wave
All your life I rode your wave. Now you're gone I lie still in the bay hoping the tide will wash me away, wishing I didn't have to fight another day. Wishing we could just switch place. But, I know what you'd say.
The light you shone didn't go when you died, it stays and gives me hope for the ride of life that I face from here on out, pushing me on and cutting through doubt. I know I have to carry on without... Without.
I loved you more than anything. I was yours and you were my king. You'd ride me hard and make me sing a song that was more your name than radio hit and you'd sing in growls that better fit feral ferocity than hard rock anthem. We'd entangle tails in the afterglow, go another round and then some. In your absence I struggle and succumb, but I get back up and carry on.
The taste of you lingers on my tongue in stark memories that I won't let be forgotten. Your taste was addictive to me, remember how I used to say: 'hey, you're worth spitting up fur for'? Couldn't get enough, I always wanted more. Like how I always wanted you to keep going until I was sore. Wondered why you kept me around when I was only a drain. I took dick sure, but also time, money and caused pain. But through my flaws you stuck with me all the same. Your patience made my ferocity look tame.
I admired you more than I can express. You made this depressed loner feel whole with one caress. You'd brush my whiskers and in that motion I'd confess what was on my mind. You always saw from every side. Flawed like anyone, but you were quite the find. I'd never met, and never will again, anyone so kind. It's getting harder and harder for me to unwind without you. I fear I lack the strength to be true to the me you believed I could be. Tears in my eyes, I struggle to see a future.
You had so much left to give when fate took you from this world. I'd say you died too young but the good ones always do. Hurled from great heights by the whims of gods we never knew or believed in. Though if there is a heaven I hope I'll see you there, save the sin that we lived cast us down into hell with our queer, twisted kin, oh the stories we could tell. I would sell my soul just to see you again, just to speak my heart so these thoughts wouldn't dwell on my mind every moment waking, sleeping of my life. I dream of jumping off a cliff just to end this strife.
You preached life and love and fought for meaning in a world so sick the thing's past cleaning. You were pure and now you're curled around me endlessly in memories that feel fresh as the day they were made, and though one day they may fade out they won't go. My fondness for you won't die, it'll grow. I won't let myself forget your face or let time erase the marks you made on who I am. You filled in for all those who never gave a damn and made me the man I am today. I promise I won't throw it all away.
For you I'll do what it takes to break the cycle of despair. I run a paw through the air where I should have felt your face and say farewell to giving up. I let myself repair. You gave me the strength to admit I wouldn't do so well without you, but you didn't stop there. You gave me the strength to admit I could care, and with that I grew, though never reaching the heights through which you flew. And when we crashed down to the ocean you inspired there too.
You were a whale and I was the barnacle clinging on. You made the wave that I followed from dusk til dawn.
All your life I rode your wave. Now you're gone I lie still in the bay hoping the tide will wash me away, wishing I didn't have to fight another day. Wishing we could just switch place.
But, I know what you'd say:
'You have one life so live it, okay? Don't wait for miracles or give in to the gray. I love you now as I always have: in absolutely every single way.'
And I love you too, if anything's true it's that, but it's exactly why I find it so hard to fight on. For you, because of you, in spite of what's become of you, I do. I have to.
I have to.
I have to.
Nothing else makes sense to me at all.