FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Edited and corrected by Ben243

I always felt as if something was missing in my life. As if I had a purpose, but was unable to fulfill my duty. Whatever job I tried, whatever responsibility I took, it always ended badly. So one day I gave up and left my worldly things behind- my work, my relationships. I even returned to my parents' house. Although they were a bit disappointed, they let me live in their basement, hoping it was all just a phase. But I wasn't so sure about that myself.

One day we saw a TV show, about a hypnotist who helped people take a peak into their former lives, to understand the burdens they were still bearing and cope with them. I didn't believe in that, and thought it was a scam. My mother, who was more into that kind of stuff, insisted I had to try it.

We were lucky enough to get an appointment in a couple of weeks, but the treatment was a bit expensive. I tried talking my mother out of it. Even my father tried to help to no avail. It was her money, she earned it, and she decided how to spend it, and she wanted to help me with it. God bless her!

The day finally came and I was a little nervous. The hypnotist, Dr. Wanda, a sympathetic old lady with astonishingly thick eyebrows, welcomed us. She talked with us about the procedure, explained it step by step. Then she took me by the hand, and gave me a reassuring smile. I took a deep breath and was ready to do it.

In the dimmed light of the room, I lay back and let myself fall into Doctor Wanda's magical eyes. Her deep, warm voice made me sleepy and from one second to the next, I grew more and more drowsy until I passed out. Darkness. There was only the Doctor's voice guiding me way back, to a time long before I was even born. And then I was there. It was strange. Everything was so high up and even my movements felt different.

What was this place? It seemed like something from a Mad Max film- ruins, dust and wreckages everywhere. I was running. But it seemed like I was on all fours. In front of me, there was a soldier... This was a war! Had I been a soldier myself in my last life? But if so, why was I moving this way? I hadn't lost my limbs; otherwise I wouldn't have been able to catch up with the guy in front of me.

There was an explosion. It was loud and hurt my ears. We ducked behind a wall, or what was left of it. The other man turned to me. His face was young, but dirty and unshaven. His uniform wasn't that old, maybe from the Gulf war. Three stripes - a sergeant! I could read his name: Redfordt, like the actor but with a T at the end. He looked at me and said something reassuring. Then he was... stroking me? In this moment I realized what had happened: I wasn't a soldier! I wasn't even human! I was... a dog?

When I woke up I was speechless. Doctor Wanda realized how stressed out I was and offered me a cup of tea. My mother was about to comfort me, stroking me, but I stopped her. I didn't want to hurt her, it was just... wrong! It couldn't be. Could it? I wasn't a Dog! Doctor Wanda assured me something like that could happen sometimes. She had a patient once who found out he was a goldfish in his former life - that sounds funny, but can be disturbing to know. That wasn't helpful!

Back home, I went to my room and locked the door. I wanted to be alone, to think about the whole thing. It was late at night, when I finally knew what I had to do: I started my laptop and googled "Sergeant Redfordt Gulf war". And there he was, to my great surprise, exactly as I had seen him in my vision: Bright blue eyes, wide chin, big nose... I found out he was serving as a Sheriff now, in a small town named Lesley. He was old now, of course. Gut like a barrel, lighting white hair and a mustache. But it was still him, no doubt about that!

In this moment I came to the realization that I had to meet him. But what would I tell him? "Did you have a dog back in the Gulf war? Hi, it's me!" No, that was insane! He would punch me for that and I would understand it. The problem was, the longer I waited, the more restless I got! So, a few weeks later I made my decision: I had to risk it!

I packed a bag and a backpack, grabbed the last of my savings and went to the bus station. It was early in the morning when I left. Hours later, after some breaks at diners, gas stations, and places I never heard of, the sun was setting but I was getting close. It was dark when I reached Lesley. I checked in a Motel. I was too tired to search for the old Sergeant, so I sat on the bed, turned on my laptop, watched some episodes of Bojack Horseman and fell asleep during the Underwater episode.

The next morning it was a little nippy outside, and it was raining. From the nearby forest came the smell of autumn leaves and some thin layers of mist. Today was the first time I could really take a proper look at the town. With its wooden houses and pickup trucks, this place reminded me of a documentary about Canada I'd seen once, except for the American flags and the lack of maple syrup at the diner I choose for breakfast.

I sat there, listlessly sticking my fork into the eggs and thought about what I was doing here! Yesterday, when I arrived in this town, I had my first doubts about wither or not this whole operation was a good idea. It still felt right, but at the same time I couldn't shake the feeling it was hopeless! There was no chance I could just go to the Sheriff's Department, and make it clear who I was, why I was here, and what the heck I wanted from the old soldier - simply because I didn't know myself! Why had I come? What was it I expected to get from this? And all of a sudden, without expecting it, there he was...

"Morning, Marcy! Give me a coffee, I had a rough shift last night!" This voice! I knew it, from my dreams! It sounded a little older, deeper, but it was definitely him that was speaking. I couldn't dare to look back. My heart was racing 200 mph. Out of fear? No, I wasn't afraid! I was... happy! God, if I had a tail, I might have wagged it! Maybe I was a Dog after all!

Lucky for me it was still dark enough outside that I could see his reflection in the window. He sat at the bar, broad like a bear. His green uniform jacket was wet, but clean, his brown trousers had black stripes. He appeared very imposing. Commanding respect. But surprisingly for an old cop he gave off a very welcoming and good-natured air. Okay, I told myself, here is your chance! Just stand up and go to him, maybe ask him for the time, talk about the weather or, I don't know, if there's something worth sightseeing or whatever!

I took a deep breath, stood up and slowly approached. After what felt like a lifetime I was just steps away. The waitress who I guess was Marcy brought the Sheriff a mug and poured some coffee into it. For a while I was afraid she would react to me, but she just asked: "Milk? Sugar?" "Two lumps, no milk!" I said. I was shocked. It had come automatically, I somehow remembered and was foolish enough to betray myself with knowledge I shouldn't have had. That was stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid...

The Sheriff turned around. He looked at me with his strangely familiar blue eyes, like he was looking into my soul, trying to decide if he'd seen me before. "That's right!" he said a bit puzzled. "How did you know? Have we met before? I could swear..." - "I was your Dog...!"

Fuck! Why in the name of God did I say that? I could feel I was blushing. The whole thing was unbearably embarrassing. He looked at me like I'd lost my mind! "Excuse me... what...?" I turned around and ran. Out of the dinner, down the street, at fast as I could. I ran and ran, ignoring red lights, honking trucks, people watching. My lungs were burning, as I finally reached the City limits. I fell on my butt, exhausted. As I sat there on the wet ground, I realized I had neither paid nor taken my backpack with me. Damn!

I went sideways, to the forest. I hid behind a tree and began to cry! My life was a mess. Everything I took into my clumsy hands crumbled in between my fingers. There was nothing I could keep intact for myself! For a minute I thought about ending my misery once and for all, but even that was too much for me: I didn't want to die! There was nothing for me in this life and yet, I was still too much a coward to end it.

After a considerable amount of time, I decided to hitchhike back to the motel, to fetch the rest of my stuff and leave. I stood there, by the street, holding my thumb out. Having the town at my back, I couldn't see him coming! The sneaky bastard rolled his car near enough so he could catch me, if necessary, before he turned on the siren. The sudden noise startled me. I slipped on some wet leaves and fell on my butt again. There was no sense trying to escape anymore, he had me now. Fine! Lock me up if you must, I thought, what would it change anyway!

But the Sheriff did nothing like that! He just gave me my cell phone I had left on my table in the dinner and told me he knew who I was. He'd spoken to my mom and she'd told him the whole story. I felt humiliated, but the Sheriff wasn't making fun of me, nor was he angry or irritated. He just asked: "If you're really Bosko - and I don't say I'm convinced yet - then tell me something, only me and my old partner could have known: What were the last words of Captain Finnegan?"

Captain Finnegan. The name triggered another memory. They... WE were in an old house, a makeshift bunker. Besides Sergeant Redfordt and me there was another soldier, a long, muscular man with red-blond hair. The Captain... he was passing in front of a window when a sniper shot him. It was horrible! He collapsed like a sack of potatoes. Redfordt... he ran over to him, but it was too late! The bullet had penetrated his lungs. It was a dramatic moment; the Sergeant had tears in his eyes, holding the dying Captain in his arms. And the Captain said: "He's still out there, Redfordt! Don't be a sentimental fool..." and then... he died!

When I told Sheriff Redfordt about it, he had a sad, glassy look in his eyes. But then he smiled, kneeled down to me and before I could comprehend what had happened he hugged me. And I hugged him back!

Later at the station he told me about what had happened! I had died two weeks after Captain Finnegan, when the enemy ambushed us. I tried to defend Redfordt, but they just shot me like the dog I was. I died with the knowledge I'd left my master defenseless, in the enemy's hands! So that was the reason I felt out of kilter my whole life, as if I had some unfinished business.

Of course Sergeant Redfordt had been rescued in the end and returned to his hometown to follow his Dad as the local Sheriff. He never forgot his old German Shepherd "Bosko", who he'd really missed all these years. Of course he'd never expected him coming back from the dead, especially in form of the young man I was. Nonetheless he was happy, and I was glad, that we finally had the chance to resolve the whole thing the way we did.

The only problem was, what would I do now? The Sheriff had an idea: He offered to train me to become his Deputy. I considered it: No doubt it would be a lot of work, but with a boss like Sheriff Redfordt on my side... why not?!! Our situation was still a bit weird, of course, but for the first time I felt confident this could actually work.

Since then some years have passed. Things have changed a lot during that time! The young, insecure introvert I'd been back then had changed to a firm, muscle-packed Law Enforcer. The Sheriff and I were respected members of this community, and took good care of it. My parents were proud, and happy their son had finally found something he was good at!

Only few people knew about the connection Redfordt and I have. But nobody knew our biggest secret: Early on in our partnership, he presented me Boskos' - no, MY old collar! From the moment I saw it, I was eager to put it on, but was unsure how Redfordt would react to that. It took me a while before I finally had the balls to just ask him. He admitted to having had the same idea, but was hesitant too, unsure how I would react!

The first time I tried it on, I was still wearing clothes and wore the collar only half a minute before it became too weird. But given time I grew more and more attached to it and even stripped naked, letting Redfordt fasten it around my neck. It felt natural and right, it was like I had found something I'd lost for a long long time. Well, in a way, that was actually the case! In a way Bosko was reborn and had the chance to be with his master again.

One day I got a little present from the Sheriff. It was an original K9-vest for Police dogs with the word SHERIFF in big yellow letters on it. Of course I couldn't possibly become a proper Police dog, although Redfordt tried his best to train me a little. But in the Secrecy of our own four walls - I had moved into the Sheriff's house in the forest a year ago - we could at least pretend. While at home I virtually lived as a dog. I ate and drank out of a bowl, we played in the backyard, he stroked me and gave me all the love and care I could wish for. I was finally complete!