Borderline Personality Disorder
They looked at each other from across the table.
She spoke first.
"This is what we're gonna do," Ezri whispered, her bushy tail regally arcing behind her chair, well-groomed and buoyant. "I picked up a case of snow rabbit alcohol ... uh, so ... one bottle. Every night. We put it in the middle of the table, and we take turns drinking, and while we drink, we talk. About anything. About everything. We bare our souls." She took a breath. "I just ... we have to connect on MORE than a physical level. You know?"
Jinx nodded quietly. "Yeah ... I know."
"You don't think this is stupid?" she asked.
"It's interesting," was his response. "Might be fun." A tilt of the head.
"You just don't seem very excited."
"Well, neither do you ... "
"Because we shouldn't NEED to be trying things like this ... we shouldn't NEED jumpstarting. We should on fire, Jinx," she whispered. "We've no reason not to be. We're young, and we're alive, and ... look, uh ... "
"How was the planet?"
"What?"
"The snow rabbit world. You got this, you said, on the planet ... "
"I didn't say I got it on the planet. I got in on the moon," she said. "The snow rabbits down there didn't want the foxes to guzzle it, so they were giving it away ... and they gave me some."
"Lucky for us, I guess. Bad for the foxes." The skunk reached a paw across the table. And grabbed the alcohol bottle, which was a deep-blue, semi-clear bottle, made of glass. The dark liquid sloshed inside. "What color is this stuff? I mean, outside the bottle?"
"I assume it's blue."
"How strong is it?" The skunk's eyes went to the squirrel's. His ears cocked, waiting ...
"I haven't tried it, Jinx," she said, a bit tired. Her whiskers twitched, and her nose sniffed ... sniffed ...
The skunk gave her a patient smile, and he undid the lid ... and took a slight sniff of his own. "Mm. Like ... winter."
"Winter?"
"Like mint. Peppermint. Pine needles. That's what it conjures, anyway."
"Conjures," echoed Ezri, smiling. "Never heard you use that word before ... "
"There are a lot of words," he offered, "that you haven't heard me use before." And he took a slow, careful swig of the stuff, and ... " ... hah ... okay, that's ... "
"Burns?"
"Has a kick. Has a definite kick ... can't we dilute it something? Ice cream? Milk?"
"Milk," Ezri said. "I'll get some milk," she whispered gently, and she left her chair ... walking past him and to the food processor. Her tail, as it always did, unconsciously fanning her scent. A nice scent ... "Computer. Pitcher of cold milk." The milk swirled into view, and ... she placed the pitcher on the table. And then fetched two tall glasses. "Here."
The skunk took his glass, eyes on her arms, and her bare foot-paws. On bits and pieces of her. And he filled half of his glass with the azure-blue alcohol, and ... the other half with milk, making a creamy, sky-blue mixture. And he took a sip, and ... " ... mm ... " A smile. "Like drinking a sweet candy cane. Or melted peppermint ice cream."
"Sounds good." The squirrel couldn't help but smile. And she poured herself a mixture of the same. Her angular ears swiveled. She sniffed ... smelling the liquids.
"Is all snow rabbit alcohol ... minty?"
"No, I, uh ... I don't think so. They got wine. They got other varieties of stuff, but ... this is the stuff they happened to shove at me, so ... this is the kind we get. Hey, it's free, so ... "
A chuckle. "True enough ... " Another sip. And, more seriously, "What've you heard on the comm channels?"
"Chatter," she whispered, sipping her own drink. And she put her glass down. And put her paws on both sides of it, feeling the slight chill. Her tail lowered a bit. "It's a mess down there. I mean, when I was down there this morning ... you know, foxes everywhere, snow rabbits everywhere, and you could cut the tension in the air with a knife. But, you know, if the foxes wanted to try anything ... they didn't. And the snow rabbits were as polite as they could make themselves be. So ... I mean, I think it'll settle down ... the only problem is ... "
" ... what happens next," Jinx said, nodding. "I think we're gonna be leaving the system tomorrow, resume our patrol of the sector ... and if we happen to find any ice-worlds, we're ... to investigate. To see if the fox population can be transferred there." The skunk's black and white ... his fur, it was a dichotomy. Such stark boldness, his colors, and his patterns, and ... she could lose herself staring at his fit, furry body ...
"Where'd you hear that?" she asked, swallowing.
"I have access codes to a lot of things. I'm the first officer AND the tactical officer, so ... I hear things."
"Cheeky skunk."
A tilting grin. And a swig of his drink. "You get used to this stuff ... I almost feel I could drink it without the milk."
"Already?"
"Well, if I sip it, I mean. I mean, stuff like this," he said, picking up the bottle, turning it around slowly. Letting the glass to glint in the light. "Stuff like this, you don't take in shots. You sip ... you savor. That's what you do with all fine drinks." His eyes were on her as he said it.
"I wasn't aware you were a connoisseur of alcohol."
"I know my drinks." A pause. "Ollie never had alcohol, not a sip ... until he left his home. He doesn't know anything about drinking, but ... whenever he's near the stuff, he drinks WAY too much. And I know that, sometimes, he goes off into little corners of the ship and cries by himself, and ... drinks."
"Oh, my gosh," Ezri whispered, whisker-twitching. "Why ... I ... did you catch him?"
"Saw him on a security camera. But I think he knew a camera was there. I think he wanted me to catch him."
"Oh ... does Arianna know?"
A nod. "I told her. But she said she already knew ... but hadn't let him know it. But, I mean, like ... if your mate's a bit inebriated, you'll be able to tell. It's ... during our whole exodus business," he said, "he was getting really strained. But I saw him this afternoon, and ... and he seemed better. He's the most devout fur I know, and ... he knows he can heal. And he knows he has help." A pause. "He's just been treated so horribly in the past ... he never tells anyone about the world he comes from, but I know it was a ... a rather harsh place. A totalitarian government. A lot of oppression. And Ollie's so selfless ... that he won't lay down his burdens, because he's afraid of taxing other furs with them. So, he bottles it up."
"Poor mouse ... " A sigh. "We should pray for him."
"I will," Jinx promised, nodding.
She nodded, too. "So will I." And she took a swig of the minty, milky mixture. A whisker-twitch. "So, we're gonna leave the system?"
"I think so." A pause. "I hope so ... I just ... I don't know if I can take being around all this, Ezri. All this stuff."
A quiet nod. "I know what you mean," she whispered.
"But I'm sure we'll find a world for them to relocate to ... it's a big universe."
"Yeah, but how long 'til we find something? And that's not even our primary mission. I mean, from the chatter I heard," the squirrel admitted, "the snow rabbits are very, very nervous ... I mean, I can just read this anxiety in their tone. I mean, their emotions are expressed in such subtle ways, but ... it's there."
"Fear?"
"Yeah ... yeah ... "
"Of ... ?"
"Well, the wasps. I mean, the general fear is that the wasps are gonna turn their sights, next, on the snow rabbits ... and the Arctic fox refugees that the snow rabbits are harboring."
"Oh." The skunk bit his lip. His white-striped, black-bordered face ... furrowing. "Oh ... damn, that's ... not good," he whispered, and he drank some more. And reached for the bottle.
"No, it's not, so ... we'll be doing perimeter patrols, sweeps ... just making sure things are in place. Scanning. Stopping at various planets, checking them out. But, I mean, I think they want us out there ... you know, as a perimeter alarm. In case something goes wrong. And while we're out there, you know, we can look for another ice planet," the squirrel whispered, sliding the bottom of her glass across the tabletop. It made a harmless scraping sound. And Jinx poured more of the alcohol into her glass.
"Milk?"
"Just a little."
And he poured the milk.
And they both leaned back in their chairs, glasses in their paws, luxurious tails swaying slightly ... he held his glass with one paw, and she held hers with both paws. And they stared at each other, as if drinking each other in (rather than the drinks).
"You feelin' it yet?" he asked her.
A smiling exhale. "Uh ... yeah," she whispered, eyes shining a bit. "Yeah, I'm feelin' it."
"How many bottles of this came," he asked, "in that case?"
"Like, uh ... ten." A pause. "To be honest, I've never liked drinking at night. I always feel it in the morning. Even when I drink lots of water."
"I think it depends on what you drink ... and how much, and how fast, and ... I mean, cause, used to, I'd drink certain things, and I'd just feel wretched even WHILE drinking them, and I didn't even have that much. But I tried some different stuff, and ... so ... but, then, it's just a fact that some-furs can't handle their alcohol."
A sigh. Feeling a bit light-headed. The squirrel smiled, and turned her head a bit, and then turned it the other way. The lights in their quarters were dim. And, outside, the snow rabbit Home-world (with the various space stations in orbit of it) ... and its three moons.
"You mind if I make an observation?"
A motion of her paw. "Go ahead ... "
"You ... you got the most delectable shoulders."
"Heh ... shoulders? Yeah? Delectable?"
"Mm-hmm."
"Wow," she whispered, leaning fully back in her chair. Sighing. Her brown eyes roving a tiny bit. "Delectable?"
"Mm-hmm ... " A sip.
"You, uh, trying," she whispered, holding back a giggle, "to make me strip from the waist up?"
"No ... well, if you WANT to, go ahead, but that's not my aim."
"Not your aim? Or not your PRIMARY aim?"
A chuckle. "Heh ... Ezri ... "
She giggle-squeaked, leaning forward. "Oh," she sighed, and then leaned back. And then yawned. "Mm," was her little sound. Her whiskers twitched, and her nose flared a bit, and ... then sniffed. "Mm."
"It's hittin' you a lot faster. I can tell."
"Well, I'm as bulky as you, darling ... you and your ... your, uh ... yeah." A smile. And a sip. Two sips.
"But I really do. Like your shoulders, I mean. Just ... how you ... it's not your shoulders so much as how they, uh, accentuate, you know, how you HOLD yourself. How they frame the poise of your body ... it's ... so delicate, and so ... warm. And the warmth you give off ... " He realized he was rambling. And he took a deep drink. "Mm." He sloshed it around in his muzzle. And swallowed. "I love the color of your fur. Like a tree-trunk, or ... earthy ... bright fall day kind of earthy. I love putting my nose in it. Wetting it," he whispered, "with my tongue."
The squirrel's heart was beating a bit faster. More than a bit faster. "That's, uh ... thanks," she said, flushing with heat.
"It's the truth," was his response, looking right at her.
"I, uh ... I appreciate your ... your solidity, Jinx."
"Solidity?"
"Yeah, I know, a ... difficult word to say when you're tipsy," she said, downing the rest of her drink, pushing her glass forward (indicating for more). "But you're just ... I don't know. You know? Solid. To hold to, to cling to, and ... to know. I mean, I know you're not the most sensitive ... I mean, I want you to be more sensitive."
"And I want you to be less sensitive ... to everything. You take things way too personally. You read into them ... "
" ... way too much? Well ... look, I know, I just ... "
" ... need to calm down, sometimes," he suggested, pushing her glass back to her (now half-full). And he sipped from his own glass. "You just need to calm down."
"I'm a rodent. We're wired, Jinx."
"I know that ..."
"Then cut me some slack?"
"Cut ME some slack ... I'm NOT a rodent, Ezri. I mean, it's a well-known fact that male rodents are more effeminate than non-rodent males. Especially male mice. I mean, they're airy things ... "
"Male squirrels aren't as wispy as mice. They're in the middle ... "
"Yeah, but compared to skunks? I'm not a squirrel. I'm a skunk."
"I'm confused ... what are we talking about ... " A swig. And a sigh. "And, Jinx, I KNOW you're a skunk ... I got your skunk-ness," she said, "in me, my head, my ... nose. I ... I know ... "
"I don't know." His head swam a bit. Too many words, and they were all swimming, and ... " ... no, just ... like, you know," he said, trailing. "You know, you keep saying how you're a rodent. And I keep trying to tell you that I'm NOT," Jinx stressed, swallowing. Breathing deep. "We're not the same species, or even the same GROUP of ... related species, and ... so, you know, it's gonna take TIME ... months, maybe, to get to ... you know, to figure everything out about each other. But, I mean, inter-species mate-ships happen all the time. All the time. So, we're not the only ones to have this disconnect ... "
"I understand," she whispered.
"I'll do better," he promised. "I'll do better ... " He whispered. And ... he sighed. And he took yet another sip. "Just don't give up on me, Ezri. Please," he pleaded, the alcohol making him sound a bit more desperate ... than he would've normally allowed himself to sound. He leaned forward, eyes a bit out of focus. "Please ... "
"I won't ... I won't give up on you. I just ... I mean, I guess part of this is my fault." A deep swig of her drink. And a wincing swallow, and a sigh. Not enough milk left in the glass. "Mm. I ... " A slight cough, and she wiped a paw across her lip. "I just, sometimes, I mean ... like, the other mate-ships on the ship, and ... they click so easily, so fast, and it's, like, you know ... you know?"
A nod. "I know ... yeah."
"I guess I ... and then I look at us, and we're not progressing as quickly."
"Well, we're not other furs. We're us."
A nod. "Yeah," the squirrel breathed, her whiskers twitching, and ears ... moving, and ... her tail flicker-flicked. "Yeah ..."
There was a moment of silence. Between the two of them, and ... the squirrel, she pushed her glass away, and she slipped out of her chair. And ... " ... whoa," she went, almost tipping over. And she grabbed to the side of the table. "Maybe I, uh, had too much ... too fast ... "
The skunk scooted his chair back. "Come here," he motioned.
"That's why I got out of my chair. That's ... what I'm doing," she stammered, and she made it to his chair. Made it to her mate, and sank into his lap. With a heavy, contented sigh, she sank against him, and her eyes fluttered to a close.
"My baby," the skunk whispered, stroking the sides of her arms ... stroking her paws. "Oh, my baby," he said, almost purring it. His head swimming. His heart swimming, too.
"Oh, Jinx," she went, eyes watering as they opened. She blinked them several times. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry ... "
"For what? This whole thing is my fault ... I should've been more sensitive to your needs, your ... to YOU. I wasn't. I admit it ... "
"I shouldn't have been so demanding."
"You weren't," he assured, holding to her, stroking her still ... " ... believe me, you haven't been demanding. Never have, and ... I was very inconsiderate," he said, swallowing. "Especially when I ... when I pawed. When you waited all morning to breed with me at lunch ... and I went and pawed, and I turned you away ... " He rambled, and then stopped, and ... " ... that was mean, and I ... I'm so sorry ... I know you were hurt."
Her eyes watered, and she turned her head, and buried her nose in her skunk's silky, night-black fur, and she sniffled. "I'm ... "
" ... beautiful. Alright? Okay ... ?"
A breath. A shaky breath. And her paws starting to clutch at his fur. "Don't leave," she pleaded, her voice delicate.
"I'll never leave ... I'm just glad not to lose you, and ... I, uh ... "
"Mm," she went, resting against his chest. "Jinx," she whispered, after a pause. Both of them tripping over words. Tripping over thoughts.
"Yeah?" he went. Sighing heavily. He tried to lift his head, but it was too dizzy, and ... so, he just leaned it against hers. And closed his eyes.
"I think I know what our problem is," she said.
"Yeah?"
"Mm-hmm."
"What?" His paws on her thighs, and then ... on her belly, under her shirt, working it up.
She, if she objected to his hints at wanting to strip her, showed no resistance. Just raised her arms. As her shirt was peeled off. As she whispered, "We both have B.P.D. ... "
"B.P.D. ... ?" His paws clumsily worked on her bra. Undoing the straps, and letting it fall off her front ... letting her supple, brown-furred breasts fall loose. Letting them hang, and ...
"Borderline," she said, "personality ... disorder. B.P.D. ... we both got borderline personality disorders." A smile. And a giggle-squeak. "You know? You think?"
Jinx chuckled with her. "Sounds as good an explanation," he managed, breathing onto her shoulder, "as I've ... as I've yet to hear. Mm." He swallowed. And closed his eyes. And felt her shift in his lap, and her paws fishing, and ...
" ... come on. Fair is fair. Gimme it ... "
" ... heh. Uh, 'it'?"
"It ... gimme it."
"Not unless you tell me what 'it' is ... " He playfully kept her paws from undoing his pants, and ...
" ... your ... gimme it, Jinx. Just come one. I feel silly already!"
"Heh ... well ... "
She batted his paws away, and undid his pants, and ... he used his own paws to help move them down. As he wriggled, and ... as his briefs went with them. "Mm. Mm ... " Her paw went down.
"That what you wanted?" he whispered into her ear.
"Yeah," she said, in a hazy, tipsy way. "Yeah ... mm ... "
"It has a sheath, you know ... "
"I love it. It's ... I don't care," she said. "I just ... rodent males get theirs removed. I just, if we had a baby boy, I ... I'd need to adhere to that. It's important to us," she said. "To us rodents, I mean ... "
"It's fine, baby ... I don't object. I just kinda felt like you were saying that skunks were ... less pure ... cause we didn't do it."
"No, no, no ... oh, no ... no, I'm sorry, I ... "
"It's okay, baby ... "
"Mm ... I'm sorry, Jinx. I ... I love you so much, and ... " Her paw wrapped around his semi-firm, sheathed member. And gave it the lightest of grips. "And I'm not lettin' you go," she assured, and ... then, she descended into giggle-squeaks.
"You got me in a spot here, you know ... "
"Mm. Mm ... " She licked at his cheek. "Mm ... "
And his paws were cupping her breasts. Beautiful things, breasts, and he wanted to run his paws all over them. Like running paws over a sculpture. His thumbs wagging through her soft breast-fur, over the mounds ... to the nipples. Working them to a harder state. Drawing little chuffs and huffs from her ... little, soft sounds that filled the air. That filled his fear.
"Darling," the squirrel breathed, her fur hot, hotter ... getting hotter, and her tail flickering behind her, making audible swish-swish sounds. And her breaths coming out faster. "Darling ... " She tugged at his sheath. Tugged ... making him firmer. Drawing little sounds from him.
"W-what?" he asked, tweaking one of her nipples.
She arched. Her bare back arched, and ... she said, "Uh ... get my pants off. Please ... "
"Well, help me out. Squirm as I undo them ..."
"And your shirt. Get your shirt off ... get it ... " She tugged at his shirt.
And he worked at her pants. And ...
... soon, they were both bare, and fumbling, slipping out of their chair, and to the floor. Both of them dizzy, tipsy, and on the carpeted floor, and half-sprawled over each other.
The bottle of snow rabbit, mint-like alcohol was on the table.
"We didn't even come that close to getting through the entire bottle," she realized. Nosing his neck. Her foot-paws stretching, moving ... to touch his toes. Toes-on-toes.
"It was, uh ... strong stuff ... "
"Half a bottle a night, then ... maybe. Maybe that's better. I, uh, like ... I think this is going quite well," she said, arms all over him, trying to slide atop him.
"You, uh ... you do ... huh, uh ... w-what ... "
"I'm on top ... I'm," she huffed, "on top this time, d-darling ... " She worked herself to a straddle. Her tail held up behind her, all bushy and soft, and ... all an extension of her.
"Really?"
"You object ... "
"No, no ... I ... I've been wanting you to top me, but I ... I thought you'd be too submissive to do it."
"Too submissive?" she went, giggle-squeaking.
"Well, sometimes, you come off as ... waify. As ... you know, very clingy."
"Darling ... "
"Yeah?"
"Is, uh ... is madness a hand-me-down?"
"Madness?"
"I'm just, like, madly ... pulsing for you," she breathed heatedly, whiskers twitching, pupils fully dilated, "right now. It's so fierce. My heart. I ... I gotta show you how I feel. I gotta make you feel it, too. I gotta ... "
" ... ride," he huffed, "when you will. I'm ... I'm ready enough for it," he said, and he used his paw to direct himself into position.
And she nodded and raised up, and ... when she sank back down, her head leaned back, and she sighed such a heavy sigh. And nodded lightly. "Oh. Oh, this ... yeah," was all she said. Swallowing. "Mm." And she peeked her eyes open, and she looked down at him.
"How long," he wondered, "do you think we can make this light-headedness last?"
"Forever," was her lazy, tipsy, prescient prediction.
And, rising in heat, in want, and connected, they descended further into the night, love-making, mind-quaking, never-ending ...
... feeling. Oh, to be finding ways of fixing each other!
There were much worse ways to spend one's time.