wander ~ Chapter 25

Story by Lukas Kawika on SoFurry

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#25 of wander [Patreon Novel]

I think this is the third time I've used the "My grandma says some good things sometimes" line in this storyRemember that this story is run through my Patreon!


The new realizations and new feelings didn't stop once Tony left, of course. It was late afternoon by the time I made it back home, and greeted Dad and went up to my room to get right into my usual weekend routine of sitting around playing video games. But there was something different about it. You know that feeling where there's something you know you have to do, but you can't remember what, and it keeps on bugging you and distracting you from everything else?

That's what I felt pretty much throughout the rest of the weekend. This kind of... bubbling discomfort, this little voice in the back of my head telling me that something's not right. Between when I got home and when it was time for dinner, I think I stood up two or three times and paced around the room trying to figure out what was going on. I went and lay down on my bed, I scrolled through a few social media feeds, I rolled over and pressed my nose into the other pillow... and then I realized what it was. And I opened my messaging app.

"I miss you already"

Soft whiff of gentle scent lingering on that pillow, lighting the little burning coals in my head, my heart, my abdomen. Everything seemed so quiet and lonely without him here next to me, even though the computer speakers across the room played the title screen music, even though the spring weather kept the room comfortably warm, even though I'd just seen him literally a few hours ago.

Weird how that happens. I thought I'd been missing him before, and I had, but now that we had actually shared that closeness last night, I was feeling it so much deeper and so much more strongly. The floodgates had been opened, and it'd been soft cheetah lips pressing against my own that had turned the crank.

So the weekend went slowly. There was a period of time Saturday where he was in the middle of his rehearsal, so I traded texts back and forth with Lexi and Sandra instead, and that lightened some of it. You're hopeless! Lexi had said, and I'd been able to hear (or, rather, read) the amusement in her voice; Look at you, Matt. Head over heels for a cute boy. I'm not really surprised, honestly; you and Sasha got along like a pair of bar magnets forcibly held together north to north.

Still, though, there was the looming shadow of school coming ever closer, Saturday evening to night, night to early morning about three AM when I decided I should probably try to keep my sleep schedule at least somewhat on-track, then Sunday midday when I woke up, early afternoon... had to start getting things ready. Trying to remember where I tossed my backpack, looking through my folders and planner to see if I'd totally forgotten about any assignments or whatever - astronomy project due Wednesday; remembering that, and what had happened when we'd last worked on it, just ended up distracting me again - and then before I knew it, the sun had dropped down to give way to night, and the smell of dinner had started floating in through the open door of my bedroom. Meat loaf tonight. Dad always made it with fresh green chiles from the organic food market near his work, and as a result, it always came out a little spicier than expected, even after I'd come to anticipate that kick.

Dad had teased me on and off throughout the weekend about Tony, but nothing quite so... much as his first bedframe comment. Those teases usually still gave me warm cheeks and twitching ears, though, and he always got off with some quiet chuckling to himself.

"Hey, Dad," I asked over dinner Sunday night, before he had the chance to start. Could still tell he wanted to, though. "D'you wanna go with me to Tony's concert this Friday? He already has tickets for us."

"Oh, yeah. Of course." He sniffed at his forkful of meat loaf before shovelling it into his mouth, then nodded after a second. "Did I ever tell you about my band concert when I was in middle school?"

"Yes."

"Dang." Silence between us for a bit while we both ate. My phone occasionally buzzed in my pocket; Lexi had been a lot more talkative since she and Tyler broke up, and then there was Tony there, too. My fingers ached to answer. When I'd gotten about halfway through my dinner, though, Dad took a sip of his drink, pointed his fork at me, and said- "Hey, your prom is coming up soon, isn't it?"

Instinctively, I waited a little bit. But there was no joking in those eyes, no teasing in his smile. Just pure, genuine interest and encouragement. "Yeah." That was something else I'd checked in the planner. "Friday after this coming one."

"And then you're almost done with school, right?"

"Another month or so." My mouth sizzled. I don't know how he did it. "But, yeah. Coming to a close."

"Figured out what you're gonna do afterwards?"

I shrugged. "Get a job again. I don't know. I haven't really thought about it. Kind of wanna just do that for a bit..."

"Put some thought into college, okay? I know we haven't talked about it much - oh, don't give me that look - but I am your father. I know things are changing; your brother doesn't have a degree and he makes almost twice what I do, but..." Quiet _tink-tink_of his fork against his plate. He looked up at me while lifting his fork back towards his mouth. "Your boyfriend's gonna be going to college, you know."

That made my ears perk, both for the 'your boyfriend', which still brought warm little flutters to my chest, and for the info itself. "Yeah?"

"Mhmm." Pause to swallow again. "Aurora was talkin' about it. I've never seen a parent so confident beyond any shadow of a doubt that their kid'll do great. Like - it didn't come as a surprise to me that Lee was gonna drop out. Not much of a surprise. I was disappointed, sure, but it wasn't out of my expectations. You know why they moved here?"

At least this talk was giving my tongue a chance to regain its ability to taste. I sat back in my chair. "Money? I don't know. He and I haven't talked much about it..."

"Sixam."

That sounded familiar. "Sixam?"

"The music college. Your mom used to joke that if you'd stayed on cello, you'd go there eventually."

"Isn't that - expensive?"

"Well, yeah. Remember how I said Aurora's got confidence in him, though?" Dad forked the last little bit of his meat loaf and started to lift it, only to have half of it drop back down to his plate, and then the other half when he tried to scoop it back up. "There's also the county college, which she tells me is doable for them, money-wise. Then he's already been accepted to three state colleges, and - here's the kicker - been offered a full ride at two of them, and three-fourths at the third."

That actually made me splutter. "I had no idea! Why didn't he-"

"Aurora said he's shy." This time it was Dad who shrugged. "You know what that means?"

"What?"

There was that grin again. "When I was in high school I dated a girl who was so shy that I was the one who had to make all the advances - and, let me tell ya, it was like navigating a cross between a maze and a minefield, for little inexperienced me. Prom came and went, and it wasn't until two weeks after that I learned she'd wanted to go but was too scared to ask me... and then, being a woman, she blamed it on me." The older dingo chuckled softly and shook his head. "Nice girl. Shy, but an absolute monster in the bedroom." He coughed. "So you're gonna be asking Tony to prom, right?"

~ ~ ~

And that was the thought that kept me up half the night, long after I'd exchanged goodnights with Lexi and *kisses* with Tony. How come everything that had happened between us before came with hardly a second thought or a worry, and then here I was thinking about asking him to prom, and feeling the same way I would if I'd have to give a presentation in front of a class? The epiphany for that one didn't come to me until I'd gotten on the bus the following morning, and was on the way to school.

It was because it'd be our first time doing something in public. Me, with another boy, as my boyfriend. Going to prom, dancing, holding paws... I mean, we'd held paws at the bookstore on Friday, and nuzzled a little, and I guess the making out on his front porch was technically in public. But prom would be, like... I'd been a little nervous to admit it to myself, and a bit more nervous to admit it to Lexi and Sandra, but with everyone else...

I was so wrapped up in my own thoughts getting off the bus that I almost passed our morning gathering spot, and only realized it right as I was passing by. So I turned, started to take my backpack off, glanced down - and looked right into Tyler's face, the jackal looking entirely unruffled but maybe a bit sleep-deprived, sitting there with his legs crossed and eyes on mine. Fully aware that I didn't realize he was there, and also fully aware that I was just about to sit down with him. As if nothing had happened.

Kind of hard to describe what went through me right then. A whole bundle of thoughts and feelings, bubbling frustration mixed with sour anger, cold disappointment, something a little bit like shame - and then before he or I could have said something, I turned the motion into me shifting my bag over my shoulder, and continued on my way. Pretending as though I hadn't stopped and stood still for a quarter-second right there.

It was just feelings that made that decision, to keep on walking as though I'd never thought about sitting down there. And, really, I hadn't - not with him. That whole bullshit had felt distant at most throughout spring break, during the time I'd been spending with Lexi and with Tony, but actually seeing Tyler here now, and remembering what he'd said and done... God. As if school starting back up after the break hadn't put me in bad enough of a mood. Tony would be off in one of his morning rehearsals I think, ramping up a bit with the concert this Friday, and Lexi was... somewhere. We actually hadn't talked about it. But I wouldn't mind spending some time on my own.

So I made my way over to the library and stayed there to the first bell, then headed out to start the day. Slow and awkward getting back into the rhythm of school, but... it went. Just had to make it to Friday. And then, just had to make it to the Friday after that. First period came and went, and then I walked into my creative writing class...

...and for a moment, almost wondered if I was dreaming. Bent over the teacher's desk with her tail flicking behind her, slim form in golden fur and black spots - and then the cheetess lifted her head up to smile at the entering students, the rings in her left ear jingling softly with the movement. Fiery sunset eyes glimmered at me when her gaze fell upon mine, and her mouth curled into a sly, amused smile.

"Good morning," she said, in that lightly-accented voice of hers. Every now and again she looked back towards me, though for such a short time that nobody else would have noticed anything. "Mrs. Oren is out at home recovering from surgery, and in the meantime, I will be your substitute - I am Ms. Amador; some of you may know my son..."

God. Talk about awkward. About halfway through the period, I got a text message - and snuck a peek at my phone just to see that Tony had sent me a soon followed by a We wanted to keep it a secret and surprise you! Please be nice to her. If she does well this week, she may get a permanent position here.

Reading that, I peered up and across the room towards Ms. Amador sitting back behind the teacher's desk again, now with her head bent over grading papers. As if she could feel my gaze, though, her ears perked and she raised her head, and gave me another grin.

I guess anything could happen.

~ ~ ~

Like the morning, the rest of the day went slowly, all of us trudging through second and third period towards lunch, during which me and Tony got together in an intentionally different corner of the school building than what used to be the usual. And, goodness - it was good to see him again. Out here in public, with all of the other students milling by like water over pebbles in a lazy stream, we kept things a bit more reserved than we had at home or at the bookstore, but... just sitting half-facing one another, knees touching as we sat there with our lunches in our laps, his longer tail occasionally curling around mine or tickling up along my waist...

Just like at the bookstore, however, I still got a little tingling of nervousness at the back of my mind whenever someone looked at us, even if just by chance or without noticing that we sat maybe a little bit closer than regular friends would. Tony smiled and nodded and spoke easily around me, calm and comfortable, and the soft scent wafting off of him bared nothing other than contentment.

Until I mentioned I'd seen Tyler this morning. Then that aroma curdled into something different, just for a fraction of a second before it smoothed out again - though like tea steeped too long, that astringency remained behind, tainting everything else. It bugged him; that much I could tell. Rightfully so, too. Lexi hadn't been responding to my texts all day, but honestly I doubted it was something she'd want to hear about, so I'd held off on mentioning it to her.

"What are you going to do?"

"What?"

Tony kept his eyes on his plate, whiskers twitching while he continued to peel the crust off his garlic bread. When he spoke, he sort of half-turned his muzzle towards me. "About Tyler."

"I... I don't know. What should I do?"

"Something I have learned from moving around so much..." He leaned in a little closer, fiddling with a stubborn corner. Apart from the rock-hard crustiness, the school's garlic bread was usually really damn good. "...is that even if you make a good friend one day, maybe they are not meant to - to stay in your life. Camaron que se duerme se lo lleva la corriente... and you keep moving forward, and they stay standing still. So keep moving."

I'd started to bring a spoonful of mashed potatoes to my mouth, but stopped halfway through that and stared at him until he returned the look. When he did, he managed to maintain a straight face for a second, then broke into a grin.

"Mi abuela says some things sometimes."

"My dad just tells me stories about when he went through similar experiences." Weird thought: had Dad ever had a boyfriend?

...Kind of uncomfortable thought, actually. Luckily, Tony's presence and our conversation distracted me from Tyler, if only for the duration of lunch; once the bell rang to bring us back to class. We would've squeezed paws and maybe risked a nuzzle if we were going separate ways, but astronomy was up next. I think we both thought back to when we'd finished our project; I locked eyes with the cheetah during class while Ms. Langford was talking about it, and he grinned, flicked his ears, blushed, and looked away.

Actually, the rest of the week went similarly. Classes were starting to wind down for final exams later in the month, so all these projects and assignments and quizzes started wrapping up, and I could feel a slowing of effort from both the other students and the teachers. Monday to Tuesday, Tuesday to Wednesday... the project was pretty simple to turn in, with me and Tony going up at the same time and brushing paws up at Ms. Langford's desk, and there sharing an embarrassed giggle. She eyed the two of us and smiled a well, though I'm not sure she knew what for. Quick and easy, one and done... and yet, what a change that project had had on my life.

Tyler kept on showing up at our old spot, both before class and during lunch, and the rest of us kept ignoring him. Somewhat unsurprisingly, Sandra got in trouble again on her first day back, so I couldn't quite introduce her to Tony just yet - but the first time the two of us got together with Lexi, the vixen had on this bright, knowing smile, and she kept on prodding and teasing us about our night together until Tony actually turned and buried his muzzle in my shoulder to hide his blush. This, of course, just ended up transferring that blush to me. If Lexi hadn't been there at the time, I think I might've asked him to prom right then and there.

That was the other thing hanging over my head. Dad didn't bring it up again, but he always eyed me over dinner as if to voice the question silently. Tony himself never fully left my head: thoughts of him were always there, floating around, coming back to me if I let my mind wander and distracting me at the most inopportune times. On more than one occasion I picked up my phone to let him know I missed him, only to find an identical message from him recently arrived. And it always made me smile.

Sometimes pressing my nose into the pillow beside mine gave me... a weird mix of emotions. Adoration, pleasure, enjoyment, that kind of warm, sweet fluttering in my chest that I'd gotten the first time we held paws beneath the stars at his house, the first time he'd nuzzled under my chin, the first time I felt his lips on mine - and then also this kind of cold emptiness, the clear awareness of something missing. Like he'd taken a part of me and held it with him, so that I only really felt right when near him. Aching for his touch, for his closeness, feeling like it'd been weeks when it had really only been hours since he'd brushed his nose against my cheek as I made my way to the bus, or squeezed my paws when lunch ended, or one time actually nipped my ear and kissed my cheek.

I don't know if I'd call it a need, but it certainly came close.