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Bonk!

By CalexTheNeko

BONK!

"Ow! Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!" The foxyote whined as he quickly covered his head with his paws. "Erakir what did you do that for!?"

"You deserved it." The moogle responded as he lowered his staff into his lap. Erakir was dressed in his normal outfit with his shorts, stockings, shirt a purple coat, boots and his usual white and yellow striped scarf.

"But I didn't do anything!" Kickaha whined. He was less dressed up than the moogle, wearing only his green cloak and nothing else.

"Yet kupo!" Erakir retorted as he tapped his staff idly against his chair. "It was a preliminary bonking. I don't know what you're up to yet, but I'm sure it's something!"

"Whaaaaaat?" Kickaha seemed taken aback. "Look around you! What could I possibly be up to?" The two were currently sitting at a small round table that was part of an outdoor café. Currently the table was stacked high with various cakes, cookies, scones and macarons. "Can't I just treat a friend to snacks out of the goodness of my heart?"

"No. No you can't kupo." Erakir crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes.

"Okay fair." Kickaha gave a sigh. "But after last time I was here they made me pay for these treats up front, so these at least are legitimate."

"Wait what happened last time?" Erakir tilted his head.

"Well..." Kickaha looked thoughtful. "Turns out, they don't take payments in life lessons. Look that's not important right now! Let's just... enjoy the moment!"

"Uh huh..." Erakir slowly picked up a macaron off the tray. He stared at it suspiciously for a few moments before shoving it into his mouth. It tasted normal... And he didn't seem to turn into any kind of monster or even a shrubbery upon devouring it. He waited a few seconds to see if anything would happen. After it didn't he grabbed a tart and began to nibble on that.

"Of course... Were I up to something!" Kickaha himself began to eat a scone.

"Oh here we go kupo." Erakir rolled his eyes.

"Which I'm not saying I am!" Kickaha finished his scone. "But I'm saying if I was, you already bonked me for it. So I've already had my just desserts so to speak." With that he began to eat a slice of cake.

"Will you get on with it?" Erakir asked.

"Welllllllllllll." The foxyote grinned. "I'm just trying to say... Since I've already been bonked. Aren't I now required to be up to something? I mean! That's how karma works right? You can't punish me if I didn't do anything. That would make you a terrible person. So now... I -HAVE- to do something! Your virtue is at stake!"

"I doubt that's how it actually works."

"No! No! This is important!" Kickaha pounded the table. "You see! Because I'm such a good person! I promise not to let your karmic fate go to waste! You should be happy that someone cares about your moral standing so much!"

"I suppose someone has to kupo." As Erakir moved on to a muffin it was very clear he wasn't taking anything Kickaha said at face value.

"I just want to be clear, I'm only going to do this out of moral obligation. I just wouldn't dream of letting myself disappoint you." Kickaha leaned into the table. "Besides, I got a very good deal on it." With that remark the foxyote snapped his fingers. As he did there was a puff of smoke and a popping noise as a small box in red and white wrapping paper appeared on top of the table.

"Oh geez what the heck is this kupo?" Erakir narrowed his eyes and picked up the box. He shook it before holding it up to one of his large rabbit ears trying to figure out what it was.

"It's not a bomb if that's what you're thinking." Kickaha smiled.

"I wasn't..." Erakir was unamused. "But I find it extremely concerning that you felt the need to say that kupo." He slowly began to remove the ribbon from the box and removed the lid while holding the gift away from himself. When nothing came out of it he slowly pulled the box back and looked inside of it. Seeing its contents he raised an eyebrow before he pulled a small black collar with a tiny bell on it. "Seriously?"

"Well like I said..." Kickaha looked a tad sheepish. In fact for a very brief moment he physically transformed into a sheep before resuming his foxyote form. "I got it on a discount!"

"You know there's a less than zero percent chance of me putting this on right?" Erakir looked at Kickaha. "I mean... Look! We've both been involved in this song and dance enough times to know how this is going to go down. This thing is clearly cursed. But there's no logical reason I would ever put it on. I mean usually in this type of situation you're supposed to trick people into wearing it, or slip it on them in their sleep!" Erakir paused. "Actually I just got an idea. I know where Khloe sleeps and could easily slip this on him kupo."

"But it already bound to you!" Kickaha flashed his widest grin.

"What are you..." Erakir paused as he realized the collar had vanished from his hands. He suddenly heard a light jingle of a tiny bell coming from his neck. "WHAT THE HECK KUPO!?" He reached up and found the collar was now being worn beneath his scarf.

"Let me explain." Kickaha was enjoying the moment. "You see, this all started because the local pet store was out of mice."

"Of course it did." Erakir rolled his eyes as he continued to tug on the collar trying to remove it.

"If I was going to have any hope of dinner I had to take desperate measures. I would have to find some of those nutritious rodents myself. But alas I had no mouse traps!"

"Aren't you supposed to be a capable hunter?" Erakir paused from his struggles to give the foxyote a deadpan stare.

"Shush I'm telling a story." Kickaha reacted with annoyance before continuing. "So left with no other choice... I was forced to visit the local store that wasn't there yesterday."

"The one off of second kupo?" Erakir asked

"Oh heavens no." Kickaha gave a disgusted look. "I bought a strange Tiki statue there and it was completely defective! No matter what I did wouldn't call down any curses or misadventures! I think I wound up throwing it out or something."

"Did you try cleaning it? Maybe it just had dust clogging wherever the magic comes out kupo." Erakir sounded genuinely helpful.

"Nope! Did nothing!" Kickaha sighed. "So I go to the one over on the corner of Seventh and Mulberry now. The Curiosities Shop there is much more reliable."

"You know you can just buy mouse traps at the supermarket right?" Erakir had completely given up on removing the collar and just leaned back in his chair, bored from the story.

"I like doing my part to support small local businesses." Kickaha insisted. "Anyway, turns out they didn't have any mouse traps there. In fact, the shopkeeper suggested I should just get a cat instead. Which is why they sold me the collar."

"Uggggh." Erakir realized what was about to happen to him. "But how did you get it on me kupo!?"

"Oh that was easy. It's a gift from the fae realms." Kickaha waved his paw dismissively. "The moment you took it out of the box you accepted it, and it became yours and yours alone. And you know how fae gifts work, right?"

"You have to give something in return." Erakir sighed. He knew where this was going. It was his opinion that the foxyote was far too fond of making a spectacle of every single scheme. He didn't have to drag this out!

"And since you're wearing the collar in return for my gift I choose you!" Kickaha reached over to give Erakir a pat on the head. The moment he did there was what felt like a minor electric shock that ran through the moogle's entire body.

"Ugh, rookie mistake Erakir." The soon to be former moogle chided himself.

And then he began to shrink into his clothes. It was a familiar sensation at this point. Really, the foxyote acting so smug was far more upsetting than the changes occurring to his physical body. All he could do was glare as his pompom evaporated into light. His ears shortened and took on a more triangular shape while his face pushed out into a muzzle. Aside from his body shifting into a small quadruped form the most dramatic change was his tail growing out to be almost as long as his body. Pads formed on the bottom of his new forepaws and hind-paws as small claws grew out that were hidden in sheaths.

"Mroooow!" Erakir mewled in annoyance as he crawled out of his clothes. The collar he had been wearing still fit but everything else was sitting in a pile either on his chair or the floor. The white cat furred cat with blue tipped ears stretched then jumped up atop the table so he could fix Kickaha with his most deadpan stare possible.

"You know you don't look half bad as a cat." Kickaha's grin couldn't get any wider. "No wonder Calex likes to do that to you."

"MEOOOOW! MROOOOWL!" Erakir protested loudly.

"Give me a moment!" Kickaha scratched the back of his head. "I'm pretty sure I can give you the ability to talk. I should actually have complete control over your physical form now." Kickaha snapped his fingers.

"Wait what! That doesn't sound-" Erakir paused as he realized that he was speaking actual words again. "Huh... Well okay then." He looked down at himself. He was still a feral cat, just a talking one now. "You know if you wanted a cat we both know you could have just gone and grabbed Calex."

"Maybe..." Kickaha looked around nervously as if he was concerned someone might overhear what he was saying. "But just between you and me... The little guy's great but... He's an absolutely horrible mouser."

"That is fair." Erakir admitted.

"Last time I tried to get him to hunt mice he threw them a tea party at an exclusive café." Kickaha paused and looked annoyed at that. "And when I tried to go in I was told I wasn't on the list! So after that little debacle you can see why I'd want a different partner."

"Ugh fine whatever." Erakir turned his back to Kickaha. "I'll help you get your dinner. But I'm taking the last scone." He quickly swiped a scone off his plate and began to greedily devour it.

"But..." Kickaha held up a paw weakly. "You already had three."

"Hey you don't want to spoil your appetite!" Erakir cleaned up every crumb from the scone before turning his attention back to the foxyote. "Alright, let's get this over with." He jumped down from the table. "I guess I can understand why you'd want me for this way. Maybe if you're lucky some of my competence will rub off on you."

"Are... Are you going to spend most of this venture insulting me?" Kickaha wearily stood up from the table.

"You knew what you were getting into." Erakir stuck his tongue out.

"Quite." Kickaha then smiled. "Though on the other hand." He snapped his fingers.

"Meoooow!" Erakir's eyes widened as he realized his voice was gone. He let loose a low growl and fixed Kickaha with a glare.

"You know I think I really like you like this!" Kickaha bent down and patted Erakir on the head. "It's purrfect for you."

And that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Up until this very point Erakir had mostly planned to go along with Kickaha's plan. He would never admit it out loud, but getting involved in the foxyote's schemes tended to produce entertaining results. The whole transformation thing didn't even really register as a problem. That was just part of their routine. In fact Erakir was already plotting to turn the rodent obsessed foxyote into a mouse sometime soon. This was just part of how their relationship worked.

But puns?

The line had to be drawn somewhere. And that was it. And there was only one suitable punishment for the crime that had been committed. Erakir stood up and walked over to where his discarded clothes and items were. He then leaped up into the air and landed on the edge of his staff. The result was the staff suddenly springing upward and flying straight for Kickaha.

BONK!

"GAAAAAH!" Kickaha covered his head and stood up straight. "Okay... That was on me. Should have known it was dangerous to lean down near you. Won't do that again."

"Mew!" Erakir purred smugly at the foxyote's pain.

"But no more of that!" Kickaha whined. "Don't you think beating on me with that schtick is getting old?"

Erakir responded by rolling his eyes and leaping onto his staff again.

BONK!

"AGAIN!?" Kickaha growled and picked up Erakir's staff off the ground. "Come on, knock that-"

"MROOOOWL!" Erakir let out an angry growl.

"That one was unintentional!" Kickaha pleaded. "Look, okay, I get it, you don't like the jokes. Can we calm down now? Please?"

"... Mow." Erakir sat down on his haunches and stared at Kickaha as if uncertain.

"Come on pleeeeease!" Despite his pleading Kickaha was being very careful to hold Erakir's staff up in the air out of the cat's reach. "I'm beginning to worry that you're causing me serious brain damage. In fact, you could argue that any lapses in judgment I've had our entirely the fault of repeated bonkings! So in a way these puns are your fault."

"MROOOOOOOOOOOAWRL!" Erakir made it absolutely clear he was not about to take the blame for that.

"OKAY IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT!" Kickaha gave a hefty sigh. "But look, everything is fine now! So let's just go back to our original plan of going after those delicious rodents and forget all this."

"Mroooow." Erakir seemed unsure, but his body relaxed and became less hostile.

"Come on!" Kickaha smiled. "I'm trying to extend the olive branch here!" He held out the staff while he spoke.

"MROOOOOOOOAAAAAWWWWWWRL!" Erakir was seeing red at this. He began to leap into the air swiping his paws at the staff Kickaha was carrying.

"Oh too slow!" Kickaha stuck out his tongue and held the staff up above his own head. "Sorry but I'm afraid you're currently not responsible enough to have a toy this dangerous where-"

It was at this moment that Erakir dug his claws into Kickaha's green cloak. The cat then used this handhold to run straight up the foxyote's back and onto his head.

"Ah, right. Cat." Kickaha muttered.

"MROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!" Erakir gave a battle cry. From here it was an easy jump to leap up and grab the tip of his staff. Digging his claws into it he wasn't able to rest it from Kickaha's hands... But he was able to shift the balance of the staff so that the long end of it came crashing downward.

BONK!

"Owwwwwww." Upon being bonked again Kickaha lost his grip as both cat and staff tumbled to the ground. "You know I'm a bit concerned about how expertly you did that. It's almost as if you had a lot of practice-" His eyes widened. "Ah of course! Everyone who knows our mutual acquaintance spends enough time as a cat to become practiced at it! Clearly... I need a different kind of hunter." Kickaha held up his hands and snapped his fingers.

Again Erakir began to change. His body shrunk in size as he was transforming into something smaller. However it was shrinking faster in height than it was in length. His tail grew slightly shorter but the fur over it grew thicker. The sheaths that had his claws vanished, leaving the small white tips clearly visible. His muzzle became much thinner and stretched out while his eyes became more beady and almost completely black. The collar still clung to his neck, but it was noticeably looser on his much thinner frame. His fur remained almost uniform white, except for the usual blue tips on his ears and paws, as well as a blue mask of fur over his eyes now. He had transformed into a ferret.

"Do-ok?" Erakir was momentarily distracted from his vengeance by the sudden change. It was not quite what he had been expecting to happen.

"Much better!" Kickaha gave a sigh of relief. "Still an agile hunter, and perhaps a decent climber! But not quite as good a jumper, and a bit smaller and lighter! This might even make it easier for you to weasel into holes to go after those mice."

"Dookdookdookdookdook." Erakir gave Kickaha a disapproving stare.

"Oh come on, that one wasn't even that bad." The foxyote quickly grabbed the staff off the ground before the ferret could do anything with it. Kickaha just didn't get why some people couldn't appreciate a good sense of humor. "Look we gotta move on! And I think I have a pretty good idea of how to proceed from here! With your current form I think it's time for... Operation Sneaky Slinky."

"DOOK!" Erakir gave an annoyed small bark and leaped for Kickaha. He wasn't able to do much, but he did manage to bite onto the end of his staff. He wasn't strong enough or heavy enough to wrest it from Kickaha's grip. Instead all he did was hang limply from it.

"Um so... You want to let go of that now?" Kickaha asked.

"Grrrr." Erakir continued to bite down as hard as he could on the staff. He twisted his body slightly so that his tiny beady eyes could stare up at the foxyote. They almost looked like they were staring straight into his soul.

"Wow. So... Like, you've really got some weird intimidation thing going on for such a small critter." Kickaha lifted the staff up higher with Erakir still on it. The ferret never released his grip. "But we're kind of on a schedule. Come on, you ate all the scones I need dinner! So... Just... Let go!" He grabbed Erakir with his spare hand and tried to pry the ferret off.

"Doooooooook." But the ferret could not be removed. He kept his bite firmly down on the staff and Kickaha couldn't pull any harder without a risk of seriously hurting the ferret.

"Come on! You're being very immature about this." Kickaha lifted the staff and ferret up so that they were eye level. "Let go already!"

"Grrrrr."

"Okay, okay, you've left me no choice." Kickaha moved the ferret back away from his face. He was about to go nuclear and wanted to make sure that his eyes and nose were well outside Erakir's biting and clawing range when he did. He held out the staff so that the ferret was as far away from him as possible. He let the ferret hang there limply for a moment and then spoke. "So... How's it hanging?"

"Grrrr." Other than a continued low growl Erakir didn't react.

"Seriously?" Kickaha tilted his head. "I was sure that one would have made you go berserk and let go! Granted, I also assumed I was going to have to start running to avoid having my feet bitten off by an angry ferret, but still."

"Grrrr." Erakir still refused to let go.

"Okay! This has officially gone on too long." Kickaha clicked his tongue. "I'm afraid the comedic value has gone stale and it's time to let go!" He began to shake the staff trying to throw Erakir off of it.

"GRRRRR!" Even as the ferret was swung in circles he still refused to let go.

"How are your teeth this strong!?" Kickaha demanded. "And also if it's because of specific toothpaste please let me know when you can talk again." He began to swing the staff more wildly around trying to dislodge the ferret. The longer Erakir clung to the staff the more wild Kickaha's movements became.

Right up until both ferret and staff went flying out of his hands straight up into the air.

"Ohhh that's bad!" Kickaha began running in circles watching as Erakir disappeared into the sky. He was pretty sure turning your friend into a ferret then letting them fall to their death was something of a social faux pas! Maybe he'd get lucky! Maybe ferrets were small enough the fall wouldn't hurt?

Ohhhh he really couldn't take that risk.

"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOK!" Erakir meanwhile had let go of the staff and was letting out terrified shouts in the air. He had no idea how high up he had gone before he suddenly felt as if gravity reversed and he went plummeting downward.

"I gotcha! I gotcha!" Kickaha continued to run back and forth. He could see a tiny speck in the sky that was getting bigger fast! There was the ferret! He held out his hands hoping to catch it... Only to realize he was too far away!

Kickaha dove forward, sliding against the sidewalk on his stomach, a rather unpleasant experience, and stretched his arms out as Erakir came crashing down to Earth. He just barely managed to catch the ferret in both hands seconds before he collided with the hard concrete.

"Safe!" Kickaha gave a relieved sigh. He slowly sat Erakir down on the ground and stood up. "Let's not do that-"

BONK!

It was at that moment the staff which had also been thrown in the air landed directly on Kickaha's head. It stood perfectly vertical for a brief moment before tumbling off of him, smacking him in the face in the process.

"In hindsight, I should have expected that." Kickaha wobbled back and forth for a few moments before collapsing back onto the sidewalk. This put him face to face with Erakir.

"Dookdookdookdookdookdookdookdookdookdook!" Erakir was rolled onto his back laughing up at a storm at Kickaha's expense.

"Wise guy huh?" Kickaha demanded. His rage! Well not rage. It was more like a cartoonish mock rage where the actual emotion was somewhere between excitement and anticipation. But it certainly looked like rage! "Well fine! I can do more than species changes with that collar, you know! And I think I'm going to make sure you're not able to reach that staff again anytime soon!" Kickaha pushed himself up off his stomach and snapped his fingers.

Erakir began to shrink again. But this time other than his size nothing else changed. Instead he just proceeded to get smaller and smaller.

"Success!" Kickaha wagged his tail as he watched the dwindling ferret.

"DOOOK!" Erakir gave out a terrified shriek. Soon he was as small as a mouse! And then an insect! And then even smaller!

"Wait..." Kickaha paused. "Too small! Too small!" He snapped his fingers again trying to make the ferret bigger. Nothing happened. Instead Erakir just shrunk smaller and smaller until he was invisible to the naked eye. The reason for the problem became obvious fairly quickly. The collar that Erakir had been wearing now sat on the ground completely empty. The ferret had shrunk right out of it! And now without the magic collar Kickaha had no way to make him bigger again. "Ohhhh I may have done a bad." Kickaha whimpered. He quickly got down on the ground and picked up the collar. He got his eyes as close to the ground as possible trying to look around to see where the miniscule ferret had gone.

It seemed Erakir was truly microscopic now though! Because Kickaha couldn't find a trace of him.

"He'll... Probably be fine..." Kickaha tried to assure himself. There was some truth to it. When you had certain acquaintances getting stuck in that kind of situation wasn't all that uncommon. In fact, Kickaha had dealt with it an uncomfortably large amount of times himself by this point. Erakir would be fine, he was even more experienced.

But that left Kickaha without a cat or a ferret to hunt down dinner.

"Ugggh guess I'll go back to mouse traps..." His ears flattened. "I think Erakir said they sold them at the supermarket?" With that the foxyote departed, assuming that Erakir was left behind. He was sure to others it seemed cruel, but he knew the tiny ferret would be okay.

Erakir was very disoriented when the world stopped growing. He had grabbed onto the nearest thing he could when he started shrinking... And then he felt himself lifted into the air. He lost his grip and after that landed in some kind of forest of large rust colored tree-like structures. Not sure what else to do he set out to explore. As he looked around seeing the rusty trees stretching on in every direction it slowly began to dawn on him where he was. And he began to get an idea of where he should go.

It was a long journey. It took days. Most of his time was spent climbing upward, using the trees which stretched out horizontal sometimes in a mockery of gravity as support. But he had a mission, and no matter how long it took he was going to accomplish it. There was no telling how many days had passed before he finally reached his destination. It was a spot covered in the same rusty trees that were everywhere else, but he knew this had to be here. It was the second highest elevation in this new world, centered halfway between two other mountains.

At this point Erakir began to climb the strange trees. He waited till he got to the very top of one, then jumped off and curled into a ball! It was no longer before he collided with the pink colored ground and-

BONK!

"OWWWW!" Kickaha who had been in bed suddenly sat up as he felt a sharp bonk atop his head. He looked around in confusion unable to figure out what happened. "Who? Where? HOW!?" But no one answered.

And he couldn't hear the smug laughing of a very tiny ferret.

The End