To be whole again
I've not posted anything in so long! But I finally feel like writing something, I hope you enjoy it! This story graphically depicts acts of homosexuality and sex. If you are disgusted by such things or are not of a Legal age to view such material, I beseech you to stop reading now. Characters included in the following series are of my own idea and creation. I hope you all enjoy this. It's my first try at an "I" standpoint. And with all that out of the way, Enjoy!
- * * My head hurts...I can't think straight and my eyes feel like something is pushing on them from behind. I'm tired and I'm cold but I don't have the will power to patch up the hole in my window of my crappy apartment or to get up and grab a blanket to put over myself. Even if I did, I'm sure I wouldn't be able to get comfortable. I only have one good blanket...well...Had is more a better word. It got ruined last week when I got so drunk I thought it'd be a good idea to try and suffocate myself. Don't ask me to explain it anymore than that. The only other blanket I have is one of those scratchy ones. Y'know the ones that make you feel like your covered in mosquitoes? Yeah. But it's o.k. No time to sleep anyway. I may live in a crap hole of an apartment, but at least I have electricity, and right now my crummy alarm clock is saying it's time for a jog. I jog around town when I feel unsettled. I pull my Black Hoodie over my bluish gray fur, I put on some baggy snow pants and steel-toed boots and out the door I go. It's a blizzard outside, or, it might as well be. It's cold as hell and just as windy. I pull me hood up and run. I don't know where too, I just run. My legs normally take me somewhere, be it somewhere good or bad, often nowadays I can't bring myself to care. I don't feel much anymore. I mean, yeah I can feel pain, and I can feel sadness or happiness, but I don't really -feel- anymore. I'm not sure how to explain it. Sure my Life has gone to the dogs and I can barely afford to eat anymore but that's not what bothers me. What bothers me is the dreams I've been having. ...The dreams... Strange things they are. The dreams. I'd try to explain them to you, but I wouldn't be able to make any sense out of what i'm saying. That is, I don't even understand them. If I had to use a word I would use 'Empty'. That's seems to fit well. My dreams are 'Empty'. Just like everything else in my life, from my wallet to my stomach. I've been running for a while now. I'm tired but I can't feel it. I see pitch black, off set by the glow of the pure white snow on the ground lit by the moon. My breath is visible and I'm huffing gently as I run. My legs moving, my arms swaying, my lungs breathing. I feel something. I feel....alive... I do. I really do. I understand why I'm running. It's because my mind longs to feel. It's unsettling. Unsettling as in, you want to feel something so badly you're very subconscious wants it. I stop running for a moment, and lean forward, my hands on my knees. I'm breathing hard. My lungs burn from the cold. I look around and I see I'm in the Bronx. No, I'm not in New York, I'm on an Island. A paradise some might say, called Allegria. It's a strange place; it has so many climates you don't know which side of the hemisphere you're on. This place we call 'The Bronx' isn't even a 'Bronx' in the least. The only similarity between this place and the real Bronx is the water, and that's it. "Hey, Bub!" I hear. It's a gruff voice. One I'm not familiar with. I spin around quickly and see a Bull standing in a doorway. It's kind of funny how almost Godlike it looks. Him standing there with a cleaver in hand with the golden glow of the lights behind him. Normally I would think twice about speaking to a guy whom I don't know which a blood stained cleaver in his hand. But I'm feeling daring. "What?" I say. I have a certain tough-guy, snooty attitude, I don't know why, It just happened. Another one of those subconscious things. The bull snorts, cold air steaming from his nostrils before he speaks to me again. "A lot of thugs hang around this area at Night. You don't look very Thugly and I don't know your face, a little friendly advice is to head home." He snorts again, taking a quick glance around before he walks back into his little shack of a home and closes the door. I'm fairly confused right now. I don't frequent The Bronx, no, but Thugs? C'mon, Allegria is a nice place right? ... ... ... Shit. I can't move. I don't even know where I am now. I'm blind-folded, gagged, and my arms and legs are tied with what feels like those plastic twisty ties. On the plus side I'm warm. Why is it so warm? "Mathew Jeriahh." a voice says. It's another voice I don't recognize, but it's not gruff. It's almost sweet, if not a bit Smug. A wiggle a bit, letting out some muffled noises that sound a lot like... Well I asked where the hell I was, let's leave it at that. I heard a soft tapping, it was most likely my wallet tapping against his pant leg or something'. At least, that would explain how he knew my name. I hear some soft stepping of boots step closer to me and before I know it, the blind fold and gag are taken off me. I look around for a moment, I'm lying next to a fireplace which would explain the heat, and what do you know? I'm stripped ass naked. I quickly roll over, sitting myself up to see who it was that spoke to me. There is one man in the room. He's a wolf sitting in a recliner type chair that's sitting in front of the fireplace. He's wearing one of those fancy bath robes and I cringe at the thought of why he's wearing it. He smiles at me, or at least I think it's a smile. I hope it's a smile. "Good to see you" he says smoothly. He has a nice voice. It's not overly gruff or smooth. It's right in the middle. He smiles at me again, taking a sip of whatever it is he has in his whine glass, I'm guessing whine, and he speaks again. "I was promised a cute package, I wasn't aware it would be as cute as you." Yeah I'm confused. But again, I told you, I'm feeling daring. "Huh?" I say. Smooth. He laughs. I'm not sure if it's at me or if it's at me lack of feasible reply, but it's enough to make him set his glass down onto the fancy end table and stand up. He smiles at me again with that same almost creepy smile and brushes his claws through my brown hair, and then through his own. I hear a snap and my legs and arms are freed of there bindings. He flips a switchblade knife all fancy like and puts it into his robe pocket and smiles at me, yet again. Well I'm free. I could get up and walk away right now. Nope. I'm frozen. I'm stuck staring at this stud of a wolf that has me imprisoned, and all I got think of are my damn dreams. "I know about the dreams you've been having." he says suddenly. And very quickly I snap back to reality. How the hell does he know about my dream? I've never told anyone. "I know you don't understand them, and I know you're worried. Things are becoming harder for you. They seem colder and unsettling." He straightens his robe and advances towards me once more and he strokes my face and the side of my muzzle. I want to go away, I want to go back to my crappy apartment but I can't move. I want to know how he knows what no one can possibly know. "H-how do you know?" I stammer out. I miss my attitude. I really do. I feel like such a pansy right now. He smiles at me, his blue eyes reflecting the flames behind me beautifully. "Because I was the same." he says. I don't know what he means. Hell, I'm scared but he seems so assuring. I unknowingly nuzzle his hand, wanting him to continue his soft stroking and he laughs at this. "You're in that part of your life that only happens to a hand full of people. You're feeling empty and unhappy. You feel as if you have nothing to live for. I can help with this, but only if you trust me." He scritches me below me cheek and I let out a low murr. I don't know what he means, but he's right. All of it is true. I do feel empty inside. I do feel worthless. I want all that to stop. I want to feel normal again. So what do I do? Well I flat-out start crying and begging for his help, that's what I do! He seems to accept this quite well. It's almost as if he expected it. Before I know what's happened he's picked me up and carried me to a bedroom. It's warm in here too, maybe even more so, But it's nice. It's soothing. He lies me down on the bed and sits next to me. I feel kind of awkward but that only lasts for a second. He smiles again, scritching the side of my muzzle. "Do you trust me?" he says in that never-changing smooth tone of voice. I nod into his caressing hand and before I can take another thought I'm halted by his lips meeting mine. The kiss is deep and warm. He slips his long tongue into my muzzle and I do the same to his, our tongue's meeting in the middle, dancing and twisting with each other. He breaks off the kiss slowly. I felt warm and happy while we kissed. But after it ended, I couldn't feel anything. It's a really bad feeling. I was about ready to cry before he kissed me again, pushing me onto my back this time. One of his hands stroked slowly down my neck and down to my 4-pack abs. Abs that I worked very hard to get by the way. He removed his robe belt with his free hand, his robe swinging open to reveal a very erect and very sizable wolf penis. This made me nervous. I always liked males, but I've never been with one. I could never bring myself to do go out with one. I don't know why, I guess I was afraid of being discriminated against. He climbed above me, his hand now grasping my sheath firmly, the top of his cock pressing against my tummy. Like everything else in this place, it too is warm. I can hear a moan. I'm not sure if it belongs to me or this wolf, but I know that it feels good. He's getting himself into position all the while keeping me occupied and feeling good. I envy his skills. He pulls off the kiss again; I follow him until he places a paw on my chest, pushing me back down onto the bed. I can't help but let out a small whimper at the lack of contact before, once again, he smiles. "Do you like that?" he asks me. I nod of course, whimpering again. He nods back to me and kisses me quickly. "All right" he says "This will most likely hurt, but you'll like it, I promise." I nod to him again and he licks his paw, grasping onto his wolf hood immediately afterwards, getting it click and wet before he repositions himself. He hunches down a bit, resting his manhood at my tail hole. He lets out a low grunt before he looks to me, showing me a reassuring smile before he pushes himself into me. It hurts but it feels warm and smooth. I howl quietly as he pushes farther into my virgin tail hole but he quickly hushes my cries with a kiss. The man is a phenomenal kisser. The mere touch of his lips on mine is enough to drive me to ecstasy. I don't know when it happened but now I'm on all fours on the bed. My tail is lifted and he is behind me, fucking me hard. It doesn't hurt much anymore, the occasional sting I get when I near the thickness of his knot is quickly offset by the pleasure I get from his smooth movements. I can't bring myself to get hard, I don't need too. Just the feeling of him inside me screams pleasure in my mind, and no form of orgasm could match it. His thrusts slow suddenly and he howls, he pulls back one last time before delving himself into my upturned rear end, I yelp as his large knot pops passed my ring but the fullness and warmth that fills me makes any pain disappear. I can't believe how good it feels. The long hot bursts of semen being deposited within me, the warmth of the loving being behind it, and the happiness that I can now feel because of it all. He grabs my legs with one arm and sets me down on my tummy, him resting on top of me. He kisses the back of my head and tells me to sleep. So I do. I sleep. And I don't have strange dreams; I have pleasant ones of a certain wolf that I was mysteriously delivered too. I've woken up now. I'm covered by a soft blanket and there is a warm pillow under me. I'm not in the fancy room that I feel asleep in and there is no sign of the wolf that helped me. But I am warm and I am happy because I know what it feels like to be whole again.