FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Some days it's easier filtering out the noise. Being around friends generally helps, and there's always plenty of distractions to be had on the internet, or in games. But sometimes the noise becomes nearly unbearable; a cacophony of thoughts and feelings of the worst sort, where it seems like there's no end in sight, and where no amount of kind words or helping hands can silence the uproar...

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Frosty blinked in confusion when he realized that he'd missed more than a dozen laps of the race that he'd been watching. His head was resting against the back of his leather chair, a pair of headphones rested comfortably against his ears. It had felt like he'd simply blinked the time away, but it didn't take long to figure out that he'd nodded off in his chair again, given how heavy his eyes felt.

It was becoming a regular occurrence, due to how difficult it was for him to stay asleep at night. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had a full night of deep, restful sleep. Most nights involved fitfully tossing and turning for an hour or more, intermittently nodding off only to snap awake again, compounded by frequently waking up throughout the night once he managed to successfully fall asleep. Sometimes it was the neighbors being loud, or the roar of a tuned-up vehicle passing by, but most of the time he couldn't attach a cause to his frequent sleep-interruptions. To make matters worse, he rarely feel back asleep immediately, sometimes lying awake for another hour before drifting off again.

It was beyond frustrating. And though he'd tried every home remedy he could think of, from herbal tea and hot baths, to sleep aids, nothing seemed to help. It anything, some of the remedies seemed to make the problem worse for him, thinking back on a prescription that eventually made the insomnia so unbearable when it stopped working that he was lucky to get an hour or two of sleep before he stopped taking it.

The cheetah sighed heavily when he looked at the time. He was already an hour past when he should've been in bed. The only reason he wasn't, was the distraction it provided. Distraction from the noise that he experienced on a daily basis. Noise that brought with it a myriad of unwanted emotions: loneliness, emptiness, despair, to name a few.

But the fact that he was falling asleep in front of his computer again meant that he'd have to face the inevitable. The longer he lingered, the worse he'd feel the next day, and he knew it. Reluctantly, he removed his headphones and powered off the computer, rubbing his face and yawning heavily as he pushed himself away from the desk.

When he looked to the bed, illuminated gently by his desk lamp, he was greeted by a familiar figure that was always waiting for him. They followed him everywhere he went, in fact, always present but not always acknowledged. His noise. When Frosty was occupied with something, whether it be spending time with friends and loved ones, working, watching videos, he could generally filter out the noise well enough.

At night, however, in the silence of his room, he was often alone with it. And though the lingering warmth of a pleasant day sometimes allowed him to pay it little mind, most nights he was subjected to its persistent, unwanted company.

Tonight was no exception. The shadowy figure had no discernable features beyond a vaguely feline shape wrapped in wisps of darkness. Where its eyes would be were only glowing blue orbs. Although Frosty couldn't make out a face, he felt it was grinning malevolently as he began to undress.

"Is that how you view me?" a raspy voice inquired. "Nothing more than noise? I'm as much a part of you as the rest of the filth that goes through your head."

"I don't want to hear it," Frosty sighed as he pulled back the sheets. "I just want to get some sleep tonight."

Frosty watched the shadowy creature shift to the side of the bed, patting the mattress beside itself and chuckling to him. "We'll see about that. Care to join me?"

He would've liked nothing more than to dismiss this beast; to banish it to whatever Hell it had spawned from. But he had yet to find a way to accomplish that. It had been a part of his life for decades now. Reluctantly, he slid into bed, shivering as the creature slid a dark limb beneath his neck and drew in close to him. Though he couldn't physically feel its touch, he was aware of it in his mind.

The white cheetah rolled to the side, pulling the blankets close to himself and trying to ignore the entity he was sharing his bed with. His ear flicked gently when a soft voice whispered into it.

"Busy day? I know you had a lot planned. Stories to write, people to chat with. But you didn't accomplish any of that, did you?"

"No thanks to you," Frosty muttered back. The demon had been whispering into his ear from the moment he woke up that morning, sabotaging the plans he'd made previously, undermining his efforts to accomplish...something.

"Sitting on your ass doing nothing all day must be exhausting, given how often you nod off at your desk," the creature taunted. "Can only imagine how worn out you'd be after a long day of work, if you actually had a job."

It's always the same, every night. The verbal self-lashing, beating myself up over the past. Overthinking about the way things have gone, about how I ended up in my situation.

Frosty closed his eyes tightly after he turned off his desk lamp. And though he could no longer see the creature's figure, those burning blue eyes continued to shine at him, and he could still almost feel its presence with him.

"Go away," Frosty murmured. "I just want to rest for once." Reaching for his phone, he swiped to unlock the screen and launched an app. Within a few moments, the steady pattering of raindrops filled the room, accompanied by intermittent rumblings of thunder from the phone. It was a way for him to filter out the environmental noise, but it rarely shielded him from the voice.

"Trying to drown me out?" the creature hissed quietly. "You know that never works."

The cheetah pressed his head into the pillow and took a long, deep breath, counted to five, then gently exhaled as he counted back. He repeated this process several times to calm his heart, which had begun to pick up due to the things being whispered to him. Focusing on his breathing also briefly silenced the creature, allowing him to block out the distractions in his mind.

But as his thoughts began to wander after a few cycles, the voice began to return.

"You can try to push me away, but I'll always be here with you. Unlike your friends," the raspy voice persisted.

Frosty knew it wasn't true. They'd proved otherwise time and time again, when he'd needed the support most. Even during his darkest hour, when all hope seemed lost, someone was there to lift him back up.

"So many people familiar to you, and how many of them even bother asking how you're doing? A handful at best, out of the _dozens_that you've supposedly befriended. Nobody really cares, though. You're just some cat they know."

The chilling sensation further embraced Frosty's body as the creature embraced him, shadowy tendrils creeping over his body to further encompass him. His ears laid back as he whimpered quietly, clutching the pillow against his head.

"I wish you'd leave me alone," the cheetah whispered.

"And become more lonely and miserable than you already are? I'm the only one you've got, Frosty. Nobody really loves you, and you'll never be good enough for anyone."

"I just want the pain to end."

The creature made a nasty chuckle, further wrapping himself around him. "I'd be happy to ease your pain for you, my dear cat. The offer has always been there. All you have to do is submit."

"We've been down that road already," Frosty murmured back, burying his head deeper into the pillow and desperately scraping for something to cling to in his mind to shake himself free of the shadowy embrace.

Several times, in fact. There had been a number of occasions where the creature's voice and presence had been so inescapable, so overwhelmingly invasive that he'd decided it was easier to give in to the beast's will. To end his pain and suffering, just so he could escape it. But the universe wasn't as willing to let the cheetah go. Each timed he'd come closer to facing oblivion, only to be dragged back from the brink.

"No matter how many times you turn back, the offer is always on the table. Then again, after the last incident, are you willing to take the risk?" the creature reminded. "Or are you too much of a coward to seek me out now, knowing what faces you if you fail?"

It was cruel irony that he was right, twisting the blade in Frosty's side.

"You're stuck with me one way or another, dear cat. I'm not going anywhere, and I'll keep needling you until you bend to my will."

It was fortunately the last thing whispered to Frosty as exhaustion got the better of him, drifting off to sleep despite the darkness that threatened to engulf his mind. It seemed to be his only true escape from the demon. From his noise.