The Beloved Pet Ch11
#11 of The Beloved Pet (Abandoned)
Homesickness Blows
posted to DA on 8/12/08
posted to FA on 5/28/09
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"Guilt"
Some more time passed in the presence of my Master and I grew more attached to, not only master Entei, but also to the greater society in which he lived. The fact that he went out of his way to help my transition from the culture of earth to the culture of the Arc Empire added to this feeling. One of the ways he did this was showing that the translator in my collar translated text as well as speech. Without this, the written language of the Arc Empire, looked like an indecipherable combination of chinese characters and cyrillic letters in no particular order. When I pointed to the words and held them in my thoughts, however, I could hear what must be the english translation in my head. With this tool in hand I had a new pastime. Whenever I was not in the company of my Master or exploring our cavernous home, I would spend time looking over the many books of my Masters Library. Naturally I started with what appeared to be an atlas of the galaxy. Like the world atlases that had occupied many a lazy Saturday during my youth, this one started with the theorized origin of the universe. Interestingly enough, this book largely validated what terran scientists knew of the origins of the universe. As for the gaps in terran knowledge of the universe, which could only be covered with difficult, or near impossible to prove theories, this book covered such as fact. Minus a few alterations this seamed to confirm much of theoretical cosmology. Of course even this book could not provide a definitive answer as to when, how, or even if the universe would ever end.
Throughout this, however, I had a nagging feeling that refused to go away. It was not until I spoke of it with Master that it would dissipate. It was a rather ordinary day, which I had spent previously in the home library. I left it to find the door to the back porch open. Seeing no one around, and wanting to explore the expansive yard, I walked into the unknown. I found myself in a large open field with grass that reached up above my ankles. It had just finished raining a few hours ago and the topsoil beneath the grass felt damp and cool below my bare feet. The relaxing scent of damp earth permeated the air as I wandered the field. After some time I found myself on a cliff face over looking the hanger that housed the ship my Master used for short trips as well as a deep, heavily wooded canyon. In what I assumed to be the east end of the yard, I found several flower beds filled with flowers that varied in appearance from carbon copies of earth flowers to flowers that looked completely alien. On the opposite end I found groves of tall trees that reminded me of the eastern hemlocks that defied both time and man in the Seven Mountains near my home. It was in one large grove, that I found a small lake on the shores of which in a hammock I found my Master resting. Feeling strangely playful I tried to sneak up on him. Of course his acute sense of smell zeroed in on me immediately. As I stood near the head end of the hammock out of his sight preparing to turn back he revealed his knowledge of my presence.
"What brings you here Soto" he said in a relaxed tone.
I was at a loss for words as I tried to apologize for my wandering. Master, however put a stop to this mentioning that he didn't mind and indeed, enjoyed my presence outside. The first reason was that he wanted to give me an opportunity to explore his yard. The second reason was that he knew something was bothering me and he wanted to discuss it in a relaxed environment. With this he lifted me up and placed me on his chest with my head near his heart. Placing his strong warm arms in a gentle embrace he proceeded to ask what was troubling me. As I explained, I felt strangely relaxed and trusting of my Master.
"I feel as though I should miss those I left on earth, my mother in particular. We were never close, however, by not feeling any sense of loss, I feel so guilty over this lack of emotion."
As I explained Master Entei watched with a gentle look in his eyes. He also gently rubbed my back to ease any tension I was feeling. When I had finished he spoke in a gentle reassuring tone quickly set me at ease.
"You may think that you are not feeling any sense of loss, however not feeling and not showing your feelings are entirely different. I know that you feel a sense of loss with regards to those you left on earth, and as misanthropic as you are, you cannot avoid feeling this way. Of course since you're not one to wear your heart on your sleeve, some may assume incorrectly that your feel nothing when this is far from the truth. In any case this is how you are, and no one, not yourself, yours truly, or any one in the universe has any right fault you for this."
As his words sunk in the feelings of guilt that had plagued me dissipated. Of course I still missed my mother to a small degree, but such feelings were tempered by the fact that master mentioned that he would allow me to write to tell my mother that I was all right.