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The Grand Adventures of Knight Plum and Her Daring Squire Peaches!

DeadCerberus (aka GreatBritainBill)

"And so the Brave and Valiant knight Plum sally's forth from the village, off on another Great Adventure!" It was more of a squeak then a yell, but with that great proclamation the tiny kobold grabbed her bindle sack and rushed off towards the woods on the edge of town.

Sure, she was supposed to be looking for berries to gather for her mother (or rather her foster mother) but that could wait. She'd gotten a hot tip from one of her many vassals (or really Martin the bakers son) that a vile den of EVIL had been spotted deep in the forest.

Undoubtedly full of monsters, traps, and treasure! As a great knight of the realm it was her duty to ride out and clear this vile den. Or rather she would ride but her horse, Whinny, was injured (made of wood) so she would have to walk. Still, no knight ever feared a brisk stroll!

"Squire Peaches, are our supplies ready?" Plum called over her shoulder. Her erstwhile, and not just a little flighty, Owlbear squire quickly bounded over on her much longer legs. She was far bigger then Plum but still, Plum was the Knight, not her! She just didn't have the constitution for it. Peaches was very good at hiding though. Why, she could hide right in the middle of a busy market street and all anyone would see was a stuffed Owlbear! Truly a marvel!

"Yes mam!" Peaches squeaked while pulling her bindle off her shoulder, "we're fully fortified with a ham & honey sandwich apiece!" Her massive paws reached into the tiny bindle and pulled out two brown lumps. Freshly grabbed from the oven this morning and stuffed with old pork scraps and the last of the honey.

"Wait, where's the rest of it?" Plum's face fell into a confused look, "Are we supposed to fight an entire dungeon of monsters on a single sandwich each?"

"It's all I could grab before Martin's dad came back" Peach gave her a big shrug.

Plum put one of her claws (freshly filed everyday so mom wouldn't get angry) to her chin. "I guess that will be fine, we should finish slaying evil before dinner right?"

"I don't see why not" Peaches clicked.

"Well then squire, we're off!" With a yell Plum charged off towards the woods, while Peaches lumbered behind.

---

"After a long and grueling march through the perilous dark woods, the valiant knight finally spies her destination!"

"I can still see our house from here!"

"Quiet squire, lest you alert the beasts." Plum put her hand back down and resumed peering over the small hill. Just a few meters away a dark hole burrowed into a small cliff, the entrance heavily obscured with lichen and branches.

"A den of evil, of vile darkness! We must approach carefully lest we..." Peaches suddenly climbed up beside her, munching on one of the buns. "So what do you think is in there?" She spat through a mouthful of crumbs.

"Dire wolves? Zombies?? A Manticore??? Who knows my young squire but it is up to us to drive them out! Now, my sword." Plum motioned behind herself, eyes still fixed on the opening.

"Uh, yeah I got it in here somewhere." Peaches continues to talk through her food as she rummaged around in the bindle. "Uh, here it is."

"Ew the handle is all sticky, watch you hands when you eat Peach!" Plum rubbed her hand on the grass to clean it before re-griping her blade. Well blade may be pushing it. It was an offcut she had snagged from the mill. Then, using a paring knife, she had slowly whittled it down into a rough approximation of a blade and handle. Boy had she caught hell for ruining that knife, but it had been worth it. Every knight needs a blade!

"Alright then, Squire Peaches, at attention!" Peaches continues rifling through the bindle but looked up, "I am off to slay the vile beasts that lurk within, it's up to you to guard my back and the entrance."

"You can count on me Captain!" Peaches saluted, smearing some honey on her forehead.

"I'm a Knight not a Captain" Plum stomped her foot as she glared up at Peaches, "Anyway, just make sure no one sneaks up on us."

Turning away, Plum began advancing on the opening, sword out. It really wasn't very large at all, just a bit bigger than her already diminutive size. Cocking her ear, Plum listen at the entrance. A small breeze rustled the tree beaches near her but no other sounds came from within the crevasse. Pushing the leaves away with her sword she headed in.

It was dark inside but Plum wasn't afraid. Unlike her mom or dad she could see pretty well even on black nights, it made it easy to sneak down to the pantry. So she could still see pretty well even when the branch snapped back in place. It was really more of a hole than a cave but Plum strode forward all the same. There was evil in here and she would vanquish it.

The rock was damp with water that dripped from the ceiling and the passage way was tight, even for her. She had to slide along in order to squeeze through but after a few seconds she popped out. The space on the other side didn't seem that special on first glance but Plum kept her guard up. Who knew what terrible things were waiting to jump out at her.

As her eyes quickly adjusted the cavern came into view. Roots poked through the ceiling and every few seconds some loose dirt would fall, at least where the roof wasn't covered by some kind of... fuzzy coating? Even her dark vision wasn't perfect. The cavern itself was small, just a handful of paces across, with no obvious other exits.

"Hmm, the fiends must have hidden the way further in, but they didn't on Plum, Royal Knight" she muttered, her tail twitching with excitement. Moving over to the back wall she began running her hands along, looking for some kind of hidden door. Her scales may have made it harder for her to feel small things then the other kids in the village but she was still confident she would find the secret. After all, finding hidden doors is part of what the good guys did, right?

"Come on, come on, I know you're here somewhere" Plum's claws easily dug into the soft earth but she wasn't finding any sign of any hidden doors. Just dirt, dirt, and more dirt, until...

*Plop*

"Oh what the beans was that!" Plum nearly jumped out of her scales and spun around, only to hear a loud *ding-ding*. Oh, that was right, she hadn't taken off her tail bells before coming in. "Ok, ok , just some mud that fell from the ceiling and I forgot to take off Momma's bells, no big deal for a brave kni-*SKREECH*!"

The ear splinting sound nearly deafened her. Clutching her head she looked up to see that the fuzzy patches of the ceiling were moving, unfurling. Brave knight that she was, she decided that it was time for a strategic retreat.

"Ahhhhhh!" Yep, strategic retreat. Plum was across the cavern in a second and squeezing back through the entrance. She could feel some kind of great, fuzzy mass pressing at her back until... *pop*! She went flying out into the forest again, catching a tree branch across the face in the process. And right behind her came dozens of bats, bursting forth from the hole and clearly very disgruntled at having been woken up so early.

"So, find any monsters in there?" Peaches was sitting on the grass nearby with a smug grin on her beak, licking the remains of something off her fingers. "Cause it looks like something found you."

"Yes, well" Plum pulled herself up and dusted off her clothes, pointedly not meeting Peaches eyes for the moment, "the life of a knight is full of peril." She spun around again, bells on her tail ringing, and pointed back at the hole. "This in clearly a den of GREAT evil, and thanks to my work it has been sealed, for now. But we will certainly have to return later to finally slay the evil beasts within!"

"Right, soooo, are you going to do that now? Cause my butts getting sore from sitting here."

"Hmph, some squire you are. No, we must obviously prepare before we delve back in! Also, I'm hungry, where's my rations?" Plum looked around but all she could see was the empty cloth of the bindle laying on the ground.

"You know," Peaches said with a lazy lilt, "It was the darnedest thing. I took my eyes *urp* off it for just a second when you came running out and when I looked back, gone. Must have been some nasty beastie that snuck up on me."

"Hmm, well we can't keep adventuring without provisions. So I guess we... go home?" Plum stuck her sword back in the piece of cloth and tied it back to the bindle stick.

"Sounds good to me" Peaches stood, scratching at the grass that had gotten stuck in her feathers, "Hey, are you gonna tell Martin what you found?"

"Of course! The people of the village need to know that this is a place of great peril!" Plum was gesturing wildly about as they started back towards home. "Why there must have been two, no three, score of undead hot on my heels before I sealed the place off."

Peaches just chuckled, "If you say so little buddy."

It was late afternoon by the time they got back, and Plum got a scolding from her mother and the baker. Peaches managed to avoid all blame as always.