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Milo

"Will you be needing anything else, Mr. Santeri?" the doctor, a tall serval, asks me through a frustrated sigh. He doesn't like that I keep getting out of bed, but I needed to see Akesa. Seeing him lying in front of me, with the only signs of life being the faint beeps of his EKG monitor, makes me regret leaving him with those medics. Yeah, right, as if I could do any better.

"No. Thanks," I say. The doctor walks away. I don't like that Akesa has to stay here. I don't like that I can move around freely without so much as a bandaged leg and he can't even stay conscious. It's not fair. Only a minor concussion, the doctor says, but coupled with the internal bleeding caused by his broken ribs... I guess it's too much on his system. I wipe away the wet fur under my eyes and stand up. His cold paw in mine keeps me frozen there for a second. I squeeze it, hoping that maybe some of my warmth will transfer over to him. Then I leave.

There's plenty to see as I limp back to my bed, but I wish I wasn't seeing any of it. Some of the other victims from the explosion are completely covered--not an unfamiliar sight for me. Others are awake. Crying. Screaming. The medical bay doesn't have as many private rooms as they should--I doubt anyone expected something like this to happen--so the majority of beds are set in two rows, one on either side of this hallway. Glancing at each victim as I pass by fills me with an array of emotions. Anger, sadness, guilt, regret, pain. None of those are what I want to be feeling right now. And the sad part is that, while these emotions are all based on physical injuries, I'm sure everyone on Petri has some sort of mental trauma. It's easy to put pain in an injury that you can see and feel heal. You might still see the mark, but the physical pain behind it ends. Injuries like loss--watching someone die in front of you--are different. They leave no physical mark, which makes it hard for the pain to end because you never know if you're completely healed or not.

I've limped to the end of the hallway. My bed is here, barren and looking for a victim. Not me, I tell myself. Find someone else. The clothes I was wearing prior to my trip here sit folded on the shiny metallic cart next to my bed. I change out of my hospital gown quickly, then leave when Doctor Serval isn't looking. He wants me to stay for a few more tests, but I've been through worse. Any excess worry just takes away from the attention other victims should be receiving.

I'm not quite sure where I should be going now, though. My boss has probably been notified by now that I've been injured, so she probably won't expect me back for a few days. My room is always there for me, but I'd rather not go back to feeling wounded in another bed. No, I need space. Not literal space, just enough space where I can think in silence. Unfortunately, the closest observatory deck is down another three floors. Maybe the exercise will help me get over the pain in my leg.

It didn't. In fact, my leg hurts more now. The pain meds Doctor Serval gave me must be wearing off. Perfect. But when I make it to the observatory and watch as the last rays of light from our sun bleed in through the wall of shaded windows, I figure the pain is worth it. A few seconds later, the shades retreat into their respective covers. Then the stars become visible. I don't realize how tense I am until I settle onto a bench, letting out a deep breath I'd been holding way too long.

The observatory itself isn't that big, and there are only a few people here. It only takes up half of the Northeastern section of Floor 38. This one doesn't have as much fancy tech as the one on Loana has. Any of the computers, set up in long rows with touch screens not unlike the ones on our wristbands, can tell any visitor where we are in relation to Loana, or our sun, or any other planet in our solar system. They converted a lot of the information we learned in the past hundred years into easy-to-read brochures. Facts like how fast it takes to escape Loana's gravitational pull; how far we are from our sun; what kind of thrust, energy, and structural stability is needed to perform a massive evacuation like this one. I was really young when the council announced we'd be leaving Loana, but I vividly remember sitting with my parents on our couch in front of the TV in our living room and telling them how badly I wanted to ride the "spechip"--I couldn't pronounce "spaceship"--up into space. From then on, everything in my life slowly got worse.

"That looks like it hurts."

I jump as a sudden voice to my right wakes me from my daydream. I turn my head to see a familiar pine marten looking at my bandaged leg. It's Sethi. "It does now."

"Hopefully not because I showed up," he says. His eyes are angled down towards the floor, but his short ears are focused on me.

"No, pain meds wore off already." He's wearing a navy blue uniform littered with pockets and patches. I recognize the patch on his left breast pocket: the outline of a ringed planet with golden capital letters that abbreviate one of the few tech companies we had in Fermatia, the nation we're all from. "You worked at FTC?"

"What? Oh," he says, stretching the pocket. "I wish I was that talented. No, this is just the uniform they gave me after I applied to work here."

"Oh." I nod. I don't have anything else to say.

He takes a moment to follow my gaze out the window, his tail swishing in the corner of my eye. The swishing turns into rapid flicks that ripple up through his lanky body. His head turns back towards me. "Do you mind if I sit down next to you?"

"No, not at all." It comes out faster than I want it to. Now I start shaking, just a little bit.

Sethi pads over to my left and takes a seat beside me on the bench. It's only now that I smell a bit of pine scent floating off him. I sigh, gesturing out the window, "It just seems to go on forever, huh?"

"I don't know if I'd call ever-expanding 'forever.'"

"Might as well be. Tiny creatures like us will never see more than one percent of what's out there."

"Does that bother you?"

I look at him thinking maybe he's just playing with me. But in his face I find genuine curiosity. I shake my head, "No, just gives me more to imagine. Does it bother you?"

He shakes his head, too. "Nope."

"Why not?"

"Because it gives me less."

Whatever was causing me to shake before is replaced with something else. Something better. Something soft and warm. I can't help but smile. "You're gonna have to explain that one to me."

"You first." He's leaning ever so slightly closer to me. The end of his tail gently thumps the bench beside him.

I put my elbow up on the backboard of the bench, scratching behind my ear. "I don't know. At first it was just a mild fascination with the stars. When I was a pup, I used to stay awake past my bedtime and climb up on the roof of my house so I could be closer to them. When I got older, they became more of an escape from reality."

"You're lucky to have grown up in a place where you could actually see the stars," Sethi says, looking out the window.

I follow his gaze, "Well, that's about all Snowden was good for." That's not necessarily true; Akesa was a good thing that came out of that place. "Where did you grow up?"

"Povera," he says, spreading his paws out in front of him. "'The City of Lights,' they say. So much light pollution. It was day even when it was night. It wasn't as bad on the outskirts, where I lived, but the tree canopies filled in the spaces of sky the light left behind. So, I didn't get to see the stars all that much."

I try to picture being a kid in the outskirts of Povera--big city, freedom to go anywhere, huge tree-scrapers that twisted up into the sky. Seems incredible to me, but not being able to see the sky? Sacrificing guaranteed comfort for potential luxury has never been my style. "You said space gives you less to imagine. Is that still true, now that you're up here?"

"Even more so." Sethi chuckles, turning to me. "People get so obsessed with discovery. My grandfather, when he was alive, used to tell me stories all the time about when scientists discovered Galorum. He was a teenager at the time, said that's all anyone ever talked about growing up. He spent the rest of his life collecting articles and books and God knows what else that talked about what this could mean for our civilization. 'What's out there?' 'Will we ever see it?' I don't wanna say he wasted his life, but he nev--" He takes a deep breath and twiddles his fingers. Then he goes on. "I'm okay with not knowing what's out there. To me, that's way less important than what's happening in here, right in front of all of us. This is physical, tangible; we're here, we're alive. This is the way things are now. I don't have to imagine it, because I'm living it."

Those rich green eyes of his deepen as they try to take in what little light is emitted from the stars out there. He talks with the cadence of a singer, his voice rising and falling in phrases that express his story. I'm not shaking anymore, but the warmth I felt is still here. So is the pain in my leg. Once my incessant nodding stops, I let out an exasperated, "Wow."

A short-lived grin appears on Sethi's face, disappearing with his eyes as they turn to look back at the main observatory desk. His tan ears twitch. He's distracted. Quick, think of something thoughtful to say. "So, uhh...what was your grandfather like?"

He flips back around as his wristband vibrates the bench. "Senile." A sigh escapes his frown when he checks his wristband, "Sorry, Milo. My supervisor is asking where I am. I gotta go."

"Oh. No, that's okay," I say, not really wanting him to leave.

Sethi stands. "You gonna be okay?" he gestures towards my bloody leg.

"Yeah, I'll make my way to the medical center again and get more pain meds and..." I trail off when I see my wristband light up with a notification. "Did you get that, too?"

"Lemme see..." He looks at his. "Oh, the time change?"

"You know about it?" I ask, skimming over the message.

"Yeah. I'm surprised you don't," he says, his ears flicking. "You went to grade school, right?"

"Of course. I'm not stupid," I scoff. Woah, where did that come from?

Sethi's shoulders droop, "I didn't say you were."

"I know," I say, rubbing my muzzle. The pain in my leg flares up. "Sorry. Touchy subject."

"I won't hold it against you. Galorum has a longer day than Loana, but it's only by about an hour." He quickly glances at the main desk again. "I gotta go."

I wish I had the strength to reach out and grab his wrist--these last few minutes with him have made me feel as close to normal as I could be on this ship, even with everything that's just happened--but I can't. I'm not strong enough. "Okay."

"I'll uhh, hopefully see you around then. Goodbye." I can't tell if he's serious or not. He waves as he walks away.

"Bye."

Damn it, I think to myself. Another missed opportunity. For what, though? I doubt he would want to do anything with me after that. This was the only opportunity I had to make an actually good friend up here and now I've gone and ruined it. I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees. I give myself a few minutes to think over everything before I stand up and limp back to the medical center.