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Zootopia

DIRTY HAIRY By Dan 1966

Loosely based off of Clint Eastwood's Harry Callahan.

(c) Zootopia. 2016 Walt Disney Productions (c) Dirty Harry 1971 Malpaso Productions (c) Fritz the Cat 1970 Ralph Bakshe

All rights respected. Not for monetary gain and none expected. Fandom enjoyment only.

Rated R for violence, swearing, graphic depictions of death and sex.

Who's killing animals across the city of Zootopia, leaving many half eaten in their cars? To get down in the dirt, you need a cop who skirts the line between legality and criminal-ism. That's when you call in homicide inspector Fritz Catz aka "Dirty Hairy". He's Gentile and likable when he's in the Precinct house but a complete bastard out on the streets who packs a howitzer for a gun. When the offender has to be absolutely stopped overnight...Fritz is the cat for the job.

PART 9

Day 2 10:23pm Traffic gate to Tundra Town

Fritz and David arrived at the gate-side parking area where their night shift counterparts Mike Stabarro (Tiger) and Kirk Cain (Chimp) were standing by their truck...

"Chief Zazu sent four officers from First Prinky." Mike said as he pointed. "I also just got a text from the ZBI lab if you didn't yet? Samaliel worked overtime and typed the snakes as....King Cobras."

"One of em ain't no King Cobra." David snorted. "That's a fricken, I dunno? "Emperor Cobra?" and he's not happy foot."

"Happy Feet." Fritz replied. "I had to sit through that theater play with my daughters and the wife.....ugh.....where was the rope?"

Kirk pointed a thumb to the gate...."What's to say they're not already in Tundra Town?"

Fritz replied. "Text from Chief Smite..."APB out for all trucks with a five ton or more capacity, specifically trucks with a conditioner unit attached. Stop and search with weapons drawn." So that covers that corner."

David pointed to the ground. "And the steam lines under the streets and sidewalks?"

"Can't be helped." Fritz replied. "We're not going "spee-lunking" in those things. Too many chances they might open up enough to allow the smaller cobra the chance to whip around and bite....

"BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!BLAM!CRASH!" The sharp sounds of gunfire and the crash of a vehicle caused Fritz and the other detectives to run for the gate where a Rhino aimed steady with his Zastuba rifle while two Wolves dragged a driver from the cab of his truck....

"He was ordered to halt!" The rhino snarled. "Crazy fool....what the hell?"

The spotted Leopard was thrown down into the snow and zip tie cuffed as Mike snatched the locking handle of the truck's back door..."Let me jump clear before you guys start shooting?"

Fritz leveled his Magnum and snickered. "No...I'm going to blow your nuts to the moon Mike....Duh?"

Mike threw the lock handle and ripped the door open....to a pile of canvas bags...

"What's in the bags there Leopard?" One of the wolf officers asked as he snatched the cat by the scruff of his neck..."What was so precious that you almost threw your nine lives away for it?"

The other wolf bounded into the truck, whipped out a tactical knife and stabbed one of the sacks..."Oh....Nelly Knuckles....super nip galore!"

The wolf holding the Leopard pulled a card from his tactical vest...."I'm going to read you your rights my friend and then...if you don't want to stay a while in one of our cozy penal establishments? You can sing yourself silly ok?"

Fritz, David and Mike backed off to stand with Kirk while the gate cops processed the truck and went back to holding guard over the gate...

"What the hell?" Kirt said as he pocketed his pistol. "That was the mark of a stupid hump if I ever saw one. Trying to run a police patrol point with a truck full of Kitty Smack?"

"If we can tie it to a syndicate leader. We have the cops in place to bust the house but you know these shrews, they have layers of protection against dumb humpery." Mike snorted.

Fritz leaned back against the car and took a long look at the gate, the high wall that surrounded Tundra Town and the massive weather machines that produced the unique and localized conditions for cold weather and snow....it was then that he swore and slap a paw against the car roof...

"Mother GRRRR damn it!" Fritz snarled as he grabbed the car radio and flipped the channel setting..."Fourth Prink Dispatch! This is Inspector Catz at the main gate! The suspects believed to be attempting access into Tundra Town are definitely already inside the wall! Alert all patrols to watch the steam system access points!"

David grabbed Fritz by his shoulder. "They're inside?"

Fritz pointed to the moisture release vents along the wall tops..."They got in through the moisture production tubes from the supply system in Heat Borough Sahara....damn it, we forgot about those tubes."

Fritz waved to the Wolves...."Put that dirt bag in your cruiser and hold him here! I want to talk to him personally when I get back! Mike! Kirk! We'll take my car!"

"Which boss do you think they'll go for?!" Mike asked as he slipped into the back seat.

"Not Mister Big." Fritz replied. "My bet? Palanchio or Drift. They're not big time syndicate and they don't have the muscle Mister Big has, who would be crazy enough to take on "Big Pauley" Polar Bear?"

"Are we going to try and take them alive or do we go lethal?" David asked as he snatched his shot gun.

"We'll try to take the smaller of the two if possible. The bigger one? No damn way in hell by the description Merkhorn gave us. If it could throw a police cruiser with no problem....no use trying to persuade it to surrender. Myself and Kirk will carry lethals, you other two carry mixed rounds to deal with the smaller snake. Remember, we have to keep them from getting back into the underground steam pipe runs. If we can get them out in the cold? They're screwed."

David gestured..."Let's go to Victor Palanchio's...I'm getting those "wild hairs" again."

Fritz pursed his lips then grabbed the car mic..."Inspector 71...four of us are heading for Victor Palanchio's house, request another car with tactical weapons head there too....out."

12:04am Day 3 Snowball Drive, Tundra Town Home of Boss Victor Palancho

Fritz turned the street corner, cut the lights to his car and slowly approached the front gate where he noticed.....no guard.

"No one covering the gate?" Fritz said as he stopped the car..."That doesn't make me happy."

"The word was put out for all to stay in their houses wasn't it?" David asked as they all slipped from the car and stood at the wall. Fritz pulled his Magnum from it's holster and pushed the call button on the radio box...

"Victor Palanchio? This is the Zootopia Police Department, open the front gate." Fritz snarled. He waited a few seconds then repeated himself..."Victor Palanchio? This is the Zootopia Police Department, open the front gate." When no answer came back, Fritz looked at Kirk. "You have the force kit? Pick the lock."

The chimp ran back to the car, came back with a case in his hand and quickly started to work on the electronic gate lock as Fritz stood next to him with the Magnum aimed into the yard through the gate...

"What's in that damn howitzer of yours Inspector?" Kirk asked as he worked on the lock.

"High Velocity bull rounds with no wad cutters. Trust me....big bastard will feel it." Fritz replied.

"CLICK!" The fence lock snapped open and Kirk quickly un-slung and trained his MP-5 Machine gun. "Open Sezz me." The Chimp said as he walked next to Fritz with David and Mike following to their right as they walked up the long driveway...

"I can hear the house alarm inside but no one's coming out." Mike said as he walked with his pistol aimed.

"I hate my damn prick hairs." David snapped.

"Obscene partner you have Fritz." Mike remarked.

"I was talking about my spine hairs." David snickered. "My mother always told me to trust my spine hairs when they perk up...."

Suddenly...as the front door of the house came in view through the light fog and falling snow around them....the door exploded in splinters and out flew a polar bear head over feet to a bouncing landing into the snow!

"FRICK!" Kirk screamed out as he ran to the nearest tree and covered with his MP-5 "I HATE YOUR DAMN SPINE HAIRS TOO!"

Mike and David ran to the bear, quickly found him dead and wisely jumped to another tree to their right as noises of crashing furniture, screaming Mammals and hissing filled the air!

Fritz boldly crossed the distance between the yard and the side of the house, making it to the stone foundation just as something came crashing out through the front door and landed into the snow behind him! He turned to see a polar bear locked in a struggle with a huge snake! It's coils trying to wrap him up as the big white bruin stabbed at the monster with a polar bear sized stileto knife while screaming at it in Italian!

"YOU BIG FRICKEN PIECE OF WORM SHIT! DIE!" The bear screamed as he stuck his blade, turned it and ripped it out! "FRICKEN CLUCK SUCKING MOTHER CLUCKING BASTARD DIE!"

Fritz was in motion..."Cover my back!" He snapped to the others as he ran and slide to his knee, leveled the Magnum and cut loose a round with a deafening concussion!

"WAH-BOOM!" The fourty four barked, the recoil sending Fritz arm upwards to a 45 degree hike as the 40 grain high velocity round screamed down range, tore into the cobra and snapped the snake's upper body away as it tried to close on its' frustrating and tough opponent!

"DAMN!" The polar bear snapped as he got free of the snakes coils and scrambled to where fritz was kneeling....

"GET OUT OF THE GAWD DAMN WAY YOU STUPID IDIOT!" Fritz screamed as he leveled the cannon again and cocked the hammer! The bear dove clear as the Magnum barked again....

"WAH-BOOM!"

Another round slammed home into the front of the cobra's body! The snake falling back against the tree where David and Mike were scrambling to run clear of the impact!

"I THOUGHT YOU SAID SNAKES COULDN'T MOVE FAST IN COLD WEATHER?!" David screamed as he struggled to aim his shotgun and run on the snow covered ground. "SNOW AND CHEETAH'S DO NOT MIX!"

"I WAS A LITTLE OFF ON MY "SNAKE-A-PEDIA" OK! SHOOT THE BASTARD!" Fritz screamed back.

Two magnum rounds and the big cobra had plenty of fight. He whipped his length around, caught Mike in the chest and flipped the tiger through the air and sent him crashing into a green house without as much as a break in stride!

Kirk had quickly scrambled up his own tree, took a place on the top and fired down rounds on the fast waving hooded head but that idea quickly turned sour when the cobra whipped around and bit through the thin tapered conifer trunk and sent the chimp flying into another tree!

"I'M ALRIGHT!" Kirk snapped. "LOST MY DAMN GUN!"

Fritz and David were now in fast moving circles, their foot claws digging into the snow and dirt as they ran aiming and shooting at the big snake until it retreated back into the Palachio house!

"Dave? You alright?" Fritz asked as he caught David by the arm.

"You shot the bastard twice and it's still alive?" David asked as he re-loaded his Mossberg 500 and Fritz speed loaded his Magnum...

"Snakes have multiple hearts and lungs but I'm sure he's not feeling to froggy right now." Fritz replied. "Take point...remember, we have two of the bastards."

Mike Stabbaro limped up to Fritz and David..."Gasp.....big tail hole...."

"You alright?" David asked Mike.

"Wicked Charlie horse on the calf...."Mike replied. "Everyone's alright?"

The polar bear who survived the fight came up with his knife. "Gasp! Gasp! Give me a gun! I'm gonna crucify that worm mother clucken mock sucker!"

"You are going to do nothing but sit your happy coke a cola poster tail down!" Fritz warned with his Magnum. "This is police business now."

"My boss is in there!" The bear snapped and growled.

Fritz pointed the gun to his face. "And this "boss" says sit your happy tail down!"

The bear wisely sat on his butt. "Fricken cops."

"Always at your service." Fritz replied. Seeing a police cruiser sliding into the compound through the gate, Fritz cried out to Kirk Cain who'd just gotten himself out a tree..."TELL THEM TO COVER THE FRONT DOOR WITH ZASTUBA GUNS! LOAD SLUG ROUNDS!" He then turned to David..."Go ahead with the shot gun, we'll cover you."

David braced the weapon against his shoulder and entered the destroyed house. "Both of them have to be in here...." He said as he started to clear through the rooms on the ground floor. "IS ANYONE ALIVE?! POLICE! CRY OUT IF YOU'RE ALIVE?!"

As he entered the living room....David kicked a can at his feet and the voice of a very ticked off Italian sounding Mammal barked from it...

"WATCH WHAT YER DO'IN YOU STUPID LUG!" A squeaky voice snapped. "Cluck sucken bastard...."

Fritz picked up the can and found Victor Palanchio in a rather "disturbing" manor of dress...

"Well? Doesn't this make a sweet blackmail moment for us?" Fritz snickered as he pulled out his smart phone. "I didn't know you were into leathers there Vic-ster?"

Palanchio gave Fritz a bite on the paw for his trouble! "Ugh! You little mouse dick!" Fritz snapped as he whipped his paw about and caught Palanchio by his tail. "There! Now you might be more agreeable! Hey David? Midnight snack?"

"Screw you Fritz." David snorted.

Palanchio hung by his tail screaming at Fritz..."Where were all you cops! You were supposed to protect us! Look at my house!"

Fritz held Palanchio level to his face..."Hey stupid? Who's the one dressed in queer mode here? Mind being a little more respectful?" Fritz looked around..."I think they're already gone David.

"It ain't my fault you stupid flat foot!" Palanchio snapped as Fritz placed him on a table..."That snake whore did it with her crazy voice. You cops didn't warn us for snits about that!"

"Some information is not for the release to common thugs there Vic-ster." Fritz snorted back.

"You were use-in us a bait?! You dirty rotten pigs..." Victor snapped.

"Cats Victor? Cats and one Chimp thank you very much? Besides some of your boys? Does your wife know you.....dress like that?" Fritz asked as he pointed around the house.

"She's in the safe room you lug....please.....please don't tell her? Please? Nice cop....good kitty?" Victor pleaded.

Fritz holstered his Magnum. "I'll consider it Victor." As David walked up....

"Yup....they went back into the heating system. Big one's probably bleeding like a siv with two magnum holes torn into him." David said as he slung his shot gun over his shoulder.

"Your intuition is fantastic." Fritz replied. "How about you and I go back to the main gate and put that Leopard through the ringer?"

David smirked. "Let me have him Fritz? You know Cheetah's and Leopards are bad blood cousins. A little good cop, bad cop play is in order."

End of part 9