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Four: Sharp Angles

Meds - Placebo

"Excuse me! Hey!" Fingers snapping. People talking. Beeping. Machines. Itchy shirt. Sore feet. Tail in the way. Is your phone charged? "_Hey,_kid!"

Nico's attention came crashing back like a wave, and he realised with a start that a middle-aged badger was standing directly in front of him, glaring pointedly. Behind her was one of the stores self-serve machine, attended by two awkward looking kids, probably both under twelve. They tried not to make eye contact with Nico as their mother spoke, obviously aware of what was to come. The otter bristled slightly, glancing about awkwardly. It was the afternoon, and the department store where he worked was getting busy. The assisted checkouts were currently closed, which always pissed someone off, but Jackson was on break and there were only two people manning the area now.

"Hey there, sorry, what can I help you with?" Nico asked, clasping his paws together and speaking with a sickeningly sweet voice.

"This is wrong." The badger barked, thrusting out a small boxed toy towards him. "I saw it with a blue sticker saying it was fourteen dollars, but it's scanning at twenty-two. Could you fix it please?" Nico nodded. They got this a lot, he was used to it. She may have said please, but her voice was domineering and cruel. It was a command, not a request.

"Uh, were there any others in the area? I mean is it possible that it was just put there by a customer as an accident?"

"No, there were plenty! You want me to show you? What is this? I've got things to do, so it can't take all day." The plastic beneath her stubby little fingers crinkled slightly from the vicelike grip that she held the toy with.

"Ah, okay." Nico said, glancing about. Lina was standing at the door, greeting customers coming in, she couldn't help. "Um, do you mind if I call up another staff member just to check the price? We have to make--"

"Why can't I just_show_ you? I don't want to wait." She interrupted, sighing dramatically. Nico looked around, seeing no nearby staff, thinking it were obvious.

"Well, I can't leave the--"

"Fine. Call someone then!" She again rolled her eyes. The otter plastered a smile on his face and paged someone he knew was good with toys.

"They'll just be a minute." He added, nodding politely.

"This is ridiculous." The badger said, staring down at her phone, tapping frantically at the screen with a single outstretched finger.

Why do they all use their phones the same way? He wondered.

"Ah, I'm sorry, it just sometimes--" He started, but yet again she cut him right off, looking up.

"No, look. The customer is what matters here, okay? And it's not my fault that you're all too lazy to actually go look. You are making me wait here, and I'm sorry but this is actually fucking unbelievable."

"Um... I'm sorry." He said meekly, not knowing what else to do.

"If it's marked at that price why can't I just have it for that? This is deceitful, you're trying to trick me into buying something that's more expensive and just hoping I wouldn't notice!"

"No, really, I can_promise_ you we aren't trying to--" He tried to explain it, voice getting desperate, but the badger didn't want to hear it.

"No, no. I worked retail, okay? I was a store manager for four years, so I know how it works. You can't do this to me." He felt panicked, like a fly pinned against the wall. Why? He never had a problem dealing with aggressive customers before, you had to get used to it in a job like this.

"We're... not doing anything to you..." He said slowly, unsure what else he could say. Thankfully Alicia appeared at that moment, a bubbly greyhound, lean and friendly. She was always grinning, and Nico got on well with her. He delicately took the toy from the seething badger, passing it to Alicia.

"Hey, thanks for coming." He said first. "Um, this one is scanning at twenty-two, but it was apparently marked at fourteen." Alicia nodded once, spun on her heel, and jogged off. The displeased woman made herself known once again with a short scoff. Nico grimaced, turning back to face her.

"Apparently." She mocked. "Make me stand here and feel like a liar, when I've got two kids and honestly, you're causing me so much stress. Okay, look, you understand that..." She took a minute to narrow her eyes, studying his name badge. "Nico? Next time I'm not going to feel like coming here, so make sure you tell your manager that."

"I'll be sure to." He said through clenched teeth. This was nothing new.

"And if she comes back and says that I was right, which I am, and that it was stocked at fourteen, I get it half-priced and another one for free." The badger insisted. "I know how it works, okay, I was a manager. And let me give you a little advice, you should never speak to a customer like that. Fucking hell."

Wait what. He'd heard this a few times, as well as customers shouting that they 'knew their rights'. Neither of her statements was true.

"Uh, I'm afraid not." He said tentatively, expecting backlash. "If it comes back and was incorrectly ticketed, I'll absolutely override it for that price, but I can't give you one for free." The badger slammed her fabric phone case shut, teeth practically bared at him.

Here we go.

_ _ "Okay Nico, I'll ignore how fucking rude you are for a second. But listen to me, there's something you might now understand called Consumer Rights, and I'm telling you that it's in the Customer Code of Conduct, that if something is marked wrong you get that item half-priced and another of the same product for free." Behind her the other customers had begun racking up as the line grew and more people needed help, thankfully Nico saw Lina jumping in to help them.

Where are you Alicia? Damn it. He thought. He then shook his head slowly, attempting a 'nothing I can do' look.

"I'm sorry but it's... not. Some businesses choose to do that as a courtesy to the customer, but we don't have any policy like that here."

"That's flat out bullshit. Stop lying to me." The badger snapped. Nico sighed, closing his eyes for a moment and opening them. He wasn't smiling anymore.

"Consumer Rights state that you can return any kind of faulty product, but not that--"

"This is fucking unbelievable. I'm sorry, I know you're just doing your job, but this is ridiculous don't you think? Don't stand there and condescend me, thinking you can just steal money away from me. I understand the law. And if you don't, then I'll report you and this whole store to the Trade Commission as soon as I get home. You're in total breach of consumer law." She spat, waving her fat fingers back and forth. Nico shook his head.

"I'm sorry, you're mistaking consumer law with company policy. We're not in violation." He said, as calmly as he could. He had no idea where they even got half these names they tossed around. The Trade Commission was not a real thing, what she meant to say was 'Competition and Consumer Commission'.

The badger looked as if she'd been slapped.

"You..." She started. "No. Where's that girl?" She turned away. Alicia still hadn't returned.

"She could be having some trouble finding the item, or another customer might--"

"First I have to use this stupid thing and now this. You know what, forget it. I'm leaving!" She twisted away and picked up the last of her items, a small pile of underwear and chocolate, all yet unpaid for.

"You... you still have to pay for those." He said, feeling a pain pushing at the back of his eyes. His throat felt like it was closing up, and he was suddenly cold. Everything was a little numb, and it was hard to think.

"Jesus Christ." The badger growled, dumping all the items at his feet. "Happy? I am never shopping here again, you ungrateful, lazy child. C'mon Bobby, Hamish, let's go." She grabbed at one of the kid's paws and basically tugged the arm out of its socket while marching out. Nico watched her go, staring blankly, her items still left on the ground.

"Hey." He jumped as Alicia touched his arm, whirling to face her. "It was fourteen, you can put it through. Where's the customer?" He swallowed. Why did he feel so bad? Like there was a weight on his shoulders, a crushing blackness swallowing him whole.

Ungrateful.

"Gone." He whispered, bending to pick up the scattered items. He put them to the side, a paw going over his mouth. His eyes were stinging, and his face was burning.

Don't cry at work. You fucking baby don't cry at work. At that moment Jackson reappeared, looking about, oblivious.

"Alright." The fox said. "I'm done, so next is Lina. Hey Nico are you okay?" He stepped over, but Nico just shook his head.

"I need mine early." He mumbled into his paw, twisting and marching off to the staff bathroom. He went into a stall and fell down on the seat, sobbing again. He felt so weak all the time. It was his first shift since... since it happened, and now this?

"Why does the world hate me so much?" He whispered. After a good ten minutes spent trying to compose himself, he left the washroom and went to the manager's office. Thankfully, the wolf that ran the store was in. He knocked on the door.

"Hey mate, what do you need?" Ben asked, turning in the seat at his computer and looking back to the trembling otter. He frowned slightly.

"I... have to go home now. I'm sorry."

"Oh, is... are you okay?"

"I just... no. I'm ah, I'm feeling sick." Ben stared for a minute, before sighing.

"Alright. Clock out."

"Will you be okay here?"

"Don't worry about that, it's fine."

Nico nodded, trying a small smile. "Thanks." He mumbled.

He left work, burning with shame as he tried desperately to avoid eye contact with anyone, Nico stuffed his paws into his pockets and hiked across town to the library. On a weekday afternoon it was quiet to say the least, and certainly a better option than going home. He waved his membership card at the gate and got let inside, wandering through aimlessly. He'd cried a little on the walk over, but the tears had all dried now, and hopefully his dark fur would hide the signs. He kept his hood up and his head down, actively avoiding any area with people in it. His eyes kept being drawn to the computer area, and eventually he saw a free terminal that was tucked away, its screen facing the wall. If anyone wanted to see what was on it, they'd have to actually walk right up to him. He put himself in the seat, rolling his neck as he logged into the computer.

Sure, he had a computer at home. It was old and kind of a mess, but it worked just fine. Something felt wrong though, about looking this kind of stuff up there. Nico's home was not - and never had been - a safe place for him. He was always on his guard when he was there, he couldn't lose himself in the information and properly absorb it. He loved his parents, but his mother... she wasn't an understanding or empathetic woman.

His phone was another matter. He could use an incognito tab, make his illicit searches at night and then close them forever. But he found it hard to take in large swaths of information like that. The small screen, the way that sites worked, it all bothered him too much. He needed it spread out like this. The library was simply the best option. Pulling up the search bar, Nico typed slowly:

'What to do if you had sex and didn't want to?'

_ _ He bit his lip as it loaded, feeling disheartened at the results. The first three seemed to mostly aimed at young girls who were disappointed that their first time with a loving boyfriend hadn't gone right.

One of the articles was called 'Pressures to have sex', and a quick skim told Nico it was useless to him. Another featured a buzzfeed-style list of creative ways to say 'No'.

Too late for that. He thought sourly. He sighed. He knew there was a better way to get the results he wanted. But he hadn't even thought that word since it happened. It hurt to think about the event at all. It made him cold to his bones, made his mind get foggy and distant. He didn't dare say anything aloud. He was still sore in many places; it hadn't even been a week since it had happened, and his muscles twinged if he moved wrong. He kept crying all the time, constantly, at seemingly random times but especially at night. He was physically drained and weak, he couldn't eat properly.

He kept dreaming about waking up in that tiger's house, and every morning around six-thirty he was shocked awake in a cold sweat.

Fingers shaking, he typed out the words.

What to do if you are

_ _ He paused. Feeling both over-dramatic and nauseous.

What to do if you are raped

Search.

The words 'sexual assault' popped up maybe a dozen times and Nico's heart rate instantly skyrocketed. He could feel it in his ribcage, thudding away, almost painful. Unable to stop shaking, he clicked the first link. It was just phone numbers to support services, but he couldn't talk to someone about this. There was just no way that was possible.

He hit back and went to the second page. This one kept repeating a mantra amongst its paragraphs. It kept insisting that it 'is not your fault'. Nico wasn't sure about that. He couldn't remember well enough to know if he had said he wanted the drugs? What if then he had said that he wanted to go home with that fucking tiger? Was it still fair to say the guy was a rapist? He hadn't been ambushed on his way home, or in a dimly lit tunnel, he'd gone home with some guy in a bar.

'You shouldn't wash yourself or your clothes until you are sure if you want to report it or not. Forensics can be gained from the samples left there.' Well it was definitely too late for that. He wasn't sure though how he could have possibly tolerated not being clean after that night. Even now he scrubbed furiously at himself in the shower, especially in the offending areas, so hard it hurt. Using the bathroom made him sick, and just looking at himself naked brought up memories he couldn't bear to relive.

Did he want to report it? Go to the police and try to get the guy arrested or something? But what would that involve?

First you have to go to police, and tell them what happened. Then you need to remember where he lived, do they need proof you were there? Do I have that? He thought to himself. But what was he supposed to say?

"Did you say no?" The officer would surely ask it.

"Well, no...I'm not sure." He'd say pathetically.

"Not sure?"

"I took drugs and..."

"He made you?"

"I'm not sure." What if Nico ended up in jail for doing drugs? They were illegal and if he couldn't prove that he didn't want them he... No. It was too much. Even if all that worked out they'd have to go to trial or something right? Then he'd have to explain to a courtroom filled with people, including his parents and family, what had happened. The judge, or the lawyer, or whoever, would ask why he'd gone to Liners in the first place. Then they'd know, everyone would know.

Reporting it was not an option.

The next website he looked at suggested going to the doctor to get checked up. It was probably too late for that anyway, the bleeding had only lasted a few days, and his bruises weren't getting any worse now. What would be the point?

The last line of that site however, made his blood freeze.

A possible risk of sexual assault is either pregnancy or the contraction of an STI, so a doctor's visit is always advised.

An STI. Was that possible? Had that...had he used protection? Why would he? What if Nico had HIV now? Or syphilis, or something? He felt revolted all over again, his mouth running dry. Everything around him seemed to warp at a sharp angle then, the world sliding away from his perceived space, as if his senses were instantly transported very far away from his body. His fingers on the keyboard, the sounds of people moving about the moderately sized library, it was all lost in the haze, in the slide. He felt small, a surreal kind of feeling, his mind imagining everything around him ten times its size. His flesh crawled beneath his fur and his legs ached painfully.

"Hey buddy." The soft voice brought everything crashing back, almost too quickly to process, his mind a rubber band that had been pulled taught and then released. Nico's breath was coming in short gasps, and he hurriedly closed the browser window as he realised someone was standing there, looking at him. Looming just past the monitors edge was a slim-built snow leopard of average height, his eyes tucked behind squarish glasses with thick black frames.

"Um, hello?" Nico said pathetically. His voice felt muted, and he was a little dizzy.

"I'm closing up, sorry. On Thursdays we shut at four." Nico nodded, mouth hanging open.

"Oh. Okay. Uh... I'm sorry. I just... got distracted." He tried to explain, feeling stupid. The young leopard shook his head, smiling softly.

"S'fine. Take your time, I'm not in a rush." Nico caught his breath as the guy left, promptly ending his session and standing. He hefted his backpack on and made towards the exit. The snow leopard was behind the desk organising paper, and as Nico passed he stood up, jogging around the counter and walking by the otter's side. As they got to the door, he opened it, letting Nico out first. He then stepped out and closed the doors gently, locking them.

"Were you...just waiting for me to leave?" Nico asked awkwardly, unsure if he was expected to say something.

"Oh, no. Just a happy coincidence." The snow leopard said. Once he was satisfied the doors were locked, he stood up straight, offering a paw. "Wade, I work here some days."

"Nico." They shook.

"Did I give you a fright in there? You looked kinda spaced out." Wade asked, paws going into his pockets. Nico shrugged.

"No, I'm fine."

"You... got somewhere to be? I've been doing nothing but this the last few weeks. You wanna get a coffee?" Wade continued, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "You can say no too, that's fine. It's like, right around the corner though." Nico knew the place; he'd bought milkshakes there before. He considered the offer carefully. He didn't really want to hang out with this stranger, but it would give him another excuse not to go home yet.

"Yeah, okay. Sure." Nico replied. His hackles prickled from nerves, but it would be fine. The two walked around the corner, shivering at the biting wind, despite their fur.

"I'm studying for my Masters of Education." Wade said, mercifully breaking the silence. "We're currently on break though, so I'm trying to get some sort of relevant experience. The library was the best I could find."

"Oh. Cool." Nico said, feeling at a loss for words.

"Are you studying or anything at the moment?"

"Oh, ah, no. Not right now...just like, working and stuff."

"That must be nice." Wade grinned. "Where do you work?"

"Some shitty retail place."

"Ah, I'm sorry."

"Yeah." Nico laughed. They got their coffee and continued walking aimlessly along the footpath. "Um...what do, you like...actually do in a library?" He asked. "Is it all just putting books away?" Wade laughed again, shaking his head.

"No, no. A lot of it is that, yeah. But I also run some little courses and stuff. To be honest it's mostly teaching high school students the basics of studying, or showing old people how to use a computer... but it's fun I guess. Better than being at home bored."

"Yeah, I get that. What uni do you go to?"

"One kind of away from here, Arendale College? It's why I might as well do the library thing - none of my friends live here or even close. I stay in the city during the semesters." Nico nodded. He knew what it was like to be lonely. He had Jamie, sure, but the two rarely talked properly. Wade's disarming cadence went on however. "I heard my uncle might be in town soon though, so I guess that'll be something different."

"Yeah."

Again there was an awkward lapse in conversation. It wasn't that Nico didn't _want_to talk - the snow leopard seemed friendly enough - he just didn't know what to say.

"So are you like, a games person?"

"Some I guess." Nico gritted his teeth, feeling even more idiotic. Someone relatively close to his own age was being nice to him, pitying him for whatever reason, and he couldn't even come up with something decent to say besides closed, one-word answers.

Ungrateful.

"I watch a lot of TV shows and stuff too though; you know?" He forced himself to say. Each word sort of hurt, and he felt like at any moment Wade would start laughing at him, that he had actually seen what he was looking at on the computer.

"What kinds?" Was all the snow leopard said.

"I liked Westworld. And the Handmaidens Tale." Nico replied.

"I haven't seen Westworld, but Handmaiden was so great. Did you see the second season? Fuuuck, the whole thing had me sick to my stomach."

"Yeah, me... me too."

"Like, it's so believable, that's what got me!" Wade continued energetically. "I could actually see a world like that existing, if things got dire enough. Everything seems so...insane, but somehow it's real. I dunno if people in the past felt like this too, but sometimes I can't believe what is happening to society out there."

"It's pretty wild." Nico agreed. "I'm finding it harder and harder to tell the satire apart from real articles now."

"Right?" Wade exclaimed, throwing his paws out. He dropped his coffee cup in a bin as they passed, dusting them off for some reason on his jeans. "Ah. Um, so like... it's really cold. I'm built for the snow and I'm freezing."

"Yeah."

"If you haven't got anything to do, do you like... wanna come hang out at my place? I mean my parents won't be home until later, I can make another coffee and stuff. If you want I mean. We can walk there from here, it isn't far." Wade's fingers intertwined in front of his stomach, and he looked suddenly apprehensive.

Why is he being so nice? Nico wondered. He thought again about going. But then thoughts of that tiger bubbled up again. He'd been in a strange place, confused and in pain. Had he agreed to go home with him? It happened before, it could happen again. It was unlikely and he knew that, but he got drugged (?) his first and only time visiting a gay bar, so nothing was impossible.

His breathing got faster as his mind recalled that day, waking up, the terror and filth he'd felt. Suddenly he wanted to be at home, in a shower so hot it hurt. He hated feeling like this, there was no way he could go to this _stranger's_house.

"Um..." He said, looking around, looking anywhere but at Wade. "Ahhhhhhhh... I can't sorry."

"Oh." The snow leopard said, ears falling slightly. "That's fine..."

"Yeah." Nico replied hurriedly, his words tumbling out and getting mixed up. "Fact, in I have... to be going and leave now." Wade's eyes went wide and he opened his mouth slightly.

"Oh. Um, that's fine."

"Yeah. Thanks. I think. Um, bye. I'm going." Nico said in barely more than a whisper, dropping his coffee cup on the ground and turning, marching away. What was he doing? Wade had been so nice to him. His face burned as he walked, he felt ridiculous again.

Worse than that even, he felt ungrateful.

"I'll uh... hope I see you around!" Wade called after him, failing to conceal the hurt in his voice. "Nice meeting you Nico."

"Goodbye." Nico mumbled, not looking back.