Alone.
#2 of Short Stories
A story of my Life.
I'm always alone.
Even when there's other dragons around me. When there's family around me. When there's friends around me.
I'm always alone.
Nobody ever respected him. No one.
Nobody understood him. No one.
It was always his fault when things happened. None other's.
No one had to do anything with him raging. Not even the therapists thought others had a role in it. It was always his fault.
It was him who always went to get therapy. It was him who always got blamed. It was him who always had to take medicine.
No one ever had a role in it. No one ever made him angry. He was just 'mad'.
According to everyone.
In his view, dragons always disrespected him. Even his family. His friends didn't disrespect him, but they didn't exactly respect him at the same time.
No one ever tried to hear him or offer any kind of advice when he needed it. All they would say was that everything was going to 'work out' or they would simply blame him. Most of the time, the response was the latter.
He was tired of it. Why was he all the problem? Why did nobody else have any kind of responsibilities? Why could everyone else just run away from their responsibilities while he couldn't?
He remembered that one TED talk. 'Why domestic violence victims don't leave' was the title. When he first saw the title, he almost laughed. It was pretty sure what was going to be the topic, and he was tired of it. 'He' was a domestic violence offender. By other's vision, that is. In his books, he was a victim as well. Only that others didn't think he was. Others always thought he was the 'offender', and no one ever did anything to ever enrage him. That he was just pouring out his rage from somewhere else to the so called 'victim'.
In his books, it was different. It was often the 'victims' who got it all started. He wasn't 'mad', but he was afraid that he could become one. Everyone blamed everything on him. His rage, his violent behaviors, when no one, not even his family, had tired to listen to him. All they did was to blame everything on him. There was always something they could blame on him. Even when he hadn't started the problem, even when he was the 'victim' of their books.
He had already been to the police station multiple times, thanks to his 'family', who always thought he was the problem. Sure, they were tired of his behaviors. He knew that. But what made him rage about them, was that No one, not even the therapists, or his family themselves, had any kind of thought that the violence was something that could not be made without something that enrages him. He was always at fault, and always the problem. No one had any kind of fault. It was all his.
All his.
No one thought about the daily naggings they were doing. No one thought about the unhappiness he got when no one listened to him. No one thought about the anger he felt when he was always the one to blame.
And when it all got too much for him, and when he erupted like a volcano, he was always the one to blame again.
No one understood why he smoked heavily. All they did was to nag him, that it didn't smell good when he smoked. No one understood why he drank heavily. All they did was to say that he was a alcoholic. No one knew the reason beyond these actions, while they were the one who caused it.
And in the world's view, it was always the offender's fault, 100% at the offender's fault.
No one was at blame for the offender's actions, all his. No one ever gave them a reason to be angry at all. The offenders were all just 'mad'.
He was tired of this.
He thought of ending his life already.
He had held back multiple times, telling him that there was always 'a bad day' and a 'good day', but now he wasn't sure.
Why should he hold back?
Why? What was in it for him? As long as he knew, dragons would always blame him for his violent behavior. Not that he didn't have any fault, but others would think there's no problem for them at all.
So why should he hold back?
Hopefully it won't be long till he couldn't stand it anymore, and ended his life. Today was just not the day. But it won't be long.
He could feel it. He could feel that he couldn't stand this for much longer.
Hopefully that day would come soon, and end him from his misery.
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This one's based on my life.
I'm sure it's jumping across here and there, but I really don't care at this moment. But I do feel sorry if you get a bit confused or so.
Hope you have a better life than I have.