His Only Happy Ending
His Only Happy Ending
Part 1
"Dark, dark is my life, is my soul, is my heart and is my fur. Broken is the boy inside, dead is he who dwells within. Lying awake at night, wishing death would come. Just do it; cut deep enough and it will end. The paw shakes; a scratch then a cut but it can't do it. Not strong enough; not strong enough to stop the pain."
Markus put his pen down and stared dimly at the notebook. Another message of sorrow, penned to release the pain. As always it helped little, it was simply something to do. Perhaps if he ever got up enough nerve to do what he'd just described then these would be a message to his parents. They certainly didn't understand him now; they were just too blinded by their illusory happiness. Grimly, he rolled back his sleeve and looked at his watch, 5:30, dinner would be soon. He put the pen in its stand and closed the tattered notebook before getting up from the desk in his dimly lit bedroom. He replaced the volume on the bookshelf, beside others of its kind. He sighed; looking at the books he'd filled over the years all collecting dust, no one reading them. Then, that's why they call it self-expression, he didn't write them for others. That's when he heard his mother's shrill voice call to him from downstairs.
"Markus, Dinner! Get down here before your father has it all!" He could hear the ensuing squeal as his father undoubtedly pinched her in some place he'd rather not think about.
"I'm coming mother." He hardly raised his voice, knowing she couldn't hear him but he didn't care. He went to the door, pausing in the doorway to look back on the room. It was the only place he felt remotely content. At least here he could shut himself away from the world that hated him. He sighed as he flicked off the switch and trudged downstairs. He entered the dining room to find his parents already eating, no surprise there.
"I'm sorry son, but you should have come when your mother called, I have to leave soon I can't wait." His father had a powerful voice and build for an accountant. He talked big but he was just another cog in the emotionless corporate machine.
"As if you cared." Markus took his plate to the kitchen and filled it, not even half as much as his father had. He did not eat much and had the slim figure to prove it. He heard his parents muttering something from the kitchen, he knew they were talking about him; they always talked behind his back. Some would think him paranoid but upon reentering the dining room they suddenly stopped. He dropped the plate on the table and threw himself into a chair. Without saying a word he started eating. He had to admit, his mother was a good cook. He heard his father clear his throat, loudly and he knew what was coming.
"Markus, your mother and I have talked it over and we want you to stop this nonsense. Your clothes, your room, your attitude, enough is enough Mister it's time to grow up." Markus threw his silverware down, almost cracking the plate. As he stood he knocked the chair over, this was so typical of his parents.
"You'll never understand." He stormed back to his room, slamming the door shut and turning the deadbolt he'd installed, against his parents' wishes of course. He flopped onto the bed and buried his face in the pillows, this was so meaningless but he had not the strength to end it. Right about then his computer beeped. He looked up at the screen, it was his instant messenger. He pried himself off the bed and instead slumped into the chair at his computer station. The thing was so old it was practically useless for anything other than instant messaging and light web surfing. He clicked around a bit and gazed over his sparse contact list, only 3 were on it. It was his friend Matthew who had logged in, it gave him a small measure of hope. Talking to Matt was one of the very few things he enjoyed; he typed up his first message.
"Hey Matt, are things as bad for you as for me?" It was a few moments before he saw the pencil moving on screen, signifying Matt was typing his response.
"Worse I'll wager, what's up with you?" Matt and Mark were very similar.
"Parents, they don't get me at all."
"Same here, the old man threatened to kick me out again if I didn't cut my hair." Matt had recently died his hair Jet Black, his parents hated it passionately, especially since his fur was white as could be.
"They're assholes, who needs them? Screw them all."
"I hear that. Anyway, did you hear the rumors going around school?" Matt was usually up on the latest gossip, Markus wasn't really interested in all that, but he listened to what he had to say most times.
"No, what's up?"
"Turns out Corey Shelding is gay."
"No way."
"Yeah, now he's being harassed by half the school and his parents are thinking of sending him to one of those centers."
"Those fruity religious centers that try and brainwash people?"
"Yep, so you wanna get out of the house for a while?"
"What did you have in mind?" About 20 minutes later Markus was outside Matt's house, he'd walked there because he couldn't drive yet and his bike had broken the previous week. Another bit of misery to pile onto the mountain of woe. Markus didn't have long to wait before Matt came climbing out his window. He waited for his friend to come over before speaking. "Grounded again huh?"
"Yeah, big deal, my parents are idiots. So, you ready?"
"Definitely, it's been way too long since last time, I need to forget for a while." Markus stood on the rear pegs of Matt's bike as they made their way to South Town. He held onto him to keep from falling, Matt found it strange but Markus didn't mind. As the wind blew through his fur his thoughts went back to what Matt had told him earlier. The news of Corey's homosexuality had not surprised him in the least, the two once made out while both were very drunk. Corey regretted it instantly, but Markus hadn't and had filled nearly an entire journal discussing his feelings over the event. Before Markus could really reminisce about that though the bike skidded to a halt, they were here.
They walked along with the bike down the block and onto an intersection, this was a very bad neighborhood. If their parents knew they were here the boys would be locked away forever, things happened in South Town. Tonight they were hunting for something, it always moved to a different spot but they knew what to look for. After checking a few intersections they found it, a pair of black sneakers thrown over an electrical line marked the spot. They stood at the corner, leaning against a wall and looking bored as they waited. They had to wait exactly 11 minutes in perfect silence, those were the rules. After the time elapsed, a lone figure came from the shadows wearing a trench coat. He stood next to them, leaning against the wall as well, not making eye contact.
"Looks like stormy weather ya?" The figure spoke with an accent, his voice was dry and grating. It was Matt who answered him.
"Yes, it may even rain." There wasn't a cloud in the sky. A sly smile crossed the man's face, no one knew his name.
"You are here to do business then, I assume you have the coin ya?" Without a word Matt produced a small wad of cash which he passed behind their backs into the man's pocket. "Turn left and walk 10 paces along the building, there is a brick which will pull free, behind is what you seek, go now." They waited until he'd gone to move before following his instruction exactly. Matt was rather annoyed but he had not said it to the man himself.
"I don't see why we have to go through all these hoops, I think he just likes messing with us." It was true that the man had some strange customs, foremost among them never carrying the product on his person. He always hid it around the intersection of the week, what one bought were the directions to finding it. Markus just shrugged as he found the right brick and pulled it from the wall.
"He's just covering his ass, this is pretty serious stuff." He pulled the small paper bag from its hiding place and replaced the brick, the man would not use this spot again.
"I guess so, just put it in your pocket and let's get out of here."
"To the usual spot?"
"The usual spot." The two boarded the bicycle once more and left South Town behind. If one was wise, they did not enter at all, if one was smart, they left as soon as their business was concluded. This journey was a bit longer than the first, as their usual spot for this activity was far from their homes, as they wanted it. This gave Markus more time to think about Corey, and the conflicting emotions he was suddenly having. On one hand, it didn't affect him what happened to Corey so why should he care. On the other, he couldn't shake a weird feeling he'd had ever since that night when they'd kissed. Bah, it was probably nothing, besides, this was the very reason they'd just come from South Town. He thought of far too much all the time, it was time once again to lay back and forget, and he had a pocketful of forgetfulness. Still, he couldn't stop thinking about Corey all the way there.
Matt swerved, stopping the bike near an old highway underpass, the road had long been closed due to disrepair, it was perfect for their needs. They walked up the pile of stones to get under it; Matt carried his bike so as not to risk puncturing a tire. They leaned against the wall, near a rusty burning barrel the homeless often used. Markus groaned happily now he was off the bike, and relatively comfortable on a pillow they had brought previously which had miraculously not been stolen. Matt plunked down next to him, sighing as he listened to the cars passing overhead. "You think there's a chance it'll just break?" Markus shook his head.
"That would be too easy now wouldn't it?" He took the packet from his pocket and they both looked at it, in here was their answer to all the pain they carried.
"Open it, I can't wait any longer." Matt had always been impatient. Markus carefully opened the packet, taking out two pills and a small glass bottle of an orange liquid to take them with. "Beautiful." Markus nodded in agreement, it was worth every penny, this miracle worker. "Well give it to me then."
"Hang on, goodness; would you give me one minute?" Matt just scoffed and grudgingly went silent as Markus put the wrapper back in his pocket and gave a pill to him. "Okay," he popped the cork on the small bottle, a strange scent coming from it, "I'll go first and then you, we'll try and come out of it at the same time."
"Alright, sounds good, but next time I'm going first." Markus chuckled a little as he popped the pill and swigged down half the bottle, it tasted horrific. Matt took the bottle from him and did likewise, and then they waited.
"You really think I'm going to... cheat you out of... your share of the..." Markus didn't finish his sentence, his pupils dilated as far as they could go and his face relaxed. He looked almost unconscious as the drugs took effect, Matt following suit a moment later. Their bodies were completely still, slumped against the wall behind them; those who didn't know might think them dead. In their minds, there was only one thing happening.
Markus was swimming, no, not swimming, floating. No, he wasn't floating, he wasn't anywhere, and he wasn't anything. Everything had gone black, but in a way it wasn't black, it was simply empty, nothingness. Absolutely nothing was happening in his mind, all higher level brain functions were slowing down to the point where he was no longer thinking. The workings of the drug where unknown to all but the mysterious man who sold it, but it worked, it made you stop everything. For people like Markus it was a vacation, while it lasted he did not have to feel the pain of his everyday life. He did not have to worry about anything at all, he was at peace, and he imagined this must be what death is like.
The state lasted about 30 minutes, during which time the boys experienced a strange sensation of nothing. It was not like being unconscious, where time flies by; they could appreciate the whole thing. When Markus opened his eyes it was with mixed feelings. Part of him wished he could stay like that forever, while another part realized that was irrational. He looked over at Matt, he was stirring as well, they'd timed it well enough. Markus stood slowly, it was easy to fall over just after coming out of it, and brushed himself off. He could feel the effects lingering, as his thoughts seemed to come to him slowly. Matt was standing by this time, looking at Markus with a strange look on his face which Markus noticed.
"Something wrong Matt?" Matt looked like he was drunk by the cheesy expression on his face.
"You're mah bestest friend Mawky, I wuv you I fuckin wuv you." Markus rolled his eyes, Matt had been drinking earlier, and the drug accentuated any alcohol in your system.
"Come on Matt, snap out of it." He chuckled as he picked up the bike and carried it down off the rocks with Matt following.
"Nnnnno, no man i's true you're mah... you're mah best pal and I wuv you." Matt was following close behind and once they go to the grass he slumped onto Markus' shoulder, chuckling drunkenly.
"Come on man, lay off alright." Markus shrugged Matt off, but he would not be deterred and instead he whipped him around and, to Markus' surprise, kissed him. "Mmmph!" He tried pushing Matt away but he was too strong, and soon he was lost, melting into his friend's drunken kiss. To his horror he found he was enjoying it a bit too much, as the tightening in his pants evidenced. Then everything went to hell. Matt blinked a few times, and then pushed Markus roughly away. He yelped as he tumbled backwards, over Matt's bike and to the ground, hard.
"What the fuck are you doing!? You fucking faggot! God get away from me!" He looked absolutely disgusted and spat rudely several times.
"Matt I didn't... you were drunk and you just..."
"Shut up! Shut the fuck up! I'm not a fucking queer! If we didn't have history I'd pound you into the ground right now! Don't you come near me again!" Whether Matt's rage was in fact due to confusion about his own sexuality, or he was simply a violent homophobe, didn't matter. He grabbed his bike and jerked it from under Markus' legs. He howled in pain as part of it caught and tore a gash in his flesh. Matt hopped on and left in a huff, leaving Markus there, alone by the deserted overpass.
"Matt..." Tears streamed down Markus' face, what had started as an activity shared by two friends, had ended in a death. Markus slumped on the ground, bleeding from his leg, and from his heart which had broken.
End of part 1