Starway
Ok, this is my first attempt at story-writing. I want to learn how to do better, so I will gladly read and acknowledge any critique or comments you have.
This story is dedicated to my wonderful, perfect boyfriend. Without him, I would still be hanging off of a cliff by one finger, or worse. I love you, Anyui ^^
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Starway
- When we take a step back and look at the big picture, even such a large number can seem really small. I guess that all depends on the situation though; things such as temperature and mileage inflate the meaning of three digits a lot. In this situation it was the former.
I can taste dust in my mouth. It's making my lips and tongue crack, already parched of their natural fluids from lack of hydration. A soft wind howls through the canyon below, teasing me, calling me, begging me to submit my already broken body to the depths. Nobody would know, nobody would care, nobody would hear my noiseless screams and quiet contemplations as I rushed downwards to certain death.
My tail flails around in the small gusts of air, rebels of their larger howling counterparts that seemed to beckon my hasty demise. Every so often a small patch of dust or weed will break loose from the tangled grey fur and flutter downwards, sparkling in the bright rays of light or floating delicately on the wind. It makes me wonder which I would do, given the same chance.
A hawk cries out to the evening, circling above me. Desert hawks like whatever they can find, and here in the middle of nowhere I was sure to be a wonderful meal when dead. Hell, it's better than going to waste, rotting into nothing at the bottom of this pit. I wonder if he can see me, dangling over the edge of this cliff overhang by the two fingerpads of my right paw. Can he understand the peril I'm in? Maybe, but he's probably just happy I'm about to perish.
I try to breath slowly, hoping not to sweat too much; it might make things slippery. If I'm going to die, I want to do it when I can't hold on any longer, not a second sooner. They always did call me a fighter. More dust fills my nostrils as I realize that even if I could sweat in this damned heat, the dry, cracking ground would soak it up before it became a problem.
How much longer am I going to be here? Another 10 seconds? That feels about right. It's only been a minute or three. Or was that an hour? I lost track, but it shouldn't be too much longer. That hawk looks anxious, probably angry that I'm not quite dinner yet. Screw that, I don't care anymore.
Ah yes, there it is. My right middle finger just gave out, and now I'm only here by the shear grace of the dry Earth beneath my index finger. I'm a strong wolf, I can handle this for another 5 seconds, maybe 10.
There goes that wind again, it's howling almost hungrily as I dangle in suspense, accepting my fate and preparing my heart for the inevitable plunge. It makes me wonder what the heart feels when one's about to die; it surely can't be the empty and cold sensations that mine is experiencing. Maybe it flutters, or gives out before death itself. Intriguing thoughts, indeed.
Oh....here it is. It's time to give up.
Silence.
The hawk isn't crying anymore; the wind has stopped. I look directly at the cursed sun, blinding myself with pain and sorrow as I count the seconds until I unhook my torn and bloody finger-pad from the edge, dropping my tattered body into the brush-weed and rocks below. Maybe one last scream, on last shout before I go down. Yes, I'll fall downward in a spiral, hopefully knocking myself unconscious along the way! Yes, freedom from these thoughts, freedom from life itself! Bring it all on, there's nothing left for me anymore!
Stop.
No seconds, no noise.
I feel cold grit on my back, as if I'm lying on the desert floor. Shhh..... is that a raindrop? There's an owl cry in the distance, the screech of a successful hunter swooping in on his prey. Crickets and crackling; am I on the sun? No the sky is far too dark for me to be there, I can even see stars twinkling. I'm still holding on to the edge though, I can feel it cutting into my finger. Wait, that's not right, is that a bandage? Certainly it's the cliffside, I was just there, I only blinked! I try to move, but I'm in a lot of pain. The blood clotting in my fur makes me feel strange and beaten. I'm so confused.
I hear soft whispering. My eyes are coming into focus now, maybe I can see where I am. I wonder if it's heaven, or maybe this is limbo. Surely not hell, in hell they wouldn't have such pleasant breezes and star-lit nights. Heaven would though, and if there really is a grey abyss in the center I can almost imagine it being among the stars.
I flex the fingers on my left paw, and with pain I find I'm able to do the same with the right one as well. Coming alive, I allow my arm to unlock and move, hearing and feeling the grinding sound as the rough, waterless cartilage fails at it's natural purpose. I roll my neck, and surprisingly everything seems to be fine apart from the entire right side of my body being sore.
Ahh finally! I can see now! It -is- a fire, burning brightly on the desert floor. Fueled by twigs, tumbleweed and a couple of dried logs, it sends up flaming puffs of ash every few seconds. It's hot, but not as bad as a normal day in the desert. In fact, it's almost a welcoming warmth, embracing my soul and pulling me into relaxation.
A softer, kinder wind than the ever-persistent canyon howler brushes across my body. I look at my paw, which is wrapped in a dirty, blood-stained cloth. Ah how interesting, my white shirt is also missing.... it must have fallen off during my ascension into the sky, or maybe you're not allowed to have shirts in limbo. I hope they don't have seasons, I'm not well suited for cold weather with nothing but a simple pair of black jeans. At least they absorb the sunlight, my legs would be warm.
There it is again, that whispering. This time my ears twitch in the direction of it's source, bringing my attention to a spot directly above and behind my head.
There's a black nose connected to a handsome brown muzzle. Blue eyes and white-tipped ears searching nervously over mine, as if they were relieved and concerned all at once. Reaching up, I brush the back of my paw against the soft fur to make sure I wasn't hallucinating, noticing for the first time that it wasn't raining at all. Teardrops, raindrops.... they all feel the same unless you're the one making them.
I open my mouth, trying to say something, but again I am reminded of how dehydrated I am as a small squeak escapes my throat. The wolf, who appears to be about two or three years younger than me, seems to find his way back into reality. If this even is reality. He reaches towards a brown container near the fire that I hadn't seen before. Setting it beside him, he places his paw on my back and in one swift movement sets me upright in place. I've never thought it was possible to feel the Earth spin on it's axis, but at least now I can say I've had privilege of seeing it in action. It was much like being on a roller coaster and Ferris wheel all at the same time. As if sensing this, he keeps his paw pressed against my spine for support.
Without warning, the young wolf presses the tip of the brown container to my muzzle. I realize that it's a water bottle, and I hastily snatch it from his light grasp, forcing down gulp after gulp into my throat. The cool liquid felt painful as my intestines experienced the familiar substance returning once again, my mouth producing saliva for the first time in what seemed like years. I think I can speak now.
"Heeelloo?" I wheezed, my voice raspy.
Jumping a little at my sudden attempt to talk, the wolf now kneeling in front of me finally spoke, "Umm, hello there. Are you okay?"
"Well, I've been better." I replied, my voice returning to an acceptable level, "What happened? And where am I?"
Now, if you can imagine one of those moments where you are suddenly struck head-long by the brick of realization and understanding, THIS was one of them. No sooner had the sentence left my newly wet lips than my eyes wondered to the very ledge from which I was hanging earlier that evening.
"I, umm..."
"What's your name?" I interrupted, trying to piece together the jigsaw puzzle of thoughts rushing through my head.
He took another short breath, "I'm Anyui, Anyui Thespian. I'm a traveler. You were hanging off that cliff, so I grabbed your arm but you passed out right after that."
He spoke almost robotically, as if he'd rehearsed the speech in his mind several times. I could see the muscles in his arms tense up, his jaw tight. Was he nervous or just scared?
"Oh," I said quietly, my head lifting as my eyes met his, "so, you saved me?"
Whether it was the sudden relief of the peril ending or something I said, I don't know, but he thumped to the ground and curled into a sitting fetal position. His let his head fall forward between his knees, his body beginning to shake in a strange way. It took me a second of confusion before I realized he was crying. I couldn't decide whether to feel guilty or not, but in any case it was obvious he needed comforting.
I crawled in his general direction, unable to move very quickly or gracefully in my current state. Pulling myself up next to him, I placed my arm around his shoulders and glancing up at the star-strewn night. I could feel his sorrow, the need to hear inspiration as he caged himself within his emotions,
"You know, Anyui; those stars are a lot like life. Sometimes it seems like there's no way you can be lonely with so many neighbors, friends and family. But then you realize that the closer to look, the further apart they actually are. The sky is a beautiful place, but it's also sad."
It was certainly an odd thought, and I began to wonder why I'd even said it. I was known the say random things, but it must have had some effect because he stopped crying and looked up at the sky. The moonlight and stars shimmered in his wet eyes, teardrops rolling off of his fur. He frowned thoughtfully for a moment, and then smiled softly. I couldn't help but think he looked a lot like a puppy who'd just found a new toy, "What about the moon, Kiba?"
"How did you know my name?" I asked quickly, shocked and a bit taken back by it's sudden use.
He continued to stare at the sky, apparently still contemplating my ramblings, "You talk in your sleep," he said almost nonchalantly, "so I just asked what your name was. It's Kiba Tsuki, right?"
"Yeah, it is." I sighed, relaxing as another breeze brushed cooly across my back, melting my worries away. Shrugging it off, I edged the topic back slightly, "So the moon, huh? That's an easy one."
I pointed with my good paw, "The moon is like love. We start out empty, and slowly love grows and fills us up. When we're full is when we're happiest, we light up the sky and even outshine the brightest of stars. We become radiant.
I paused, breathing deeply,
But every full moon must also become a new moon. There are times in our life when the love seems to drain from us. We don't feel like living anymore, we want to curl up and perish. Many people give up when they're becoming empty."
Anyui was looking at me now, his eyes wide with understanding and intense curiosity, "But, what if we want to get out of the emptiness? Do we -have- to become empty? Can't we just stay full forever?"
"Of course we can," I chuckled, "we may have several things in common with the moon, but there's a difference: We have feelings. We can choose where our lives lead us, how happy we are, or even how much love we experience. The moon would be jealous if it did have emotions, because we're fortunate to have that kind of free will."
He smiled, leaning over and resting his head on my shoulder,
"You're a good wolf, I can tell." He whispered.
I think at that moment, I embraced myself. Suddenly the dark night seemed so much brighter, as for the first time in my life I was stunned to silence by the perfection of everything around me. Why did I want to give up the deep blue shades of desert hues, crackling fires and moonlit starways into the depths of space? Why did my heart so readily betray my right to live, to walk among this wonderful place? For some things, I suppose there are no answers, they just exist within this fabric we call time, this place we call home.
Simplicity.
Kindness.
Love.
I finally know where I am. This isn't the scorching bowels of hell, nor the perfect white kingdom of heaven. It isn't the mysterious fantasy space called limbo, or even what we would call 'Earth'. This is here, this is now.... a moment in time where nothing can harm me and everything simply exists. This is my moment. This, is my life.
The breeze comes to a steady halt as the fiery embers in front of me begin to fade in the dusk. I let my head lean onto Anyui's as the moon continues to drop lower in the sky, dawn's brilliant glow illuminating the horizon in orange colors that meld effortlessly with blue.
"Anyui?" I ask in a hushed, soft voice.
"Yes, Kiba?"
"Thank you."