The Petting Zoo Draft

Story by ArmadilloZero on SoFurry

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Thought it would be fun to add a new group of characters to annoy the old group. Multiple origin stories and a direct sequel coming soon.


It was a dark and stormy morning at the petting zoo on the bad side of town. The zoo was closed for the day due to weather but that didn't stop the animals from having a good time. In the cafeteria, Dash the Cheetah entertains everyone by casting a youtube compilation video from a tablet to the large television on the wall. Most of the clips were pretty tame things like kids hugging, petting, or riding animals, but there were a few funny clips of people falling down trying to take selfies.

Dash points a paw at the screen and yells, "There! That's the little shit that stuck a lollipop to my back!" The room roars with laughter at Dash's misfortune. Cassandra the Kangaroo says, "She's four. It was an accident when she was hugging you." Dash replies, "That's beside the point!" The clip quickly cuts off when the Mother notices what her daughter did. Cody the Hyena asks, "That seems to happen to you a lot doesn't it?" Dash asks, "Who keeps giving these kids suckers and telling them to go hug me?"

Blade the Raven caws in laughter. He was the one who would fly in carrying a sucker and tell the kids that Dash needed a hug. Blade says in his german accent, "You are being paranoid. It happens to everyone. It is all part of working with children." Dash looks at Blade with suspicion. He couldn't prove anything yet but he knew someone was behind it.

Park Director David Swanson swings open the cafeteria door with a dramatic gesture. He walks into the room and looks at all the animals laying around enjoying their day off. He announces, "Good news everyone! The petting zoo in the next town over is being consolidated. The employees will be divided up between our franchise locations in the tri-state area and I got first pick in the draft!" The animals are unsure if that was actually 'good' news.

Swanson holds his phone up and swipes at it a few times to send the info to the TV. On the screen is a large picture grid of several dozen animals with male and female symbols in the corner. Swanson walks up to the TV and eyes his choices. The animals eye the screen as well. Swanson says, "I will let everyone have a turn suggesting which ones I should or shouldn't pick. Line starts here." The animals quickly scramble to form a line.

Dash the Cheetah goes first, "Dude, get the platypus. Those things are flippin hilarious." Spotty the Leopard says, "That Maned Wolf has some pretty nice legs." Cody the Spotted Hyena says, "Maybe i'm biased, but that Striped Hyena looks like a good choice." Sheree the Lion says, "That Sloth is kind of cute looking." Roy the Alligator says, "Please don't pick the hippo. The pond is crowded enough as it is." Alex the Crocodile agrees with Roy. Curtis the Skunk says, "It would be nice to have more animals my size around here. Go with the Otter, Beaver, and Koala." Sugar the White Wolf says, "Pick which ever one looks to be the biggest slut. I been looking for something new to satisfy me." Swanson rolls his eyes and ignores the vulgar wolf. Cassandra the Kangaroo says, "The Platypus and the Koala look to be fun choices."

Swanson rubs his mustache as he considers the suggestions so far. Bucky the Whitetail Deer suggests, "Get that Dik-Dik deer. They are so adorably small." Christmas the Reindeer says, "That Okapi looks pretty cool." Tina the Tiger exclaims, "What kind of zoo are we if we don't have an elephant!" Swanson quickly files that suggestion under too much trouble. More animals cycle through the line and give suggestions about who they do and don't want to work with.

Swanson says, "Thank you very much. You all have given me a lot to consider." He walks out the door and the animals stare at the grid of pictures on the screen. They imagine the possibilities until Swanson's phone is out of range and the picture cuts out.

In his office, Swanson is marking up the chart with X's on the animals he doesn't want. He admires the elephant's commitment to being an animal. They would have to travel pretty far to New York or Los Angeles to find a Transformation Clinic equipped to get turned into one of those. Swanson doesn't like to think about the strange things they are doing there with aquatic animal transformations.

Looking at the computer screen blankly, Swanson is lost in thought. Swanson shivers when he considers the ocean being the new wild west. It was anarchy and the only laws were the laws of nature. Eat or get eaten. Sure, there were netted off safe zones of Non-Feral Animal communities, but once you left the safe zone, you were a free dinner for anything that could catch you. The tradeoff was the unexplored ocean floor. Who knew what kind of unknown horrors were waiting down there.

With a shake of his head, Swanson quits daydreaming and starts reading the employee files of his top picks for the zoo draft. He marks out a few more animals after reading up on them. After an hour of flipping through employee records on his computer, Swanson starts writing a list of who he wants and orders them in what he thinks will be the most wanted first.

The next day, Swanson dresses casually for the trip. He swings by the petting zoo to hitch a animal trailer to his truck. He decides that the trip would be boring without company, so he heads towards the dorms to recruit someone to help him get a feel for the draftees that he is about to meet. He finds Thomas the African Wild Dog's room and knocks on the door. Out of the doggy door, Thomas pokes his head and looks up at him. Swanson says, "Congratulations, you have been selected as a representative for our Zoo at the draft. Get your collar on and let's go."

Thomas gives a sleepy nod and walks out of his room and they head next door to the locker room. Swanson finds Thomas's green collar and slides it on the dog. Thomas is glad that since he was a dog he didn't really have to wear a safety vest if he didn't want to. Thomas and Swanson load up into the truck and they start the two hour drive. They discuss the strategy for the draft picks and Thomas mostly agrees with Swanson's list.

After an hour on the road, Swanson opens a beef jerky and bites off half of it. He holds out the rest to Thomas and the wild dog chews it for a while. A song comes on the radio and Thomas says, "I love this song. Did you know it is sung by a timber wolf?" Swanson laughs as Thomas tries to sing along.

They arrive at the petting zoo and of course, Swanson's Boss, Mr Hamilton, is hanging around talking to the other park directors. Swanson greets the other park directors that he sees a few times a year for functions and meetings. Once everyone shows up, they head inside to meet the animals.

The main square of the park is lined with the employee animals. The animals are all dressed in their collars and vests. Beside each animal is a box of their belongings. It strikes Thomas as sad that all these animals who lived together as one big family at the petting zoo will be split up. Mr Hamilton announces, "The draft will start in 20 minutes. Directors, walk around the animals and meet them. Animals, don't take it personally if you are ignored. Everyone probably already has plan of who they want to fill gaps in their species rosters."

Thomas and Swanson walk down the line and spot the Maned Wolf. Thomas says, "Hey there, I'm Thomas." The wolf looks down at him and says, "Ian Shipman, pleased to meet you." Swanson confirms that he will pick Ian first in his mind. Swanson asks, "Who do you work well with that you want me to try to pick as well?" Ian looks down the line and says, "Bill the Striped Hyena, Gregory the Aardwolf, and Barnaby the Dik-Dik." Swanson looks over his notes and says, "I'll see what I can do to keep you together." Thomas asks, "What are you carnivores doing hanging out with a herbivore?" Ian replies, "He's the comic relief."

They walk down the line and see the Platypus. Thomas sniffs her and says, "Dash was right, we got to get us a platypus." She laughs and tries to sell herself by saying, "I know lots of aquatic tricks." Swanson looks at the box next to her labeled Tiffany and asks, "Who are the trouble makers here?" Tiffany waves an arm to motion Swanson closer. Swanson bends down to the ground and she whispers, "I heard Lukas the Tiger and Sam the Sloth do a lot of drugs." Swanson lowers the sloth on his list for more upstanding animals.

They pass the Hippo and Swanson asks, "How do you get along with Crocs and Gators?" The hippo replies, "If they stay on their end of the pool, I'll stay on mine." Swanson nods his head and keeps walking. Thomas asks, "You're not actually considering a hippo are you?" Swanson replies, "If I pick enough aquatic animals, I will qualify for a grant to expand the pond and make improvements to the park. I say we go for the platypus as my midtier pick and use the rest of the picks for smaller aquatic animals."

Swanson and Thomas continue to walk down the line. They pause and talk to Ruby the Elephant to sate some curiosity. She uses her trunk to shake Swanson's hand and he asks, "Where did you get your transformation done?" Ruby replies, "In Miami." Swanson nods and asks, "Why an Elephant?" Ruby responds, "I met a real elephant at a Zoo when I was a kid and the experience has always stuck with me. I wanted to recreate the magic of that with a new generation of kids." Thomas nods at the noble backstory of Ruby and is kind of sad that Swanson wasn't planning on picking her.

With a few sniffs of his nose, Thomas smells popcorn. He looks over towards the shuttered concession stand and then asks, "Where is that popcorn smell coming from?" The bearcat next to them clears it's throat and says, "That's me actually." Thomas asks "What the heck are you?" The bearcat replies, "My name is Popcorn the Binturong. Because of my strange scent glands, I'm very good at increasing your parks popcorn sales." Thomas asks, "Do you mind if I?" Popcorn is used to other animals asking to sniff his butt and turns around to raise his tail. Thomas gives it a good long sniff and turns to Swanson to say, "This is amazing! You got to give it a smell." Swanson crouches down and says, "Just like a freshly buttered batch."

Further down the line of animals, they come to a pair of sea lions, Swanson looks them over and asks, "What are you two doing so far inland?" The male sea lion says in a very flamboyant voice, "I was tired of the coastal life and she is terrified of the ocean." The female sea lion smiles meekly and adds, "We count as one pick because he is my support coach." The male sea lion retorts, "You tell people that, but everyone knows you hang around me to try to get in my pants." With a sassy shake of his head the male says, "Ricardo don't swing that way honey. Ain't nothing you can do gonna change that." Thomas looks at the pair with bewilderment at their strange backstory.

Continuing down the line they pass the Koala bear. Thomas asks, "How good is your fake australian accent?" The Koala says, "Pretty good I reckon! Hard yakka. " Thomas laughs at the nonsense australian slang.

They come to Dante the Beaver sitting beside Mary the Otter. Swanson looks them over and asks, "Can you do any tricks?" Mary enthusiastically replies, "Yes sir. I can do the slinky." She scrunches her body up and stretches it out a few times. Thomas laughs at the silly move and Swanson is reassured that she could do a good job entertaining guests.

Turning to Dante, the beaver opened his box of belongings and is holding up a wooden figurine of a beaver. Swanson picks it up and examines the rough sculpture. He asks, "You carved this yourself?" Dante replies "If I don't use these teeth for something they will just grow out of control."

Further down the line, Swanson and Thomas see a sad Rhino laying down next to an Okapi. The okapi is reassuring him, "I know it's hard for you to make friends but I'm sure you'll do great where ever you end up."

Mr Hamilton says, "Alright everyone! Time for the draft." Swanson points to Ian the Maned Wolf. An attendant grabs the wolf's box and carries to over to place beside Swanson. The process goes down through the six other Park directors. The stoner tiger, the lion, the noble elephant, the jaguar, the aardwolf, and the grizzly bear are picked in the first round. Ian sits beside Thomas in dejection at being split up from his friend Gregory.

The second round starts with Swanson picking Bill the Striped Hyena. The hyena runs over and high fives front paws with Ian. Ian says, "Let's just hope Barnaby doesn't get picked by another Zoo." Bill replies, "If he does, let's hope he goes with Gregory." The koala bear, the okapi, the panther, the wolf , the zebra, and the rhino are picked. The skipped over animals are starting to look more attractive to pick now.

The third round goes slower as each Director weighs the pros and cons of the leftover animals. Swanson isn't sure if he should wait to pick the Platypus on the 4th round. He sees another park director eyeing her and switches it up. He picks her for this round. Ian and Bill watch their friend Barnaby nervously as he is skipped over for the third round. Swanson is elated that the draft is going well for him.

With a sigh of relief, Bill and Ian hug the Dik-Dik as he joins them as Swanson's fourth pick. Swanson curses as the Otter is picked. The 5th round is tense. The remaining animals are feeling dejected that they haven't been picked yet. Swanson looks over his notes and picks Dante the Beaver. The hippo is still waiting to be picked and Swanson hopes he doesn't have to take him to get his aquatic quota.

There is only three draft rounds left as the 6th round starts. He looks between the remaining choices. He eyes the Gharial Crocodile's long skinny snout, the inseparable Sea Lion couple, and then eyes the fat Hippo. Looking at the remaining herbivores and small animals, Swanson knows that he only needs one more type of aquatic animal. He sees Popcorn the Binturong and is willing to risk his aquatic quota to get him. Swanson points at Popcorn and the bearcat happily trots over to the only park director that paid him any notice. The animals around Swanson greet him happily and Barnaby says, "It just doesn't smell like home without you around." The other animals chuckle.

The 7th round is where tough decisions are made. The Gharial Croc is gone and Swanson needs to decide if he wants to piss off the croc and gator who told him not to pick a hippo. Swanson points to the sea lion couple and they hop over to him. They bark with joy at not being in the last round of the draft. The hippo is finally picked and Swanson eyes the leftovers.

The last round is pretty sad since it's a mountain goat, a sheep, a raccoon, a civet, a possum and an iguana. Swanson has read the Civet's employee file. Multiple bullying and behaviour problems make her a poor choice. Despite the bad record, Swanson picks her. The Civet skulks over and Barnaby teases her about being a last round pick. The Civet raises her paw as if to swat him and Barnaby jumps back. She laughs, "That's what I thought" and lowers her paw to the ground. The draft is over and Mr Hamilton announces, "Thank you to all the Employees. It was a tough decision to close down this Zoo but I kept the promise that no one would be laid off. Everyone say your goodbyes to each other."

Swanson looks at the haul he pulled in today. Ian the Maned Wolf, Bill the Striped Hyena, Tiffany the Platypus, Barnaby the Dik-Dik, Dante the Beaver, Popcorn the Binturong, Ricardo and Jupiter the Sea Lions, and Myra the Civet. Swanson oversees the loading of the new employee's boxes into the back of his pickup truck.

The lid of one of the boxes falls open and Swanson can't help but look in. There are photos of a man holding a child. He picks up the framed photo and the one under it is the same child, slightly older, holding a beaver. Swanson tucks the frame under a wooden carving so they wouldn't rattle around on the drive. He runs a rope over the boxes and ties them down.

Mr Hamilton sees Swanson walking back to collect his new employees and congratulates him, "You got some good picks. I hope they will be very happy in their new home." Swanson shakes Hamilton's hand and accepts the stack of paperwork. He flips through the folders and sees a few extras. He pulls one out and asks, "What are these?" Hamilton smiles and says, "The birds went on strike and refused to be part of the draft. I assigned them to the zoos that are the best fit. They know where they need to report to. If they don't show up in a week, just write it down as quit on their termination slips." Swanson furrows his brow as he sees a Harpy Eagle named Flappy. With a smirk Hamilton gloats, "I have no doubt they will come flying back after spending a few miserable nights in the wild. They need to learn how good they had it."

Swanson tucks the files under his arm and goes to collect his new animals. They are barking, howling, and crying as they press necks together in hugs. Swanson watches the more emotional animals for a while. Under his breath he says, "They act like someone is dying. They never heard of video calls before?" Finally, Swanson herds his group to the parking lot.

Looking at the trailer, Swanson orders, "Sea Lions in the animal trailer." He lowers the gate and they hop up the ramp. He looks over at the pack and says, "Not all of you are gonna fit in the cab with me and Thomas. Any volunteers?" Popcorn walks into the trailer and Myra joins him. Ian exclaims, "I was first pick in the draft! That has to get me shotgun right?" Bill huffs, "You're so full of yourself, come on Barnaby." Bill and Barnaby both walk into the trailer. Dante meekly says, "Thanks, Bill and Barnaby." Dante slaps beaver tails with Tiffany in excitement.

Swanson closes the trailer then lifts Dante and Tiffany into the back seat. Thomas hops in beside them. Ian climbs in the passenger seat and rolls down the automatic window. He hangs his head out to enjoy the breeze in his fur as they head to their new home.