FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Ah, my friends, my friends. Gather around, for the fifth chapter of Valanx Explores CMNM/Bondage/Public Humiliation With Delicious Worldbuilding Frosting. I suppose it's about to the point in the series that I should say, if you're new here, be sure to start at the beginning (though I don't think this series will continue too much longer, around five more chapters? We'll see). As a reminder, these are marked adult due to some of the "sexually charged" content, but there won't be any actual sexy stuff for several chapters yet.

---

I grew increasingly nervous as the date of my first audience approached. This posting had proceeded in a wholly abnormal manner thus far. I ought to have been meeting informally with as many government officials as I could get my paws on, building relationships, acquiring staff, opening topics of dialogue.

Instead, I'd been holed up in my apartments for the better part of a week, too ashamed and frightened to entertain anyone unless I was nigh-literally dragged out. The continued debate in council meant that no one particularly wanted me to be anywhere; they were quite content that I sit patiently out of sight while they bickered, so long as I was making regular commitments to my duties.

I'd finally gotten Mohjir to explain the general context of the argument, and the meaning of 'attachment', and at my prodding he went out and dug up some more backstory for me. Simply put, the Federation was a fairly loose example of its title, with a nearly confederal form of government. There was limited singular oversight in any arena, with nearly all matters devolving to the individual clans within their jurisdictions, and the unified council only playing any particular role in forming consensus between the clans. Many clans maintained their own diplomatic relationships outside the official federal canon, some historic and grandfathered in, others informal and_de facto_. The system and process of establishing new ties to an entirely unrepresented nation was not well defined, nor was the de jure delegation of such powers to a particular level of government. An unfamiliar situation to an imperial, to be sure.

That was where I came in. The decision to open diplomatic communications with the Empire had been via a 63-59 vote, with the lion's share of the yes votes coming from clans Doro, Nammi, and Shedus, the three largest, and clan Ardor, the fifth-largest. Most of the smaller clans had voted against the motion (notably excepting clan Holsfir, as Mohjir hastened to reassure me), but it had passed, setting in motion the chain of events which had brought me here.

Now, more than a year later, political winds had changed. In particular, a number of the smaller clans that had voted traditionally were smelling imperial gold. Conversely, clan Nammi's diplomatic coalition had fractured for other reasons, creating another faction that was (incidentally) opposed to the imperial engagement as it existed. The position of clans Doro, Shedus, and Ardor (and the more official but smaller faction of clan Nammi) was that the decision to warm relations with the Empire was undertaken jointly in the interest of the clans who signed on to the measure, meaning those clans would receive preferential or even exclusive access; the clans that had not been interested in supporting the original measure were assumed to continue their utter lack of relations with the Empire, and to have indicated their wish to do so by casting the vote. The position of the smaller clans was that the measure was undertaken federally, and that the diplomatic relationship with the Empire now existed at the federal level, not at the clan level, meaning everyone would have equal access. Notably to the (relative) detriment of the largest clans who had proposed the arrangement in the first place, and negotiated the terms with the Emperor.

The matter had not been resolved at the time a certain hapless imperial ambassador stepped off the gangplank, and this precipitated the immediate crisis of, well, what to do with me. Where I should be located, in the metaphysical sense, and who would have and control access to me, in the very literal sense. To which entity was I attached? The Federation, or clans Doro, Nammi, Shedus, Ardor, et. al.? Mohjir made clear, no one had intended, at least at the outset, that I be literally placed under arrest, nor that it last more than a few hours once it had happened. As I understood it, the smaller clans had formally refused to recognize my arrival at the very moments my ship was entering the harbor. They had forced through a measure (with the help of the splinter faction of clan Nammi and some others with relevant interests) that mandated my commission be assigned to Xyanelim, the second-largest city in the Federation and economic hub of the southeast. There, they would have more control, and the larger clans would be less able to exercise their power.

Following this development, Clan Shedus, the legal authority in the capital region and the harbor my ship was mooring itself to at that very moment, had resisted this measure via the only avenue remaining to them: placing me under arrest before anyone else could get to me, locking me up in my originally-assigned apartments, and refusing any of the smaller clans access to me. Mohjir told me that, as judicial proceedings were entirely relegated to the clans (in fact, no federal-level judiciary existed), this had been a very effective strategy; Shedus was entirely within their rights to arrest me, and none of the other clans had any grounds to demand my release, or even to inquire into the nature of the charges against me. A bit less than ideal when it came to my individual rights, but no one seemed to be concerned about those now. It also somewhat explained how I was able to exercise some freedom, even while nominally arrested; Shedus certainly wanted me to begin carrying out my ambassadorial duties, and to do whatever I needed to further that goal.

It all sounded like a colossal fuck-up, to be quite honest. I did not like to think what would happen back home, when word of this got back to the Emperor; he would not look kindly on a partner behaving in such a childish and chaotic manner. None of this had been discussed back in court, either; it had been broadly assumed that I would be operating at the federal level, and as my relative ignorance upon arrival demonstrated, knowledge of the intricacies of the Federation's government system was rudimentary at best in the Empire. I doubted it had even been clear to anyone that there_were_ still discrete clans, or that they played more than a ceremonial role in Federation politics. Imperial provinces certainly didn't have this kind of sway. Ever prone to self-aggrandizing preening, we'd perhaps assumed that I would float into the harbor under a rainbow, walk down the plank dispensing the glory and prosperity of the Emperor, and that these barbarians would prostrate themselves in awe before our superior ways. Becoming involved in actual foreign cultures and having to engage with their political systems was always a surprise to the Empire, it seemed; it was part of why I'd become an ambassador rather than sticking around court to watch my peers fawn over each other.

What a fool! As the Emperor himself had said.

Regardless, the current state of affairs was that the small-clans faction held a slim majority in debate, but Clan Shedus had me. The small clans had been mostly calling the shots in Council, directing the shouting and moving the political machinery that might at some point lead to a resolution of some kind, but they were disorganized, and meanwhile Clan Shedus had been approving (or, more accurately, filtering) access to me. I judged they'd been encouraging their allies to get as much of a head start as possible, which explained the distribution of the clanmembers with audiences scheduled, at least. No fewer than seven from clan Shedus, and with the exception of Holsfir-Nigor and two others, none at all from a clan that was not undisputably 'large and important'.

All that served as a kind of nauseous backstory, however, when the morning dawned upon which I would be receiving Shedus-Ventar, the Clan Liaison of Doctrine. An imposing title, to be sure, which Mohjir had explained was by no means meant to be the all-encompassing executive authority it denoted. Rather, the 'doctrine' was considered to be the consensus of clan leadership regarding military, economic, and religious matters, and was dictated by the Chieftain, high-ranking members of clan leadership, and members of related independent organizations, such as religious institutions and the guilds. The liaison was only a coordinator, a codifier, a singular point of contact for starting and concluding dialogues. A powerful position, to be sure, but only by means of the ears it signified. Mohjir assured me I would become very well-acquainted with Ventar (unless, of course, I was ultimately assigned to Xyanelim, within clan Nammi's territory, in which case I would likely never see him again).

Be that as it may, I wasn't particularly interested in becoming acquainted with anyone in my present state. Dreading the encounter, I barely slept, and had Mohjir make inquiries in council both before and after breakfast. I got the sense that, in spite of his obvious sympathy, he was beginning to tire of my neuroticism. I didn't blame him. It wasn't something I had any control over, I reassured myself, in a defensive tone-of-thought. If, indeed, I would grow accustomed to meeting other diplomats nude, I suspected it would take years.

Once it became clear I had no other option, I resolved to scrape together as much dignity as I could muster. I did light on the idea of covering myself with a blanket (or something of that nature), but Mohjir assured me that would be regarded by Ventar as very odd and outright surreptitious, given no council directives had been brought up regarding my cultural objections. It would be different, perhaps, if an allowance had been recorded officially, but he did say that Ventar might understand if I explained myself immediately and thoroughly.

With a souring feeling in the pit of my stomach, I realized I could not afford such a comfort. Not at this juncture, with a stranger who would so directly impact my future engagements in this posting. Nor did I feel it would be appropriate to have Mohjir make my excuses, as he had with Lenthi. Not when I was acting in an official capacity. No, if I wanted to pursue matters properly from the start... I needed to conform to Ventar's expectations. At least, to the best of my ability.

Therefore, when at last the moment I'd been dreading dawned upon me, I was to be found seated in my study, pages lined with Mohjir's large and clear writing arrayed in front of me. If I concentrated, I could read them at a fairly childish, but worthwhile speed. I'd spent most of the morning committing them to memory, just in case.

Mohjir entered the room with a fairly tall, bulky lepuline possesed of particularly short ears and a rather long muzzle; his fur was the color of the drinking-chocolate Mohjir had found for my breakfast. An embroidered loincloth was stretched torturously around his bulging waistline; it was thankfully somewhat more conservative in design than prior examples (perhaps to provide as much room as possible for the flamboyant embroidery), but all the more distressing for its obvious incapacity when faced with an individual of his... generous-ness.

For whatever reason, this only pained me further. It would have been more comforting, I suppose, to have at least one decent set of clothing between us, even if it could not be on me. The spirits seemed determined to test me well and proper; no miniscule comfort would be afforded me. I gripped the edges of my chair, so that perhaps my trembling wouldn't be obvious.

"Emirus, the liaison Shedus-Ventar to see you," my attendant said deferently, in about the most formal tone I'd ever heard him use.

The larger lepuline's eyes skewered me like a lance; he spread his arms broadly, stepping up to my desk. "Emirus! A pleasure to finally welcome you to our fair shores!" He thrust a paw out at me.

I blanched at hearing my personal name yet again, in another unfamiliar voice. Well, that wouldn't do; I couldn't let this get any further out of hand than it had already. "Ah, a pleasure," I replied distantly. "Begging your pardon, of course, I would be delighted if you would call me Honorius." I felt glued to my seat; at least he couldn't give me the full eye-swipe when I was sitting like this.

He faltered badly, glancing aside at Mohjir. "I-I was told..."

"Never mind that, a minor misunderstanding," I dismissed rapidly, with a disarming smile.

"Well, a pleasure, all the same," Ventar pressed, sticking his paw out even more aggressively.

Social convention won out, and all but dragged me to my feet; legs shaking, I gave him an awkward half-bow. "The pleasure is mine, Ventar," I lied, stomach churning.

He clearly determined, perhaps more from the sound of chains clinking behind me, that my shackles left me unable to shake his paw, and his arm dropped to his side. I wondered how much time he'd spent researching imperial greetings, like the paw-shake, with the aim of impressing me; I knew quite well it wasn't a familiar gesture on this side of the ocean. I came up from my bow at just the right moment to catch his yellow eyes sliding off my face. Swipe.

Stiffly, I resumed my seat, fighting the vicious urge to ask him what he thought. It was not his aim, I reminded myself, to be offensive.

"I do hope that your journey was comfortable," he said mechanically, taking a seat himself in the chair set out for him. The linen around his waist straining under the pressure.

I gave a noncommittal reply, with my best charming smile, and we continued in that manner with the traditional back-and-forth that Mohjir had instructed me in. As a career diplomat, I was no stranger to lying, nor to embarrassment, but my present situation was necessarily so formulaic on its face, and so farcical beneath, that I found myself wondering at the utter untruth of some of the things I said, some of the airs I projected. I tossed out an offhand comment about the beauty of the capital city; I had seen it only in frantic glances as Captain Morcef marched me through, carrying my balled-up clothing under his arm. I gave an airy reply to his excitement for our nations' avenues of partnership, projecting a content yet welcoming attitude on behalf of the Emperor; I rather regretted ever getting myself into this position in the first place, and wished I could dismiss him at once without hearing his aims. I even described my hosts as "gracious", and "charming", and "a font of marvelous kindness" (a bit rich even for me, I reflected as the words left my mouth); all they'd done for me in practicum was to avoid_actually_ putting me in a dungeon.

It was pure foolishness, I realized, and left a bad taste in my mouth. Not something I was accustomed to, of a new posting, a new dialogue. I normally loved these sorts of meetings; everyone was on their best behavior, and serious concerns or difficult matters were glossed over by wordsmithery, or left aside entirely. No one yelled, everyone flattered, and the guessing-game of who wanted to supplant who was at its most nuanced and cunning. The theatricism normally appealed to me.

Perhaps there was a bit too much of that here.

Regardless, we managed to drag ourselves beyond the pleasantries, and to the big-ticket items Clan Shedus wanted to draw my attention to. No surprises, thanks to Mohjir's preparation; I was able to find a piece of parchment to glance at with each topic Ventar brought up, and had official responses ready to every trade-related question. I would not say Ventar was impressed, precisely, but he seemed pleased with my forthrightness. Military matters were a bit more delicate, given our nations' history; we'd not_officially_ been at war any time since the Federation's founding, but our involvement in a few regions necessitated some... formalities, on that front. Official truces, conditions, that kind of thing, all had to be prepared and submitted to the Council. Nothing anyone back home had been particularly concerned about, given the length of intervening time and general sentiment of the two governments, and I got a similar sense from Ventar. He seemed to be coordinating that effort on behalf of Clan Shedus, who naturally wanted to be the clan to author and raise those measures for debate. At points, I issued instructions to Mohjir, who was hovering off to the side, and he made notes or answered my queries, proving as always an encyclopedia of my affairs as I had thus-far established them.

Much to my chagrin, Ventar seemed intent on using his audience to set up a dozen more, for himself and for others; I deferred as much as I was able, but he cornered me into committing to meeting with him again within the week, and also to scheduling Clan Shedus's Marshal and Shaman "at my earliest convenience". I delicately suggested that if he wished for me to commit to any official paperwork, he might encourage the resolution of my attachment situation -- and here I gave my chains a subtle shake -- and he seemed to grasp, at a minimum, that it would be a bit difficult to sign anything in my present condition (indeed, Mohjir would need to hold the document upside-down against my lower back), and that I would be disinclined to in any event without some demonstrable well-meaning.

When our hour was up, he stood, offered his paw again, withdrew it jerkily. "Thank you, Honorius," he said, beaming. "It shall be a pleasure to work with you. I'll dispatch a portfolio of the drafts we discussed before our next meeting."

Resigned, I stood again, and gave an uncomfortable bow. "I look forward to reviewing them. Until next time, Ventar."

The overweight mammal marched out of my study, short ears swaying behind his head. Mohjir lead him on with a polite summary of the appointments we'd made. When they were sufficiently far removed, I collapsed back into my chair, paws crumpled behind me, letting out a long sigh. Had I the ability, I would have massaged my forehead.

And put on some damned clothes.

Mohjir returned a moment later, shutting the door to my study; I looked up at him, allowing my exhaustion to show. "I feel I must apologize," he began, standing in front of me. "But I am not certain what for, exactly."

It took me a moment to process his words, and their context. "You needn't," was all I could say in response.

"You did not correct me when I addressed you as 'Emirus' previously," he said. His tone was cooler than I was used to, I noted.

"I didn't," I agreed. "It was perhaps out of place of you, but not to the degree that I... felt the need to address it. For several reasons."

He inhaled slowly, exhaled. "You ought have."

I blinked. Shifting in my chair, I tried again. "It wasn't something I was confident correcting, at first, given my relative... powerlessness, I suppose. But after some time, I guess -- "

"You do not seem to understand the effects of your actions!" Mohjir interrupted, and the interjection was so forceful and so unlike him that I was immediately silenced. My attendant seemed surprised, too, and took a moment to steady himself. "I wish you to understand," he said, firmly, but politely.

"B-by all means, if I've made a fool of myself, explain it to me," I sighed, ducking my head.

His tone softened somewhat, though I did not care to look at his face now. "You did not make a fool of yourself, Honorius, you made a fool of me. You humiliated me in front of one of the most important people in the capital." He paused, as though waiting for me to reply, and then continued. "As an attendant, it is my... prerogative, to be a source of good information, and to and facilitate decorum. Not just to you, but to all within your sphere of attention. It is hopefully self-evident, that if I do not even know your_name_, my competence is greatly in question."

"I... see the position I put you in," I mumbled. "That was not my intent."

"I know it was not your intent," he said, and his voice was more normal now. "I realize now that I did not allow you to introduce yourself, when we first met. I was told your name was 'Emirus', and I thought the information correct. I apologize for my error, and I will not repeat it."

I sighed roughly, and looked up at him. "No," I said. "It's... More complicated than that. You have nothing to apologize for. You were not_incorrect_, precisely. You were perhaps... uninformed. And that is my fault, not yours. What I ought to have explained, days ago, is that imperials have three names, not one as your people do. It's part and parcel of our culture, working in tandem with our practice of referring to individuals by their titles. Which, to your credit, you explained to me was not appropriate before I could offend someone with it. Clearly, behavior I should have emulated."

Restless now, I rose to my feet, and began pacing between my desk and the window. I had to work backward mentally, trying to think how best to untangle the matter for someone completely unfamiliar with it, and cast a glance in his direction during the pause. He was attentive, as always, though not particularly pleasant in expression. Patient, but with a subtext of irritation that struggled to become dismissiveness, against his obvious better instinct.

I continued, somewhat tentative, trying to go into enough detail to be clear, but not so much as to further frustrate him with the nuances. "Other imperials refer to me as 'Emirus', and as 'Honorius', and also as 'Selarchet', and 'Ambassador'; all are appropriate ways of addressing me in their contexts. It is the connotation that is different. Emirus is my face-name, my personal name, it is... what I would ask a mate, or a close friend, to call me; it is what my parents called me when I was a child. When speaking to a diplomatic contact, it feels... out of place, to me, it makes me uncomfortable, and that is why I asked Ventar to use my body-name, my public name, Honorius. That is what most in the imperial court would call me... supposing they did not call me simply 'Ambassador', which I understand is not something to expect of anyone here. In some contexts, too, such as in legal proceedings, I would be called Selarchet; our family-names are not like your clan-names. It would be very unusual for me to encounter another Selarchet, outside of a family gathering, of course, so it is unambiguous in most cases."

I paused again, organizing my thoughts. I did not look at him this time.

"When we first met, and you used my personal name, I nearly asked you not to, and I nearly have several other times, but as I said, I did not feel... in control of my situation. And further, I found it did not bother me as much as time went on. It... was impolite of you, by imperial standards, in the sense that it was too personal, too presumptuous. But I felt, at first, that my relative privacy was far more damaged by... these other matters... than by a simple term of address, and later that... perhaps being personal was not so unsuitable to our relationship, given... given everything. Ventar, however, is different, as are any future contacts I deal with. And so, when he called me by that name, I spoke up, though I hadn't prior."

"That is useful information," he said, so politely that I physically winced, and turned abruptly to walk across to him.

"Mohjir, I beg your forgiveness," I began.

"You needn't," he replied, in an ironic echo of my own words, but I was the one to interrupt, now.

"Let me finish. I've clearly wronged you, you're clearly upset by my actions, so let me apologize."

When I met his eyes, he had a complex expression, almost apprehensive. "Very well," he allowed.

I felt the need to further explain myself, yet again. "In my culture, when one's actions harm another, it's important to... examine the reasons, to present them to the injured party. That's all I am trying to do, when I do this. I simply wish to express, that... I do understand, as you wished me to, how my choices caused you to appear not to have the very great intelligence and attention to detail that I know you do have. And how such actions may, from your perspective, have felt very deliberate on my part, as though intentionally constructed to undermine you, or perhaps as some sort of cruel revenge for my situation. That was not my intent, and I hope that is clear now that I have described the chain of events that lead to those actions, from my perspective. It was a great failing on my part not to give you that information, which I thought was of little consequence, but knew had import. Particularly given my reliance on your vast wealth of information to do my job effectively. And, there was likely much I could have done to... be more tactful, in how I brought the matter to Ventar's attention, such that it did not reflect poorly upon you. If I had been under less pressure, or had more time to consider the matter, or perhaps simply been a better man, I would have acted differently." I paused. "That is all I wished to say, that and also that I am very sorry for humiliating you. It truly... it shames me, to see you feeling that way, especially as a result of my ill judgment."

He had ducked his head, as I was speaking, but glanced up to offer me a tentative smile. When he spoke, his voice was slow and fumbling, but otherwise normal. "I am... afraid you are not doing a_tremendous_ job preventing my further embarrassment, Honorius, with a heartfelt speech like that."

With relief, I grinned back. "I hope you're getting used to my apologies."

"To some degree. Such... evocative words do seem to be a hallmark of your culture. It was fascinating to watch you interact with Ventar. Your composure was... remarkable, and your gift with words is... Much as I suppose I should expect from you, now."

"I didn't mean the sentiment I expressed to him," I said flatly, feeling some further measure of shame. "As you no doubt could tell, for you've seen me at my worst over the past few days. When I say that I am sorry to you, though, I truly mean it. If Ventar told me I needn't apologize for something, I simply wouldn't." Somewhat disliking the line he'd drawn between the two moments, I continued. "I may be able to portray myself how I wish in many situations, but I don't take actions that have no benefit to me. I do act, when my actions matter. I hope you can see the difference."

He watched me, blinking, and seemed to understand what I was trying to convey. "I appreciate that, and I do. You have no motive to be considerate to me, other than kindness. I... do not doubt your sincerity, as you have not doubted mine."

I felt a twinge of discomfort, remembering my thoughts about the possibility that Mohjir had been instructed to befriend me, but ironic amusement won out, and I smirked darkly. "I wouldn't blame you if you did. I_am_ a politician."

That got a weak chuckle out of him. Satisfied, I walked back around my desk, to my chair.

Before resuming my seat, however, a thought occurred to me, and I turned it over in my mind for a moment as I stood there. "Mohjir? If it... is even possible, at this point, I do think I would prefer if you... continued to call me by my personal name."

He was silent for long enough that I turned to look at him, and got such a bewildered, almost frustrated look that I nearly told him to never-mind. "I only m-mean... well, I've grown somewhat used to it, from you," I stammered defensively. "And it did feel uncomfortable, at first, but I find I rather like..." I shook my head abruptly, feeling foolish. "If it's difficult for you, using different names in different contexts, forget about it."

"I will... call you Emirus in private... if that would... be to your liking," he said haltingly. I felt that familiar shiver as the name met my ears. "Though I am... unsure as to your intentions, in making this request."

"I am just... very far from my home, and not yet used to my place here, and my time as of yet... hasn't been the most pleasant experience. My staff is gone, at least for the time being, and I did not count any of their number among my close friends. You, on the other hand, have spent a great deal of time with me over the past few days, and have clearly been making an effort to treat me as well as you can. I guess you might say... You're the closest friend I have now," I said, a bit forlornly. "And when you call me by that name, I am... reminded of that."

In truth, it had been some years since_anyone_ had called me by that name, thanks to... past events. It felt strange to me, to realize I missed having someone to use it with. Someone with whom I felt some measure of emotional intimacy.

Did I feel that with Mohjir? Truly? I certainly had no choice but to, had I?

"I will call you Emirus when we are alone, and introduce you as Honorius," he replied, more confidently. "I... do not understand the meaning these words have in your culture, but you have explained it enough that if you request it, I will trust your good intentions in doing so."

I smiled at him, still faintly apologetic. "Now, I suppose we should organize and file these discussion points... If you would lend me your paws?"

---

This chapter was actually going to continue here, until I realized it was almost 10k words and broke it in two. I think it stands well enough on its own. I've seen a lot of different ways various authors treat chapters in physical novels, and with reflection I would say the 3000-word minimum works well for online material, but it's not necessarily what I would use if I ever published anything in print. 3000 words tends to be about one scene for me anyway because of my rather purple writing style (particularly in pieces such as this one), and I would normally be of the opinion that chapters should contain several scenes, perhaps separated with some minor divisions such as ~*~ or similar frivolity. I'm certainly not opposed to longer works --En Plein Air is nearly 20k words -- but when I'm doing a piece long enough to be serial-format, like this one, I think 3000 is a good size (or, on the other paw, 4000, since I think every chapter in this series so far has beat that number as well).

Some musing. See you guys in two weeks.