Fear
What was is not what has to be, things can be different, have courage, learn to trust again
You are afraid, in pain, doubting yourself to the very core of your being, often thinking about ending it all, the only reason you stayed, allowed yourself to be tormented was because of your family, the ones depending on you.
I can feel it radiation from you, when I touch you it seeps into my skin, the shivers, uneasy to my touch, wary of my eyes. a step backward, the fear takes a firmer hold of you but it is okay. I don't follow, standing in place, arms calmy by my side with a soft easy smile. eventually, after many months of this stalemate, you draw a deep breath and muster every bit of courage you have left to take a step forward. your body cries out, as does your heart and mind, "Don't do this, he is just like the others, they are all the same. they will use and hurt you and flick you away because you are worthless, you know you are."
You really believe it too, but somehow you manage to convince yourself to take that step and reach for my outstretched paw. you find calmness in my smile.
The memories are almost visible in your eyes,
How they hurt you, betrayed you, used you for their own selfish reasons.
some were after your body, others your mind, others just wanted from you what they could never achieve on their own, the gift of life.
you remember every scar vividly, every mark has a story, and it hurts so very much to see them and remember, you try to bury it all. you want to get lost in the deep darkness and just float away.... cease...
But after everything you still took my paw, and I held your own, a tender smile comforting you and showing you there are those who are different, who have also been hurt, that know the unbearable pain, those that have taken a lesson from it and promised themselves to never hurt another again.
Then in time, it dawns on both of us, we have been looking for each other even though we did not know it. we are one, two halves of the same being, our energies intwine. connecting through so many ways that it becomes something more than love, more then emotion, we ARE one.
Our paws grasp tighter, fingers entwining, pulling each other into a warm embrace as our hearts synchronize like they are meant to, the breathing steadies, your chest rises as mine sinks, like a mirror, two parts of one whole.
Patience, love, caring, making effort for one another, taking the time to talk, first about small things, like the wheater and temperature, then about personal things, time moves on and on, and every day we discover something new, but also something we already knew because we are the same.
I teach you how valuable you really are, by every day telling you that you matter, not just to me, but to all around us.
We grow, learn, understand in new ways, our hearts heal.
Every day might bring a new challenge, a new voyage, a new bridge, but we hold on to the others paw and take step after step, cross bridge after bridge, shielding the other from harm, protecting, safeguarding.
We find love, hope, a future.
And..
After many long years where I have had the luxury of placing my paws on your belly, talking to the unborn inside of you, telling it how the world will be and how welcome he or she will be, after those long nights at the fireplace with hot coffee and tender hugs.
After those restless nights where the grandchildren come to stay over because the children are getting ready to welcome a new family member.
right before the sun sets on our final night, we will look into each other's eyes and smile.
It has been a good life, we are ready for the next. do not grieve for us, because we have had everything we needed, and we always will because we are one.