a long while, but he needed someone.
"Sorry, she's out. What do ya want?" His Dad said, rather bluntly.
"No, it's just, well, I've been having some issues, and I just needed some a-advice..." Alex was stammering. His Dad had this effect on him.
"Jeez, I let you go away for school, and ya still find problems. Is this about what I think it is? Cause I thought you said you were gonna handle that?" His dad's voice was rising now, and even though he was miles away, Alex looked down in shame. He was so used to his father's terrifying presence that he couldn't help but shiver.
"No! No, it's nothing like that. I swear!" Alex was scrambling to end this conversation, but he couldn't lie to his dad. He always seemed to know.
"Don't lie to me." See? He always found out. His voice wasn't loud now, but stern. Alex hated this even more.
"I'm s-sorry. I'm trying to handle it, but I just don't know what to do."
"You know what you should do? You should leave that stupid school, and join the reserves like I told ya to! You're not gonna get anything from being there, and the army'll straighten you out!" Alex had only just been able to convince his dad to let him leave his home town. It was even harder considering how Alex's two older brothers were identical to his father. They were twins, and 24 years old, and had both joined the army when they were Alex's age. They were the spitting image of their father, and it really made Alex look pathetic in comparison. His father had never approved of him, and he had gone through hell when he found out he was gay.
"No! Please dad! I wanna stay here, ill figure everything out, I swear." Alex was desperate to end this, and didn't want his father to take drastic measures. Ever since Alex left home, Ace had looked for any excuse to pull his son out of school and force him into the military. It's not that Alex hated the military, but his experience with it so far wasn't the best, and he knew they wouldn't make it easy for someone like him.
"Fuck, whatever kid. Do whatcha want, but if I hear about this one more time, you better believe I'll be coming up to see ya! And you know that's not something I wanna do." Alex was whimpering a little, trying to hold back tears. He never realized how terrified he was of his dad until he got away. The thought of seeing him again was horrifying, and he knew he'd be in serious trouble if his dad had to drive all the way up there.
"No, no, you don't need to come here dad! I promise I'll take care of it. Please?" Alex was almost begging now.
"Fine, whatever." His voice was back to normal, as if it was not an issue at all anymore.
"Thanks dad, I lov-" His dad hung up before Alex could say bye. Alex just stood there, in the small, cramped phone booth. He had never felt more alone then right there. He didn't know where he was, and was seriously wondering who he was. Everything was in question, and he only had enough change for one more call. It was hard to choose, but he needed to hear this person's voice. Anything to calm him down.
*Ring. Ring. Ring.* "Hello?"
* * * *
Shane was still sitting in his jeep. Right after the game he had gone in his car with the intention of going after Alex, but he hadn't moved. He had been there for about 2 hours, just sitting, and thinking. He thought he must have fallen asleep or something, but he didn't know. It was all a haze, and he wasn't sure what to do next. Shane flopped his head down on the steering wheel, frustrated and tired, and was instantly woken up by the loud horn. *HOOONK* Shane jumped back in surprise, and put his head in his paws.
"Fuck, I'm a mess..." Shane said aloud to himself. He felt like just a lump, and didn't know what to do with himself. On one hand, he wanted to see Alex, and be with him, and figure out what they would do, but on the other, he knew Alex wanted to be alone. Also, what if Alex wanted to pick Keith? If he ran over to Alex, it would only make it harder for the little guy. He just had to give him his space.
*Ring. Ring. Ring.*
"What?" Shane's cell phone was ringing, "Who could it be at this hour?" Shane picked it up. "Hello?"
* * * *
Keith stormed into his dorm, dry tears in the corners of his eyes. He had walked around campus for a while, stopping to just sit and think, but he still didn't feel any calmer. He bolted up the steps, 3 at a time. Though he had gone walking to clear his mind, he half hoped that he would come across Alex. He wanted to tell him that he would be alright, and that he would do anything to make him happy again. Even if that meant leaving his life forever. Keith was willing to give everything up for Alex. Alex was just as willing to give up both him and Shane for their happiness, and Keith needed to feel just as much dedication and love.
Keith approached his dorm room. He stood outside the door. He couldn't hear anything inside, but he hoped that Alex was there. Maybe he was just asleep, Keith thought. He remembered how just a small while ago there was none of this trouble. Alex slept silently and peacefully so close to Keith. His cute little body limp in his bed, his sheets never covering his half naked body. Keith prayed he would see Alex just as he remembered him, in his bed, and smiling.
Keith opened the door. The lights were off, and he couldn't see anything. He tip-toed in and opened the blinds to one of the windows, letting some moon light in so he could see if Alex was there.
Nothing. No one was with him. Keith fell into his bed, all alone. He hoped so much that Alex would be there. Waiting for him. Waiting to tell him that it was him that he loved, and that he wanted to be with him. But there was nothing. If Keith didn't have Alex, he felt like he had nothing.
*Ring. Ring. Ring.*
Keith looked up from his sprawled out position on his bed. He looked to see the cell phone on the desk. Who the hell would that be tonight? He really didn't feel like talking to someone. Then again, what if it was Alex? It was a long shot, and Keith was sure it couldn't be him, but what the hell, he thought. He grabbed the cell phone and answered it.
"Hello?"
* * * *
"Hello?" The familiar voice said on the other end of the payphone.
"Hey, it's me." Alex said, feeling better just from hearing his friend's voice.
"Alex?! Oh man, what's up? Where are you?"
"I'm good, I just needed someone to talk to. You don't mind, do you Peyton?" Alex pleaded with his friend.
"You know I would never say no to you. I promised you that when you left. No matter how far away, I'd still be there for you." Peyton always knew how to comfort Alex. The mountain lion had been Alex's only true friend in high school, and he had gotten Alex through a lot of trouble before. He was there for Alex then, and there was no reason to think he wouldn't help now.
"Thanks Peyton...Things have been getting kinda intense here..." Alex's voice lowered to almost a whisper now.
"Oh no. Do people there know?"
"Not everyone, but they're all bound to find out. That's not the big problem though."
"What? Tell me everything." Peyton sounded serious, and ready to listen. He really was a true friend.
Alex took a deep breath, and poured his heart out, telling Peyton everything that had happened at Duke. From his clumsy first day, to the big game that sparked their conversation...
* * * *
Shane hung his phone up and flung it to the passenger side seat.
"Fucking idiots." Shane grunted to himself. It had been some guys on the football team drunk-dialing him. "Where are you?", "Let's party!" blah, blah, blah. Shane was in no mood, and if he could punch someone through a phone, he would have. He had the idea in the back of his mind that it would be Alex, but he should stop kidding himself. Alex had run off, and he needed to deal with that. It hurt too much to focus on all of this. He needed to push all of the sorrow out of his mind until Alex was ready to talk with him. He couldn't put his whole life on hold because of how sad and empty he felt. Soon Alex would be ready to tell him how he felt, but until then, Shane needed to move on. He still loved Alex, and if he chose him, he would be ecstatic and love Alex forever. However, if he sat and thought about it, he would focus on the negative, and it hurt too much.
Shane started his Jeep and pulled out of the parking lot after hours of thought. Alex knew how he felt, and knew that he would always be there for him. Whether as a friend, or a lover. As long as Alex knew that, Shane needed to let him figure it out. This wasn't Shane's burden. If he really loved Alex, he would let him make the decision he wanted. He shouldn't get in his way, no matter how much he wanted to.
Shane drove through the dark and empty road back to his place, ready to get some sleep. Even though he was sleeping alone, he felt better knowing his emotions were out in the open to the man he loved.
* * * *
"Hello?" Keith answered the phone.
"Hey? Umm, this isn't Alex, is it?" The mysterious voice said.
"Ah, no. It's his roommate, Keith." Keith looked at the cell phone he was talking on and realized it was Alex's. Their phones looked similar so he assumed it was his.
"Oh, I'm very sorry. Could you tell him his mother phoned? I just wanted to hear his voice again..." Alex's mother hadn't talked to his son in more than 2 months now. No matter what happened in the year before, she still loved him, and she felt hollow not being able to see or hear him.
"I'd love to, but I don't really know where he is, or when he's coming back." Keith didn't want to lie to her. She sounded very concerned.
"Oh no! Is something wrong?" Heather asked him, sounding terrified.
"I don't think so. He just went out for a walk. You know, to clear his mind." He didn't want to lie, but worrying her wouldn't help anyone. "He's just been under some stress lately."
"Ya, I understand. Just let him know that he can come to me," her voice was so soft, but sounded so sad, Keith thought. "I know he feels isolated, but please tell him that for me?"
"Of course," Keith said. He wanted to help Alex so much, and hearing that someone else felt so desperate didn't make him feel any better. "I want him to feel better too..."
"Thank you. You're a nice boy." Heather smiled on her end, and knew that Keith was doing the same. They may not have been the happiest at that moment, but they felt comfort in each other. In just a small moment, with such few words, they were able to tell each other a lot. They didn't know each other, but in that short conversation, they felt like they did.
Keith hung up the phone and put it on Alex's nightstand. He took a seat on his bed, and looked up to the door. He wondered if Alex would come back, or if he should go after him. He let out a long exhale, and lay back wondering if this night could get any better.
* * * *
"Wow..." Peyton was speechless. He had helped Alex through a lot, but didn't expect such a predicament to fall upon his friend.
"Ya, so you understand why I need to talk to someone," Alex's voice was a bit shaky now. It was weird telling someone everything that happened. He had experienced it, but looking back was difficult. "I just couldn't talk to anyone here. None of them would understand...not like you."
"You wanna know what I think Alex?" Peyton said seriously.
"Of course! Yours is the only opinion I trust."
"I think my opinion doesn't matter. You know how you feel better than anyone. So why are you asking me who to choose?" Peyton was always good for an honest answer. He and Alex were very close, and who knows what would have happened to Alex during high school without him.
"I'm just so scared..."
"Scared of what? Being alone? That'll never happen Alex. I won't let it."
"I just don't want to hurt them." Alex couldn't think of something worse than this. Sure, he was terrified of being alone, but he was willing to endure that as long as Shane and Keith were happy in the end.
"Of course not, but you can't run away from this either. You're hurting them by doing that." Peyton was always brutally honest, but Alex trusted his advice. "It may hurt now, but you have to be honest with them. It's not fair to lead them on."
"I know that, but-"
"But what? You can't solve anything by talking to me! You have to do it Alex. You're stronger than you think. That's why I like ya!" Peyton laughed a little. Even though he was so brutal, he made Alex feel better. He needed someone like him in his life. He was Alex's rock, and he had saved Alex for the millionth time.
"I owe you so much Peyton..."
"You don't owe me shit. I made a promise to you, what feels like ages ago, that I would never leave you. So even if you're not right next to me, I want you to feel like I'm there. You understand me?"
"Ya...ya, I understand."
"No matter what, I still love you. Don't forget that. You're never alone." If Peyton could, he would have wrapped Alex in his arms and pulled him close, never letting go. He did love Alex, but just as a friend. They're relationship may have been rocky in the past, but they both understood how they felt about each other now.
"Thank you Peyton. You have no idea how much you mean to me. Sometimes I think I can't do anything without you...It's hard, but if you say I can do it, then I know I can!" Alex felt new strength rushing into him. It wasn't a matter of if he should face this problem, but just how. He could do it, no matter how difficult.
"Good luck babe." With a small sigh, Peyton hung up his phone. He slumped back into his chair, sitting at home, remembering what life was like with Alex. They both knew it was going to be hard to live away from each other, but it was something Alex had to do. Peyton didn't want to hold him back. He had faced a choice once, just as Alex did now. He had chosen to let Alex leave. It hurt him more than anything, so he knew how his little husky was going to feel soon. He looked at his car keys on the table in front of him, and the door outside. He thought and thought and thought. He put his head in his paws.
"What am I thinking?" He asked himself. He looked at his keys again through the gaps in his fingers. "Fuck..." He said as he walked out the door into the cold, autumn night...