Follow The Rules
Patreon monthly stream reward for Kickaha Ota on FA
Here is the story of well Kickaha and Calex just hanging out. It's a storming day and they find themselves stuck underneath a pavilion at a local park. With nothing else to do, they decide to play a board game called Airport Security. It's a somewhat complicated game with a number of regional variants... But one both of them are quite familiar. Now, the two race to be the first to beat the game by getting their token onto the plane first!
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Follow the Rules
By CalexTheNeko
"I'm boooooored." Calex whined as he flopped down atop the picnic table in the middle of the park. The orange kitten looked absolutely pitiful as he lay there.
"Well it can't be helped!" Kickaha replied and crossed his arms. The fox coyote hybrid was sitting at the table properly. "As you know, we're having absolutely dreadful weather today... So we're stuck at this table beneath the pavilion and there is simply no way to play." As Kickaha spoke he gestured to the sky outside the pavilion. It was mostly clear. There was exactly one fluffy white cloud in it.
"Look at that thunderhead!" Calex spoke in a loud voice. "There's absolutely nothing we can do now that we're stuck here!" The two were getting a few stares due to shouting like this... But these two tended to get stares no matter what they did.
"Well I suppose we could always play a board game." Kickaha responded. "It just so happens that I have a copy of Airport Security 2ndedition!"
"Oh that's the good edition!" Calex smile eagerly. "The third edition simplified the rules to the point it was just a glorified version of Candy Land reskinned with an airport setting... But even second edition gets somewhat tiresome after awhile."
"Luckily I'm familiar with quite a few of the regional rule variants!" Kickaha smiled. "And I brought the game and the regional rulebooks along just in case we got trapped here in that storm."
"Oh wonderful!" Calex said. "In that case, how about we try the Persian version! I always liked the scoring system in that one."
"Don't you think the Persian system is a little... Overplayed?" Kickaha asked. "I mean I get why people like it... But everyone plays that system. Why not go with the Yorkshire version instead."
"The Yorkshire one relies too much on random chance." Calex complained. "Last time I played that I lost just because I was the player who had eaten the least amount of beef that day. Maybe we could go with the Siamese version instead?"
"That one has too much duplicity within the rules." Kickaha objected. "I get that it can be fun to play with multipliers but I'd rather not need a calculator to figure out when I can move forward. Look why don't we just go with the classic Golden rules. You can't go wrong with those."
"Well I suppose..." Calex muttered as he sat up on the table and rubbed his chin with a paw. "So I guess we should set up the board then."
"That's right!" Kickaha grinned. "So... Just in case you need a refresher Airport Security is the tactical board game about well... Getting through airport security. Both players have a flight to catch, first player to move his token onto the actual airplane wins."
"I know, I know!" Calex replied. "What do you take me for? I used to play this game all the time."
"Just needed to make sure you remembered the Golden rules." Kickaha said. "After all, the rules change slightly how you calculate your score and which spaces you're allowed to move."
"I know I know..." Calex responded. "Can I go first?"
"Calex... I never thought you for a cheater at board games!" Kickaha looked taken aback. "You know the turn order always goes from tallest to shortest. After all, the tallest player would be the one to see the signs first."
"That's blatant heightism!" Calex cried. "Board game corporate elites have been catering to the whims of the tall and unfun-sized for too many generations! I demand change, shorter players, and a cookie!"
"Look do you want to go on a crusade for social justice against a corporation that went under ten years ago or do you want to play the game?" Kickaha asked.
"I kinda want to do both..." Calex muttered. "But I guess Odin did say I was grounded if I borrowed the time machine one more time without asking. Just make your stupid move already."
"Alright then." Kickaha looked down at the table and squinted. He hummed to himself for a bit while considering his options.
"Any day now." Calex muttered.
"Come now! This is a highly tactical and advanced game." Kickaha explained. "I need to consider every move I could possibly make before doing anything. And that's why... Aha! I'm moving my token to the airport café!"
"What... But why?" Calex asked. "That means you haven't even tried to get through security yet."
"Simple." Kickaha grinned. "It's lunch time. And I know they're not letting me take anything live through the security line."
"Um... Okay then?" Calex gave the older foxyote a look. "In that case I'll take my turn. And... I'm going to move from airline check in straight to the baggage area!"
"Um... Calex you can't go into the baggage area, you're not a suitcase." Kickaha responded.
"You're only half right I'm afraid Kick!"
"So... You're half a suitcase?"
"No!" Calex's ears flattened. "I mean! But! I can fit inside the suitcase! Just... Look at the rules! Players who are short enough to fit in a carry-on basket can sneak themselves past the security line by stowing away in the suitcase!"
"Yeah, but that rule only works if the check-in clerks currently have the distracted state in play!" Kickaha said. "You can't just throw yourself into a bag outright. You'd never pass inspection."
"That's true..." Calex responded. "But I think you'll find that someone entering the café while carrying a brown paper bag that appears to be moving does constitute a distraction!"
"Hey! You leave my lunch out of this!" Kickaha objected. "It's not distracting! It's delicious."
"But Kickaha..." Calex smiled. "We previously established this game was made by the wealthy and elite."
"Formerly wealthy and elite. They went bankrupt."
"But that means... The game maker's would have originally been conservatives!" Calex jumped up on the table and pointed triumphantly.
"OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!" Kickaha gave a shout. "Wait. What does that have to do anything?"
"It means that the NPCs default to being elephants." Calex explained.
"Ok... But that doesn't..." Kickaha started. "Wait.... SHOOT!"
"That's right!" Calex's grin was absolutely predatory. "That means when one of them hears a squeak coming from your lunch bag they all go into the panic! The perfect opportunity to sneak myself into the baggage area! The move is legal!"
"Well... Fine!" Kickaha said. "You still have to get to your actual seat before you can win, assuming you're even lucky enough that your suitcase gets on the right plane."
"Yeah that's why in real life I stopped carrying a suitcase... Well that and nothing to pack." Calex shrugged. "But I guess games have certain breaks from reality."
"Anyway that makes it my turn." Kickaha responded. "And I was just going to spend 3 points to get a coffee."
"You don't have any points to spend yet." Calex interrupted.
"I have a credit card! I can go into point debt!" Kickaha said.
"You got approved for a credit card?" Calex seemed unsure. "No one ever approves me for a credit card."
"One you're underage. Two. Acceptable breaks from reality." Kickaha chided. "But anyway... Since the panic from the airport employees caused me to lose my lunch... I can now choose to make a scene! And because of that the airport is forced to provide me with compensation! And as I recall correctly... Anytime you get any form of compensation in this edition you can choose to use it to skip one entire space on the board... So I'm skipping straight over the security check-in!"
"You can't!" Calex replied. "In second edition they introduced new rules in security! No one can directly skip the security line!"
"I'm afraid that's not entirely true." Kickaha replied. "What is the exact reason everyone must go through security now?"
"Something about checking shoes for improvised explosives?" Calex asked.
"Calex... Neither one of us have worn shoes even once in our entire life!" Kickaha responded. "That rule doesn't apply to anyone here! And now I'm walking right by security and stopping in the duty-free store."
"But you can't enter a store unless your score is a prime number!" Calex responded.
"My score is negative three." Kickaha explained. "Three is a prime number."
"Prime numbers cannot be negative!" Calex insisted. "So you don't meet the score requirements to stop in a store."
"Negative three might not be prime... But three by itself is! And I stopped in the duty free shop!" Kickaha insisted. "And in a duty free zone... You only use your score's absolute value as there are no taxes."
"But! That! It!" Calex groaned. "ARRRRRGH! That's the worst kind of cheating! The kind that completely follows the rules."
"Don't hate the player, hate the game." Kickaha replied. "And I'll buy a candy bar for two points while I'm in the store. That would reduce my score to negative five... But since this is a duty free store I take the absolute value... So my score is now positive five."
"Cheating rule-following jerk." Calex muttered. "Fine my turn. In that case... I guess I need to get out of baggage. I'm past security... But I can't move to the plane from here cause there's no ticketing agent... Hmmm looks like the fastest route would be... I'm moving to the courtesy phones."
"So soon?" Kickaha responded. "But didn't you hide inside a bag on your last turn? I'm afraid bags don't have zippers on the inside. You're stuck there until another player lets you out. Your strategy was a bold one... And in a game with more than two players where you could have formed an alliance, it might have even worked... But I don't really feel like helping... So I'm afraid this case is closed."
"If you knew it would lead to this why did you put up such a fuss last time?" Calex asked.
"Oh. I just wanted you to think you were getting ahead. Otherwise you would have realized something was up."
"Well that shows what you know!" Calex asked. "Cause... In the opening hand... I was dealt a rather bum card. One that usually costs you a turn."
"So are you going to show me this card or just talk about it all day?"
"In my hand... I have... THE DISCOUNT TRAVEL LUGGAGE!" Calex shouted.
"THE DISCOUNT TRAVEL LUGGAGE!?" Kickaha responded back. "BUT THAT! Wait... That card is completely useless. It just means that your luggage rips open and all the items inside are lo- Oh. Clever boy."
"And with that I'm not trapped. And free to move to the courtesy phones."
"Well it's not as if you can use them." Kickaha responded. "I mean you're a bit too short to reach them."
"That is a problem yes..." Calex said. "But I'll worry about that next round. It's still a good place to stop."
"Fine! My turn!" Kickaha looked down at the table. "And now let's see here... Five points, a coffee and a candy bar. I'm just a couple steps away from complete victory. Okay... I move straight to my gate."
"But how do you know what gate is yours?" Calex asked. "You know the rules! You can't just go to your gate... You have to roll the dice and it will send you to one of the six gates. If it's the wrong one... Well you waste your turn and have to move again next turn."
"Ha! Spoken like someone who worries about consequences! I'm willing to throw everything to random chance! Come on lucky number six! Let me just roll this die... And..."
"Well that's unfortunate." Calex smiled. "A one."
"Curses! Why does random chance always seek to thwart me! But... that's okay! I'll spend points to buy up my die roll."
"It's two points to increase the die roll by one." Calex responded. "You'd need at least ten points to make it a six. Sorry you only have half of that."
"But credit card?" Kickaha tried.
"You know that only works for actual item purchases!" Calex responded. "You can't use a credit card to buy metaphysical changes in probability."
"Well, that's not entirely true..." Kickaha said.
"Within the game rules." Calex narrowed her eyes.
"Fine fine... right I suppose acceptable breaks from reality again." Kickaha crossed his arms. "Well... Then I guess it's a good thing I got that candy bar."
"What's that have to do with anything?" Calex asked.
"Simple." Kickaha said. "It was a twin pack... And that means when I eat it I can double the result of any die roll!"
"So you have a two... You still don't have enough points to-"
"But spending points specifically changes the die roll, not just adds to it!" Kickaha said. "So by spending four points I raise my die roll to a three... Then I take a bite out of this delicious chocolate and that doubles my roll to a six! Into the correct gate I go! I'm just a turn away from victory!"
"Ugggggh!" Calex grunted. "I can't believe you were lucky enough to pull that off."
"That was literally the worst possible luck for me." Kickaha explained. "But you see... I make my own luck! Both good and bad really..."
"Yeah well..." Calex paused. "Hey you said that candy bar was a twin pack. Can I have one?"
"Calex it's... It's not a real candy bar." Kickaha explained. "It's just a card I drew in the game."
"So that's a no?" Calex's ears sagged.
"But... But... I don't actually have a candy bar!" Kickaha said looking at the kitten's very sad and very large eyes. "Look you can't guilt me into giving you something I don't have!"
"But I'm hungry." Calex whined.
"FIIIIIINE!" Kickaha threw up his paws. "When we're done playing I'll buy you a candy bar."
"Yaaaay!" Calex said. "Then I guess I better win this game fast!"
"Yeah, good luck with that." Kickaha responded. "I'm already at the gate! There's no way you can catch up at this point."
"That's what you think! But since I'm at the courtesy phones I can use those!"
"We covered this. You're too short." Kickaha pressed a paw down atop the kitten's head playfully to emphasize the point.
"I know that!" Calex pushed the foxyote's paw away and flailed his paws wildly. "But there's something else... This game while it has been updated was originally conceived in the 70's."
"Well... Yeah I know." Kickaha replied. "I mean I still have the first edition somewhere at home that I first got as a-"
"Before you go into another tangent..." Calex responded. "Just know the important thing is the world was a very different place back in the 70's. For you see... Back then not everyone had cell phones."
"Do you have a cell phone?" Kickaha asked.
"UNIMPORTANT!" Calex responded. "What is important... Is how people looked up phone numbers back then... An item that many completely forget about today... A legendary artifact from times past... THE PHONE BOOK!"
"NO!" Kickaha shouted. "I was really hoping you were too young to know those things existed!"
"That's right!" Calex responded. "And any player no matter how short can stack a pile of phone books atop each other to reach the courtesy phone."
"Well considering we're talking you I wouldn't say any player... But I get the point." Kickaha waved his paw. "Fine you get one call. Make it count."
"I'm going to call... Airport security." Calex responded.
"But... Why?" Kickaha asked. "You're just asking to get kicked out! You'd make yourself restart the entire game!"
"Maybe that'd be true... If I were an adult." Calex responded.
"I don't think the rules actually differ between adults and children..." Kickaha responded.
"That's where you're wrong! It's true that we play by the same rules in what we can physically do... But the NPCs do have differing rules based on the age of the player! And... When they encounter a poor lost crying child all by himself... They'll do everything in their power to reunite him with his family."
"But they wouldn't even know where to start looking..." Kickaha responded.
"My ticket number would have my gate. They'd know what plane I'm supposed to be getting on and where my family would likely be..."
"But that means..."
"That means I get to ride in the security car and bypass all the other spaces! I get to move straight to the gate uninterrupted."
"Well it doesn't matter!" Kickaha responded. "Because that makes it my turn! And I was already at the gate... So I'm going to move straight onto the plane and win the game!"
"No one can move onto the plane their first turn. Well almost no one." Calex said.
"Yes... But any player who manages to spend ten or more points throughout the entire game qualifies for Elite Double Diamond Gold Elite Toastmaster Flier's Club! And they get to board first on all flights! Meaning I can move to the plane now!"
"That's what you think!" Calex flashed a smile. "But just this once you were too clever by one half!"
"Come again?" Kickaha blinked.
"Only those who have never gone into debt qualify for the Elite Diamond Gold Ultimate Toastmaster Filet Mignon Flier's Club! And the coffee you bought at the start of the game..."
"NO WAY!" Kickaha replied. "But... but that means I'm permanently barred from the Elite Double Diamond Gold Ultimate Toastmaster Filet Mignon Prime Deal Flier's Club!"
"That's right..." Calex wagged a finger. "But just in case you were planning some kind of clever trick to board... Let me remind you that once a player has been denied from the Elite Double Diamond Gold Ultimate Toastmaster Filet Mignon Prime Deal Frequent Traveler Flier's Club they can never gain entrance again."
"So even if I erase the debt..."
"That door is barred forever!"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Kickaha gave a shout. "Confound you, Elite Double Diamond Gold Ultimate Toastmaster Filet Mignon Prime Deal Frequent Traveler Special Edition Flier's Club! You've ruined my perfect strategy!"
"And now with your turn wasted... And the Elite Double Diamond Gold Ultimate Toastmaster Filet Mignon Prime Deal Frequent Traveler Special Edition Zeroth Class Flier's Club has boarded... There's nothing to stop me from boarding the plane and winning."
"Not so fast!" Kickaha responded. "But you forgot the rules you introduced..."
"What are you talking about?" Calex asked.
"You're the one who brought up the rules about the NPCs reacting differently to minors playing the game." Kickaha responded. "And no flight attendant is going to escort a lost child to their seat without first uniting them with their parents."
"Urk-" Calex responded.
"And since you have no parents on the flight."
"I can't board at all..." Calex responded. "But neither can you... You tried to board illegally so would have had your tickets revoked."
"So we're both stuck in the gate... For now...." Kickaha responded. "But there's still one tactic left... I could... Um... Well..."
"It's your turn." Calex responded. "If you're going to do something do it."
"Well um the thing is..." Kickaha responded. "I'm sure there's a move I can make... I'm just... Not 100% sure what it is. Um... Hum well I could... No that won't work. Maybe I could try the sneak self in through a suitcase thing. My luggage is still in one piece."
"The plane would have loaded the bags already." Calex pointed out.
"Right so that won't work... Let's see... Can't use points to buy my way on... That's bribery and gets you kicked out completely." Kickaha stared down at the table. "Huh... Um... I got nothing."
"So now what?" Calex asked.
"Well... I guess we could always call it a draw." Kickaha replied.
"WHAT!?" Calex looked absolutely shocked. "How dare you! HOW FREAKING DARE YOU!"
"Did I do something wrong?" Kickaha asked.
"You know exactly what you did!" Calex said. "Under the Golden variant in the event neither player can win the most sportsmanlike player wins the game by default! And anyone who offers to concede the game as a tie so everyone wins..."
"Oh, that's right... They're the most sportsmanlike by default!" Kickaha seemed genuinely surprised by the revelation.
"I guess you win." Calex grumbled. "But I still want my candy bar."
"Fine... Fine..." Kickaha let out a laugh. "I suppose this terrible weather has let up so we're free to move on." Up in the sky the single lone white cloud might have moved a whole foot from where it once sat.
"Oh oh! Can we get king sized!" Calex asked as he jumped down from the table.
"I was thinking something more fun." Kickaha responded as he ruffled the kitten's head fur and the two set off.
The End