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Public Opinion

By CalexTheNeko

"This is an outrage!" The lean aging figure of Mayor Whortleberry slammed his fist into his desk. His ill-fitting suit was wrinkled against his body as his other hand threatened to rip out what was left of his balding gray hair. "Have you seen today's headlines!? Have you seen what those people are doing to me!?"

"Well..." The mayor's aid was a timid man named Fraily. He was the type of person who always dressed in a fancy suit... Yet never seemed to fit into it. It wasn't that his clothes didn't fit him. They were tailored per perfection. It was just the brown-nosing aid to the mayor never seemed to have enough presence or command to actually fit with his choice of attire. No matter how you tried to dress a hotdog you couldn't make it a steak. "I mean of course they're being unfair! Honestly, I think what you did was perfectly reasonable! A public service even!"

"You're gosh darned right it was a public service!" Mayor Whortleberry shouted. "Those ducks wandered onto the green and ruined the best game of golf I had ever played! And now look at the headlines!" The mayor grabbed a newspaper from his desk and held it in the air. The front page story read: 'Local Mayor Clubs Baby Ducklings.'

"It's just an absolute shame sir! I know!" Fraily responded. "I just don't see how people don't understand all the great things you've done for our city!"

"Of course you can't! Cause you're completely useless!" Whortleberry responded. "We're in crisis mode now and all you can mutter is: you don't understand! The next election is coming up and with stories like this in the news my campaign is over! Where is my campaign manager!? I need him in this room right now!"

"Shall I go fetch him sir?" Fraily asked.

"Yes, I think that was implied." Whortleberry rubbed his face. "So do something useful for once in your life and fetch me someone competent!"

Fraily let out a yelp as he left the room. The mayor's office was now silent except for Whortleberry's mutterings of how unfair the world treated him. After several minutes Whortleberry returned with a taller more regal man behind him. He was an older man... But the type of person who aged with grace. His hair had grayed but made him look distinguished. His moustache and beard were perfectly groomed. He wore a perfectly tailored suit and unlike Fraily fit to it perfectly. He was a legend of campaign managers known to everyone as Dan the Man.

"Mayor Whortleberry!" Dan the Man cried out in an excited voice as he entered the office. "How are you, you old tiger you!? How's your fifth term going?"

"Quit with the pleasantries!" Mayor Whortleberry snarled. "You know exactly how I'm doing. We have a crisis on our hands. And I need you to fix it."

"It's definitely a bad one." Dan the Man rubbed his chin. "Your approval ratings are at negative fifteen percent. I'll be honest. I didn't even know that was possible. Statistically it doesn't even make sense."

"Over one incident!?" Mayor Whortleberry seemed shocked. "Come now! Who hasn't hit a duck with their nine iron at least once in their life!? It probably wasn't even hurt! I just knocked them back into the pond."

"If it was just that I could probably spin it." Dan the Man conceded. "But I'm afraid you've also championed a few unpopular decisions lately. And well, people are paying more attention to local politics these days. You can't count on people just not noticing anymore."

"What!?" Whortleberry looked taken aback. "But all of my policies were absolutely sound! I benefited from each and every one of them! How could something that was good for me ever be unpopular?"

"Well..." Dan the Man sighed. "You levied local taxes to pay for a raise for local governments employees... Then gave only yourself a raise while actually lowering the wages of city clerks to boost said raise. You used the local police force to wage war on the deer population after you hit one with your car. And of course there was the demolishing of the local community center to build a resort for the rich and famous... of which you are the only consistent visitor."

"I'm really not seeing how any of that could have hurt my reputation." Mayor Whortleberry responded. "If anything I should be known as an entrepreneur now for my risk-taking high-reward political decisions!"

"That's now how that-" Dan the Man started to explain then sighed and placed a hand to his face. "Ok, look. I can get you reelected. I can get anyone elected. But, it's going to be some work. More importantly, it's going to require a few... Platform changes."

"Whoa whoa!" Whortleberry stood up from his desk. "Change hasn't kept me in this office for twenty years! What are you even going on about?"

"Look..." Dan the Man lowered his voice. "I'm going to be honest with you. People do not like you. They don't think you have anything in common with them. They think you're just an old blowhard who's been using the mayor's office to line his own pockets."

"Those ungrateful peasants!" Mayor Whortleberry shouted. "After everything I've done for them!"

"Referring to the local populace as peasants is part of the problem." Dan the Man explained. "And that's part of the first thing we need to correct. You're going to need to start speaking more respectfully to people."

"What? I've always had nice things to say about my donors!" Mayor Whortleberry objected.

"You're going to also need to be civil to people who don't donate to your campaign fund." Dan the Man responded. "And even to those who donate to your opponents."

"What... What are you talking about?" Whortleberry asked. "You're literally asking me to move heaven and earth here."

"I know that sounds impossible to you... But if you want to be reelected you'll do it." Dan the Man spoke in the slow pained voice of a parent whose child just wouldn't learn. "Next you're going to need to support some more popular policy decisions. For starters we might look out our city's education system."

"Pffft." Whortleberry seemed to find that amusing. "I'll have you know our education system doesn't even make it into the list of the top ten worst educational establishments. I checked."

"Well..." Dan the Man seemed hesitant at that. "There's a reason for that. It turns out our schools are so abysmal they don't actually legally qualify as schools anymore. We can't even call them glorified babysitters, because scarecrows propped up at the desk don't meet the legal definition of babysitting either."

"What!?" Whortleberry roared at that. "But my scarecrows were a revolutionary idea! With their wages and their petty food stamps our teachers were leaching our economy dry! Replacing them with scarecrows was one of the money saving tricks that made me so popular."

"It actually led to people burning effigies of you in the street."

"I don't know what that word means." Whortleberry said sadly.

"Look just... Maybe if you allocated some funding to the local school system again. Hired some actual living teachers. It'd show you cared about the common man again."

"Can't do it." Whortleberry crossed his arms. "There's no money in the budget for it. We'd have to raise taxes. And raising taxes this close to an election would be a death sentence."

"Well there is another way..." Dan the Man almost seemed reluctant to say the next part. "But the mayor's office has been 10,000% over budget for the last... Well since your first election. Instead of spending all of that money on 'internal improvements' in the mayor's office we could allocate some of it to help pay for schools and-"

"UNACCEPTABLE!" Mayor Whortleberry shouted. "I brought you in here to tell me how to win! Now to transform me into some kind of... Liberal hippie laughing stock! You sir are no manager. You're a has-been. A wash out! You clearly have no idea what the common people want anymore! You sir are fired!"

"Well..." Dan the Man brushed the front of his suit off. "If that's how you wish to be. I'm sure your rival is looking for new add-ons to his campaign team. Good day sir, and best of luck." With that Dan the Man strode out the office door without once looking back.

"Um sir... Uh..." Fraily slowly spoke up. "Are you sure that was um... Wise. We haven't found any campaign managers that will even touch your campaign and firing him this late into the game well-"

"I know you're not doubting my decisions." Mayor Whortleberry said.

"No sir! I just!" Fraily pleaded. "It's that! Um! Well!"

"Well stop stammering and get to work!" Mayor Whortleberry roared. "You're my aid aren't you? Then aid me by finding me a campaign manager that can actually keep me in office!"

"Well it's just..." Fraily sagged into himself even more than usual. "Dan the Man was the best there was. If he can't do it well... Then no one can."

"What was that!?" Whortleberry flashed Fraily a dangerous look. It made Fraily genuinely terrified of what may come next... But before he ever found out the two were interrupted.

The door to the office flew open as a new figure strode in. Standing around three feet tall he had a less than impressive presence. He was oddly dressed too... Unlike the suits everyone else wore he simply wore a green cloak and nothing else. This was at least made less odd by the fact he was covered in a thick coat of orange and brown fur. But the curly black moustache definitely seemed like an odd grooming choice.

"Salutations to my favorite mayor!" The furry critter came in.

"Now who the heck are you?" Mayor Whortleberry asked.

"I'm your new campaign manager!" The furry critter responded. "Kickaha Ota! Pleasure to make your acquaintance! And I'm going to make your PR nightmare disappear."

"Sir... He's clearly some kind of animal." Fraily muttered. "I think maybe a fox or possibly a coyote. Should I call animal control?"

"Don't be ridiculous." Whortleberry responded. "He has a moustache. Animals don't have moustaches."

'But he's not wearing pants sir." Fraily pointed out. "And he has a tail."

"A mix of boldness and tradition! The old and the new! Perhaps that's just what we need to turn this sinking ship around!"

"But! He's... clearly some kind of animal!" Fraily threw up his arms and pouted.

"Well... Clearly we can see why our mayor is famous for his political acumen!" Kickaha flashed a winning smile at Whortleberry. "I heard you've been having a bit of a misunderstanding with the public lately. And I couldn't help but notice your previous campaign manager storming out in a huff. He's clearly not up to the task! So now I'm here to fix everything. With me as your new manager, your approval ratings will be higher than ever!"

"I'm seriously concerned about how he even got into the building..." Fraily muttered. "What if he has rabies?"

"He can't have rabies if he's not an animal. That's a scientific fact." Whortleberry responded

"No it's not..." Fraily muttered to himself. "And I'm still pretty sure he's some kind of fox."

"Let's get to the point." Whortleberry spoke over Fraily. "My last manager had completely insane ideas on how to save my campaign. None of them were feasible in the least. That's why I had to let him go. So what would you do to fix this situation?"

"Well your problem is clearly an issue with perception." Kickaha responded. "And we all know how unfair perception can be. But this is politics, and perception is more important than reality. And so we need to change how people see you. That's much more important than you taking any kind of action yourself."

"Yes finally someone who gets it!" Whortleberry laughed. "So many people don't understand how politics work. So... What's your plan?"

"My plan is simple and can be summed up in one word." Kickaha responded. "Dogs."

"Dogs?" Whortleberry asked.

"More animals." Fraily whined. "And I think I might be allergic to foxes too." With that remark he sneezed.

"People love dogs." Kickaha responded. "They love the way they wag their tails! The way they always look so happy. Even those monsters in the press could never bring themselves to criticize man's best friend! Dogs are in. When they misbehave, it just makes them more adorable. And we need to tap in on that."

"Personally I prefer cats..." Fraily whined.

"Cats can be popular too." Kickaha said. "Especially with the millennial vote and their..." He paused for dramatic effect. "Internets."

"Ugh anything but that!" Mayor Whortleberry responded. "If I start catering to the millennial vote next thing you know they'll start thinking they're real people. Besides, we all know millenials are killing industries left and right. They're job destroyers. We'll go with dogs!"

"A wonderful decision sir!" Kickaha smiled. "I can tell this is going to be a very fruitful partnership. But before we go any further... There is the matter of my fee."

"Sir this animal is clearly a charlatan." Fraily responded. "He's just trying to take advantage of you! You should kick him out right now rather than let him-"

"Nonsense nonsense!" Whortleberry laughed. "He's clearly eccentric! But I think he knows what we're talking about! Beside there's more than enough money left to take out of the education sector to pay for a new campaign manager. Now then... How exactly do we use these 'dogs?'

"We should start with a photo shoot." Kickaha responded. "From now on, anytime anyone takes a picture of you -- anywhere, at any time -- there needs to be a dog front and center in the shot! ! Anytime anyone hears or sees the name Whortleberry we want the first thing that comes to their mind to be the image of a cute playful dog! There won't be a man, woman or child alive that doesn't smile as the thought of your name."

"Personally I feel like it seems a little shallow." Fraily responded.

"Well that doesn't make him wrong." Whortleberry responded. "He said man, woman or child alive. You haven't lived a day in your life so don't count."

"That's true." Fraily sighed.

"Now I've brought my own camera with me today! We can get a photo shoot done right here and now in your very office! Think of it... Man's best friend right in the mayor's office. The press will have a field day with it! You'll never have looked more relatable." As he spoke he reached behind his cloak and pulled out an archaic looking camera.

"Yes! Yes!" Whortleberry shouted. "But wait... I don't have a dog yet. So don't we need to go get one?"

"You go get one?" Kickaha laughed. "You're the mayor! You don't have to go get anything! You're much too important for something like that! No, no you can just sit right here! You should get used to the idea of people less important bringing what you need to you!"

"Where have you been my entire life!?" Whortleberry demanded. "I have never met someone before who actually gets it! Truly... You're a man's man."

"He's a fox and shouldn't be trusted." Fraily tried to interrupt. Then under his breath added. "Or maybe a coyote?"

"Shut up Fraily." Whortleberry responded. "I don't pay you to think."

"You haven't paid me in twenty years." Fraily responded. "I keep trying to talk to you about it but you always say you have an important meeting."

"Fraily I can't be bothered with whatever you're mumbling about right now." Whortleberry chided. "Can't you see I'm in an important meeting?"

"Possibly the most important meeting of your life." Kickaha nodded. "Now are you ready for your photo shoot?"

"Of course!" Whortleberry responded. "Posing for photos is one of my greatest skills! You might even say it's the thing that made me the mayor I am today! But... Doesn't someone need to fetch the dog?"

"I'm already on it." Kickaha responded. "You'll find I prefer to work a bit more efficiently than your last campaign manager. "I've picked out just the right dog for you and it'll be here soon. You just worry about looking your absolute best for the photos. Remember, appearance is everything!"

"This can only end in tears." Fraily spoke up.

"Fraily an attitude like that is why you'll never rise above being my aide." Whortleberry scolded his assistant. "Now get out of my light, you're casting your ugly shadow on my good side. I have pictures to take and an election to win."

"Yes let's begin!" Kickaha held up his camera. As he did a stand fell downward out of the camera propping it up on the floor. This made it taller than the not-fox in a moustache, to the point he had to grab a chair to see through the camera. "Okay then, are you ready?"

"I was born ready for this." Whortleberry responded.

"Good good! Okay take a seat at your desk! Look like you're busy!" Kickaha began to take pictures in rapid succession. The flash from the camera began to fill the room.

"Like this?" Whortleberry sat down at his desk. He quickly picked up his phone and acted as if he was speaking into it. He didn't notice as his ears began to change when the camera flashed. They slowly became pointed and covered in dark brown fur.

"Perfect! Perfect!" Kickaha said as he continued to take pictures. "But try to look a bit more excited! Eyes wide open! Look at the camera! Remember! You're not just the mayor doing his civic duty! You're excited to be here! You see it as your privilege to serve the people!"

"R-right!" Whortleberry forced himself to smile while he continued to act like he was on the phone. He adjusted his pose to lean forward in his chair. As he did his pants slipped down slightly as something slipped out from his tailbone. It was a very short stubby tail covered in brown fur.

"Uh sir I think... I think you need to be made aware of something." Fraily tried to get the mayor's attention.

"Silence Fraily!" Mayor Whortleberry yelled. "Do not interrupt my photo shoot one more time!"

"But... But sir!" Fraily pleaded.

"I said silence! Can't you see I'm winning an election here?" As he spoke there was another flash from the camera. Whortleberry's canines grew sharper and more defined in his mouth. "Now where was I?"

"Get up and walk around a bit!" Kickaha instructed. "We don't want people thinking you're the type who just sits around pushing papers all day! You're a dynamo! A man of action! Come on, let's move around a bit!"

"That makes sense I suppose." Whortleberry nodded. "I'm not some old fogey who can't even move from his desk!" Despite saying that he stumbled a bit as he stood up. His feet felt uncertain on the ground and his shoes were hurting his feet. As he tried to walk he slid his feet right out of his shoes revealing his socks had been ripped to shreds. Whortleberry didn't see this himself, but just became aware of the sensation of his bare feet touching the floor. Even this felt strange. His feet felt... Soft. This was because they were now covered in white fur and had black paw-pads on the bottom of them.

"Don't look down." Kickaha responded. "Looking down shows weakness. Just keep facing the camera. Don't worry about the shoes, your feet won't be visible in this photo. Just keep posing. Keep smiling! You're really working it for the camera! Okay! Try throwing your hands in the air like you just don't care!"

"This must be to show the youth I'm still hip." Whortleberry muttered as he followed the instructions. There was a flash of light and his sleeves began to slip down on his arms. Meanwhile his hands were covered in the same white fur as his feet.

"Don't worry about it, this looks good!" Kickaha said. "You're a working man! Not some perfectly-tailored drone. People like the casual look. It's in all the latest internet tapes! This will show the people you're just like them! But we need to show them you're playful too! Try getting down on all fours."

"This seems a bit silly." Whortleberry complained but he did as he was told.

"Of course it is! That's the point!" Kickaha said. "Remember we're bringing a dog in... But we don't want the dog there with you just looking disinterested! We need to show people you can have fun and care about it! So just act like you're playing with another dog right now!"

"Well okay..." Whortleberry blushed a bit as he tried to stretch out on all fours. He was shocked to discover how easily he could balance himself. He must have been more flexible than he thought! Meanwhile he was becoming aware of just how poorly tailored his suit was due to how baggy it was on him. It was also starting to itch a lot now that the rest of his body was now covered in light brown fur.

"We're almost done." Kickaha said. "Just a few more photos."

"Uh sir!" Fraily tried to interrupt again. "I must implore you to look at yourself."

"Fraily I have warned you once!" Whortleberry barked at him. "If I must warn you again you will find yourself in need of new employment."

"But sir..." Fraily pleaded.

"No buts!" Whortleberry insisted. There was another flash from the camera as Whortleberry's face pushed out into a muzzle. The tip of it was colored black just like his nose.

"But but!"

"I said!" And then there was a sudden shift in Whortleberry's voice. The rest of his sentence was finished with noises that could no longer be called words. "Borkborkborkborkborkborkbork!"

"And one more to go... But let's make sure you're not hiding from the camera from this last one!" Kickaha stepped down from his chair and approached what remained of the mayor. "Just... Hold still and let me arrange you." With little difficulty he pulled what remained of the mayor's suit off of him. There was no chance of it ever fitting him properly now. It had just been hanging off of him. The mayor looked like an ordinary dog now, specifically a boxer. "What a handsome fellow."

"Yap!" The mayor wagged his stub of a tail like this.

"Okay final picture!" Kickaha jumped back up into his chair and the camera flashed a final time. He smiled and jumped down again. "And now through the magic of well... Magic! I can develop these photos instantly! And as promised... I have provided you with your dog!" Kickaha seemed to produce a photograph from thin air. He held it up so that the mayor could see it. In the photograph was a picture of the dog that Whortleberry had transformed into.

"Awoo?" The mayor studied the photograph as he seemed to slowly realize what had just happened to him. He began to look over himself and then barked loudly. "Borkborkborkborkbork!"

"What have you done!" Fraily responded. "He can't win the election like that! Dogs can't be mayor!"

"Win the election?" Kickaha tilted his head. "I just promised to fix his public opinion problem. I told you, people love dogs. Everyone will want to pet him and call him a good boy now! I've done my part. The election is someone else's problem."

"ARF!" Whortleberry bristled and then growled.

"Well you might not get called a good boy if you're going to act like that." Kickaha backed slowly away from boxer. "Come on be a good boy..." As he did he backed into a wall and suddenly the moustache attached to the tip of his muzzle fell off. "Oops."

"I KNEW IT!" Fraily shouted. "You are a fox! Or a coyote!"

"The _educated_term is foxyote." Kickaha flashed a playful grin.

"I said you were an animal! But he wouldn't listen to me! And now! And now the mayor is a dog and I don't know what to do!"

"Well, you're the mayor's aide, right?" Kickaha asked.

"Yeah?"

"Then I guess that means it's your job to walk him twice a day and make sure you scoop his poop. This is a public area." Kickaha responded.

"But!" Fraily tired to say.

"And speaking of public services, thanks for reducing Animal Control to one elderly guy with a butterfly net. He's fun to play with! Well, look at the time! Gotta go!" Then in one fluid motion Kickaha leaped out the office window and took off running.

"But what am I going to do now!?" Fraily asked as he looked down at the dog of a mayor.

"Awoo?" The mayor looked at Fraily. He was completely confused as to what was going on and what had happened to him. Fraily stared back at a few moments before letting out a sneeze.

"Great..." Fraily muttered. "And now on top of everything else I think I'm allergic to the mayor."

The End