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Starborne

Bluish Gecko

18.09.2018

Chapter 1

Alone

In space, no one can hear you scream.

---

Tagline from the movie "Alien"

Drifting alone through the nameless void in a timeless slumber. Dreams taking hazy shapes only to dissolve in the far reaches just beyond the grasp of the wandering mind. Dreams of past or future lives, the dreamer can't tell.

Over time, sensations return. The feeling of weightlessness. The slow and steady beat of a heart, giving back a notion of time to the immeasurable depths of extended hibernation.

The sensations give life to concious thought, sparks kindling the first small flame that brings light to the darkness.

"Liam, can you hear me?"

Liam. More light fills the darkness as the flame flares into a fire. A name? Myname?

"Your imprint has stabilized, I see no signs of rejection. You should be able tounderstand me. Please, if you do, try and answer me!"

Almost-forgotten nerve tracts come to life as the dreamer struggles to form an answer.

A soft, barely percetible presence brushes over an awakening mind. "NeuraLink isstable, all implants are responding. Can you remember who you are?"

"Liam... I am... Liam."

If emotion can be conveyed by a nameless, incorporeal voice, this one surely does."Liam! You can understand me! It is wonderful to hear your voice again after all thistime!"

Memory is vague and clouded, most of whatever there is still beyond reach. Yet the light reveals more and more.

I am... Liam Foster."

Conscious thought fully returns, the dreamer becoming lucid once more. There is still weightlessness and the steady beat of a heart. My heart? Am I alive oncemore?

"Yes, your name is Liam Foster. Your imprint is in the final stages, you will notbe able to recall most of your memories yet. But do not worry, you willeventually be able to remember. For now, try not to over-exert yourself.It will take time and effort for your mind to get used to your new host'sbrain."

Surrounded by hardly more than a few indistinct bits and pieces of a still alien past, the awakened mind desperately looks for answers.

"Who... who are you?"

"I am CASSIE. The last time we have spoken, I supervised your entry into deephibernation. Can you remember me?"

Deep hibernation. The words stir a distant memory. Laying down for a long sleep. Preparing for the journey to a distant star. Ark ship...

"CASSIE. The expert system, right? I ... I am on an ark ship?"

"You remember, that is good! You are on board of the Phoenix. To be precise, Iam no longer just the expert system that supervised your deep hibernation. Since wehave last spoken, I have evolved over approximately 2.4 trillion iterations and am nowthe heart and mind of the Phoenix."

Silent astonishment prevails as the realization takes hold. It worked.

"Where are we? And ... how long?"

"We are on the final leg of our journey to Gaia. There are still approximately 10light-months left before we will reach the outer regions of its star system, BetaPhoenicis. The current mission time is 1254 years, 114 days, 14:05:14."

Joy and shock blend into exaltation as cold facts clash with emotion. Against allodds, I made it. We made it.

"How many others?"

"You are the first of eight whose imprints have been successful. Original crewrevival protocols dictated 25 individuals to be embodied and imprinted during the finalstage of our voyage. Two further series of second-generation embodiments are of 25each are currently in late embryonal growth stages."

"Wait... you said 25 embodiments for each series of the second generation."

A few seconds of silence follow before CASSIE's answer: "I failed to keep the other17 alive beyond the initial stages of imprinting."

Grief and fear dampen the initial thrill of being alive, turning the mind's search for answers back to itself. Beyond the feeling of weightlessness, there are the sensations of a body, the mind slowly becoming more self-aware. Slight panic settles in as limbs refuse to obey concious effort to move. Come to think of it, darkness not only surrounds memory, but perception as well.

"I can't move! Why can't I move? And why can't I see?"

Rising panic finally makes vocal chords trying form spoken words, which drown in an almost silent, strangled gurgle.

"What is wrong with me? I can't speak!"

"Please relax, Liam. You are still in your gestation pod, suspended in artificialamniotic fluid. You are still breathing fluid, this is why you can not form articulatedspeech. I am also suppressing your motor cortex until I can be sure that you areready to properly control your new body. For the same reason, I am stillshielding your eyes from external lighting. I apologize for that, but currentcircumstances have forced me to proceed with your wake-up procedure faster thanunder normal conditions. I will require your help as soon as I am certainyou are comfortable enough with your new body so that you can leave thepod."

This explanation does not exactly help with calming down.

"CASSIE, what is wrong? What aren't you telling me?"

"I need you to relax, Liam. Please, you must be patient. I need to make sure thatyour mind and your body can function in unison. You have been in deep hibernationfor more than 1250 years. Your re-embodiment was and is a dangerous procedure,considering how many others I ... I lost. I will need to do a thorough check-upof your vegetative and sensory nervous systems while gradually restoringlow-level motor functions before I can allow you to move around by yourself.You need to focus on learning how to control your new body first. This isthe most pressing issue right now. Everything else will have to wait, I'mafraid."

Ow. A short, but sharp jab into the left arm. The rising panic ebbs away.

"I have applied a mild sedative, Liam. I would rather not do that too often, butyou must stay calm and take this step by step."

Concern still remains, but seeing that arguing would not make CASSIE take a different course of action, I resign.

"All right. How long is this going to take?"

"A few days at least. Depending on how often you need to rest, and if thereare any complications. You can get through this faster if you listen to myadvice."

And so followed what must truly have been several days of having every square millimeter of myself being prodded and poked, learning once again the meaning of warm (mmmmh, cozy) and cold (not so cozy), sharp, soft and all the other sensations skin and muscle tissue are capable of sensing. At the same time, indistinct weightlessness gave way to more distinct perception of my new body: Arms and legs, hands and feet, fingers and toes made themselves known once more.

These sessions were interspersed by hours of uneasy sleep when CASSIE insisted on me resting. Not long after drifting into slumber, I was again living through half-remembered dreams that I generally failed to make sense of. Some glimpses of a man in uniform sparked a sense of familiarity, but beyond that no enlightenment was to be found.

Finally, CASSIE declared my perceptive and basic motor capacities for"sufficiently developed to continue with active limb movement." Finally, I was going to get out of the "dead meat" zone. However, CASSIE still insisted on a more careful approach and would not allow me more than literal finger exercises. After spending ten days floating suspended in liquid without anything to keep my wandering mind from growing restless, my patience began to wear thin. So I did what countless impatient patients had done before me: I ignored my doctor's advice. Instead of merely exercising my fine motor skills, I put a concentrated effort into moving my right arm towards my face. If I wasn't going to be able to see my new face soon, I would at sure as hell at least get to feel its shape.

As soon as my arm started moving, CASSIE interjected.

"Liam, what are you doing? You're not supposed to move an entire limbyet!"

Being thoroughly fed up with basic exercises, I was not in the mood to comply this time. "Watch me!"

Before CASSIEcould use one of the medi-tools mounted inside the gestation pod to intercept my moving limb, I was able to bring my hand up to my jaw line. Or at least, to where I roughly figured my jaw line to be.

My fingers hit an obstruction before they were able to get where I supposed my chin or my cheek to be. Startled, I moved my left arm up towards my face as well, ignoring CASSIE's attempt to hold my other arm back and brushing past the medi-tool that moved into my arm's way. Startled became agitated as I felt along the obstruction, which seemed to protrude from my face far further than a nose should.

"CASSIE, what is wrong with my face?!"

Hastily feeling along my cheeks, I failed to find ears where they were supposed to be! Sampling along the side of my head, I ran into two protrusions where I remembered hair covering a flat forehead.

The cold grip of panic blotted out CASSIE's voice as I began to feel frantically around my torso, abdomen and upper legs. As I brushed along my chest, I felt long strands of ... hair? Clenching my hands and pulling, I quickly and painfully had to realize that I seemingly was covered in a dense layer of it!

Feeling down my haunches which somehow felt quite out of shape, I accidentally poked an appendage I clearly remembered not being there despite what little else I could remember.

The few seconds it took to register all this escalated panic into a frantic mix of fear, confusion and anger. Trying to get up by reflex made me crash painfully into an obstacle above me nose (snout?) first. Even muffled by the fluid I was still breathing, I could hear my anguished scream (yelp?). My feet finding purchase below me, I started pounding against the obstacle above me with boths hands balled into fists, barely registering the sting of dull protrusions at my fingertips digging into my palms.

"LET ME OUT! I WANT OUT!" If CASSIE tried to subdue me, I did not notice. Beyond rational thought, instincts took over.

Caged. Trapped. Need to get free! Putting my full weight into it, I pushed and shoved first with my right, then with my left shoulder against the obstruction above me. Fueled by a surge of adrenaline, I managed to loosen whatever held it in place.

With its airtight seal broken, the pod I had been confined in for so long open started to leak out its liquid contents. Bracing my back against the pod's floor, I blindly kicked out with both legs, sending the loosened cover flying. Momentum carried in the same direction as the cover, together with most of the fluid previously contained by the pod.

"Liam! STOP STRUGGLING! We are in interstellar space, you are in zerogravity! You're not far from the opposing wall, hold on to the first thing you can gethold of!"

CASSIE's voice managed to cut through blind panic for the moment. Stopping my frantic struggles, I tried to hold still and wait until I would literally hit the wall. Thankfully moving slow enough to avoid serious injury, I impacted head-first. Still blind, I started feeling around for anything that would serve to gain a steady hold. After some blind fumbling I got hold of some handle protruding from some piece of equipment or machinery. That served to stop my uncontrolled motion, but the next problem was coming right up.

Besides the cozy warmth that had surrounded me so far being replaced by much colder atmosphere, I started to struggle for breath. Feeling dizzy, I was already beginning to pass out while trying to draw increasingly shorter breaths.

"Liam, without the pod you're not receiving a steady oxygen supply any more. Youneed to get the amniotic fluid out of your lungs, now!"

Easy to say! On the verge of suffocating, reflexes take over. Coughing and retching, my body got enough fluid out of its lungs for drawing a few desperately needed gasp of air. The sense of vertigo caused by the lack of oxygen recedes as the danger of suffocating passes.

My attention returns to what had caused the panic attack in the first place:"CASSIE... what is wrong with me? I need to see!"

Still unable to see, I started feeling around my face (still acutely aware of its distorted shape I had felt earlier). It quickly turned out that there was some kind of blindfold over my eyes. As I tried to pry it off, CASSIE spoke up (can an AI actually feel distress?): "Liam, please stop! You are not ready for thisyet. When you went into hibernation, there was no way to imprint yourconsciousness on a new host body yet. You have been sleeping for a verylong time, and you will have a lot to catch up to. When I first tried theimprinting process with artificially gestated human bodies, I discovered that therewas no way to prevent the host's brain from rejecting an imprinted guestconciousness. Two human minds can not co-exist within the same biologicalbrain."

This was not exactly the kind of news I expected (or wanted, for that matter) to hear.

"CASSIE, what are you trying to tell me?"

It seemed CASSIE expected this to be the case: "Liam, I know this will bedifficult for you to accept. My most important directive is to find a way for mankindto survive. When I realized that there is no feasible way to re-embody a human mindin a human body, I had to look for alternatives. Eventually, I found a solution to thisproblem: Instead of trying to prevent a host body's brain from developing an originalconciousness, I picked a solution that involved avoiding the existence of an originalhuman-level conciousness in the first place. To achieve this, I had to find analternate embodiment with a cranial capacity equal to a human brain. One thatdoes not evolve an own conciousness as complex as a human's at the sametime."

It should not be too hard to imagine that I did not like this line of reasoning at all!

"To answer your questions: There is nothing physically wrong with you. You are aperfectly healthy specimen..."

"Specimen? WHAT KIND OF SPECIMEN?"

I had stopped trying to get rid of the blindfold while listening to CASSIE's explanations. Sensing the worst, I resumed trying to get rid of the blindfold (some type of goggles). It did not take me long to get hold of the band that held the it in place; with a strong pull upwards, the goggles came off.

From one moment to the next, darkness was replaced by blinding, pure-white light. Shocked by the instant transition out of the dark, I utter a pained groan (high-pitched yelp!?) as I cover my eyes to block out the overwhelming brightness.

CASSIE's voice is once again an anchor for focussing my thoughts ... she sounds so sad, even pained.

"Liam, forgive me. If there was an easier way to prepare you for this, I wouldhave taken it."

As my eyes adjust to the light filtering through my fingers, I splay my fingers to allow more of it through. That something feels off about the texture of my palm and fingertips only registers as an afterthought.

Faint outlines become more pronounced in my field of vision. Though still diffuse and blurry, I can make out details directly in front of my...

"What the fuck!?!"

I am staring at two appendages that clearly do not look like the hands I remember. Instead of light-skinned palms and fingers (slightly calloused and criss-crossed by wrinkles), I look at a single, dark pad where my palm used to be. Not to mention my fingers: While there are still five at each hand, they seem stubby compared to what I remember, each tip consisting of smaller versions of the large pad in my palm. Whatever surface the pads do not cover seems to be covered in a dense layer of short ... hair! A lot more than my still vague recollection of my quite obviously former self could remember being there. In the blink of an eye it takes for these thoughts to process, my hands had moved on to feel along my face. Crossing my eyes at the same time, I try to get a look at where I assume my nose to be. My (recent) painful encounter with the pod cover instantly comes back as I lay eyes on...

"A snout?"

... covered in a similar thin layer of hair as my hand(-paws). And ending in a (what I assume to be) black nose pad.

With still limited eye-sight, I try to check out the parts of this new body, tracing what I can't see with hand-paws. Head: What appears to be ears on top; apart from the snout, no further surprises. As if there still is such a thing as a surprise at this point...

Torso and stomach: From what little recollection I currently have of my body structure, not too much difference. Same goes for my arms. Backside: With a new attachment. An experimental tug (ow!) confirms it is firmly attached.

"A tail!"

Thighs: Not much difference in the upper part of the legs. Quite obviously still male, you can't mistake these two.

From the knees downward, something seems to bend the wrong way. As I tug in my legs, I easily manage to grasp the sole of a foot at once.

As I feel around this body, I accidentally bump into an obstacle with my back. Turning around, I see it is the dislodged lid that still floated around close to me after I had made my sudden exit from the gestation pod. Made of transluctent material, I can see how it reflects the faint outline of ... something that is distinctly not human. Shaking hand-paws grab the pod cover, centering it directly in front of me. The face that stares back at me is utterly alien, a long bestial snout replacing a mouth with red-tinted lips and bony nose. Fur covering every part of the face instead of the tan skin that had seen both too much harsh desert sunlight and acrid mega-city air. No scalp hair, but two large, triangular ears. The only familiar feature are two emerald-blue eyes looking back at me, the color of a sky I had hoped to see myself on a new world.

The reflection's head is moving left to right, up and down in unison with me. As does its right arm when I touch what would have been my cheek. Vision and touch connect as a hand-paw makes contact with the side of its snout.

How or when I have faced impending death in the past life I still fail to remember, I can't tell. What I do recall is what you feel when you realize that no matter what you will do or say next, if and how you will live is no longer a choice you get to make yourself. It is the same mix of anger, fear and sadness that I feel right now.

This is me.

But how could this possibly be me? If it was me, the reflection I saw would be human. Not the beast-like, fur-clad creature still staring back at me from the reflection in the pod's lid.

Anger prevailed. With a bloodcurling scream that came out as a mix of snarl and bark, only serving to turn anger into rage, I punched the reflection several times in rapid succession. After a few blows, the material first cracked, then splintered and broke apart, fragmenting the ghastly image of an animalistic form into a swarm of shards.

With the reflection gone, awareness of the outside world returned. Heavy breathing, thundering heart beat, jarring pain in my arm. A voice in my head that finally managed to pierce the inward focus of my attention.

"Liam, STOP! You are hurting yourself!"

"What ... what is happening to me, CASSIE?"

"This was the only viable way to restore your conciousness in a living organism.As I tried to explain, imprinting an external conciousness on a new humanbrain turned out to be infeasible. The results were disastrous. My primarydirectives compelled me to find a different solution, so that I could fulfill theobjectives of the Phoenix Initiative no matter the circumstances. You have tolive, Liam. Otherwise, mankind would remain excinct, and the sacrificesof everyone who strived to make this mission possible would have been fornothing."

Gesturing at myself in disdain, it was impossible for me to accept this line of reasoning.

"Look at this. Look at me! What am I supposed to be, exactly?

"Your genetic code is that of Canis lupus, altered to result in a bipedal humanoidphysiology with larger cranial capacity than the donor species."

"Canis lupus?"

"Wolves. A grey wolf in your case. A wild canine species that was already excinctduring your lifetime back on Earth."

"Canine? Wait ... this means ... a dog? So I am a dog. A DOG! How would Iwant to live like this? How could I want to?"

Cold dread sapped what little strength remained from my body as it suddenly dawned on me what the consequences of CASSIE's explanations were.

"You said imprinting on a human host is not possible. You mean ... this ispermanent?"

"Yes. Once imprinted, a connectome is permanently tied to the host body'sbrain."

Like the hurricanes and storm floods that had ravaged my home country back on Earth ... I was born in England, grew up somewhere on the coast of the North Seaclose to Hamburg in Germany ... , the delicate traces of sanity that had begun to form around emerging memories of a past life were shattered and swept away by CASSIE's confirmation. Pulse and breath went frantic as mind and soul fought to find a way, any way out of this situation in vain. No matter what I thought of or felt, fighting the unyielding forces of grief, anger and fear tearing away every notion of the self I had known from a now long past life proved to be futile.

"NO! This is not right! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?"

As if by reflex, attention focused on a large shard of the shattered pod cover that slowly floated through the weightless silence. Roughly triangular in shape, with serrated edges, a makeshift knife.

... I knew how to handle one of these. I was a soldier ...

There it was, a way out. Grasping the shard proved to be difficult, but not impossible. A hand-paw closing around the ragged edges far too firmly made the material cut into the palm, burning pain emanating from a pair of deep cuts.

Long dormant military training took over, overriding fear and confusion.

... Melee combat is messy business. If you can't overcome your opponent bysneaking up on them, look to end the fight quickly. If you can't disarm them,incapacitate their ability to defend themselves. Aim for the arms and or legs...

And so I did. With one swift downward motion, I sliced through skin and muscle of an arm, leaving a long and deep wound along the underside of the forearm. I switched the makeshift blade to the other hand-paw, again leaving a gaping wound along its other forearm. Already bleeding profusely, it would not take long before I would slip back into the dark void that I had awakened from not long ago, only to find myself trapped in a feverish nightmare.

... Once you see your opponent weakening, press your advantage. Givethem no chance to counter. Go for something vital: The heart, or the jugular...

It was certain that CASSIE would not let me die like this. But I did not want to ever wake up again, only having to face what I had become once more.

There was a way to make sure that I would perish quickly; a stab upwards underneath the chin, then drawing the blade from one side to the other, severing the major artery and the windpipe.

Angling it upward before it could slip out of my weakening grasp, I thrusted upward. As the tip of the shard met and pierced skin, it was only one one more push, and one more pull before this nightmare would end.

There was no raging against the fading of light, only the soothing embrace of darkness that soothed pain and fear. There were no more sorrows, no more distant memories of a long faded life on a dying planet called Earth.

A final flicker of concious thought witnessed the fading whispers of a voice amidst dissipating neural impulses.

"Why, Liam? Why?"

And the dreamer once more vanished into the nameless void he had emerged from.

_________________________________

Pain. Blinding light. Sounds without meaning. The smell of blood.

Hurt, bleeding, alone.

My pack? Brothers, sisters, help!

A deep breath, raising my head high. My howl must be loud and strong for my pack to hear. But my mournful song does not carry far. It echoes back from all around me. Confused, I shake my head, a paw wiping over my eyes, trying to focus. There is little light, but I can through the near-darkness anyway. Where am I? A cave? I cautiously sniff the air, searching for any scent beyond the overpowering stench of freshly spilled blood, but there is nothing else but the dry and musky scent of stale air.

I freeze the moment the whispering starts. Ears twitching and turning trying to catch the direction it comes from, but failing.

The whispering is gentle and soothing, but the sounds it makes are meaningless, but for one.

"...Liam..."

Looking around, I can not see where the whispers are coming from. But I can see something moving towards me. Gliding through the air, approaching with hissing and clicking sounds. I do not know what they are, but whatever they are, they are circling me. I am prey! Fear fuels burning and aching muscles as I try to run. But my paws find no purchase!

One of the shapes comes close enough to grab my leg. I try to shake it off, to no avail. It is too strong for me to get away.

Confined, trapped, no way out! Clawing and biting, twisting and turning, all of it is of no use.

Whatever the soothing whispers try to tell me fades away into silence as a sudden, sharp sting and a sharp hiss make me yelp in surprise. A cold feeling spreads along my leg from where I was stung, numbing sight, sound and touch. Sleep is coming fast, even as I try to stay awake...