Rat Tale Ch.8 Discomfort
The morning came that Gerald and I drove to the Caffè to meet with the "potential clients" , and again I got that feeling. That feeling of the hypothetical slowly becoming a reality. Sitting with them I took on more of a body guard position as Gerald got acquainted with the guys. After 10 to 15 minutes of listening to how they wanted to us my boyfriend I had to mentally check out of the conversation. It was too much to just sit there letting them speak the way they did, but they weren't doing anything wrong. They were being honest, making their intentions known, and they were actually pretty nice about it. But how do you listen to another guy talk about how he's going to fuck your boyfriend without feeling disrespected? I'd need to get to work soon which gave me a reason to cut the conversation short.
When Gerald and I walked outside and got in the car I was a bit of a zombie unwilling or wanting to get into the serious details of what had been discussed. Gerald felt otherwise.
Gerald - I think I like them
Parker- Really?
Gerald - before you ask , no I don't mean more than I like you
Parker- I wasn't going to ask that
Gerald- but you wanted to
Parker - do you really think so little of my self-esteem
Gerald - no, I just don't want you to think my liking them means I love you less
Parker- I wasn't thinking that
Maybe I was feeling that way, but I knew mentally that it didn't make sense to.
Gerald - well I like them, I think I'm ready
Parker- you mean to...
Gerald - we can't string them along forever, and I don't think this is the sort of thing we can get a hundred percent ready for
Parker- so you want to just do it
Gerald - if it doesn't go well then we'll be getting it out of the way, but if it goes well then
Parker- then you'll keep doing it?
There was a slight pause, but it could have been from my pulling up to the house to drop him off.
Gerald - let's just worry about the now before the later
Parker- sure
Gerald- are you still OK with all of this though
Parker- yea it's fine
Gerald - are you sure? I mean it feels like you've been getting less on board the further we go along
Parker - but you're more comfortable now, and it's your decision
Gerald - it's our decision
Parker - I'm not going to tell you no
Gerald - even if you don't want to say yes?
Parker- it's like you said "if it doesn't go well then we'll be getting it out of the way"
Gerald - if you're sure?
Parker- I'm sure
Gerald - alright
He got out of the car.
I sat in the driveway for a minute trying to not think for a while before I had to head out. Gerald was right, the further along we got the less comfortable I was with whole idea. It was always so easy to think I was a progressive fur who didn't worry about the shallow naive things that humans did , but sex is sex. And sex with my boyfriend was sex with my boyfriend. I wasn't the type of guy that could just toss Gerald around and feel nothing about it, but I'd entertained the idea for too long in too much detail to just pull out. He was comfortable, he was ready , and I was going to stand by him. Even if standing by him meant watching him do something with another guy. It was just experimenting, having fun, making friends, I told myself so many things in order to keep from loosing my mind over it. I think I was actually panicked. It was getting too real.
When I made it to the clinic Mason was already waiting in my usual examination room. If I didn't know any better I'd say he was in a good mood.
Parker- your early
Mason- on time actually
I checked my watch and he was right, I was 10 minutes late.
Parker - sorry, I had a ... a family matter
Mason- the boyfriend?
Unload on my patient , or bottle it up? The professional thing to do would have been to keep my personal business outside of the work place. But I half expected Mason to miss his appointment because of how he ended his last , so I went with the less professional conversation .
Parker- it's gotten too real
Mason- Why not call off the whole prosti
I cut him off.
Parker- we don't call it that, we're calling it a business venture
Mason- business venture? OK, well why not tell him you want to call it off
Parker- I started as his supportive boy friend, I want to stay his supportive boyfriend
I started his usual blood work. I hesitated to change the subject because of what I wanted to ask, but eventually I spat it out.
Parker- What was that last time you were here , why did you run out
Mason- doesn't matter, your my doctor, just my doctor
Parker- don't get me wrong , there's no law against doctors being friends or even romantically involved with the people they treat , but
Mason - always a but
Parker- why would you want to be friends with me, I'm "your doctor"
Mason- Why wouldn't I want to be friends with someone who's paid to care
Parker - aren't you some big movie star, can't you pay anyone for that
Mason - I did a few TV ads so I'm nowhere near being a movie star, and that's not what I mean, you're paid to care , but you actually care
Parker - I understand
The blood work was done, all that was left was the usual cup that needed filling. I handed him said cup.
Mason - you know I read somewhere that your supposed to watch me fill these things
Parker - you want me to watch you pee?
Mason- maybe
He couldn't be more obvious if he tried, but in a strange way I didn't mind. I could let him mislead himself though.
Parker- Mason ... are you attracted to me
Just another blunt questions between doctor and patient.
Mason- yes
Complete honesty, I didn't expect him to lie , but to be so definitive was a shock.
Parker- you know nothing can ever happen between you and I in that way don't you
Mason- of course, but it doesn't change how I feel
Parker - most people would ...
I searched for the words.
Mason- most people wouldn't admit to being into a person paid to take care of them , but I'm not asking you for anything
Parker- but you are implying that you'd like to ask for something
Mason- Your boyfriend is a lucky guy , I'd just be happy to have part of you , and if that means seeing you here, fine, if that means having you as a friend, great, but I won't ask you to do anything that would hurt your relationship with the boyfriend
Parker- you really are a celebrity, only a celebrity could be so blunt without flinching at how easy it could go wrong
Mason- you asked
Parker- I suppose I did didn't I
Mason- so do you want to watch
Parker- watch?
He shook the cup in his hand.
Parker- I think it be best that I not
Mason- understood
He started to walk away, but I stopped him.
Parker- but I don't see any reason why I can't have lunch with you later...as a friend
He grew a grin across his face that said enough to let me know he agreed, and then I let him go.