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1. Chapter IX, First Time for Everything

2.

1. > "So are you two making out or something? Because I could come back if this isn't a good time."

2. >You haven't known him long, but you'd know Tucker's voice anywhere.

3. >He was at least your age, and maybe older, but somehow it seemed like he'd hidden away in a tree house and adulthood had passed him right on by.

4. >There was an energy in his words you hadn't heard since those long summers down by the river, fishing, swimming, and sneaking beer and cigarettes; and a cadence in them that rang as loyal as it did naive.

5. >You're sure as hell glad to hear it, even if the comment sends a worm of embarrassment sneaking past the dying fear to tickle the base of your spine.

6. > "Hey, Tucker."

9.

1. >The canvas top peels back and Tucker flops over the window frame, bright, blue eyes wide with excitement.

2. > "That was really somethin'! I broke off to escort you in, Anon. I saw everything! Two kills! One for each of 'ya, huh? How's it feel?"

3. >Your nerves might be worn bare, but that wild grin of his is infectious. Bit by bit the dead fear falls away like drying mud, and suddenly you're smiling too.

4. >You really had done it, hadn't you?

5. >You'd been through a fight, and you'd won! You'd won against the odds!

6. >He reaches his hand to you, and you shake it as heartily as you can manage.

7. > "Guess it feels pretty good."

8. > "Hell yeah, it does. You really showed those pirates what-for! Now come on, guys, drinks on me!"

9. >He seizes on the handshake to haul you up, but you stop him before he can.

19.

1. > "Hold up, Tucker."

2. > "What?"

3. > "I'm shot."

4. > "No shit. You look pretty good for being shot. Where 'ya hit?"

5. > "Shoulder."

6. > "So you ain't about to die on me, then? Sweet. Well I'll grab a ladder for 'ya and help you outta' there. What about you, Whitney? You okay?"

7. >She doesn't say anything, but she squeezes your wrist and nods an affirmative.

8. > "Well don't you lovebirds get too crazy now. Back in a jiffy."

9. >Tucker flashes another grin and ducks out.

29.

1. >Silence settles again, but not so oppressively now that you're holding her. Your shoulder throbs and the wing drips, but drop-by-drop the dread leaks from your lungs until you cough, wheeze, and finally breathe again.

2. >Whitney's still got your wrist. You can feel her shaking, and so are you, but the putrid dread is gone.

3. >You squeeze a little tighter, and dig your fingers into her jacket as if it were her fur.

4. > "Sure you're okay, Kid?"

5. > She nods hastily.

6. > "Don't mind me, Cap'n. I ain't hurt. Just got a little worked up, is all."

7. > "That was some quick thinking and good shooting back there. Be dead in a heap of metal right now if it weren't for you."

8. >She smiles.

9. > "Reckon that's so. Fucking better have been, too, given I'm shaking like a little puppy. Make for a hell of a coward if I didn't have anything to show for it."

10. > "You clearly ain't a coward, Kid. I saw what happened out there; wouldn't have blamed you if you panicked, but you didn't."

11. > "Yeah, yeah. Just rather not be seen like this, ya'know? Got this image in my head where I step out there all proud and regal and regale everyone with stories of our heroism. I know that probably ain't how it usually goes, but I'd like to do better than complete nervous wreck."

12. >You return her grin and pat her shoulder.

42.

1. > "Me too, but I guess we'll do it together."

2. > "You won't tell anyone I screamed, right?"

3. > "Don't look at me, Kid. I heard a battle cry."

4. >She shuffles a little closer and sets her head on your shoulder, then she smiles, perhaps a little wryly.

5. > "Thanks, Cap'n. And you were cool and composed throughout the whole thing. Didn't so much as whimper when they hit 'ya. 'Course you'll have to put on a good show for the medic if you 'wanna sell that one. Won't be able to hold your hand or nothin'."

6. > "Shut it, Whitney."

7. >She laughs, her face brightening.

8. > "You don't sound so bad. How's it feel?"

9. > "Worse by the minute."

10. >The laughter drains form her voice as quickly as it came. When she speaks again, it's the softest you've heard her.

11. > "Shit, Cap'n. Bleedin' bad?"

12. > "Sure is a lot of it. Ain't dead yet, though."

13. >She presses a little further into the crook of your neck.

14. > "Well, I ain't a doctor, but I'm here no matter what. You got that?"

15. >She wrenches her arm free and takes your hand in her paw.

16. >Maybe it's her touch, or the way she says it, but for the first time since you took off this morning, you actually feel secure.

17. > "Thanks, Kid."

60.

1. > "Okay, okay. Break it up, you two."

2. >Whitney yelps and shoots Tucker a look, but her grip on you doesn't waiver. He just shrugs.

3. > "Doc's on his way. Can 'ya stand, Anon?"

4. >You're pretty sure, but you shuffle your feet to make certain.

5. > "Stand, yeah. Climb, probably not. But between you and Whitney...."

6. >He nods, grin softening.

7. > "Alright. You ready?"

8. >He reaches you a hand again; this time you take it.

9. > "Let's get it over with."

10. >Whitney pats your shoulder.

11. > "Right behind 'ya, Cap'n."

72.

1. >He pulls. Your shoulder screams. You probably do too.

2. >But then you're over the edge.

3. >Then on the ladder.

4. >Then the ground.

5. >The blood drains from your head, and your balance goes with it. Your nerves dull and your muscles twitch, but, true to her word, Whitney's back under your arm and supporting you before you get the chance to stumble.

6. > "I gotcha' Cap'n."

7. >You're glad she does.

80.

1. > "So what's it like, being shot?"

2. >You come to your senses lying supine on a stack of ammunition boxes, your head on Whitney's lap and Tucker standing over you. He's slouched a little, and favoring a shoulder as if he were leaning on something. His right hand is hooked in his pocket by the thumb, fingers tapping uneasily at the denim of his trousers.

3. > "Well how 'bout it, Anon?"

4. >Whitney shoots him a bit of a glare. He seems to notice, but the truth is you feel a little better hearing him make light of it. You shuffle through a plethora of incidents buried in your memory and build the best comparison you can.

5. > "Like getting hit with a sledgehammer that's also a branding iron. Can't say I recommend it."

6. >He winces visibly, shifting his weight to the other foot, and then the other shoulder.

7. > "Newest guy on the ship, and you got the best story already, huh?"

8. > "Reckon we do, Tucker. Look forward to tellin' it."

9. >He nods.

10. > "Well, I'll see you then, Anon. In the meantime, it's back to work. Doc'll be about here; don't let 'em keep 'ya too long.

11. >He pulls his flying cap back down over his dirty brown hair and trots off, pausing a few paces out to throw you a sloppy sort of salute.

12. > "And careful with the pain meds; we're still getting drunk tonight!"

13. >Then he's gone, eager footsteps echoing through the hangar until an engine roars to life and drowns them out.

94.

1. > "So, what'll it be, Cap'n?"

2. >You sigh, a bit of embarrassment rising to meet the pain.

3. > "I'm fine, Kid. You can let go."

4. >She drops your hand.

5. >You hate to admit it, but it feels awfully empty without her.

6. >But you're the real deal, ain't you?

7. >So you crack your knuckles, grit your teeth, and haul yourself back up, hiding the howling pain behind a false grin and clenched fist.

8. >She sidles respectfully to the far side of the crates and wraps her tail around behind her. Then she draws her flask and drains the remainder in a long, drawn-out gulp.

9. > "Hell of a day. Tough to imagine getting used to this, you know?"

10. >Her whiskers twitch as the liquor hits her, then they sag like cattails.

11. >You shake your head.

12. >"Can't be like this all the time."

13. > "Between you 'n me, Cap'n, I fucking hope not."

14. >She starts to say something more, but the snap of a door latch interrupts her.

15. > "So which one of you is shot?"

16. >The ship's doctor bares a few teeth in a grin he must have rehearsed in a mirror, the antiseptic sheen of his canines startling against the charcoal of his coat.

111.

1. >He's a wolf, you think, but a scrawny one. He moves with a gait caught somewhere between confidence, anxiety, and a primal sort of fascination; his unkempt fur sifting over the collar of his sharp, white coat, and tail dragging along behind him like a horsehair cable. A pair of silver spectacles perches on his muzzle and makes beady, insectoid images of the amber eyes behind them. There's a false sort of order to it all that rubs you the wrong sort of way. It might have been enough to scare you a little, only you were sure you could have decked him as easy as the wind blows.

113.

1. > "The human?"

2. >His eyes light up and the edges of his muzzle curl, and as they do you can't help a few crystals of ice forming in your blood.

3. > "My lucky day," he chirps, gesturing to the blood stain starting to soak into your jacket around the shoulder, "You'll, uh, have to pardon my excitement; I'm sure it sucks. It's just that I never got a good look a human before."

4. >Suddenly you aren't quite as used to the idea of being shot as you were a minute ago. Your heart crawls back into your throat, only to tear itself halfway between fear and sympathy.

5. > "It's no big deal, just hurry, okay?"

6. >Whitney casts you a knowing look, but stays mercifully silent.

7. >"Right. How would you rate the pain?"

8. >The doctor pauses and pops the latches in his briefcase, then looks back up at you from behind the lid.

9. > "Research," he explains, suddenly timid, "so be honest."

10. >You shake your head, a little frustration joining the anxiety.

11. > "I 'dunno, man. A lot? I'd really rather cut to the chase, if it's all the same to you."

12. > "Sorry, sorry. It's just, well, I've been writing a dissertation, and--."

13. >Whitney casts him the same glare she did you before leveling her gun the door lock. His muzzle shuts faster than a mouse trap.

14. >His eyes are a bit more apologetic when they meet yours again. This time he produces a pair of bulky sheers, and then finally bends over you.

15. > "Jacket's ruined anyway."

16. >He sets to cutting, humming a tune you don't quite recognize as he works.

130.

1. >It's nothing at first, but the longer you sit there the more the pain starts to get to you.

2. >And maybe you are a little dizzy, now that you think about it.

3. >But you're psyching yourself out.

4. >You know you are, but the longer he cuts the more your senses seem to swirl.

5. >The pain's pretty bad now. It breaks over you in waves, each set pressing a little harder than its predecessor.

6. >But that's a good thing, right?

7. >You're pretty sure.

8. >But then he's done cutting, and you yelp as the jacket falls away.

9. >He leans in then, squinting as he gets close. His breath is hot and sticky on the wound. It makes you almost sick to feel it, and sicker as you catch sight of the blood pooling and drying there in the reflection of his glasses.

10. >It was hard to imagine, having your insides laid bare to the world like that. Despite the pain, you could scarcely believe they were. That had been good enough before, but you hadn't had a good look at it before. Now you had. If whitney were still holding your hand, you'd probably have crawled into it and hid, but for now you look away and count the seconds.

141.

1. > "Aw, that's nothing. Tagged the bone, but nothing scary. 'Gonna have to poke around a little to see how bad the fragmentation is, though."

2. >That doesn't sound like a lick of fun to you, but you're already drunk on relief.

3. > "Just, uh, be careful, okay?"

4. >You drop your head back on the ammo boxes. This time it lands on a folded towel. The doctor comes back with a prod and forceps, looking a little more at ease with the tools seized in his paws.

5. > "Uh, maybe squeeze or bite on something; I 'dunno."

6. >He shrugs, and you look away. It's not five seconds before you feel him dig in.

148.

1. >It's about the strangest thing you ever felt, someone picking at you like that. It's like peeling a scab again and again, each little tag running a little deeper than the last until he's forging into you with all the rhythms, twists, and jerks of a bird picking at carrion. You can feel the metal deep inside you, probing somewhere nerves were never meant to feel. But if you don't think, and you don't look, it's almost like it isn't happening. You look to Whitney instead; she replies with a good-natured wave.

150.

1. > "Okay, yeah. It's chipped, not broken. Got some bone shards in here we've got to deal with though. And the bullet, too. Looks like a .30 caliber; lucky you. Wanna' keep it?"

2. >Damn right you want to keep it.

3. > "You got it out already?"

4. > "Nah, not yet. Trust me; you'll know."

5. >Somehow the warmth of the laugh in his voice makes it all the more chilling.

6. >He goes back to digging. You're almost used to it, only the next tug feels like he thrust a broken bottle in you and twisted. Had you been ready, maybe you wouldn't have screamed. But you weren't ready at all. He pats you on the shoulder.

7. > "Thought we'd start with the bad one."

8. >He's at it again before you can reply.

159.

1. > "Say, this bruise here isn't from today, is it?"

2. >He prods the bruise from the cargo bay with his off-hand, the dominant one still pecking at you like some sort of corvid.

3. > "No."

4. > "Looks like armor trauma; like you got shot in a plate or something. That so? You pick that up in the raid the other day?"

5. >You weigh your options.

6. > "Reckon I did, yeah."

7. >He just shrugs.

8. > "These things seem awful attracted to you for a new guy. Think Ol' Noah might have it out for 'ya."

9. >Another pull. This time it feels like he broke your collar like a goddamn wishbone, but you manage to contort the latter half of the scream into some sort of expletive.

10. >Your eyes open in time to catch him bouncing the mushroomed bullet in his paw before letting it clatter to the tray.

11. > "Don't worry, I won't ask. Whatever's going on, I guess they want to keep it quiet. Kind of freaks me out, but Cap'n Walker's a good guy. I don't think he'd steer us wrong."

12. >You swallow the pain as he digs back in.

172.

1. > "You know 'em?"

2. >The doctor nods, eyes flashing a bit warmer.

3. > "Been shipping with him since I got out of the Army. Paying for school that way. Almost done now, though."

4. > "And you trust 'em, do 'ya?"

5. >This time it's Whitney's voice cutting in, which you can't help resenting a little. You'd been appreciating the distraction.

6. >The doctor nods firmly.

7. > "This your first trip?"

8. >She shrinks a little.

9. > "Yeah."

10. > "Notice how you sleep full nights and not in four-hour shifts, and eat pretty good while you're at it? Well it's not like that everywhere. Not even on Avalonian ships. Been some strange places under Walker; doesn't seem he's got much a taste for the routine. But he takes care of his own, and I'll be damned if I ever hear another airship captain call me 'sir'. Does usually brief us, though, no matter how crazy. Don't know what he's got planned this time. But whatever it is, he'll have a reason."

11. >He pulls again, but this time the pain actually subsides on the trailing edge of the jolt.

12. > "Right. Just have to wrap you up, and you'll be on your way. Careful drinking; it's an anticoagulant."

13. > "Huh?"

14. > "You'll bleed more. Shouldn't kill 'ya or anything, but you'll notice."

15. > "Right."

16. >The doctor trades his forceps for some sort of chrome device you swear he must have pulled out of a comic book. It looks like it ought to shoot lasers or something, but he cocks the contraption as casually as you might a cap gun.

17. > "You'll feel a pinch," he says, and then he thrusts it into your shoulder.

18. >It's a hell of a fucking pinch.

19. >And so is the next one.

20. >And the one after.

21. >But he presses on with a casual indifference you can't help but admire, and down your wound the little shots of pain march like stubborn ants.

22. >Click-snap.

23. >Click-snap.

24. >Click-snap.

25. >It's not so bad.

26. >Not once you're into the rhythm.

27. >And then it's over as quickly as it started.

28. >He pats you on the shoulder again, this time with some finality.

29. > "It's Anon, right? And Whitney?"

30. >You nod and lift your good arm. He shakes it.

31. > "Well 'grats on losing your foreign object virginity."

32. > He slaps the bullet into your still-open hand.

33. > "Enjoy your trophy. Try not to rip the staples."

206.

1. >A peculiar sort of silence settles in the doctor's wake, and, from beneath the dulling pain, you feel your senses begin to sharpen again.

2. >Whitney's quiet now.

3. >She hunches like a gargoyle at your feet, arms folded to rest on her thighs, and eyes cast down but somehow far away. She's settled a lot since the landing, but even now you catch a faint tremble in her paws and whiskers.

4. >Then the door shuts, and finally she looks up at you.

5. > "You okay there, Cap'n?"

6. >She flashes a shaky smile. You sling your feet back to the ground and roll gently up to sit.

7. > "I'll live."

8. > "Good, 'cause I don't reckon I can quite carry you."

9. >She stands and extends a paw to you.

10. > "Can you walk okay?"

11. >You take the paw gratefully.

12. > "Think so."

13. >Your head spins as she pulls you up, but once you're standing it steadies again.

14. > "Yeah, I'm okay. Need a goddamn shower, but I'm okay."

15. >Whitney nods.

16. > "You're telling me. A shower and a drink."

223.

1. >The walk back to the cabin passes in a stumbling, sickly blur. Your mind resonantes with muted tones of pain, thrill, and nausea, and your feet seem to flop like springs beneath you.

2. >It was like getting off a tilt-a-whirl you'd been dared into riding drunk.

3. >You knew that because you'd done it once.

4. >It had been a stupid fucking mistake.

5. >And Sarah, the girl who had been your kind-of-sort-of date, ditched you when you threw up on her.

6. >But Whitney doesn't seem to be going anywhere.

7. >She's kept hold of your hand, and you get the sense she wouldn't let go of it for the world.

231.

1. >You're pretty sure it's for her sake as much as yours, but you can't quite make out what she's feeling. The shaking's gone now, and her eyes are dry as fossils. But the usual life you've come to expect from her seems only to flicker across her like worn-out neon.

2. >Her eyes are stern, and muzzle stoic. Her ears hang limp at half-mast.

3. >She grins sometimes: A prideful, radiant grin.

4. >But then the moment's gone, and each little flash seems to drown in a sea of uncertainty.

5. >Hell, maybe you do know what she's feeling.

6. >Poor kid probably feels just like you.

7. >It's more than just the pain and lingering shock. It's an exhausted sort of confusion that buzzes across your brain like radio static, and drowns your thoughts in the din.

8. >It begs you to make sense of it, but you aren't even sure where to start.

9. >So you walk, and you start at the beginning.

241.

1. >You'd played your share of Army back in the day. Even carved yourself rifle from an old sycamore limb.

2. >Everyone was a hero when you played army. Even the fallen felled platoons with their 'dying breath', and then went home at night with the rest of you.

3. >You never told anyone, but sometimes you wondered what it was really like.

4. >You wondered: if it really happened to you, would you run?

5. >You stop just short of the door and squeeze her paw.

6. > "You know what, Kid?"

7. >She cocks her head, tired eyes twinkling.

8. > "We didn't run."