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What is wrong with me?

There's so much I wanna do

It is hurting me.

If it's not now, when?

I have to let out these thoughts.

So, here it goes, then...

---

I'm feeling kinda empty

but now I'm okay?

When night lurks around

I refelct on today

Lies, though, not today

My entire fucking life

I wanna say all of them

but the negatives are rife

I hate my big heart sometimes

because now I worry I'll harm someone

but I guess it's better to be sincere

than to hurt myself and run

So, it is with a heavy heart

that I announce this mass homocide

and after I'm done here... well,

I'll try not to commit suicide.

---

I must start with the person most closest to my heart

We talk so much and yet we barely speak at all

When I do bring up a mindful subject I feel like your mind just falls apart

And it just feels like, between us, there's an unnecessary wall.

I understand your simple mindedness but I am lost keeping everything in a cell

and I'd rather not bother others that could be with me in the same boat.

So what am I to do? Keep screaming to the void that already knows me so well?

Or perhaps try and understand you for a change, you -- forgive me! -- goat.

I'm not asking you to change -- I feel like you've changed enough for me, actually

But it would be really great if someone like-minded finally came along

And even though I've yet to learn anything about socializing with others, really

I'm ready to at least accept I must play that first note of that song.

Alas, though... I hope it'll be very soon.

...this trash heap of feelings rapidly expands like a balloon.

---

I'll always wonder who is up there.

I'll sometimes stand still and look up

As if I hear their voices in the air.

I just want to be made aware

Of this beyond-human-being,

He who really is up there.

But so much knowledge -- beware!

Perhaps they do warn us every day

As if their voice was the air.

"Enlightenment" or "miracles" are rare

It kinda feels like a bunch of shit

And I'll lose faith in whoever's up there.

Can you blame them, though, for having that scare?

They're probably trying to tell us to listen,

Their voice whistling in the air.

If they come soon, hopefully I'll still be there

Finally to witness their true nature. And so

I'll always wonder who's up there,

As if I hear their voices in the air.

---

Now, being in the city isn't all that bad, but...

After being closed off for too long, I found my place of being.

Through the trecherous mountains I find my true happiness,

Unsure of the path before me -- the most fun I've had in ages!

Relishing in all the beautiful sights that I'm seeing

Eventually coming back to my home, a simple hut.

In my mind, though, that seems far too unrealistic

Support that deep in the mountains is unidealistic.

Must I keep that a secret from everybody I meet, though?

You probably couldn't tell, anyway, that there I would like to go.

Hungry for more adventure, and yet, never knowing when to stop,

Oh, the only things keeping me grounded are my connections.

My heart is too big to simply avoid them like infections

Eventually deciding I won't hurt them... And I, frustrated, drop.

---

I am not who you think I seem to be.

Although my smile is the best it can be

The truth is that this was just a mask

Hiding my emotions and all of my pain.

Although my smile is the best it can be

There are so many things I hate about me.

Hiding my emotions and all of my pain

I simply turn away if it's too much.

There are so many things I hate about me.

I do nothing to perhaps fix myself at all.

I simply turn away if it's too much,

Never getting anything done at all.

I do nothing to perhaps fix myself at all.

The truth is that this was just a mask,

Never getting anything done at all.

I am not who you think I seem to be.

---

And so, this comes to an end.

All my feelings, my despair,

I don't know how far it can bend.

It was great letting it out.

It's better than just staying silent,

My usual, self-damaging route.