A Tail for Two - Chapter 4
Don't leave me Luke.
It had been nearly 2 hours since we'd last seen his surgeon and we still had no information. Was Luke going to make it, or not? I felt so helpless, so blind to the future. Cyd's fur was soft and his paws were comforting. I was only keeping my composure because of him; he made me feel strong. If you've ever been hurt, vulnerable, or in need, then you know how I feel. You know how easy it is to open up to someone, anyone who cared. Cyd came when I needed him most. I was heartbroken when I lost Lance, but he was there for me to hold onto. He came and took all the pain away, which is why I began to care for him so much in this short period of time.
Now that all of this happened to Luke, Cyd was still here. Just having him here made me care for him even more than I already had. That's why I was beginning to fall in love. I'm not feeling this way about him because he's nice or because he's an amazing kisser, it's the fact that he's always around when I need him. What more could anyone ask for?
"Can I talk to you two for a moment?" asked the doctor as he came back through the double doors. His trench coat didn't have nearly as much blood on it as it once did. I figured he traded it for a cleaner one during the procedure.
"How's Luke?" I yelled out as I jumped up onto my feet, "is he okay?" My legs were weak from exhaustion, making it extremely difficult to stand. He looked down at Cyd and then back at me with a worried look on his face.
"Can I talk to you two... alone?" His eyes were widened and his claws were clinched tightly. Cyd stood up and gave me a little shove to move towards the dragon, which I complied to. I began to walk cautiously, Cyd leading my way. The surgeon held the door open as we walked through into an empty hallway. He stood and watched my feet, thinking about what he was going to say. "Maybe you should have a seat," he requested quietly.
"I'm not moving until you tell me if Luke's okay," I demanded with a shaky sound to my voice. Cyd grabbed my shoulder opposite of his position and pulled me closer to his body.
"Okay then," he said as he voice trailed off. "A few of our best medical advisors suggested that we gave Luke more anesthetics, to keep him asleep. They feared that if we didn't and Luke woke up during the operation, he would be in an extreme amount of pain and the panic would cause his blood to pump faster. That would cause him to bleed uncontrollably and it would most likely kill him." His thin tongue poked out every few words and his voice hissed with nervousness.
"So, you did put him on the meds then?" I asked, horrified by the image of Luke waking up during surgery.
"Yes we did. At first Luke was taking it very well and his heart rate was perfectly normal. We found and closed every point of bleeding and we were about 20 minutes or less from finishing up the operation. That's when Luke started crashing." Cyd pulled me even closer into his body and we both knew what was coming; we just didn't want to accept it.
"Crashing? What do you mean by crashing? Is he alright?" My eyes began to water and my bottom lip started to quiver. I prayed and prayed that the next words that came out of his mouth were something along the lines of "he's perfectly fine", too bad it was only hope and not reality.
"His heart rate lowered dramatically and his blood pressure fell to nearly nothing. It was as if he was falling into an extremely deep sleep, even deeper than a coma. He was too young for his body to handle all of the medicine we gave him. His heart stopped beating and he flat-lined. We tried to shock him and restart his heart, but nothing worked. I'm sorry, we did everything we could."
Every ounce of breath I had left exited my body in a matter of seconds. I felt like I'd just been punched in the stomach as hard as I ever had before. All the strength in my knees turned to nothing and my legs gave in. I dropped backwards onto the wall. My back slammed against it hard and then I slowly dragged myself down until I was on the floor. I stared straight at my knees in front of me and I had no idea what was happening inside of my mind.
Luke can't be gone. I've lived my entire life around him and it was nearly impossible to imagine living without him. If I tried to talk, nothing came out. If I tried to think, nothing was thought. It was as if I forgot how to do everything except breathe, which was still a little fuzzy to me.
I could catch the slight sound of whimpering beside me. Even though he tried so hard to be strong, Cyd was crying. Cyd was a symbol of strength and confidence to me and to see him shed even the smallest tear showed a new side to him that I'd never seen. Someone as strong as him could still be hurt by death. He didn't know Luke very much whatsoever, but he felt my pain. He shared the same hurt that I was going through. His connection with me was stronger than even I thought. How could this happen in such a small period of time? It doesn't really matter, because whatever the reason, it still happened.
"We've clean up his fur and stitched him back up," the dragon said to break the silence, "if you want to go see him, or talk to him, or something, you're more than welcome." I blinked a couple times and tried to pull my thoughts back together. The shock hit me so hard that I couldn't cry even if I tried to.
"Yea," I replied, "yea I would love to." I reached my weary arms down and tried my hardest to pull myself up from the ground. It probably would've taken minutes to get up on my own, but as always Cyd was there to help me out.
"I'll take you there." He turned around and begun to walk. When I started to follow, Cyd grabbed me by the shoulder and asked if I wanted him to come with me, for comfort. I told him that it'd be better if I went alone, which he seemed to agree with. I followed the surgeon to a room with a large metal door. He looked into my eyes as if reading whether or not I was ready to see Luke. Apparently I passed, because he pushed down the handle and let me inside, shutting the door tightly behind me.
In the middle of the room was a small gurney. They normally would stick bodies on big metal tables, but they seemed to respect Luke's body more because of his youth. I walked closer and closer to the bed, pretending that someone other than my brother was laying there. His face was pale and his fur was wet. You could easily tell that the nurse's worked hard to clean any blood out of his fur, preserving the body the best they could. I reached my paw up and petted the top of his head, pushing his head fur away from his eyes. I slowly lowered myself down to his level, nearly on my knees. He was so furry, yet so nicely groomed. His innocence was easily visible; how could anyone want to hurt him?
"Hey Luke," I said to him as if he were listening from somewhere, someplace. "I'm sorry for all the times that I've yelled at you, I didn't really mean it. Truth is, even though I got mad at you a lot, I still loved you. You're my one and only brother; just because you're gone doesn't change that. Remember back when we were little pups? Back in about fourth grade, third grade for you. I was getting picked on because my tail started growing rapidly, but I was still very short. It made me look like a freak or a long-tailed midget. You stopped everything you were doing and stuck up for me. You told everyone to stop making fun of me, everyone. Then after they left, you told me they made fun of me because they were jealous. You said they made fun of me because they wanted a tail as long as mine, you said it was special. Turns out I still haven't grown into it, but I believe you even to this day; it is special."
I took a deep breath in and started to choke up on my words a little. I had so much to tell him, whether he was listening or not, and I was determined to say it all in the short amount of time I had. "I'm sorry about today too; I shouldn't have yelled at you for not giving me the jacket. I gave it to you because it looks so great on you and it was wrong of me to try to take it back. I know it's stained with blood now and has a hole through it, but you can keep it, take with you wherever it is you are going little brother. I don't know if heaven and hell exist, but I know death isn't the end; it's not the cliff at the end of the world. I know that you're going somewhere great, somewhere where you'll be able to be happy and hang out with all of the new people you meet. Hopefully they have cake out there or else it wouldn't be much of an afterlife." The jokes that I was trying to release helped me deal with Luke's death a lot better, but I knew that it wasn't going to last long. There was still one more thing I had to say, one more thing to apologize for.
"I'm sorry that I wasn't exactly the brother you wanted. I know you hated me for being gay, but that's just who I am. I wish I could've change for you and made you happy, trust me, I've even tried to, but I can't because it's just who I am. Now this happened to you because of it, because of me." Tears rolled down my cheeks and dropped off my muzzle. I still find it impossible to take in that he's dead because of me. I can't accept that someone would hurt Luke because of my life. It was so... wrong.
I felt a cold chill move by my neck and objects that were scattered across the rooms began to rattle. It was as if a small earthquake was beginning to form, but one that didn't move the floor whatsoever. Luke's voice was faint in the air, as if he was whispering something without even being in the room. It grew louder and louder, but never once was it actually understandable. I thought I was hallucinating, hearing things that weren't there because of the emotional trauma. Was it really Luke trying to call out to me? No, it couldn't have been... could it?
The sounds began to die off and the rattling slowed until it was nothing. I looked around the room, but no one was around me. I was hoping that someone could've saw and heard what I did, just to tell me I wasn't crazy. I looked down at Luke's body, still laying lifeless on the gurney. "Goodbye Luke, I love you so much," I said to him as I kissed him on the forehead, "I'll miss you more than you'll ever know."
I stood up slowly and made my way towards the door. As I turned the large, metal handle I took one last look at my deceased brother. I wiped away the remains of my tears and continued through the doorway. The surgeon was standing outside with a small clipboard, waiting for me to finish my moment with my brother. "If you want to give me your parent's numbers, I'll call them and let them know what's going on," he said, "I understand how hard everything already is on you, so if it'd be easier for me to do it, I don't mind."
"Mom," I corrected with a quiet voice.
"What?" He asked, confused about my one-word response.
"It's just my mom. My dad died a few years back; he's taking care of Luke now." He took a second to scan my emotions before replying in an extremely awkward tone.
"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to upset you or anything."
"You didn't; I'm fine." I took the clipboard out of his hands and quickly scribbled down my mom's phone number. I didn't want to be around when she found out. I didn't want to see her cry over yet another death. I know it was wrong to be thinking it, but I wanted to get as far away from her as I could before she arrived.
I walked back down the hallway, heading for Cyd in the lobby. I couldn't imagine his position, but on the other hand, he couldn't imagine mine either. When I reached the large waiting room, I found him sitting down, biting the nail of his largest claw. As I got closer, I noticed that he was too deep in his own thoughts to realize that I was back. I reached forward and grabbed his paw, stopping him from continuing his nervous habit. He looked up at me and waited for me to express the meaning behind my worried eyes.
"Cyd," I said to him with a serious look, "will you take me away?"
"What?" he asked, confused of why I'd want to leave so soon. My brother had just died less than 30 minutes ago and I was already in a rush to get out of here; he couldn't quite grasp his mind around the concept. "Where do you want to go?"
"Anywhere. I just don't want to be around when my mom gets here. I've seen her cry way too many times and I can't handle it anymore." I stared deep within his eyes and tried my hardest not to let my river of tears flow again. "Please Cyd, Please. Take me anywhere except this town." I tightened my grip on his paw and tried to give him a message physically, verbally, and emotionally. He closed his eyes and bit his lip. He hadn't been through as much as I had, maybe even not enough to run away with me, but I know he'd do anything I asked of him. I could tell he'd been in a situation similar to mine and had no one there to take care of him. Cyd knew he was all I had left and he would do anything to stop the pain before it hit its hardest.
"Okay," he complied, "but I need to stop by my house and grab some things to get us by." I nodded in agreement. "You know Nate; it's not as simple as getting in the car and running away. We need money, food, and a place to stay."
"I know Cyd, I know. I just can't stay here. I'm scared of what will happen to you, or to us." My lip began to quiver and a shade of liquid began to coat my eye. It wasn't going to be easy and I knew that, It wasn't going to be cheap and I knew that as well, but I'd give all the money in the world just to stop my heart from breaking; to stop the pain from burning me from the inside-out. It was obvious Cyd didn't fully agree with me, but a part of him wanted to escape from the madness too. A part of both of us wanted it to happen.
Cyd held my paw tight as he stood up and led me to the doorway. With every step I took, I was both satisfied and regretful of my decision. I couldn't help but stare at the floor as we approached his car; I didn't want to remember what had happened inside of it. My memory was far too vivid for my own good. I remembered Luke's tiny, lifeless body bleeding out all over a couple of Cyd's dirty, white t-shirts. His eyes struggling to stay open yet thriving to close shut. It all seemed like a nightmare; a never-ending dream of hurt and sorrow.
I stepped inside Cyd's car, refusing to turn my head whatsoever towards the back seat. My ears were perked up at the sound of the engine's initial revving and the short 'vroom' that followed. Cyd only had one hand on the steering wheel; the other was gripped firmly around my tail. He seemed to love my tail for some reason. It was freakishly long and definitely abnormal, but it seemed to comfort him just having it in his paws. It must've been a continuous reminder to him that he was protecting me; that I was his and only his.
The car ride was completely silent. We both were thinking far too much on the future as well as the past. I watched each dashed white line on the road as we passed, trying to count each one. Sadly I only reached about 16 before realizing they were moving too fast to even pay attention too. When we approached Cyd's neighborhood, he reassured me that we we're getting fairly close. Every home we passed had one or two stories and was painted a light color such as peach or white, up until Cyd's home.
Cyd's home was a lot darker than the rest of those that surrounded it. It was painted a navy blue color with a blackish roof and had a considerable amount of extra space. I had never asked him before about his parents or siblings, but in my defense, he never really spoke much of it anyway. For a home of this size, he must've been living with a family bigger than the average household.
"Stay here," Cyd said as he shifted the vehicle into park. He loosened his clutch on my tail, as if giving me permission to pull it back.
"Okay," I replied, looking straight into the pupil of his eye. His car door popped open and he hopped out of the car, slamming the door behind him. I watched every step he took, contemplating what exactly he was going in for; maybe a toothbrush, or a jacket, or maybe just to say goodbye. Whatever the reason, it was short-lived, because after just minutes of entering the home, he was already exiting. He ran down the driveway quickly, shielding his face from view. He was wearing a large, filled backpack and a jacket wrapped around his arm.
He threw the backpack into the backseat of the car and began to drive off hastily. I looked up at his face, which was swollen and bleeding a small amount. He unwrapped the jacket from around his arm, which also was bleeding a bit. "What happened?" I asked him fearfully.
"I thought you might get cold, so I brought you this," he replied. He was still trying to shield his face, even though we both knew I had already seen the damage that was done to it.
"Not that, I mean your arm and your face! Who did this to you Cyd?" I asked, beginning to show how worried I truly was.
"I can take care of myself," he growled back. Whoever or whatever did this to him, he didn't seem too happy about it. His eyes were filled with rage and his body was emitting anger in strengths that even I could feel.
"Cyd, please tell me. Who did this to you?" I asked again trying to show a bit more control in my voice. My eyes were focused deep into his, which were staring at the road, but definitely focused on something else. I was scared to ask, but I needed to know what was going on. He protected and cared for me when I needed him, but now he needed me, whether he was willing to let me help or not. "I can't just sit here and do nothing Cyd!"
"My dad," he said, grinding his teeth together, "my dad did this to me. Let's just say he wasn't happy I was leaving." He turned towards me and then back at the road, refusing to look directly into my eyes.
What happened to you Cyd?