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Can't believe I'm doing this... Should've a long time ago, but I'm so nervous I'm gonna screw this up or explain something incorrectly. I'm sitting on a closed toilet while locked in a stall, not needing to use the restroom, just... trying to review what to say before I go in the office. To get more comfortable, I stretch around my dark-brown arms, whose elbows-to-hands turn into a charcoal-gray color, and also my shorts-covered legs, which share the same pattern. Even though it's pretty casual, I like wearing forest-green gym shorts, especially since the color matches my eyes, and my lightly gray front fur is thick enough that I don't need to wear a shirt; I need to sometimes wear longer clothes while at workplace discussions, but I'd like to be comfy right now.

There's nobody around, it sounds like. I take out my smartphone and navigate to a notes app with my perfectly trimmed claws; it's mostly filled with a list of anxiety-related patterns I've regularly noticed and been better at articulating after research, but some things came up with friends, so I made sure it's not just some self-inflicted thing and that- Urgh, I'm not making this up; I've had family and random comments online discourage me from seeing a psychiatrist, and I'm not letting anyone stop me now, or maybe I'm just- I hold my tail with one clawed hand, while my other four fingers struggle to hold the phone, so I take some breaths and try to calmly review what I've got: Can't drop tiny conflicts for long amounts of time, frequent tension for little or no reason, elongated focusing on small problems, sometimes waking up shaking, selective obsessive- I try remembering specific negative moments, although I already randomly dwell on them a lot... Okay, I can bring these up, I think- I grab my darker-brown hair. And I have this weird, anti-social habit where I'll sometimes ask confirmation about something many times; I-I just would rather be weird than have any sort of ambiguity, which keeps ruining my stupid days whenever it lingers around...

I keep shivering from nervousness, or I think that's it. My triangular ears perk at some fan noise, but I don't think the air conditioning's set that high. Let me just... I need a quick distraction. Looking at my Telegram contacts, Glass isn't showing up as online, and neither is Leo... Everyone else I'm close with has work or school today, so- Oh good, it's 12:37 PM, and I'm just sitting here being a nervous wreck. Promised myself not to walk away from this. Maybe look at news articles? No, stupid idea; don't need that right now. Instead, I browse _Twitter_for a few minutes, trying to have a temporary distraction; there's cute art and confident selfies, so that's nice. I think about writing a status, but- No, I don't want followers saying anything that'll- I need to focus on myself...

I scratch my hair some more, pushing the bangs downward just enough to barely overlap my charcoal-gray mask. What time's my phone saying- It's 12:41 PM; Mello, relax, it'll be fine... Really wishing my boyfriend was here right now; Glass still appears offline, come on... He doesn't have work this Friday, same as me... He should have phone access- What's he doing? The smart and mostly gray wolf was supportive in letting me ramble about this last night, and he also heard me say my notes, although I got uncomfortable and kept shaking. I need him right now; he's not- No, no, it's not his fault; he's got chores too, or he's at an engineering lab working on his printers.

There's a creaking movement before I hear a door hit against a wall, followed by some hooved footsteps. Without really thinking, I check to make sure my plastic-like stall is locked, even though I already checked a few times and also fiddled around with it, same with my apartment door and lining up furniture; it's like... a thing I need to verify, so everything feels right, but like, not always. Realizing I need to get up soon, I still want another confirmation or some kinda encouragement, something from someone, brushing my fur down first... Phone in my hands, I type out some texts.

Glass, you thweteh there? No rush, jus About to stsrt soon. - 12:42 PM

Ugh, spelled that wrong... He'll know what I meant, right? I mean, yeah- What am I saying? Yeah.

Seeing psychiatrist, I mean. Any Any advice? - 12:42 PM

Looked at note.notes. Please text back. Love you. - 12:42 PM

I wait about a minute. God, I think I know what to say, but I really don't wanna screw this up. The restroom's lights briefly flicker for a second before going back on. I'm fine; I just need to relax...

Sorry, I'm just worried I'll say something wrong... - 12:43 PM

I stretch my legs outward, stand up, then sit down, take a deep breath, and open up my notes list again, before feeling my phone vibrate. Surprised, also a bit happy. Relief. I look at my messages.

It's ok cutie. - 12:43 PM

Just be honest and tell her everything. Not gonna judge you. - 12:43 PM

It's her job. You can have your notes too. Proud of you. - 12:44 PM

I-I... He's really sweet... I grab some toilet paper and blow my nose. Quick breaths... Okay, yeah, I'll just go over the notes with her and describe patterns. Glass is right; she has lots of patients too.

Thanks, sorry. I'm Yeah, I think I'm okay. Have a good day. - 12:44 PM

Boof, it's ok. u got this - 12:44 PM

Your gonna be a super floofer - 12:44 PM

!!! - 12:44 PM

He ends with a hugging sticker, which looks really cute... He's really lovely. I felt my heart racing earlier, but I think I'm better now. After a minute, I put away my phone, flush the paper, get up, unlock the stall, and head to the sink. Other person's still in a stall, so I walk up to the mirror and start examining myself; I form a cheesy, closed smile, only showing my fangs, but soon feel a little silly and wash my hands a bunch, using several squirts of a creamy soap and also taking my time.

I reach toward a pile of paper towels just sitting in a metal container, thoroughly wiping my hands clean before crumbling the towels up and dropping them into a trash bin. After starting to walk out, pushing the wooden door open, I pause, head back, and splash some cold water onto my face to make sure I'm awake enough; I'm also trying to keep my mostly brown fur clean, wiping any food or sweat off. Think I need something to drink, so while the water's running, I cup my hands in the sink, collect some water, and sip- I immediately spit it out, worried about someone else touching the faucet; ugh, that was stupid. A second time, I wash my hands and dry everything off. I toss the towels; one misses the bin... I leave it and push my way into the more spacious hallway.

Finding the office isn't tricky since I'm already on the right floor. The overall building is really clean, plus there are hand sanitizer stations every now and then, which I appreciate. A vacuumed carpet stretches around the place; the furred parts of my eight toes warm up some as I make my way past a physical therapy center and some random business I don't recognize. As far as the psychiatric area goes, I already talked to my psychiatrist over the phone, so it won't be our first conversation, but I haven't been in the lobby yet; she was extremely empathetic, and I trust her listed expertise. Reaching the right entrance, I adjust my shorts, pause, then ultimately walk inside.

It's a welcoming atmosphere, with a long front desk and two computers to the right, and some rectangular layouts of cotton-padded chairs everywhere else. A walkway is in the back, probably connecting to individual conversation spaces. Sort of awkwardly standing around, I notice magazines laid across half the lower tables, along with posters and brochures on general mental health tips, nothing serious, although shelved books cover more specific topics, I'm sure. There are some other mammals sitting around, but before looking around again, I walk right to the front desk, seeing an orange and brown-furred bat sitting near a sign-in sheet, his short wings slightly held in front of him, and his long ears fully perked; I didn't let the entrance door slam shut, did I?

The room's well-lit as I walk to the front, seeing his business casual clothes and inviting smile. I open my mouth to talk, but no words pass through; I kinda awkwardly stop at a sign-in sheet and stare at it... "Good afternoon, are you here to see anyone?" I hear the middle-aged person say. "Or is there anything else I can do for you?" I blink twice and have to snap back my focus; still nervous, I guess... After a short silence, I apologize for being distracted, but he assures me it's totally fine. I introduce myself as Mello and mention a consultation appointment at one, then he pulls up my records. "Yup, we still have you scheduled. You filled out the forms online, so everything's already good, Mello," he reassures me, his black nose moving with his fanged grin. "Dr. James is finishing with another patient, but you can sit anywhere you'd like; she'll come get you when she's ready."

"Oh, okay, thanks," I meagerly respond with, wiping my forehead despite there not being any sweat. I start walking toward the nearest seat, one that's not adjacent to anyone else, but- I wanna confirm details, so I head back and ask: "Just to make sure, that was at 1 PM, r-right?" He says yes, and I also check about other things, like making sure my forms are correct, plus I ask about having my phone out for some reason- What the hell am I doing? "Sorry, sorry," I blurt out. "I'm nervous..." I apologize again for being annoying, but he's understanding, so I hesitantly sit down.

Why do I need to check obvious things like four times? I mean, like, I just don't want- Like, it'll be ambiguous or something, and- My arms shake some, but I keep myself distracted by taking out my phone; it's 12:54 PM, not long left. I quickly skim through my notes again before putting them away. Trying to keep myself comfortable, I stretch outward, crack most of my eight knuckles, and peek around the rest of the lobby without focusing too hard on anyone: The bat's no longer on his computer, instead at the side chatting with a very professional-looking crocodile who's wearing a suit and black-framed glasses, the strong guy's scales all being dark shades of green. I overhear something about someone having to reschedule their appointment, but specific names aren't spoken out loud; that's probably for privacy reasons. Regardless, the bat needs some technical help, so the older crocodile moves, sits down, adjusts his frames, and quietly updates the software.

I think I'm good in terms of notes, but I look at my last few messages from Glass, which helps cheer me up; I'll be fine, he's right. Probably making a big deal about this, like usual, but I just... This is so annoying. I'm not doing anything wrong; just fixated on dumb stuff, like whenever I'm home, although my obsessive-compulsive tendencies seem less common at work, probably since I have less personal attachment to furniture and the like there. Can't work on my writing either, although I jot some random notes during compiling and temporary- okay, frequent distractions, but I kinda have to, otherwise I'm too mentally worn out once my dull shift ends and I'm too tired.

Urgh... Why am I thinking about work? That has nothing to- I've had anxiety for at least most of my life, from what I can remember, and it's not just because of work stress. And it's not because of some mental obsession I enforce on myself, because I've tried avoiding thinking about related topics before, so it's a natural thing. I'm so completely sick of how many times I put off what's supposed to be a healthy visit, whether it was the idiotic idea of me bringing up possible depression to my parents and feeling discouraged from doing much, random online comments talking about all stress being totally normal, but this is common, or a meaningful friend apparently overhears one anecdote and- Screw that, I'm doing this for me; this is my choice, and I'll trust actual experts.

Okay, okay, everything will be fine; I already know what to say, and the meeting lasts a while too. I scratch my cheek fur and push my hair down again; I don't think I'm shaking, at least. Resting my arms and trying to get more comfortable, my tail pushes further to the side as the fur across my back feels warmer; the red cushion's comfy, plus everything feels clean. I unlock my silent phone... There's still two minutes left? I'll be patient. Hands on my lap, I look around some more.

A few seats down on the other side of the room, there's a tall and mostly yellow lion sitting by himself; he looks pretty happy and relaxed, focused on a smaller phone while smiling. There are a few black patches around his body, although none on his cream-colored front fur, plus his legs are partially covered by cut jeans. His brown hair's short but well-combed, plus he has a gold earring.

My eyes turn elsewhere: I see a brown river otter sitting by herself, waiting patiently but not really showing much of a facial expression. Looking comfortable with her surroundings, she's wearing black jeans, a red midriff top, and roundish glasses; she also has black hair except for a few tiny areas, so I wonder if it's dyed? Looks very nice. Anyway, everyone here seems calmer than I am...

At the far end of the room are the remaining guests: One's a red fox dressed in a multicolored dress, also having painted nails, straightened hair, and wearing a silver necklace. She's embraced by a purplish coyote with light-brown color changes across her fur, wearing long-sleeved clothing and having tied-up hair. The fox has a few awkward laughs while shaking, but the coyote whispers words I can't make out, and they soon move closer and gently kiss; I turn back forward but smile.

Alright, I got this, and I'm probably making a big deal, but that's me. I rub below my eyes, scratch my head, and stretch around some. I have notes, and all I have to do is be honest and take my time. Taking another deep breath, I think about checking the time, so I grab my phone and-

"Mello?" I instantly look toward the walkway, seeing a long-sleeved yet casually dressed bluebird. "I'm Dr. James," my psychiatrist states with a friendly tone while holding a folder. She calls me over, so I get up and calmly do that. "I'm happy to see you in-person," to which I respond likewise.