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"He hung himself the night before..." The dog croaked out, wiping at his eyes with the back of his paw. Felix just stood there, unsure of what to do. He wanted so badly to tell Kaiser that everything would be okay, but he knew that was a lie and he'd heard it a thousand times before himself. He felt useless. "That year I stopped playing football, I stopped doing anything. My dad got so worried about me that he almost lost his job from staying home so much." Kaiser was in pain. It was obvious by the look on his face. The way he gripped the railing, clinging for dear life. The pain was absolutely debilatating. Felix finally took a deep breath and stepped over to Kaiser, gently placing his tiny paw atop the shepherd's. Kaiser smiled weakly and looked down at the fox who just stood there silently staring for a few more moments.

Felix wasn't the best at comforting people when they were upset. After all, he spent the majority of his time being upset. But he decided to give it his best shot. As he looked up and away from the dog, eyes fixated on the ocean, he began to speak the only way he knew how.

...From the heart...

"Kaiser.. I wish I knew the best thing to say in situations like these. They're never easy to deal with. I've never lost a friend to suicide, and the closest thing I ever had happen was the death of my mom." Felix winced a bit inside. Ouch. Those memories sucked. He shook it off though and continued as he watched the sun setting over the horizon. He had to be strong. "What I can say is that one thing I've come to learn in my life thus far is that time heals everything. Sure you may never forget, why would you? You're not supposed to forget. It only gets easier to deal with. Easier to talk about."

...Easier to hide from...

Felix fought back the negative as hard as he could, tail swaying slowly with the tide now. In and out. Slow and steady as he pondered just the right words as Kaiser would do. "Kaiser.. I don't know Alex, and I never will. But one thing I can tell you is that he had made this decision way ahead of time. This was not your fault, and it's nothing you should apologize over. Trust me. I know."

Kaiser's ears perked slightly at the last statement. He quickly turned his head away from the mezmerizing ocean and looked to the fox with shock in his eyes. But that would mean? The dog spoke up "You mean you-" Felix finished the sentence. "Tried to kill myself? Yes. Several times when I was younger." Kaiser's heart sank. "Felix, why?" Was all he managed to whimper out. Felix sighed and gently tugged at the shepherd's shirt, motioning for him to follow. He did so as Felix headed towards the beach. As the two made their way into the sand, they felt a sense of relief washing over them. Something about cool sand between your toes just did that. They walked for what felt like forever, just following the shoreline in silence. The sun by now had set and the moonlight illuminated the way, stars shining brightly beside.

Felix finally spoke again. "When I was 12 I met my first bully. He was a big, tall horse named Clyde. Clyde hated gay people. Why? Because his parents told him to. So he tormented me through junior high school up until he got expelled for almost killing a kid with a pair of scissors. How many times the kids reported him for being violent didn't matter. His father was a rich and powerful lawyer who spoiled him rotten. Hopefully that paid off for him years later when he got arrested for assault.." Felix smirked. It felt wrong to smile at someone else's demise, but then again, the idiot deserved that and more. "It didn't stop there. All through high school I was the weird kid. The gay kid. Everyone hated me and no one stood up for me. By the time I was sixteen I had already attempted suicide twice. I was convinced that the whole world hated me and wanted me dead so I tried to oblidge it by overdosing the first time, and by hanging the second. Fortunately my mother caught me in the act both times and stopped me. Mind you that I was already in therapy after the first attempt" Kaiser's ears wilted. He never realized it before, but Felix had been through a lot. It was upsetting to hear, but he appreciated the fox's honesty.

"At eighteen I was planning my final attempt. That was when we found out that my mom had cancer. It was lymphoma. She was told that she had almost no chance to live, but she didn't let that stop her. She fought so hard.. She fought to prove those doctors wrong. Through all sorts of treatment and experimental procedures. I watched her lay there in misery. I knew she was suffering, but she never ever stopped smiling at me. I watched my mom fight to live, and because of her, I started to fight too. Suicide wasn't something I planned to do impulsively. It was something I decided years beforehand. Something I made peace with. But after seeing her fight so damn hard, I promised her that I would to. "

"So here I am..." The fox said with strength to his voice, fists clenched at his sides as he stood before the waves, as if bracing for impact.

Kaiser was beside himself at this point. As the two stood there at the water's edge, looking out into the dark ocean under the evening stars he felt the memories come flooding back. He felt overwhelmed with emotions. He wasn't even upset with himself for losing his composure anymore because he realized that Felix didn't care about that. He accepted him for who he was and gave him the respect of honesty. The little fox opened up to him and poured his heart out. As they stood there basking in the moonlight, the sounds of the ocean filling their ears he could swear that he saw Alex in the corner of his eye now, standing there on his left side, with Felix there on his right. He felt a gentle pat on the shoulder followed by a soft whisper that echoed through his head as the image faded and he came to the realization that he had imagined it all.

"Take care of him.."

Without a second thought, Kaiser turned and grabbed the fox in his arms, hugging him as tight as he could. Felix squeaked and clung to the dog happily, smiling as he buried his face into the dog's soft fur, blushing brightly under the shadows of a night sky. Just what they both needed.

"I'm glad you kept fighting, Felix."

"Me too, Kaiser."

_______________________________________________________________________________________

That night, laying there in bed, Kaiser was struggling to fall asleep. He sighed and picked up his phone, letting the bright light illuminate the room for the tenth time tonight. Three o clock. He groaned and dropped the phone to his side. The dog had so much running through his mind after spending the afternoon with Felix. It was the most intense social interaction he had ever had with someone.

...Since Alex...

"Why!?" he barked out with a frustrated grunt, kicking off the covers and sitting up on the edge of his bed bringing his face to his paws. It was frustrating him now. What was it about Felix that kept bringing this on? These memories. Before Felix, it was locked away so tight. He had fought through it all before. He came to the realization that it wasn't his fault. He moved on. So why was it all coming back suddenly after he met Felix? Deep down, Kaiser knew it, he just refused to acknowledge the huge fact plastered there on his forehead. Felix was just so similar. This little fox with his tiny frame and soft spoken voice. Who fought all the same struggles, who carried himself the same way. He was another Alex. Was he a second chance? Could it be that Felix was actually sent to him? Was this a hand of "fate" or "destiny"? What was it?

"No. No way." Kaiser mumbled to himself as he stood to his hindpaws and stretched. He was thinking about this way too much. Overthinking at this point. Felix was just a new friend that had certain qualities of Alex. He just needed to accept that and move on. This wasn't some magical moment or a fairytale. This was life. Felix was a great guy to have around, and seeing as how he just met him, the last thing he needed to do was continue to weird him out with the whole "You're just like my dead friend" thing.

...Ouch...

Kaiser quickly shook off the thought and made his way over to the desk in front of his window, gazing out into the night sky. He loved having this huge glass window there. At least at night when he was normally trying to sleep. But to be able to stand there and look out of it on those sleepless nights and watch the stars twinkling up above was pure bliss. He turned his attention to the moon, gazing up into it now. It was huge, glowing so very bright upon the little bayside town, keeping watch as the residents slept soundly. Except for a few..

A full moon.. Maybe that would explain his restlessness. Kaiser stood there for what felt like hours, just watching the sky. He was envisioning himself there before the sky as if it were a huge canvas floating before his snout. He began to draw imaginary pictures with his fingers. It made him smile, and finally calmed him down a bit. He gave one last stretch with a big yawn. There it was. A sense of exhaustion finally overtaking him after such a crazy day.

...Time to sleep...

As he made his way over to the bed once again, he repeated his routine of blinding himself with artificial light. Four thirty. Thankfully, classes didn't start back up for another few days. Sleeping in was definitely on his agenda, which he intended to start now. As soon as his head hit the pillow, he was out. Finally, some rest.

..If only others were as fortunate..

Across town, a certain fennec lay there in his bed, eyes wide open, mind wandering. "What happened today? What did I do to Kaiser. He seemed so stressed. So emotional. Oh god. Did I already ruin this freindship by going so deep? Did I share too much? What is he thinking of me. He probably hates me." Felix was destroying himself over it all. Given the way the night ended, any one with a normal mind would be able to put it aside and realize that everything went fine. But Felix didn't have a normal mind. He had a dangerous mind. An anxious mind that wants to destroy him internally. It got so exhausting constantly having to fight with it. And while most would believe that all the exhaustion warranted an easy night's rest, it didn't quite translate that way.

After the hug on the beach, Kaiser seemed so different. He seemed so detatched and withdrawn. They parted ways shortly after the hug, only saying a few simple statements here and there. Kaiser told him that he hoped he had a good time and thanks for spending the day with him. Felix thanked him back for the meal and for the company. Beyond that there was nothing of true meaning. Nothing hinting that they'd see eachother again. That's what stood out the most. The fact that there was no "I'll see you again soon." or "We should hang out again tomorrow." Those little things bothered Felix so much. All that insecurity. I mean what else was he supposed to think? That big, charismatic, wordsmith of a dog was reduced to simple statements and half assed answers after Felix was done with him. He thought back to Kaiser's moment. When he zoned out for those couple of minutes and then began to cry. Him. Crying. Then what he said to himself. "I'm so sorry Alex." It was so genuine, like he could see him there in person. But what bothered Felix more was the thought that he brought it all back to Kaiser. That he was the one who was responsible for the sudden transformation. He feared that he scared Kaiser off by revealing too much, too fast. It was all his fault. He ruined yet another potential friendship.

...Good job idiot...

Felix growled and went into a short fit of rage. He thrashed the blankets off, he flung pillows across the room. He destroyed his entire bed until he was laying there staring up at the cieling, fuming while tears ran down his face. He hated himself so much. Everything he did. The way he acted. How he talked. His art. It was a constant battle that he was in with himself, and while he promised his mother that he'd never give up on the fight, some nights there alone in his bed with nothing but the voices in his head were so tough to conquer. So he decided to to the only thing he knew to do when he was this upset.

...Create...

The fox sprung up from the remnants of his bedding now, quickly making his way over to his desk. He then snatched up his sketchbook and a pencil then headed for the couch. As he plopped down though, he couldn't quite figure out what it was that he intended to create. And while he had an endless amount of projects due that he probably should be working on, it seemed much more enjoyable to just doodle again, and that's what he did. Off his pen went like a rocket now, working his brain to the max as he scribbled and erased and scribbled again. He was a perfectionist, everything had to be just right. This was one battle that he had the upper hand in. He drew for hours, slowly but surely working on his new masterpiece. By the first hour there were crumbled up balls of paper all around the couch. Every so often he'd lose it and tear the page out. "Scrap the draft, start over." He'd mutter.

By the second hour he had changed positions so many times that he was beginning to think he'd never get comfortable. But finally, he found his comfort in laying on his back and using his thighs for support. He became so comfortable in fact, that he decided to take a quick break, shutting his eyes and "envisioning the art". At least that's what his sleep deprived mind had to tell him to finally get some rest. Within minutes, he was deep into a dream, smiling as he walked through a green and luscious rain forest, the pitter patter of water droplets soothing him further down into relaxation as the songs from the birds lulled him to sleep. There he lay in the early morning sunlight, sprawled out onto the couch with his book clutched tightly to his chest, arm half off the couch and pencil on the floor under the coffee table.

...Goodnight...