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The Mouse Trap

By CalexTheNeko

Desperate times called for desperate measures. But the problem with that philosophy is that it always meant you couldn't properly enjoy the tension of said desperate measures. That was one of the many reasons Kickaha preferred to resort to the desperate measures first and save practical normal responses for an absolute last resort. It kept life more interesting that way.

Besides... It would be good for the young kitten. Ever since Kickaha had met Calex they had hit it off relatively well. But in the foxyote's humble opinion the young feline had one very severe weakness. He was a terrible mouser. In fact, Kickaha was pretty sure Calex wouldn't even know what to do with a mouse if he had ever caught one! What had the boy's parents taught him? Surely cats were practical enough to teach their young to be an effective mouser early on! One might argue that was the entire point of cats! And yet... The werekitten still seemed to think that mice were friends, not food.

Kickaha knew better of course. And since it was getting close to dinner time there was exactly one thing planned for the main course! But... He had a problem. Mice were usually easy to come by. He knew the delivery schedule of the local pet shop my heart. But he wasn't welcome there right now. Turns out the night manager had really strong opinions about his office being relocated to a terrarium. Personally, Kickaha thought it was just more economical! And also hilarious. But humans, or former humans in the manager's case, just didn't seem to ever see reason. Go figure.

So with his usual all-you-can-eat buffet currently refusing service, what was a foxyote to do? Well it wasn't like there weren't other pet shops in town. He could make the twenty minute walk over to the other store... But that would be applying a practical solution to a problem. And that simply wasn't any way to go through life. Remember? Simple problems call for desperate solutions.

And to that was what brought him to seek the help of the worst mouser in the world. If things went well, not only would he have himself a delicious nutritious dinner, but he'd also have helped the young feline grow into a proper cat! Well, at least do the closest thing someone like Calex could do to growing. And if things didn't work out well... That was a problem for future Kickaha! And he probably deserved whatever he had coming for blaming all his problems on past Kickaha.

"I... I don't get it." Calex sat crouched in the grass of the empty field. The orange feline was small enough to easily disappear among it if he wanted. When on all fours he barely made it past fourteen inches from head to tail. "What do you want me to do?"

"Look, it's very simple." Kickaha stood over the kitten. The foxyote had brought Calex out to the field almost an hour ago. Since then he had been trying to explain his plan. It hadn't gone well. "This area is full of field mice. I want you to catch them. Catch one, even. Gotta start somewhere."

"But why?" The kitten tilted his head and stared back at him.

"Come on! Cats are supposed to have natural instincts for this!" Kickaha always felt exasperated whenever he tried to explain this to Calex. How had the child lived his entire life without the wonderful taste of rodent flesh!? "Surely you know what you're supposed to do after you catch a mouse!"

"Hmmm... Well..." The kitten swished his tail from side to side as he touched his own chin with a paw. "Let me think on that. So first I catch the mouse..."

"Yes... Yes good!" Kickaha encouraged the kitten. "Now that you've caught him, what do you do to him?"

"Well..." Calex considered it for a moment. "OH IT SEEMS SO OBVIOUS NOW!"

"I know!" Kickaha couldn't believe it! Was this a breakthrough? "I've been trying to get you to see this for awhile!"

"After I catch him I'll put the mouse on my head!" The kitten flashed a wide smile.

"W-what?" Kickaha felt his ears fold against the top of his head. "WHY!?"

"Well you know, I've been small a lot too." Calex nodded. "It can take a long time to get from place to place! I figure I can save them some time by carrying them where they want to go!"

"No! No! No!" Kickaha stamped his foot. "That's completely wrong! You put the mouse -IN- your head!"

"Well that doesn't seem very possible." The kitten tilted his head. "Like I can't just shove it into my ear."

"Why would you-" Kickaha had to stop himself before he got distracted. "No! It's very simple! There's a big hatch in the front that's just the right size! You use it every day!"

"... My nose?"

"N-no! Why would you even think that!?" Kickaha was ready to lose it. Usually he enjoyed the kitten's ability to completely misinterpret all of reality... But it wasn't as much fun when it was aimed at him! "Look! It's simple! You catch the mice so you can have dinner! It's that simple!"

"So..." The kitten looked doubtful. "You just want to have the mice for dinner?"

"YES!" Kickaha's tail thrashed and his fur bristled. "It's that simple!"

"Oh!" Calex smiled. "I can do that! Why didn't you just say that from the start!"

"But! I! It!" Kickaha felt a surge of emotions. Confusion was chief among them. Calex was just going along with it now? "So... You're okay with that?"

"Oh yeah! It's not a problem!" Calex nodded eagerly. "I guess it is a bit strange! But I can do it."

"I assure you it's perfectly normal." Kickaha had to be careful here. He didn't want to be too abrasive. Last thing he wanted to do was push the cat away from the idea now that he was finally in agreement. "Basically all cats do it."

"Huh... I did not know that." Calex looked around the field. "There's a lot of grass here though. It'll probably take me a bit to round them all up."

"Well, we certainly don't need all of them. Leave a few for tomorrow. It's only sporting." Kickaha couldn't believe it. Things were actually going his way!

"No! No! If we're doing this I insist we do it proper." Calex stood up on two legs in an attempt to look more intimidating. It didn't work. He was still less than half the foxyote's three foot height. "I insist that we get every mouse in the area. It's the only way it'll be right."

"R-really?" Kickaha could feel a tear in his eyes. Was this what pride felt like?

"Yup!" Calex's tail twitched excitedly now that he realized he was about to get his way. "I'd say it'll take me about an hour to round them all up!"

"An hour?" Kickaha looked over the field. Grass stretched out in every direction. He wasn't even sure it was possible to walk the perimeter of it in an hour. Then again... The cat was a member of the fae. Maybe it was best to just let him work unquestioned. "Well... I guess I'll leave you to it."

For the time being Kickaha abandoned the werekitten. He didn't want Calex to get self conscious about being watched. It was his first time hunting like this after all! Even if he did talk a big game, the start would probably be a little rough. Those mice could be tricky rascally creatures when they wanted to! He was sure Calex would succeed eventually... But in the meantime he'd sure there were no prying eyes to see any early mistakes.

The foxyote returned roughly 50 minutes later. He figured at this point the kitten should be finishing up. Upon arriving though he saw no sign of the young feline anywhere. This wasn't too surprising. He had already noted how easily it'd be for the cat to disappear among the grass. Honestly, as well equipped as he was to be an ambush predator, it was a shame it had taken him this long to finally try it!

For now the foxyote just found a rock to sit on as he waited for the kitten to appear. And so he waited... But ten minutes passed and Calex didn't appear. He waited longer. Obviously Calex had just underestimated how much time it would take. Yet... There was still no sign of the feline. The sun began to set and it started to get dark. It... It wasn't possible Calex had somehow gotten hurt right? That wasn't possible was it? Wasn't he nigh invulnerable!? But... Then again mice could be very tricky.

Something lit up in the middle of the field. Kickaha wasn't sure what at first. It was a bright light that seemed to just shoot up from the middle of the field. That was certainly odd and out of place. Yup, that had to be where Calex was. The foxyote quickly moved towards the light.

In the middle of the field there was a small circular section where the grass had been cleanly cut away. This was where the light came from. As to the source of the light... It was a very small building. It couldn't be bigger than the bread box! And yet despite its size, it looked like the same type of workmanship one would see in the middle of a normal human town.

The walls were made of very tiny but brightly colored bricks. There were small carvings in the side of the building that appeared to be of cats and mice playing fiddles. The building even had proper windows! And far more interesting than the exterior was what Kickaha could see through said window. Inside was filled with expensive looking carpet, tables covered in fancy cloth, and mice walking around wearing little tiny bowties and carrying what appeared to be tiny bottles of wine. A single sign adorned the top of the building and was the source of the light. It was a light up sign that spelled out: The Mouse Trap.

"Calex noooooo." Kickaha could see what was going on. Rather than hunt down the mice the kitten had instead created a trap! Everyone knew that mice couldn't resist glitzy restaurants! It was one of the first things they taught you in school! But you couldn't call it the Mouse Trap! That was way too obvious! There was no possible way a single mouse in the area was going to-

Kickaha paused as he craned his head slightly to see the front of the restaurant. There was a single mean looking rat in sunglasses standing in front of a red velvet rope blocking access to the restaurant. To the side of him was a very long line of rodents of various sizes all waiting to be let in. Occasionally the rat would produce a clipboard, stare at it for a few moments, nod and a couple of mice would gleefully run into the restaurant.

Business was booming! But... It was literally called the Mouse Trap! How could... Wait! No! It was obvious! The kitten was a mad genius! If there was one thing everyone loved even if they had no idea what it meant, it was irony! Of course everyone was going to eat at a place called the Mouse Trap! They had to! How else would they take selfies in front of the restaurant sign ironically if they didn't!? But of course! Kickaha knew the real irony of the situation! And the real irony was the fact that it wasn't ironic at all!

But wait... None of this was right. Even Kickaha wasn't so uncouth as to eat civilized mice. That's why he had come to this field. He was fairly certain when he had been here earlier that the mice were all of the non-talking variety! Now they were all dressed! Not exactly well-dressed... But they had little hats and were waiting in line at a restaurant! What was going on? He had to find out.

So he went forward. He stepped out of the grass and into the clearing... And was surprised to see that not one single person reacted to him. Usually this is the part where mice would squeak in terror and run. They seemed completely uninterested in the gigantic three foot tall foxyote. Well... That made it easier to investigate. He took a few steps towards the restaurant and-

"Excuse me sir." The rat in the sunglasses strode up to Kickaha. He spoke in a polite tone of voice. Specifically the tone that said 'I'm pretending to be polite but will break your kneecaps in a heartbeat' type of tone. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"What... But why?" Kickaha had expected a number of reactions once he showed himself. Being politely asked to go away was not one of them.

"I'm afraid The Mouse Trap is a very exclusive restaurant sir." The rat replied. "And we have a strict height code in here. No one allowed in above the height of four inches. It's a fire code thing, sir."

"Okay, as truly adorable as that is, I don't really think you can stop me." Kickaha started to walk past the rat. He was forced to pause as he heard a buzzing noise.

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to step away from the restaurant." The buzzing noise was coming from a very large device that the rat now held in two hands. It was shiny and black, and had two prongs at the end of it that were currently buzzing with electricity.

"Is that a taser!?" Kickaha jumped a step backwards. "Why do you have a taser!?" He then looked over the rat. The rat wasn't wearing any form of clothing outside its sunglasses... There was no place the taser could have been kept even if it wasn't bigger than the rat's entire body! "Where were you even keeping that!?"

"I'm afraid that information is classified, sir." The rat responded. "Now again I'm going to ask you very nicely to step away from the restaurant until you're in accordance with our height code."

"B-but-" Kickaha stammered.

"Sir I won't ask again." A cocking noise came from the taser in the rat's paws. Did tasers even cock!? Was that even a thing!? Because it just happened!

"F-fine!" Kickaha deflated in defeat. Then he snapped his fingers and began to physically deflate in size as well. His green cloak slipped off his shoulders as he slowly shrunk down in size to exactly three inches tall. It left him a head shorter than the rat.

"Very good sir." The rat nodded and walked back to stand in front of the restaurant. The taser was also gone now. Kickaha had no idea where it had gone to.

"Right then..." Kickaha paused and looked over the line of mice. Currently being only three inches tall, he felt a little intimidated being surrounded by all these rodents. Yet they weren't even taking vengeance on the suddenly-small predator! Where was the good old-fashioned vengeance that seemed clearly called for? Kickaha had to understand. And to do that, he needed Calex. After all, the kitten was behind this plan! Surely he could give some kind of explanation! "I guess I'll just head inside."

"Hold on sir." The rat stood directly between Kickaha and the door. "Do you have a reservation?"

"Well, no, but I'm an important guest." Kickaha insisted. "I know the owner Calex!"

"So did thirty other people who also didn't have reservations." The rat responded.

"But... But I really do!" Kickaha waved his arms. "I was the one who convinced him to open up this place!" This was technically true.

"Sure you are sir. But I'll check if you're on the VIP list. Name?" The rat had his clipboard again.

"Kickaha of the Art!" The foxyote replied proudly. Obvious if Calex had set up a VIP list he'd be on it.

"You're not on the list." The rat replied without hesitation.

"You didn't even look!"

"I'd have remembered a name that pretentious." The rat didn't look up.

"I must be!" Kickaha insisted. "Let me see the list!"

"Afraid I can't do that sir." The rat responded as he moved the clipboard behind his back. Suddenly it was gone completely. "The Mouse Trap caters to very exclusive clientele. It would be unprofessional for me to divulge the names of any celebrities that may wish to dine in peace tonight."

"But! But!" Kickaha couldn't understand why he was taking this from the rat. "Look! Can we just go back to 'I'm going in there and you can't stop me'? That was the last part where things even vaguely made sense!"

"Is that really what you think sir?" There was a buzzing noise and the rat had the taser again. Ah! That's right. -THAT- was why he was taking this from the rat.

"I mean... I'm going in there in whatever way I will be allowed to enter legally without being tased!" Kickaha smiled and wagged his tail as innocently as possible.

"Very good sir." The rat adjusted his sunglasses as he put away the taser, however he did that. "Please move to the back of the standby line."

"What's the current wait time?" Kickaha wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"Four hours." The rat fixed Kickaha with a stare. "Frankly if you wanted to get in here you should have made a reservation yesterday."

"But this place didn't exist yesterday!" Kickaha threw up his arms.

"The reservations filled up that fast sir." The rat lowered his sunglasses a small bit. "Now please move to the back of the line."

"Fine!" Kickaha thrashed his tail and crossed his arms as he moved past all the mice to get to the back of the line. All these mice... They were right there! But why were they all acting so clever now... Maybe he could go back to normal size, find one mouse that wasn't suddenly capable of talking, pounce them and... Probably get tased by that really mean rat the second he tried. Talk about frustrating. To have been robbed of his planned dinner! And now to just have to stand here!

Well he was sure in four hours when he got inside he'd find Calex. And then he'd have the final laugh with that rat! After all there was no way Calex would tolerate his friends being tased! Physically transformed, regressed to a mere infant, shrunk smaller than an atom sure, that was all typical stuff. But tased? Obviously the rat had crossed a line!

He'd see the rat get his just desserts. And perhaps enjoy something from the dessert menu himself. Hopefully it was worth waiting four hours for.

Meanwhile, inside the restaurant's kitchen, an inch-tall kitten stood atop a thimble so he could reach the counter. He was eagerly using a tiny spoon to mix a bowl of soup.

"I gotta admit this is a lot of fun!" Calex smiled happily. "I never knew field mice could act so fancy!" He continued to work in the kitchen gleeful as could be. He had no idea the foxyote was currently stuck waiting outside or that the local mice had once been more mundane. As far as he knew he had done exactly Kickaha intended and nothing more! "I'm such a helpful kitten."

The End