You haven't listened to them, have you?

Story by Skip Lyons on SoFurry

, , , , ,

The first of a great many stories I've been building for this universe, featuring two of its more prominent characters


"Hey, Bishop, something I need to talk with you about the fair." "Sure thing Mr. Lyons, give me a sec."

Skip was both happy to wait, and would wait patiently for as long as Bishop needed, but was also antsy to get the conversation over with. He accepted Bishop as a colleague at this point, which was not to say they didn't have their problems. Namely, Bishop could be kind of a dick. And apparently he'd already been a dick to Jasper about it, which is why it had fallen to Skip to get the wolf to say yes. And while it was wrong for Bishop to be a dick to his mate, sometimes that sort of thing just happened, namely when Bishop had something heavy weighing on his mind. Such as organizing logistics for a homecoming booth across two clubs, although they were practically one club, just don't tell Bishop that.

"And done." Bishop said, turning his attention away from his computer and onto Skip. "Thanks for waiting. What have you got?" "You haven't listened to them, have you?" There was no sense with false pleasantries with Bishop, nor was there sense in beating around the bush. This would be a rocky conversation, so there was no non-rocky way to start it. And sure enough, Bishop had gone from a reasonably pleasant expression to a sour one, in an instant. No offense meant to Jasper, but it was a wonder the two of them got along so well, being as different as they were. "No, I didn't listen to them. I have other things to worry about." "No you don't. It's a joint booth, Bishop. What, you think people will flock because of your printing prowess? You're in charge of two clubs here, you need to-" "Jasper is in charge of the LGBT club, I do the journalism circuit. That's two different things." "Then you're cock blocking your mate from-" "Don't call him my mate while we're doing business, the fact of the matter is-" "The fact of the matter is that you're an asshole."

Skip stared Bishop down. It was not unlike how he'd stared Joel down just earlier that day, only then it was to make sure Joel heard what Skip was saying. Skip had been trying to impart some level of comfort or assurance to the kid, and it seemed to have worked. But this was a combative stare. Bishop would do with nothing less. But he sure tried to, because he didn't give an inch. He just locked that eye contact, and matched Skip willpower for willpower. But Bishop was a smart man, so all Skip had to do was wait. And, eventually, Bishop caved. He still didn't say anything, but when his expression broke Skip knew it was safe to continue.

"You've been unfair to him, Bishop. Talk to me." The two had been working together for several years now. They knew how to talk to each other, which was in many ways a remarkable feat. It took some doing, but it made Skip the second person who could get through the bullheaded exterior, second only to Jasper himself. The two of them actually filled in each other's gaps now and then. The arrangement served to everyone's benefit, save perhaps Bishop's, although it was a benefit to him whether he'd admit it or not. And since Jasper couldn't get through right now (no doubt to his own heightened emotions concerning the fair), it was time for Skip to step in. Not that it was a hard thing to do. Nobody treated a member of this circuit poorly or with contempt. Not even Bishop, who had practically founded the thing.

Bishop took a deep breath. "I've just been under a lot of pressure lately-" "Bullshit."

Bishop turned back into his stare, but this time it was fire and daggers. But Skip was ready for it. He came into this knowing it would be a tough conversation. It would take more than fire and daggers to get him to step down from it.

"You're worried about your reputation. Admit it." Skip gave a small pause, even though he knew Bishop wouldn't respond. The pause was just long enough for the idea to start working in Bishop's head. Then Skip continued. "You've carried on the idea for this booth with platitudes and half acceptance. And now that you realize what the end product will look like - what it's always been going to look like - you have cold feet. You're hitting the breaks, and trying to step back, and fucking it up for everyone along the way." "I am not-" "Jasper, for instance? But that one's easy. You know him too well, so he's easy to step on, am I right? What about Finn? Your protegee slash content farm? His heart is dead set on this booth, and this magazine which you yourself authorized. You encouraged it. It's time to commit, you need to-" "Don't tell me what I need, Skip. You don't know the half of it." "What do you need, then, Bish? Talk to me."

It was a low blow, for both of them, and they both knew it. Bishop was called Bish by one person, and one person only. His estranged brother who left the family years ago and never looked back. Eric was a name that wasn't spoken of. Even hinting to it was playing with dangerous fire. But Bishop had started it. He and Skip had been working together for years now. Skip had gotten Bishop his connections with journalism and publishing. Skip had been a mentor, and even a father, not by his own judgment or by Jasper's - but by Bishop's own admittance. They had been through a lot together, and perhaps on only two other instances had Bishop ever called him by his first name. Not that Skip was opposed to friendly relations with other people. He didn't choose to be called "Mr. Lyons", other people just decided to. It was a sign of respect, and it was a culture which Bishop himself instilled in the people around him. Because by Bishop's creed, respect meant the world. He'd die for someone if he had enough respect for them. So dropping that respect at a moment's notice, without a second thought - it meant a lot. It meant that Bishop was hurting about something, and the golden haired wolf was too stubborn to do anything about it.

But Skip would break through. He always had in the past, even if sometimes he had to borrow Jasper to do it. Just like Jasper was at present borrowing him.

Skip then softened his stance. They had had their combat. The blows had been exchanged, and they didn't need to dramatically stare each other down any more. So Skip took the chair opposite Bishop and spun it around, sitting so he could rest his arms on the chair's back. It was a casual stance, and on someone else it might have looked silly. But Skip's body had a casual ease about it. His wife said he loved to pose because even outrageous positions looked natural and purposeful on him. He could stand about a room and command attention just by looking like he belonged in it. And in a lot of ways he did. Skip had come to learn enough about who he was to know that that core never changed. No matter where someone is, he is still who he is. And if that core is strong enough, then no environmental factors can change it. And if there's an imbalance between the two, it follows that the environment has to change its shape around him. It wasn't something Skip did on purpose. But by unapologetically being who he was, a lot of doors tended to open up. Most noticeably in his career field, where it took a firm sense of self to get anywhere. It helped him to stand up to bullies, again typically in the corporate world. But sometimes he had to stand up to a bully in the journalism offices at the local college. Not that he meant to be a bully. Bishop just had a lot of emotions, and hadn't figured out a place to put them just yet. But he was figuring it out. He just needed some patient people in his life who could understand that.

It was Skip's casual ease which broke Bishop's resolve. He couldn't hold his own against the lion, no matter how hard he tried. Skip had a way of just being there. No matter the circumstance, he was there, living in his own world. And if ever two opposite worlds didn't get along, and if they were forced to interact, especially multiple times, then one of them simply had to give in. Often they reached compromise, but most often it was Bishop who caved in first. It's just that Skip believed in Skip more than Bishop believed in Bishop. But that worked out, because Skip believed in Bishop as well, maybe even more strongly than Bishop believed in himself. It was something he'd only experienced with his mate. Back when he and Jasper had only just met it drove him insane. But now it was almost a welcome sensation, although no less infuriating. Bishop hated having to let his guard down, and let other people in. That's why it happened so infrequently. But if he did have to let anyone in, he was glad it was one of these two. Either it was Jasper, his mate and the love of his life - or it was Skip Lyons. Skip had been nothing but a friend to Bishop. And he was a mentor, and for lack of a better word he was a father as well. But Bishop would be caught dead before saying such a thing out loud.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Lyons," Bishop eventually. "It's just-" "Call me Skip." The two made heavy eye contact then, and Skip affirmed his point. "We're equals, Bishop. Maybe we always have been, but especially right now we are. There's no power dynamic here, it's just you and me having a talk. I'll be Skip, and you'll be Bishop, and once we leave this room we'll revert. But right now I want it to just be us, a couple of friends, I guess. Fair?"

Bishop smiled at that. It was one of the rare smiles that managed to reach up to his eyes. Only a few people could get him to smile like that. Skip considered himself lucky to be part of that group.

"Fair," Bishop said. "But it might be strange." "Strange things are good." Skip said. It made Bishop cock his head and make a confused expression. He hadn't expected that response, and Skip pressed his advantage. "Like Finn, for instance. He's strange. Or take Jasper. Remarkably floppy ears that one."

This time Bishop did more than smile, he actually laughed. And just like that the barriers were down. Bishop nearly couldn't remember why he was so upset in the first place. Once his laughter subsided he did recall what had him so agitated. But all it was was a recollection of it. And he'd become removed from it just enough to think critically about it. He really had been unfair to his mate, hadn't he? Only, now it came down to the talking part of opening up to someone. Bishop was never much good at that, and he looked to Skip for help. But the stupid lion was just sitting there, calm, a member of his own peaceable world. Like he was just waiting to see what Bishop would do. It put the spotlight entirely on Bishop, which he was ordinarily fine with. It was just personal spotlights like this which were a challenge to him.

"I guess I have been unfair, haven't I?" At this Skip just nodded, imperceptibly at first then growing larger. As though Bishop had been really unfair and Skip was just too polite to say it blunt like that. "I guess I should apologize, huh?" Bishop continued. "You guess? That's a silly thing to do. He's your mate, you need to apologize, because he's the best thing in your life and you've been really unfair to him. But you can do that later. Ostensibly you see him every night." Skip then looked at him with a raised eyebrow, as though leaving the statement open in case they ever entertained alternative sleeping arrangements. Then the moment was over and he went on. "But like you said, right now is business, and you need to do more than apologize. The guys can't put on this fundraiser without you to rally them. They're all looking forward to this, Bishop, and that means they're all looking up to you. Is that what you're freaking out about?" "I mean, I'm sure that's part of it." Bishop said. But in truth he wasn't convinced. He hadn't thought of it like that, but he got over his leadership complex a while ago. And it couldn't be about sexuality, could it? But then, he had been pushing Jasper away pretty hard of late. He looked at the lion opposite him, and he saw that Skip knew. The bloody cat seemed to always know. And worse, he wasn't even saying anything about it. He was just sitting there, which somehow facilitated Bishop working through his own baggage, even without needing to talk it through. Like having his barriers down against someone else also meant lowering his barriers to himself.

At a point Bishop had to give in. He didn't want to admit that him being gay might not be entirely resolved, but he also needed guidance about that. And not only was Skip readily on hand, but he was the best guiding voice Bishop had.

"I guess you're right." Bishop said, without alluding to what exactly Skip was right about. They both knew full well what it was. "But I don't know why I'm doing it, or how to stop it." "Do you think you're worried about your career?" "Fuck no. People will listen if they want to, I have no influence over that. And if I'm gay then all the better, because then people will only listen if they want to, so it means more." "But you want people to want to listen to you." "I guess? But, who wouldn't want that?" "Jasper, for one. You know him better than anyone. He doesn't give a care in the world who listens to him, so long as he still gets to be himself." "Well, you're right about that."

Skip let it hang in the air. The natural follow up was that lately Jasper hadn't been able to be himself, for reasons which didn't need to be stated. Bishop was either aware of his behavior, or he would be. But that didn't need to be spoken more of, because they were both knew it would be resolved. So they sat for a moment, until Skip prompted Bishop for more.

"But, you're worried about being gay, then." "No." Bishop said. Then he said it again when Skip looked unconvinced. The lion still looked unconvinced. "I just suggested you were worried about your career. You're the one who made it about being gay."

Bishop opened his mouth to protest, then shut it, because dammit, the lion was right. It was he and Jasper, man. Why were they always right all the time? But he was floundering, both in this room, and this conversation, and within himself. He didn't want to admit it, and he wasn't about to, but something about his sexuality really had been bothering him of late. He had never defined himself as being gay, it just wasn't something he thought about very much. But as Jasper came more into himself it was getting hard. There was more visibility, and now Bishop wasn't just mate to Jasper, but he was mate to the president of the LGBT club. And since Bishop gravitated toward journalism since they started at this school, and he had pushed to get their paper going from scratch, it was easy to add in that LGBT voice. But Jasper's voice had grown, and Jasper had made more friends, and they all had voices, and Bishop had become the loudspeaker for their words, only now it was his voice and not theirs, and-

"I might suggest one thing, Bishop." Skip said. "I can't tell you your business. I don't know it. It seems like you don't know it either, or at the very least you're still figuring it out. I respect that. But whatever it is that's going on, a few things are clear. You decided on this life. You decided to do this paper, you decided to go along with Jasper - you decided these things. And say that being gay isn't a choice, then you still decided to stay with him in particular. You chose this boy to be gay with. Else you can call yourself bisexual, or omnisexual or whatever you'd like. But you're in a homoromantic relationship right now, and that can't be argued against - and you chose that. But you can't choose that half way, Bishop. Love is an all in or all out sort of thing. You can't love only part of him. I've seen it, I've seen him grow - and it is a lot. His shirts get tighter every year, but I guarantee you he hasn't gotten an inch taller. He's a short little guy, only now he wears even shorter shorts."

This made Bishop laugh, which was another point in Skip's favor. And it did Bishop a world of good to hear someone else say it. That meant it wasn't entirely in his own head, at least, which was already a huge indicator of sanity that he hadn't had before. It just felt nice that he wasn't the only one who noticed.

"And if you can't talk to him then I will, and I will do it happily. Because he's been unfair to you as well. Neither of you can tell the other what to do, or say, or how to dress or behave. That's controlling and damaging, and I know you aren't about controlling or damaging Jasper. You love him, and he loves you. I don't think it makes you an asshole if it makes you uncomfortable. An asshole would be someone who didn't say anything about it, and pushed his mate away and punished him just for being true to who he is."

That one stung a little close to home. Bishop didn't have a response to that, because now all he could think of were flashbacks through the past few months, up to even a year or two ago. He could think of so many interactions where he'd held his tongue, in the interest of wanting Jasper just to be happy. And he'd built a prison out of that without meaning to. But he couldn't accept that he was holding Jasper back. He wouldn't accept that. But that made him defeated, because he didn't know how to proceed. It was hard to ask for help, because it was hard to admit that he was wrong. But he knew he needed help, and he trusted Skip, more than just about anyone else he knew.

"What should I do?" Bishop asked. He knew it was a heavy question, and too short and too open ended as to be of any use. He just didn't know where else to begin, so he might as well begin there. "Talk to him, for one. And I'll be there if you need." "I would like that."

Skip smiled. "Then it's done. You name the time and place, and we'll do it. We could do it now, even, and-" "No, not now. Not with the fair so close." "Are you sure? Maybe beca-" "I'm sure Skip. We can't do it now." "Do you think you'll break up with him?" "What? How could you even say that? Of course not, I'll never-" "So you're choosing to be with him, then." "Of course I am." "Even though he dresses how he does, as though he doesn't already have the most handsome boy in the school?" "Yes, Skip, I'm choosing-"

Then Bishop caught himself off guard. Did Skip just call him handsome?

"That's what I said, Bishop. You're handsome. You have the traits of a leader, with a jawbone to match. Your fur looks actually like a light gold. I'm tan. You're gold. You are a catch, Bishop. Don't feel like you're saddled with Jasper if you don't want him. You could have any guy or girl in the school if you wanted." "I am not saddled with Jasper." "You seem to think so." "Dammit, Skip! I am not saddled with him!" It took Bishop a moment to realize he was staring daggers across the desk. It was unwarranted and he knew it. Skip was nothing but a friend to him, arguably his only real, close friend. But Skip didn't look hurt, just patient, and understanding. Bishop hated, and also loved him, for that. "Then what are you?" Skip dropped the question almost like someone might drop a mic. And he looked into Bishop's eyes, then, as if searching for something. It was like he was looking for an answer which Bishop didn't have. And for once it seemed like Skip didn't have the answer either. They stayed that way for a while. Bishop was speechless, ashamed, confused, and above all he was worried for his mate. He worried about what his actions had done to him. And Skip seemed satisfied with that. It wasn't his job to figure Bishop out. Bishop could do that. So long as he could lend a helping hand.

"I'd like to give you some advice." Skip said as he stood to leave. "Don't put off the talk. You guys are strong, and you'll make it. But if you wait and you're unhappy, but you put it off so Jasper can live in his spotlight, and you come at him with this after, then that means he was living a lie. He's really looking forward to this, Bishop, you know that better than anyone. If you wait then you might soil that, and that's going to hurt him. Maybe not forever, but it'll hurt deep. But if you trust in him, and have that tough conversation and work through it together, then you come at the fair together as well. That way he gets to share this thing with you that he's so excited about. It'll mean the world to him, Bishop, and you can give that to him. Think about it."

With that Skip gave a polite nod and made a start to leave, but Bishop cut him off.

"What if it goes poorly?" "Do you really think it would go poorly?" "No, Skip, I don't. But what if it does?" "I suppose you'll have to take that risk Bishop. Or you can do nothing. But understand that that's a risk as well."

Skip made another start to leave, and this time Bishop didn't stop him. Skip seemed to think of something more to say on his way out, though. He stopped and turned to look at Bishop inquisitively.

"Have you thought about coming out as gay?"

Bishop just looked at him.

"What." "Have you thought about coming out as-" "I heard you. What the fuck are you on about?" "Well, you are gay, aren't you?" "Yes, I mean, I guess." "Well, are you or aren't you?" "Yes." "But you just guessed about it." "What's your point Skip?" "All I'm saying is that it might be nice if Jasper didn't have to guess that you were in love him." "Don't you dare insinuate that I don't love him." "You just, don't know if you're gay with him." "That isn't the same thing." "I suppose. But being gay is a big deal to Jasper. I don't think it will always be that way, right now he's just trying on the identity in a really big way. That's what college is for, after all. I know he wasn't always this flamboyant, and I doubt he'll stay that way. But it would mean a lot to him if you made up your mind about it." "About what?" Bishop asked. He asked the question, even though he didn't want the answer to it. "About your sexuality, Bishop. I'm not saying you have to wear tutus and borrow Jasper's extremely skinny jeans. But you can't be straight and be in love with a boy." "I never said I was straight." "You act like it. And don't try to deny it Bishop. There are no visual cues, no cues, that you and Jasper are in love. Or even that you're dating. It looks for all the world like he's a clingy boy who won't let go of his straight crush. He's affectionate towards you. You don't return it."

The gears were moving in Bishop's mind, but Skip beat him to it.

"In private doesn't count Bishop. He loves you in public, he loves you all of the time. He gives you big ol' googly eyes constantly. When you aren't around he still gives you those eyes, and you'd better be able to feel them from wherever you are, or else you're the most ungrateful person I've ever met. You have this boy's heart in your hands Bishop. So let's say you hold yourself back in honor of him being able to be free. But you refuse to let him go. Then he'll never have someone to willingly hold his hand in public, or give him a loving, public embrace. Full on smooching, is that too much PDA? I say fuck the public. You're on a liberal college campus, if you can't be public here than where can you be? Again, I'm not trying to tell you your business. But Jasper is a sweet boy, and he has such a kind heart. He deserves someone who will hold him in public, and_be his mate_ in public. Only you can determine if you're fit for that. But if you can't do that, if you honestly can't give that to him, and if you love him enough to believe that he deserves it, then you have to let him go, Bishop. Don't avert your gaze, you've been strong this whole conversation, don't act weak about it now. Jasper isn't perfect, and he can do a lot to be more considerate of you. Knowing him, he'll make that effort to change, because he loves you and you're worth it. But Jasper deserves more than he gets right now. You need to figure out how to address that."

Neither of them broke their eye contact. They were both surprisingly close to tears, because breaking the news to Bishop that he might have to break Jasper's heart hadn't been on Skip's agenda for today. And Bishop hadn't realized what his behavior had been doing to this boy he supposedly loved. And he didn't know what that behavior implied, and he wasn't prepared to embrace or confront any of it.

Then, when nothing more was said, Skip turned to go.

"Skip!" Bishop called after him. Skip turned, and Bishop was standing, fully in tears, looking for all the world like he'd just lost his best friend. And he was so much in pain.

Skip rushed to him and held him. They cried together, but mainly it was Bishop who cried. He cried tears of pain and confusion, and they were apologetic and loving all in one. And Skip just held on. He held on until the tears ran dry, and they held to each other for a long time after that.