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The first thing Marlin said to Eli when he walked back through the door was a simple, direct "Where were you today?" No hello, no I missed you, no I'm glad you're back, hon. It wasn't an accusatory question, though, nor a suspicious one. Just the fox's incessant, boundless curiosity, the same that led him to peek over the wild dog's shoulder as his messages every time he opened his phone nearby, and that often led Marlin to stop and read through whatever he had open on his computer.

It was the same question he had asked every weekend since the wild dog had moved back in with him. And, as such, Eli gave the same answer he did every time: short eye contact that broke off as he turned to hang his keys from the holder, a flick of his tail, a shrug when he turned back, and "I was out". Usually Marlin left it there. Once he poked a little bit further, teasing at the wild dog, trying to get more information out of him.

Saturday night was another of those times. "You are seeing someone, aren't you?"_the fox purred, amusement mixed with something else glittering in his blue eyes. The same kind of careful yet bold look of someone venturing something, _I'm posing this as a joke to gauge your reaction, but it's really not. "I hope you've been remembering to brush your teeth like I asked. Is that why you stink every time you come home?"

Stink. Eli rolled his eyes and bit back an acidic response, knowing that anything he tried to fend that off with would just end up fired right back at him. Stink? Who are you to talk? would just lead to something like And who are you to complain? You, who've spent forty minutes in one go with your nose shoved against my sheath...

Instead, though, he had just turned back away again, this time rummaging through the refrigerator even though he wasn't hungry in the slightest. "I don't know why you're so convinced I'm seeing a woman."

"Because," Marlin had said. By this time he had risen from the couch in all of his shirtless glory - he was hot, Eli had to begrudgingly admit: just seeing the fox's bare chest made him think of pulling his fingers through that short, plush white fur - "If it were a guy, you'd be bragging to me about how much you love his dick and how fat his knot is."

"H-" Eli had started, then caught himself. Hyenas don't have knots.

Marlin had raised an eyebrow at that. Maybe he'd thought that h- would develop into a he. "And..."_he went on, bushy tail flicking behind him, _"I'd ask for pictures, and you'd get them and show me. Right?"

Sure, there were_pictures. Plenty of them by now. None of them he would want to see, though. Eli just shrugged. _"I'd have to ask."

"Well..." And there was that look again, the one that back in high school had ignited a hot little spark in Eli's chest and loins, but now just brought up the same grinding feeling of annoyance that had become so familiar with the fox. "We're boyfriends now. We share everything. Right?"

'We share everything'. You don't even know.

He circled a claw around on the counter. "So... in the one case, I want to see your paramour's dick, and you can keep on doing your little thing. I had an on-and-off partner in between the last time we broke up, you know; it's only fair."

That still made Eli fume. Even this Sunday morning as he sat in his car, looking out across the sparsely-filled apartment parking lot with his phone clutched in one paw: he should have, should have brought up Marlin's - how had he phrased it? - I'm not gonna say I like the thought of you fucking around with other people, but I'm not gonna stop you. Maybe that was what gave him the self-assured permission from himself to do the same: I'm not gonna stop you.

"But in the other case." The fox had pressed his paw palm-down on the counter there. "If it's a female? I don't want to hear a thing about it, and I'm serious about the brushing-your-teeth thing. I don't wanna fuckin' taste that. And I will make you smell like me every time you come back. I don't like my boyfriend stinking like someone else."

The wild dog pulled in a slow breath, bumped his head back against the headrest, closed his eyes, let it out in a gentle sigh. He could stay out here as long as he'd like: Marlin was supposed to work weekends, but surprise, surprise, had called in sick today since he wanted to sleep in and bury his knot under Eli's tail. Eli had wriggled out of bed as soon as he felt the fox's possessive claws pulling against his waist, trying to yank him back. "Where are you going?" "Out."

Out. Always out. I wish I could go out and never have to come back to you.

His phone vibrated in his paw and against the steering wheel, startling him. Eli nearly dropped it in bringing it forward towards him, then almost did so again in getting the screen on.

~elijasdfgh [9:15 AM]: hey sorry to bother you, but are you still in town?

~elijasdfgh [9:15 AM]: there is something i need to talk with you about

~stripesandhypes [9:42 AM]: yeah hon, what's up?

Inhale, swallow, exhale. Where to start? How to phrase it? He knew, very well, what the hyena thought of Marlin... and also knew how she would respond when she found out that he had gotten back together with him. What was he supposed to say? It made sense at the time? He'd been impulsive, and emotional, and horny, and everything that had caused him to get roped right back in every other time this had happened, and...

...and Lynn had been there before.

"Because... you don't... have anything else. Right? That's what it was for me. The same disappointment and frustration for years."

_ _

Because I don't...

_ _

Because I didn't have anything else.

He kneaded a knuckle at his forehead, intentionally pressing in hard enough that a slight ache began to radiate out from that point.

~elijasdfgh [9:46 AM]: I want to talk about it in person. can you meet me at that nature preserve in like 20?

~stripesandhypes [9:47 AM]: yeah of course

~stripesandhypes [9:47 AM]: um

~stripesandhypes is typing...

_ _

Eli glanced up at their - at Marlin's - apartment door. It was like his second year of college all over again: technically, officially boyfriends, yet he found himself trying to spend as much time away from the fox as possible, and every time his phone vibrated he hoped, he wished, that it wasn't him.

~stripesandhypes [9:48 AM]: Hope you're doing alright. You were really quiet yesterday.

~stripesandhypes [9:48 AM]: See you there

~stripesandhypes [9:48 AM]: *kiss*

_ _

~ ~ ~

Lynn stood with her arms crossed, watching the way the branches overhead swayed in the steady breeze. That small wind did a little to stave off the heat of the deepening summer day, along with the presence of the lake just out of sight through the trees near the trail, but - she had been standing here for about seven minutes, looking at the time on her phone in her paw, and already she could feel herself sweating. She had made sure to come in her running outfit too, just in case; she had received the first text from Eli while out on her morning job, and hadn't seen it until after she had gotten settled back at home.

A cicada suddenly chirruped to life further down the trail; the hyena's ears perked that way, and after a moment she turned to see if she could pick its tiny body out from among the rough browns and smooth greens. Up and down it went, inhaling and exhaling, with a little pause in between. Steady, confident, unbroken. The sound of summer - probably her favorite, right in front of the crickets early in the morning just as the sun started to rise. She had once found the empty shell of a cicada stuck to the hose faucet cover out in Richard's backyard, and had squatted down there looking at it until she realized a beetle had crawled its way up her leg.

Lynn didn't like beetles quite as much as cicadas. The hyena reached down to scratch at a sudden annoying itch halfway up her thigh.

"Lynn?"

Again her ears flicked back, and when she turned to see Eli standing there with one paw in his pocket and the other clutching his phone, she couldn't help but smile.

"Hey there, dirtpup," she said, and strode on over to him. The ghost of a similar smile touched his lips, too, as she brought her arms up his back and pulled him into a hug. Then her muzzle was against his neck, and his in her shoulder with his nose tickling at her mane, and his paws were on his waist... "You doing alright?"

...and then his fingers were digging into her fur, holding her, squeezing tight, and his breath coming out hot and fast against her shoulder. Lynn moved her paws to his shoulders and held him back, just far enough to see his face: something was definitely worrying him, with the wet glimmer of imminent tears at the corners of his eyes.

"Whoa. Wait. What's wrong?" He smelled like fox. Nowhere near as strongly as when he'd shown up yesterday, but that musky stink was definitely there. "Did something happen?"

His eyes slid away from hers, and his paws nearly dropped from her waist. The wild dog nodded. "...Yeah. A while back. That's... what I wanted to talk about."

"Eli..."

He licked his lips, swallowed, looked back at her, looked away again. "Remember how - how you asked to come over and spend some time at my place?"

Lynn frowned. "Yeah?"

"And I said no?"

"Yeah. Because it - you said it wasn't... what, suitable for visitors?"

The wild dog nodded. "Yeah. Um. The truth is..."

The truth. A sudden pang in her heart. The truth is, you lied to me. But I should be used to that by now, right? Everyone lies to me.

_ _

"The truth is, I said no since... since a couple weeks ago, I..." Again his eyes met hers. Like a child who knew he'd gotten in trouble. "Moved back in with Marlin."

That part actually took a moment to process. Lynn could feel her frown deepen, could feel the pull of her brow as it furrowed. Her ears wanted to flatten back. "Wh... what? Why?"

"Well, it-"

"Eli..." She couldn't hear the cicada anymore. "Are you serious?"

The dog's lips tightened. It looked as though he were putting conscious effort into keeping his tail out from between his legs. Like a child who knew he'd fucked up, bad.

"After how he's treated you and everything he's done?"

"You don't really know him, Lynn, I haven't talked about him that m-"

"I know what_you've told me." Nightmares framed as comedies, stories from their past in high school and the years after. Tales of Marlin intentionally spreading rumors about Eli to his few remaining friends, of him keeping the wild dog from spending time with anyone else, of him trying to keep an eye on everything he did and everyone he talked to. Stories of Marlin forcing him into sex, _"you'll love it once you get into it", "come on, I fucked you last night so you owe me at least a blowjob today"... "He doesn't respect you, he doesn't _listen_to you, he's lazy, he's irresponsible... you said he works weekends, right?"

"Yeah." Eli shifted his weight to his other foot, and reached over to scratch a spot on his arm.

"You said he's constantly out of vacation and sick time because if he doesn't want to go to work, he just doesn't. Did he go in today?"

Another flash of his eyes, first on hers and then away. "No."

"What - I'm gonna guess you didn't do this of your own accord, did you?"

"Do what?"

"Move in." There it was again. Lynn could feel the deep, rumbling fire, the rage that had started to burn all on its own after so many of her own failed relationships. A volatile mix of embarrassment and fear and disappointment and something bordering on hate. "Did he - what - miss rent three too many times? Not have enough money to pay at all? You already had a place. You've got, what, another couple of weeks?"

That glimmer in his eyes hadn't gone away. In fact, it had just grown. A cold touch started aching underneath that burning flame: be careful, it told her, that voice that she always ended up ignoring. Be careful before you go too far. I know from experience that this is one of those things that can't be fixed once it's broken.

_ _

Once I've broken it.

"I just..." Lynn reached forward and grabbed his shoulders - and Eli flinched away from the touch. "I don't understand, Eli. I mean, I do - I've been there, I know how it feels - but it just..." Inhale, exhale. Just stoking the flame. "He's lied to you. And - you lied to me."

His eyes widened. Never before had Lynn seen someone with grey eyes like that. Plenty of blue and some green, but never smooth off-silver, steel with a touch of rust at the edges. "Wait, Lynn, that's - that's not it, I just-"

"No." Tightening of her grip... then relaxing. Her paws fell from his shoulders again. "You did."

"It's just - a _small_lie, I never said that I'd-"

"I assumed!" Shouting. I'm shouting. "I had hoped! It's literally your living situation, and your mental and emotional well-being! After our talk that first night, and after what's - what's been going on between us..." Breathe. Remember to breathe. "I expected better!"

"Lynn, that's... that's the thing." Eli closed the distance between them that she had just opened, and shakily took her paws in his. His fingerpads felt cold. "I just - couldn't - handle your 'let's wait and see'. I love what's_-_" He nearly tripped over that word. Lynn could see that in his face, could feel it in his hesitation. "-what's developed between us, but I just can't stand not having a word for it, and..." This time, he was the one to pause to breathe. Shaky pull in, a moment to hold it, just-as-shaky release. "No. That... that isn't right. I just... I can't wait forever."

For a moment Lynn worried she was going to break his fingers with how hard she'd clenched her fists in his. With some effort she pulled free. "You never asked."

"I didn't want to make you uncomfortable! You always put my comfort first, so I..." His paws still hovered there in the air, as though he hadn't noticed. "I thought I'd do the same for you. I... I wanted to be with you. I still do. But I've wanted to be with him for a long time, too, and... he asked, and I said yes."

After what she'd heard so far, that part didn't come as a surprise. The suspicion had been there with how densely he had smelled of vulpine these past few weeks, but... maybe things would be different if I had asked. If I had approached him about it. If I hadn't... if I hadn't trusted him?

Lynn swallowed. "Against your better judgment."

"You don't - don't know that." Now he sounded exhausted, exasperated. Was he sweating from the heat or the nervousness? His ears looked like they wanted to droop, too. "We're... gonna talk it through, and work out the problems."

"When?"

Silence. It wasn't just that she couldn't hear the cicada anymore: it had completely stopped.

"Just like you said you'd do all of the other times you broke up, right? Eli, it has to be a two-sided conversation. Has to. You can't just say you're gonna talk with your boyfriend, and you talk it out yourself, and he nods his head and mm-hmms every now and then. That doesn't work. Trust me."

Five times. She had done that five times, and each time she hoped and expected something would change. It never did, of course.

Seeing the tightening of his mouth and the drooping of his whiskers, though, Lynn reached forward and took his paws again, this time holding them more gently. Still, though, he tried to pull away at first.

"I..." Lynn steadied herself with another breath. "I wanted to be with you, too, Eli. I - still do too. Haven't you... haven't you seen that?"

I do too. "Yeah." His ears perked back up, and for a moment, that smile almost returned. "I have. But why didn't you tell me?"

"I've been scared,_Eli. For years now, and I still was when I met you. I still am." _I'm scared. The words repeated in her head so often for so long that she just stopped hearing them. "Everything that's happened to me in relationships, and everything I've done... I didn't want any of that to happen again. And I trusted you."

The wind rose again.

"I thought you had gotten over Marlin," the hyena went on, "and I trusted that you had. Past that, I assumed that... that you'd told him about us, and he knew, and was okay with it."

The expression that flashed across Eli's face showed that that part was very much untrue. Exasperation, exhaustion, tired hilarity.

"I wish I could be what you needed, Lynn," Eli answered, softly. "Like I said, I really, really_love what we have, and I... I think we'd be great together." He squeezed her paws. "But - I'm - with him now, so we can't... we can't do _this anymore, and..."

Saying something you don't want to. Something that you don't think you should have to, but you know it's expected. You know you've dug yourself into a hole too deep to get out of, so you just hope that... maybe, if you keep on digging, you'll come out the other side.

Eli shrugged. "And I know you really want to keep going, to keep on - you know, seeing each other, and... messing around, and-"

"That's not it, Eli." That's a part of it. That's why I started talking to you in the first place. You're amazing at the things you do, most of the time. Her paws started to fall from his; he squeezed to hold them still. "I just... I thought you would listen to me."

"I thought you would be happy for me!"

The flame that had been slowly dwindling, that had started to weaken, suddenly roared back to life - and the cold vein running through it became ice. Lynn tore her paws away and took a step back. "Have you forgotten what I told you our first night together? Have you _forgotten_that I've been there, so many times before?"

"Lynn-"

"Eli, I know what that's like. I know it far too fucking well, and being happy for you would - would..." She reached up to cover her mouth with her paw. Hide the trembling of her lip. "It frankly be cruel. That isn't the kind of relationship you should want. I don't even think you _do_want it."

"Why do you care so much?" Now he was shouting, too. He stood a full head below Lynn, half a foot's worth, and still he seemed to tower as he loomed in with his arms held out beside him. "It's my business, Lynn, and my relationship-"

But, still, she was taller. She knew her presence. "Because I care about you!" Lynn leaned right back in over him, forcing him back down to his feet. "I care about you, a lot, and I want you to be happy."

"I never asked you to care about me!"

"I never asked to fall in love with you!"

"I never asked you to do that, either!"

The wind stopped. The two held each other's gazes for a moment. Eli faltered, his words hanging in the suddenly still air.

"And..." He swallowed. "And I never asked to fall in love with you."

Lynn waited.

"But I did. And... here we are."

The ice melted. Slow, dripping cold, crawling through her chest. This time when Lynn breathed in she thought she could feel it crystallizing there behind her heart. "But here we are."

That moment seemed to stretch on, the silence underneath the breeze and without the cicadas. Lynn's claws dug into her palms from tightly clenched fists again; Eli looked as though he were trying to bite a hole straight through his bottom lip. Then, though, the wild dog sighed, and visibly let the tension out of himself.

"I... I think I'll go home." And he turned.

Lynn watched him for a second. "I think I'll go for a run." And she turned, too. The hyena kept her fists at her side, kept her pace steady as she walked along the gravel path. Then the smooth turn around the corner, the veil of trees blocking the rest of the path from sight... and instead of look back over her shoulder to see if she could get one more glimpse of the wild dog through the trees, she dug her footpaws in and broke into a sprint.