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I couldn't go to campus, I knew I just couldn't

I had Stenning-Brown's class but the idea of being confined in a small space with the wheezing badger only added to my feelings of distress.

Add gossiping classmates to the mix and any motivation I had to leave the house was shot to pieces.

I'd spent most of the night gazing in horror at the meme, wondering who could have put it up and how everyone could have found out. An awful realisation had dawned on me that it seemed way too precise to be an innocent coincidence.

Sleep eventually came, but it was shallow and restless.

I woke up early and listened to the sounds of Aunt Ruth and Thomas leaving. The time for me to drive to campus was nearing, but I remained laying on the bed in my underwear, shivering slightly.

Whether it was cold air or anxiety I didn't know.

My phone buzzed and I rolled over to see a message from Hudson.

Hey dude, are you okay? I reported the meme as cyberbullying but whoever posted it has taken it down. Plz be safe. Love you Malc

The fact the meme was down was only a minor consolation. I was sure that hundreds of people had already seen it, and given the whispering I'd heard I knew rumours must be swirling around already.

I picked up my phone and sent a message back to Hudson.

Are people talking about me?

My phone buzzed a minute later.

Not that I can tell. You'll probably be okay if you come in. If anyone does I'll tell them off for ya ;)

I glanced at my clock; I had an hour before I had to leave. I scrolled through my contacts and found Lachlan again. My paw hovered over the call button. I knew why he wasn't returning my calls, perhaps someone had told him not to, but I desperately wanted to hear his voice or know that he was well.

Instead, I typed out another message.

My dear fox, I don't know if you can talk to me or not, I just want to know you're okay. I'm scared, Love your dear Shep xx

I wrested my head back on my pillows and glanced down at the sunlight streaming over my bare chest. The thought of Lachlan wrapping his arms around me entered my mind, but rather than be of any comfort the image caused tears to form in the corner of my eyes.

My phone vibrated and I lifted it up. My heart skipped a beat as I saw a message from Lachlan, the first in what felt like an age.

My dear Shep, something very severe has happened. I won't be coming to campus today. You may know what's up. It's crushing me, but I'm keeping minimal contact with everyone. I advise u do too until I get back to u. I know this is frustrating and probs unhelpful, but please keep yourself safe, don't do anything rash xx

I read the text and began weeping to myself, but as soon as the tears began falling my feelings of depression were suddenly replaced by anger.

Who the fuck could have told on me and Lachlan?

I put my phone down and reached for my notepad. What I was doing probably wasn't productive, but I wanted to get the feelings out of my system.

I wrote Suspects on the top of a sheet of paper and began thinking.

"Who know about us for certain?" I mused out loud before I scribbled down names.

Hudson, Charlotte, Mum, Lachlan, Lachlan's mum (possibly).

And under each name I wrote Motivation.

My pen hovered above Hudson's name. I knew that rationally Hudson would not tell on me and Lachlan. He had been reserved about the idea of us dating at first, but since then he had been supportive and even just now had offered to stand up for me in his text message.

I wrote down was initially reserved about the idea before moving onto Charlotte's name.

Charlotte was one of my best friends, but I knew she had more of a motive to snitch on me than Hudson. I wrote initially reserved, got supportive. Jealous that he gave me a higher grade than her, thought for a second and added didn't show up to lectures the next day. Charlotte didn't strike me as the sort of person who got ill very often, perhaps she had been avoiding me fearing retribution?

I moved onto Mum.

Boy, there was a lot of things I could write.

Unhappy I am dating a professor, said it could lead to bad consequences. A threat?

Part of my brain told me I was reading too much into my mum's words. She was probably just concerned, but then again impulse could have taken over and she could have contacted the university. My mum wasn't usually that impulsive, but I knew her behaviour had changed since my father had left and I'd gone to university. She was more gossipy and alternately clingy or distant to me.

My pen moved to Lachlan.

It felt strange to list him as a suspect, but I couldn't discount anyone who knew.

Could have realised what he was doing was wrong? Was carefree at the start but became more concerned. Other staff member found out about the trip and he told the truth?

I knew these thoughts were a lot more speculative, but the idea of Lachlan admitting what had happened broke my heart. I just had to hope it wasn't him.

Lachlan's mum.

She was the unknown quantity. I had only met her once and she didn't take offense to the fact Lachlan and I were most likely a couple from her perspective.

Lachlan thought it best not to tell her we were mated.

She could have found out and told the university. I had no idea if she would do such a thing, but I didn't want to discount it as a theory.

Now, all I had to do was somehow find out who was the guilty party. I had no idea what I would actually do; tell them off, get revenge somehow or refuse to speak to them ever again. The rational side of my brain told me that none of those ideas would bring me any long-term satisfaction, but my determination to find out who had told wasn't going away.

I took a few deep breaths, counted to five and picked up my phone to call my mother.

The tone rang a few times before she picked up.

"Hello Malcolm, are you okay?"

Her voice sounded surprised but at least diplomatic.

"Hi mum, I was just calling to say sorry for fighting yesterday," I said.

I knew I had to start with an amiable tone rather than launch into the question right away, but I also knew I couldn't tiptoe around it.

"It's okay Malcolm, I'm just worried about you," my mum sighed. "I don't want anything bad happening to you, particularly after the roller-coaster these past two years have been for you."

"Thanks. Um, mum I do have a question to ask though?"

"What's that?"

"You haven't told the university about me seeing a staff member have you?" I asked cautiously.

"No, I haven't," mum replied, sounding rather taken aback. "I've made my thoughts on that quite clear, but I haven't told anyone. Frankly, I don't want anyone coming up to me and asking if my son is in a relationship with his professor."

Despite my mum's indignant tone I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thanks for letting me know," I said.

"Has someone said something to you?" mum asked. "Malcolm, are you in trouble?"

"No, I'm fine," I lied. "I just wanted to make sure. I love you mum."

"I love you too Malcolm, I'm just worried about you, that's all. I don't want you getting hurt again."

"You don't need to worry about me," I said, putting on the calmest tone I could muster. "I'm fine, actually I need to leave for lectures soon."

"Okay, well, take care of yourself," my mum said.

"Thanks, I love you," I repeated before hanging out.

I took my pen and crossed_Mum_ off the list. I knew my mum well enough to know she was telling the truth.

I wanted to take a shower but my bedside clock said it was almost time to go. I tugged on my jeans and one of my last few clean shirts before grabbing my jacket and rucksack.

Going to class still felt like a bad idea, but I knew I had a chance to ask Charlotte whether she had told the university.

As I drove along I tried rehearsing what I'd say in my head. I couldn't confront her directly and risk a fight, but I also knew I had to be fairly direct.

My car didn't seem to be making funny noises from yesterday which was something at least.

As I pulled into the carpark I allowed myself a brief smile as I noticed Hudson was waiting in his usual spot. The jindo's tail was wagging.

"Hey," I called as I climbed out.

"Hey man, I didn't think you'd make it today, but I waited just in case," he grinned.

"Thanks," I replied, grabbing my bag. I glanced around and plucked up my courage. "So, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I wanna ask something."

"Okay?"

"Did you tell the university about me and Lachlan?"

"Fuck no," Hudson replied, looking shocked. "Why would I do that?"

"Sorry mate, I'm not accusing you of anything," I said, holding my paws up in a peaceful gesture. "After I saw that meme I'm going through a list of suspects who may have done."

"Well it certainly ain't me," Hudson grumbled.

I could sense he was annoyed, but I mentally crossed his name off the list in my head.

"I know, I know," I sighed. "How was Leon last night?" I asked, trying to pacify him with a different subject.

"Oh, he was great," Hudson said with a smile and I felt relieved as his irritated tone faded. "I've not felt this happy in a long time. I hope you can meet him soon."

"I hope so," I replied. "Shall we?"

We began walking to class.

"Do you know if Charlotte is coming in today?" I asked casually.

"I don't think so," Hudson said. "I asked her last night."

"I see," I mused.

We reached the building that housed our lecture hall and our classmates were mostly lined up outside the door. Everyone was chatting but as I approached I noticed at least a dozen or so people turn and look in my direction. The chatter mostly died down and there was an awkward silence.

I gazed around. Everyone was either avoiding eye contact with me, looking nervous and at least a couple of classmates were trying to suppress a grin.

"Excuse me, are you Malcolm Ritchie?"

I turned to see a lion I recognised from a few of my modules. He was fixing me a curious glance.

"Um, yeah, do I know you?" I replied.

"Yeah, I'm Mark. Is it true you were having it off with Dr Ross?" he asked. His tone was half-anxious, half-amused. "I heard someone talking about it, and I said no way that had to be a load of bollocks, but they placed a bet on it so I wanted to find out."

I opened my mouth to reply but Hudson got there first.

"That's none of your fucking concern pal," he growled. "What the hell are you even doing asking a question like that. Do you want sex tips or something?"

"No, I, uh," the lion stammered.

"Cuz I figured with all those barbs on your cock you might have trouble keeping it up!" Hudson glowered.

"Hudson, not helpful," I said, trying to take hold of his wrist, but Hudson wasn't listening.

"Fuck off mate," Hudson growled at the lion who backed away.

"You fuck off," the lion retorted.

"Guys, guys, please," Ian said, jumping in-between us. "Malcolm, are you okay?"

Everyone was staring at me and I could feel their eyes weighing me down. Hudson was still growling at the lion, but I could hear whispering, gasps and giggling. My heart was pounding and I felt like I could faint.

I turned and hurried down the corridor towards the entrance.

Stenning-Brown was making his way inside, but I pushed past him.

"Hold on, class is this way!" I heard him wheeze.

I kept hurrying away, my power walk turned into a run as I fled as fast as I could towards the carpark. I just had to get out of there.

My car was thankfully where I'd left it and I jumped into the driver's seat.

I reversed out, almost driving into a Kia parked behind me before I turned in the direction of the exit and sped off.

I drove like a maniac through town, hoping that I wouldn't get pulled over by the police.

The roads were mostly clear and I made it back to Aunt Ruth's in one piece without hitting anything.

I followed what felt like the all too familiar routine of running up to my room and throwing myself on the bed. My phone showed a missed call from Hudson, but I ignored it.

Rain was starting to tap at the window. I wrapped myself up in the covers and began crying uncontrollably. I didn't want to stop, I just allowed myself to keep crying for at least ten minutes straight.

All the good things I'd felt in life; hope, romance, safety, happiness, a future, all of them felt shot to bits.

The knowledge that Lachlan had pulled away from me and that everyone was gossiping was too much to think about. I felt like my head was about to explode. Instead, I buried my face into my pillow and sobbed until my eyes felt raw.

The idea of not seeing Lachlan felt more horrible than the gossiping - at least that would pass when the next piece of drama popped up and everyone moved on.

But a student dating a professor is pretty big.

"Oh piss off," I told my own mind, before realising that anyone watching me would think I'd gone mad.

I disentangled myself from the covers and let out one more sob. My suitcase with my clothes in it was still sitting by the wardrobe. I opened it and saw Lachlan's hoodie and black briefs sitting within the folded clothes.

Not caring that it seemed weird, I lifted Lachlan's underwear up and pressed them to my face, sniffing the material and using it to dab at my eyes. I could catch the faint, but wonderfully unmistakable scent of fox in the fabric.

I carried the underwear back to the bed and flopped back down before pressing my snoot back into the fabric. The scent brought Lachlan into my mind's eye. I pictured his toned body, the reassuring touch of his paws, his strong arms holding me.

I knew what I was doing was probably messed up given the situation, but I tugged my shirt off and eased my jeans down.

Keeping Lachlan's briefs pressed to my muzzle, I began stimulating my cock, gently stroking the shaft and fondling my balls.

As I stroked, I kept pressing my nose into the fabric and picturing more images of Lachlan in my head; him by the pool in his speedos, the way he held me as we made love, the tenderness of his kisses.

It didn't take me long to get fully hard. I kept stroking and picturing Lachlan, feeling his muscular body pressed against mine. My motions on my shaft became more frantic.

I closed my wet eyes and gasped as a warm load of cum splashed over my stomach.

"D... damn," I panted. "What the hell am I doing?"

Completely losing it and/or being hysterical seemed to be the logical explanations.

Holding Lachlan's briefs into my face may have seemed silly or weird, but they were the one thing I knew I had to remember him by.

I set them down beside me and panted heavily. The mess on my stomach wasn't as big as I thought it would be, and I knew an emotionally fraught state would not produce a powerful orgasm.

My phone buzzed and I picked it up to see I had missed several messages and a missed call.

The call and three of the messages were from Hudson;

Dude, are you okay? You took off real fast

How are you doing? You feeling okay?

Dude!!! Please answer me, I'm super worried right now

My heart began pounding again as I saw the last message was from Lachlan.

My dear Shep, I hope you are safe? I miss you and I'm sorry for the silence. This is as depressing for me as I'm sure it is for you. I wanted to let you know I'm okay. Keep yourself well xx

I put my phone down and lay gazing up at the ceiling. I knew Lachlan had said not to do anything rash, but the way he had put I miss you was causing my heart to ache. I missed him, and I wanted him.

A thought suddenly entered my mind. I knew it was crazy and probably a bad idea, but I wanted to do it.

My car keys were sitting on my desk and my towel was slung over the radiator.

Clean up, get in the car and then put my plan into action...