[Commission] Chapter 1: Rogues assemble at camp for stories

Story by Mrachko on SoFurry

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#1 of Roguish assembly of campfire stories

After a long day of looting and pillaging, four bandits sit down for a drink and happen to recollect some of their misadventures

A story commissioned by https://howling91.sofurry.com/


-...so you see, this green wunderkind of a bastard here, he goes: What's a little fuzzball like you gonna do about it, eh?" And, and, I kid you not, the damn badger, who might I remind you is a little over our tough guy's knee, just straight up jumps and uppercuts him! But! But he doesn't punch him in the jaw. No... - with a grin spreading from ear to ear , the gnoll turned towards the burly orc sitting beside her - ...Bron...

The laughter of the group died down, all sitting in anticipation of the orc's answer.

-Yes, Rik? - he murmured with a controlled tone of voice.

-Where did he punch you, Bron?

Bron turned towards Rik, her malevolent smile revealing two rows of surprisingly white, straight teeth.

-In the balls.

-HE GOT PUNCHED IN THE BALLS BY A FUCKING BADGER!

Everybody burst out laughing. Everybody except for Bron of course. He didn't exactly see the comedic appeal of a high velocity impact to his groin region. He stirred his pint of rum and sipped, waiting for his companion to finish up.

Through her laughter, Rik turned towards a tiny, dark blue kobold, sitting across her:

-Hey! Chety! Get your lizard ass off that log and pass me another one of those bottles, will ya? My mouth's getting kinda dry from all this fabling.

The kobold slipped from his seat and fell face first to the ground. He drunkenly stumbled towards a crate.

-Punched in the balls by a badger...-Chety snickered to himself over and over again, while rummaging for a bottle from their crate of spoils.

Rik turned towards Bron, noticing he wasn't taking part in the merriment. She threw her arm over his neck and pulled him closer.

-Come on, Bron! Don't be like that! You know we love ya, right? It's all just in good fun.

Bron looked up at the gnoll towering two feet over him and he gently pushed himself away from her sweaty body.

-You know, big guy...thanks Chety...you know, you need to get yourself one of these - she violently slapped her crotch without wincing. - Made this codpiece myself. Pure, genuine boar leather. Best I could get my hands on.

-Heh...and here I thought, you wore that so you won't scare away any young boys who would get too curious. - he took a large gulp from his pint and wiped his mouth. - Oh, who am I kidding! Tell me truthfully, have you ever been mistaken for a man?

Rik rubbed her chin as if thinking.

-All the time, I guess. Have you?

The camp burst out laughing once again. Bron just grunted and drank the rest of his rum in one large gulp. He reached over, violently yanking the bottle from the kobold, who was trying to pour himself a pint and started drinking heavily. Chety turned towards the minotaur sitting next to him with pleading eyes. After a while, Terek sighed and gave him his pint.

-You know, Bron, it just occurred to me... - RIk once again locked the orc in her embrace. - Now that you ain't got no balls, you are practically a gnoll, aren't ya?

She snickered over Bron's expressionless face.

-I've always wanted a sister. Hey! Maybe tomorrow we can do each other's hair and we can talk about boys!

And again the group exploded in laughter. Bron tried to push himself away from Rik, but this time her grip was tighter. He simply sighed.

-There's nothing shameful about being punched in the groin...-he said almost inaudibly, his face pressed against Rik's exposed pecks.

-No. There isn't. But it's pretty funny! - Rik burst out laughing, letting Bron go.

-Don't tell me, you've never been hit in a weak spot.

-Nope! - Rik immediately began flexing, though her muscular physique wasn't very visible by the campfire. - My bones are iron. My flesh is steel. I strike like a wyvern. Even kings will kneel.

-Heh...I didn't know you've read the poems of Brinshah - Tarek spoke up surprised. - Hell! I didn't know you can read at all!

-What can I say? - Rik answered laughing - I am full of surprises! Gives me the edge! I ain't got a weak spot and maybe I can read!

-Really? You ain't got a weak spot. - Bron crossed his arms. - Tell me...how's your gut?

Rik froze during one of her flexes, her expression immediately changed as she turned to the orc.

-What did you just say? - she snarled through gritted teeth.

-Nothing. I just figured that after the whole badger incident, your gut might still hurt...

The campsite quieted down, only faint giggles remaining. Rik didn't pay them any attention. Her entire focus was on Bron.

-You wanna...make something out of this? - she let the question hang in the air, with an obvious threat ingrained in it.

-Did she get hit in the belly again? - Chety broke out in laughter. - Man, I love it when that happens!

The group once again started laughing, this time Rik being the only one left out of the joke. She tensed up and shrank a bit in her seat.

-Alright, alright! Let me tell you what happened AFTER I got punched in the balls. Rik. - he turned towards the gnoll - you can add anything I miss out. Who says I'm not a gentleman?