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Five: Thicker Than Water

Connect The Dots - Ayreon

Dinner with his brother was more awkward than Ethan would have liked.

After leaving the city, he drove absentmindedly for hours. He wasn't sure how long exactly, but it must have been a while, because eventually a combination of darkness and exhaustion forced him to pull into a motel. He forked over some cash reluctantly and went to his room, turning his phone back on for the first time all day. The subsequent torrent of messages was overwhelming, one after another they popped up with that horrid ding. First it was Charlie - bitch - then Bella, then Charlie a few more times, then some friends, then another long string of missed calls from Bella.

"Fuck." He muttered, opening up Bella's conversation in messenger. He ignored all her messages, taking the time only to send a single sentence:

"I'm fine, I just need some time away - be back soon, when better" He hit send before he could give himself time to reconsider. It was an odd choice of word - better. Why had he used that?

Am I sick? Is something wrong with me? Maybe I need a doctor, not a holiday. Sick in the head maybe. But hopefully that message would stop some sort of manhunt being put out for him. Bella would understand. Or she wouldn't, it didn't matter. Ethan didn't have space in his head for her at that point.

After the message had delivered, Ethan went outside and dumped the phone in the garbage. He bought a cheap one the next morning, prepaid a hundred minutes for it, and pulled all the cash he could out of an ATM. Then he put in his brother's number, and called.

Isaac had thought it was weird, the two hadn't seen one another in more than a year, but he'd invited Ethan for dinner and offered him a place to stay. The border collie had refused the latter offer, but he took dinner. He thought it would be fine, they were brothers, and even with a lot of time passed they were still blood.

It was awkward.

"So, what have you...been up to recently Ethan?" Jenny, Isaac's wife, asked, glancing between the two stoic men. Ethan had only met Jenny a handful of times - the last of which was years ago - but he remembered liking both the bouncy snow leopard and her son Wade. He knew Isaac got a few weird looks, marrying interspecies, but neither of the two seemed to mind. Ethan couldn't give one shit, they seemed happy enough and that was good enough.

Somebody should be. He thought.

"I've been fine. Working, y'know? Writing. Doing whatever."

"Right." Jenny replied.

"Oh, Wade was watching your show; he wouldn't shut up about it. The fantasy one, right?" Isaac said, totally throwing his son under the bus. Even through his fluffy, greyish-brown fur, Wade blushed.

"I was, it's true." He conceded. "Stable Thief, I uh...Dad said you were credited as a writer on it."

"I was yeah, I actually helped pitch it too. You like it?"

"Yeah, mostly."

"Cool." Ethan swallowed, suddenly regretting the decision to come here. He'd thought it would be a good idea, at least worth the four-hour drive from the motel he'd been in the previous night.

One mistake after another, you just don't know what you want huh?

"They won't miss you then? All your city people?" Jenny asked, cocking her head. It was an innocent question, but it made Ethan flinch nonetheless.

"I'm sure they'll be fine."

"They're shooting Stable Thief's second season right now actually, I think." Wade added. "Don't you need to be involved with that?"

"I'd...really..." Ethan started

"I don't even know what a writer_does_ when they film." Jenny added, laughing."

"Look I would really rather not talk about it." Ethan said, more firmly than he would have liked.

"Ah." Isaac said, nodding as if the comment made perfect sense. The silence that followed was heavy, broken only by the light scraping of utensils and chewing.

"Jenny..." Ethan said eventually, unable to bear it any longer. "How is your clinic going? Wouldn't it be rough this far out? I know it's not exactly a small town, but it must be hard finding patients right?" The older snow leopard shrugged, like the thought had never occurred to her as a problem.

"Rural people need doctors too y'know." She said with a grin. She seemed _so_happy, Ethan was almost jealous. "In fact, if you went and looked at averages, then people out here probably need more medical care than city ones. It's just that the population density out here is much lower, so it skews the data. I see the same sorts of clients' week in week out though."

"That's surprising actually. But I guess it makes sense, working on farms and stuff there's...uh, machinery and...tools." Isaac scoffed at that.

"She says rural, but this is one of the biggest towns around here. It's almost a city, I mean technically it is, if you know the zoning codes." He said.

"Isaac, that's just stupid. It's not a city." Wade interjected.

Doesn't call him Dad, even with the real Dad fully out of the picture. Isaac and Jenny had married when Wade was very young, and if memory served there was something weird about Wade's biological father. Some reason he didn't want to be around...or wasn't allowed to be.

"I'm just saying technically!" The old border collie exclaimed, chuckling to Wade's eye-roll.

"There's also a lot of old people here. They're sick, y'know, slowly wasting away bit-by-bit." Wade continued, smiling. Jenny scowled but said nothing.

Dinner continued much like that, the earlier tension tactfully diffused by the bubbly snow leopard and her son. Ethan saw why his brother had married her - Jenny was such a positive force of energy it was difficult not to smile when around her. She was like a good feels charm. She was so nice in fact that over the course of the meal it became annoying; always laughing, smiling, like she was trying to show off something about herself. Ethan couldn't help but wonder what she was hiding.

After they'd eaten, Ethan and Isaac stepped out onto the back veranda, each with a beer in paw, taking in the crisp night air. A light breeze tickled their fur, but it was far from unpleasant.

"So where are you staying?" Isaac asked, sitting down on one of the deck chairs with a groan.

"Some place in town, I forget the name."

"Right." A moment passed. Inside, Jenny called something out to Wade, who shouted right back.

"Wade's so big."

"Yeah, they do that." Isaac replied flatly.

"He's like a real person and everything though. I was surprised, but he seems nice." Ethan said, trying out a laugh. It didn't seem to go over very well, and Isaac remained expressionless, staring at his drink with great interest. Nothing had happened between them exactly, but the two hadn't kept in touch. They liked each other's posts on Facebook, but that was really the end of it. No calls, no messages, not even a present on Wade's birthday.

"What are you doing here?" Isaac asked, eyes narrowing. Ethan looked away, suddenly embarrassed. He shrugged, tail curling around his waist, a free paw clutching it loosely. "I don't mean to be rude, and really, it is nice to see you. But...it's..."

"A little weird." Ethan finished. His brother nodded.

"Yeah. I mean, a year of nothing...and then you just call out of the blue, and rock up the same day? What the hell? And what was that at dinner? Jenny was just asking about you, and you snapped like an angry turtle. She barely knows you."

"Jenny's nice."

"Ethan."

"Tell her I'm sorry for that." He sighed. "I just had to get away from everything for a bit. I don't know. You don't understand."

"Try me mate."

"I'd honestly prefer not to." Isaac bit his lip, but nodded.

"Alright then. But tell me this - are in trouble with someone? Are people gonna come looking for you? You know what I mean? People I'd rather not have around my wife, my kid?" Ethan looked back, reacting as if slapped.

"What?!" He exclaimed, shaking his head. "No, no-no-no. It isn't like that. Nobody will come looking for me, I promise. I don't do that kinda shit anymore." He laughed, and while Isaac smiled, it didn't reach his eyes. The border collie then stood suddenly, stretching.

"Well, righto. I'm going inside then, there's a few things that need doing before I can really relax." Ethan nodded, sitting back.

"I'm...just gonna hang here for a bit, if that's cool."

"S'fine by me. See you inside." And he disappeared. Ethan set his beer down, climbing to his feet and leaning against the veranda rail. He tugged a cigarette out of the crumpled packet in his jeans and held it in his lips, lighting it and inhaling.

Isaac is a good person. Far better than you've ever been. Don't take advantage of him. Please. He was good. The two had grown up together, and always got on, but they weren't similar. Isaac had an understanding of people and life that Ethan seemed to be missing. His brother - or half-brother really - had always seemed to know not only what he wanted - but also how to get it.

And he got it in the end. He seems happy. Can't say the same about you, you piece of shit. Again, Ethan's disgust at people like Charlie seethed inside him, turning over his stomach. She took everything good I had, and left me to deal with the rest.

_ _ "Oi." Ethan jumped, looking over his shoulder to see Wade padding over. He wore loose pants and a pastel-pink shirt, no shoes.

"Oh, hey." He replied, sidling over so the young snow leopard could lean next to him on the rail. He was quiet, but he seemed confident, happy in his own skin. Ethan was used to being surrounded by cripplingly insecure people, and the effect was unsettling.

"So..." Wade began, eyeing the cigarette packet. "Are you going to give me one, or are we gonna stand around all night?" Ethan raised an eyebrow, glancing back inside.

"You're a smoker?" He asked, dubious. Wade nodded.

"Unfortunately. I had a rebellious phase as a teenager, never kicked this... err, particular habit." He ran a paw over his head, rubbing at the back of his head. "Mine are inside. I can get em if you--"

"It's...fine. Here" Ethan sighed, digging out another cigarette and handing it to the kid. To his credit, Wade lit it with a practiced paw, inhaling and exhaling properly - no coughing. He seemed legit, even had his own lighter. "Do your parents know?"

"Lol. No." He smirked. "That's funny though." Ethan raised an eyebrow, looking back into the house. Jenny and Isaac were busying themselves with something in the kitchen, not paying any mind to what was happening just outside.

"Um, so...how old are you? Last time I saw you, you were definitely a kid. Are you still a kid? Like, in school and shit?" Wade scowled, then laughed, tilting his head up and staring at the night sky.

"Oh fuck off, I'm twenty-two."

"Sure. You look younger."

"And you look older than forty-something, so what happened?" Ethan huffed, taking another drag of his cigarette and shrugging.

"Too many drugs." Wade snorted at that. "So are you like, studying then?"

"Yeah." Ethan sighed.

"What?"

"Masters of Education. It's on break at the moment though."

"Ah. Like it?"

"I'd rather not have this conversation."

"Why?" Wade groaned, hanging his head. He was such a physically expressive kid, each word and emotion accompanied by slight twitches and movements, emphasising his point.

"Because!" The snow leopard exclaimed, as if that was all he needed to say. "It's played out. How's school? Oh you know, it's fine. Seeing any girls? No. Boys then? No. It's just annoying, and vacuous. People that ask questions like that don't usually care about the answers anyway." Ethan paused, waiting as Wade inhaled.

"...Boys?"

"Everyone assumes your gay when they find out you do not, and never have had a girlfriend." Ethan hesitated slightly, unsure where to tread. This was his brother's son, surely some stuff was off limits, right?

But then what's an Uncle even for? Uncle. The word left a bad taste in his mouth, it was just wrong. Doesn't suit me at all.

_ _ "And... are you?"

"What, gay?"

"Yeah." Wade paused, studying Ethan. He shrugged.

"I mean yeah, but that's not the point!" He sneered, stamping out his cigarette on the railing and tossing it into the garden.

"Do you parents know?"

"That's funny too."

"They wouldn't approve then?"

"It's just none of their business." Wade countered. "They'd be fine with it, have told me as much themselves. But it has no bearing on our relationship."

"I thought that too."

"Isaac never mentioned you're gay."

"Bi. But same principle."

"Is it?" The two stared at each other. Ethan was trying to decide if the kid was smart, or just arrogant. He had a weird aura of naivety to him, but he didn't talk nearly as young as he seemed.

This conversation is getting out of hand.

"I'm going inside." Ethan said, dropping his own cigarette to the ground and stamping it out with a foot.

"I think Isaac made some sort of dessert, so... me too." Ethan laughed, although he wasn't sure why. He opened the back door, gesturing for Wade to step inside.

"Good talk?" He asked. Wade shrugged, passing in nonchalantly.

"Eh, s'like a six."

---

Max sighed, staring at the community hall with slight dismay. She'd had her first 'out-patient' session with Clara three days ago, and it had gone...mostly well. She'd described the infuriating way her parents treated her, handling her like some bomb, and Clara had made some suggestions. Max had secretly been hoping that the lioness would just talk to them _for_her, but she supposed that would kind of defy the point of it all. She'd also talked about how surprisingly difficult it was to just function like a normal person again, to do normal and ordinary things. Everything felt tainted, and the darkness was always there. It was like she was bobbing in the sea, a buoy in a storm, slipping a little more beneath the surface with each passing day.

The visit with Clara helped her find buoyancy again, at least for now. Their next appointment was in two weeks' time, and Clara had suggested Max find a support group in the interim, to help if she felt she was struggling. While she hadn't been anywhere near the edge just yet, it would be nice to talk to some people with similar experiences.

At least, that was what she'd thought. Now that she was here, standing in front of the lit-up community centre in the darkness, she wasn't so sure. It felt stupid, and a little attention-seeking. She was _already_in counselling, what was so special about her that she needed double therapy? She was fine. Besides, these strangers wouldn't have any answers for her, they would just think she was dramatic.

Ten days out and Max was no closer to deciphering why she'd done it. What put her into St Raph's in the first-fucking-place. No. The more she thought on it, the surer she was; these people had nothing for her.

She was about to turn away and leave when she saw a slim figure hesitating near the door. They were wearing cargo pants and a fluffy jumper with the hood pulled up, a long and flat tail extending out behind them. Their paws were firmly stuffed into their pockets, and they kind of rocked in place. She cocked her head, staring. As far as Max knew, there was nothing else on at the hall tonight besides the support group... so what were they doing?

Are they...are they scared? Max bit her lip. She knew the hesitation; it was hard to ask for help. I should do something. But what? Force them to go inside? You can't make someone help themselves. But what if she had gone for help sooner? As she stared, the figure began walking slowly inside, and Max found herself mentally spurring them on. But again as they were about to cross the threshold they froze, slowly backing away. Moving faster now, the figure turned and began to walk away.

"Hey!" The words were out of Max's mouth before she could stop them, and suddenly she was making her way over. As she got closer she realised it was a guy, an otter with a young face. Kinda cute even. He looked completely petrified of her. "Whoa, hey, you okay?" She asked, holding a paw outstretched. He swallowed, glancing around furtively.

"Yeah. I'm fine." He said. His voice was soft, and a little shaky.

What's got this guy so worked up?

"I..." What? Was watching him? Was that what she was going to say? Weird. What if he thought she was creepy? He was, well, nice-looking, she didn't want him to think she was creepy.

But clearly weird. No, we don't pick up at support groups. She scolded herself, shaking her head.

"I saw you, were you going to go to the support group?"

"Oh...ah, no." She raised an eyebrow.

"You weren't? You were...at the community centre...at night...when nothing else is on...just because?"

"Shit." The guy muttered, eyes going down. "Yeah, okay. I was going...what about it?" He sounded offended, wavering on the edge of annoyed. Max found herself getting irritated; would he make up his mind already? Either be shy and afraid, or be angry, but pick one.

"I just..." She sighed. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to startle you but I saw you and... My name is Max." The otter eyed her suspiciously.

"Nico." He shook his head, muttering to himself.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She asked, putting some firmness into her voice. He stared at her, looked away, then looked back. She noticed he never stopped fidgeting, never quite stood still, bouncing on his heels, swishing his tail, paws rubbing against his jeans. He looked so highly strung it was exhausting.

Chill dude.

"No, I'm not okay." He finally admitted.

"If you wanna talk about it, going in is a good idea. Have you been before?"

"No!" He looked suddenly panicked. "I don't want to talk about it!"

"Oh. Well, that's alright too. They don't force you to share." His face went still, as if overtaken by a sudden realisation.

"They...they don't?"

"No, you could just listen." He seemed to consider briefly, but eventually shook his head.

"No, I'm alright. Just a little down I think, it's nothing big."

"That's what I thought too." He didn't ask what happened. Max found it refreshing. "Do you have a last name? I could friend you, and if you ever...I dunno, wanted someone to talk to, we could..." Her face flushed. This was stupid. He could be literally anyone.

_ But what if someone had asked me if I needed help?_ Nico eyed her, again glancing around like some sort of thief.

"Achter. A-C-H-T-E-R. S'Polish, before you ask."

"You're Polish?"

"No, but my family was."

"Ah. Okay. Well, mine's Renton. Max Renton, I'll add you, alright?"

"Fine." She felt like she should do something more, but he wasn't giving muchs. She shrugged.

"Are you sure you're gonna be alright? You look stressed-"

"I'm fine. I'll be alright, but I gotta get going. See you later, uh, Max." He nodded, and she smiled, waving curtly as he turned and walked off. She went back to her bike, undoing the lock. Going to the group felt like a waste of time now, she'd be so late anyway.

What a weird guy. She thought, riding away as the wind sifted through her orange fur. He had been weird, but he sounded like someone in pain.

And Max had a thought, that maybe helping someone else would give her a chance to clear her own head. Then she could get started on figuring out just why the hell her brain had tried to kill her.