FSE

Furry search engine

formerly SoFurry search engine

Twenty. True Colors

Lukan sat there, waiting for something to happen for what seemed like a quadrillion eternities. The cats didn't seem to move. They just stood there, just on the other side of the car, not talking, not moving, not acting at all. Chills were sent down into Lukan's tail, not because it was sat in the snow and ice, but from the way the cats probably just staked out their position like statues. What were they doing? Why did they just stand there? Were they waiting for Klaus to get home so they could do whatever they were planning? Lukan didn't know what it was, but he had a feeling that it was something that he would more than just hate. Lukan weighed his options. Should he reveal himself? Should he stay in hiding? What would Will and Nate do if he exposed himself right then? Maybe the best thing he could do was pretend to show up on scene without meaning to. Wait, it wouldn't be pretending if that was what actually happened, would it?!

Lukan stood up carefully, trying not to make a sound. Although since cats had hearing that was so much stronger than raccoons, Lukan wasn't able to tell if they heard him at all. Neither of them moved. Lukan's legs were coated in snow. "Hiya Nate!" he tried to say as casually as he possibly could. "Whatcha up to?"

Nate jumped so high that he may as well have left orbit. "L-Lukan! What?! What are you doing here?!" he exclaimed, just as breathless as before.

"I'm going home from work," Lukan answered earnestly. "I thought I saw ya over here, so I thought I'd say hi!"

Nate looked like he was flashing red on his cheeks in the moonlight. "H-hi!" he stammered out.

Will looked like he was about to slap Nate. "Keep it together, man! You really do have so much left to learn." Then he looked at Lukan with eyes brimming with colorless flames. "I can see in your eyes that you wish to talk to me, raccoon." He said that to presumably keep Lukan from straying into topics that Will wanted to keep away from.

"Well yeah. I was also looking for you to see if you can help me calm my mind," Lukan replied.

"Didn't Aero already convince you that coming to me was a bad idea? I would think you would seek meditation classes instead. Because Aero is right. I won't stop at "calming your mind"," Will replied relatively threateningly.

And with that, Lukan was already convinced that he made a mistake in coming here at all. "Well, I wouldn't have let you get farther than clearing my mind, snep. Don't think that I would want to be a brainless zombie like you want everyone else to be!"

"Then you've wasted your time thinking that I would be your shot, coon," Will growled.

Nate looked absolutely conflicted about the entire situation. He kept looking between Lukan and Will as if he was trying to decide on who he should side with. If Nate was debating that when it was clear to him that he was Lukan's boyfriend, at least supposedly, then that was quite the foreboding sign. "Will, why are you talking to my boyfriend like that?" he finally said. It seemed like his heart wasn't fully into confronting the snow leopard.

"I believe in all or nothing, Nate. Lukan only wants incomplete help from me. It insults me," Will replied tonelessly.

Lukan, however, was not remotely toneless. "What? Incomplete help!?" he yelled, incredulous that these were indeed the cat's beliefs.

Will just shrugged. "I cannot get you, Aero, or Platt to understand. I may as well not even waste my breath on hopeless creatures like you."

There were so many things that Lukan was wanting to say, but had no vocal capacity capable of allowing him to voice it all. "So does that mean that you are trying to brainwash Nate then?"

Will's eyes narrowed. "I don't like the way you and Aero accuse me. It's like you all believe I am doing something bad when in fact, I want to help the world," he said calmly.

Still as stubborn and adamant as ever that he was right. Lukan knew he had no hope of even swaying the twisted creature's mind into the right direction by himself if even Aero couldn't do it. Lukan just shrugged. "So you are trying to prove yourself right by trying to get into my new boyfriend's head is that right?"

Will's eyes flashed. Lukan immediately felt put off by that. He had never seen them gleam like they did before. But with them belonging to an emotionless and robotic creature, what did that mean? "Like I said, only I know what my intentions are. So believe what you want."

Lukan remembered something. The day that he and Nate first met when Lukan was at work the day after Valentine's Day. The black cat had come up to him to alert him that the snep was looking for him. It was as if the cat had no idea who the snep was at that time. Then why was Will saying that Nate "still had a lot to learn" if that were the case? They could have only known each other for two weeks max if any of this was to make any sense at all! Were the snep's lessons of apathy with a quick turnaround guarantee within a few weeks? Something just did not add up at all...! Thinking about all of this made Lukan's head spin even more; Lukan was about ready to pass out from everything bombarding his brain with destructive forces.

"Can I say something?" Nate piped up. Lukan looked at the cat curiously. There were so many things Lukan was wondering that Nate could say. Was he going to explain what in the hell was happening?

Will narrowed his eyes even further. "Be careful what you say, Nathaniel Love." The way the snep said that. And what the snep had said at all. It sent chills down into Lukan's tail, icing it even more than the ice did.

Nate looked too intimidated to speak. "I-I..." he faltered completely underneath the gaze of the snow leopard. The flames within those eyes of the spotted cat's must have blazed with cold fire so powerful that it could freeze any creature completely solid with such a gaze.

"Well, Nathaniel? We're waiting," Will pressed on with a growl. It almost seemed like a taunt, like Will knew that Nate wouldn't actually have the guts to speak his mind because he still "had so much left to learn".

Nate sighed. "Nothing. I have nothing I can say," he said, sounding defeated. He seemed to put slight emphasis on the word "can". What was Nate hiding that made him afraid to speak it? Lukan was almost afraid of it, especially since it seemed he didn't want to speak it within the presence of either Will, or the raccoon himself.

"That's what I thought," Will replied simply. Then his gaze hardened even further. He growled audibly as he turned his head back towards the otters' house. Lukan and Nate temporarily dispelled the tension between all three of them as they followed his gaze. Klaus Richtors was home, and looking directly at all three of them just outside his door, reigniting a new brand of tension. The thick tailed creature gazed at them, wearing an expression Lukan couldn't read because he was too far away, probably debating on trying to find out what was happening. Klaus believed Lukan and Nate to be dating. What would the otter think if he saw them and Will together right outside his house? Actually Lukan was trying to figure that out himself! Considering how accusatory the otter had been as of late, Lukan knew that Klaus suspected him of something. Again.

The otter and the snep, raccoon, and cat all stared at each other for what seemed like a quintillion eternities like it was destined to be an infinite staring war. Neither creature made any advancement on the other. Neither one broke their gaze presumably to see who would act first and how they would.

But the first thing that happened wasn't in due to one of the four acting first. Klaus' door opened right in front of him, startling him, revealing Kristina Richtors. The mother and son seemed to talk for a few moments, and Lukan was curious as to what they were saying. He could hear their voices at all, let alone what they were saying. Waves of concern flooded Nate's face and Will's eyes just narrowed even further. Damn it. Sometimes Lukan wished he was a cat so he could hear that much better! When the door to the otter's house did close, it left Klaus outside. The otter stared at them again. Lukan saw his chest inflate, taking a deep breath right before he started taking strides towards the three creatures down the street.

"Shit, Will, what are we going to say?" Nate breathed.

"First of all, keep yourself calm!" Will hissed. "And second of all, let me handle this."

"What will you say to him, Will?" Lukan demanded, voice hardening with increasing suspicion.

"Nothing you need to worry YOUR little head about," Will snapped aggressively. Was that anger, annoyance, or did the snep truly just not care at all?

"What in the hell is going on here?" Klaus' voice was right next to them, openly suspicious and hostile. "Mom says this black cat came up to our house asking for me, and now I come back to see that everyone is here together. My ex and his new boyfriend, and you. YOU!" Klaus snarled out at Will with enough force to lightly shake the ground around him. Will, did not react as per usual.

"Me," Will replied plainly. "If you must wonder what we were talking about, it was about Nate's and Lukan's future as a couple together," he said calmly. Nate flinched beside him, like he knew that it was an absolute lie. Will shot the cat a dirty look.

"Lukan?" Klaus turned to the raccoon, still suspicious, but obviously hoping for some explanation from the raccoon.

Lukan shrugged. "I was just walking home from work when I saw these two together outside your house. I still don't know what they think they are doing," he answered truthfully.

Klaus turned his gaze back on the two cats. "Well, this is definitely interesting, I'll tell ya that. Look, I really don't want to know what is going on anymore. I don't want anything to do with either of you. Nor Platt. Nor Aero. I want all five of you out of life forever, you got that? I just want to be happy, and live my life as the otter I was meant to grow up as and not be a pawn in whatever game all of you are playing with each other. So, that's all I am going to say. Goodbye." Klaus turned tail, piercing clinking as he did, and strut back towards his house. "And yes. That means you too Lukan!" he called without even looking back.

Lukan was only somewhat dumbstruck. Oh how Lukan wished he could be like Klaus and just run away from these problems that he was facing. But he knew that he couldn't run away from all of them, if he could even escape at least one of them. He wondered if Klaus would be tossed back in anyway despite his desires to stay out of it. "Well. That could have gone worse," he remarked.

Nate was practically breathing a sigh of relief that Lukan was still unaware of why he would. How dire was this situation for him and Will? And what did it mean for Lukan and Klaus? "Yeah, I agree with ya there, hon, hehe." And now he was laughing nervously. What was going on here?!

Will was growling. "Well. Looks like there is no longer a point for us to be here anymore, now does there, Nathaniel?"

Nate was still not fully coherent via nervousness. "Y-yeah! I suppose so..."

"Let's go," Will growled gruffly.

"Hold on a sec! Nate! Can I talk to you first before you go?" Lukan was determined to at least get some answers from someone about what just happened.

Will turned his head quickly, giving the both of them a very hard, very intense glare that caused Nate's fur to bristle out in obvious discomfort. "N-no, I'm sorry, Lukan. I can't," he said sadly, as if he did want to blurt out everything that Lukan wanted to know, but was overpowered by Will's influence. And without looking back, but while dragging his paws, Nate followed Will back to where Will's car was. And it took Lukan until now to realize that it was Nate's car that was parked right in front of it. Lukan watched sadly as both creatures ignited their engines and began to drive off. Nate looked out his window sadly and almost pleadingly before following Will down the street before turning a corner and driving out of sight.

Lukan was left standing on the other side of the street from Klaus' house, completely dumbfounded. The questions that had instigated by just finding the two cat's here were still left unanswered. Will was useless to his endeavors to calm his mind either way, and Klaus had renounced Lukan from his life for good. Wait. Did Klaus actually mean that?! There was no way... Lukan couldn't even let that sink in. So Klaus no longer even wanted friendship between the two of them. Somehow, that realization seemed to hurt just as much as the break up did, because now, Lukan realized, that reconciliation with that creature was more hopeless than ever. And on top of the implications of Nate and Will together... Lukan was about ready to break down right where he stood and scream into the night. No. Lukan held on to the hope that the next time he met Nate again, he would hope to get the answers that he was looking for. Maybe once Will wasn't around him, he'd have the courage to spill the beans.

But as March marched through the time ahead of itself, Lukan failed to see a single whisker that belonged to that cat. The second, third, fourth, and many more days came and went, and Lukan thoroughly fell out of contact with the cat. He wasn't answering emails or the phone calls Lukan was able to make when he was home. The cat seemed to have completely vanished off the face of the Earth after that confrontation with Will and eventually Klaus. Was that snep perhaps doing the best he could to keep the cat from having any contact with the raccoon at all? Lukan hoped that would be the case since it is probably best case scenario. Lukan already missed the cat even though the pair of them didn't do much together yet. He hoped the strain of silence would end soon. Especially since Klaus dropped off the radar too, but Lukan knew that the otter was doing so purposefully. The silence was no longer comforting to Lukan. It was just eerie, haunting, and lonely now.

One week after the confrontation that sent Nate and Klaus into perpetual hiding, Lukan found himself alone in the apartment again. The TV was open to the weather and it indicated a warming trend as March sometimes starts. The weather was slowly thawing out from its constant cold. But all Lukan could still feel in his soul was the bitterly cold confusion that had infiltrated his mind throughout the entire winter season. It felt like the winter was truly not going to go away, even if the fires of summer attempted to melt it.

In the outside world, it was filled with dripping water and the warmth of the sun penetrating the layer of cold in the atmosphere, even if the air itself was still cold. Spring was undoubtedly on its way. Lukan proceeded to walk to work as he normally did. Lukan took the same route that he always did to get to work, fairly close to the otter's house, hoping in vain that he would see him again. But the otter would stay away, whether he was home or not. Lukan thought of their family's financial troubles and whether he would still be able to help them at all despite what Klaus had said. He doubted it. This thought fueled Lukan's helplessness. To be helpless and hopeless at the same time... Lukan began to fear that his point in this world was completely moot now. For a time, Lukan felt his purpose was clear: to help the otter no matter what. But now... Now what was it, if not that any longer?

Lukan felt more than ever ready to leave Lilac Grove behind, especially if he had lost his grip on Nate already. Already.. It had only been a few days since the pair of them supposedly gotten together. Lukan couldn't believe that it was more than likely already in jeopardy. With Klaus gone, Nate was the only reason Lukan conceivably had left to stay in the city he was stuck in. But if Nate were gone... What was there left? What purpose did his life at all had left, let alone his life in Lilac Grove overall.

Lukan was tempted to not go into work at all and go search for either Will or Nate, preferably the latter creature. Lukan thought of the repercussions of such a decision and whether he cared about them. It scared Lukan to realize that the answer to that question was almost a no. Lukan wasn't sure what he wanted or needed to do anymore. It felt like what bearing Lukan had on his life was gone now. Forever? Perhaps not, but Lukan feared that finding it again would be more impossible than even fathoming what truly lied in the minds of both the otter and the snep. At the same time, the last thing that Lukan needed was to lose his job and potentially end up in the same boat as Klaus because surely Sarah couldn't support the both of them alone. To add yet another problem to the storm of Lukan's life would spell disaster, he knew so. And so Lukan begrudgingly decided to drag his tail to work. Literally. Lukan wasn't even aware of his drooping tail on the ground until he had reached the building and it stung as the friction with the concrete and asphalt upset his fur and skin. Drooped tails were a very clear sign of depression. Lukan could only hope that it wasn't true!

Lukan wasn't aware of the day going by at all. The day seemed to drag on for a sextillion eternities; it simply refused to end. It did not help Lukan at all that he was working the full eight hours that day. He was so used to half days. All he could think about was everything that recently transpired. Everything played back in his mind over and over again, stuck on repeat with no hope of being able to deactivate it. Lukan was sure his work performance reflected this fact, as he had noticed odd looks from coworkers and customers alike as he attempted to do as he was instructed on the sales floor. Eira was off that day, so there was nothing to easily snap his mind back to the reality it needed to be in easily, even if it would be only temporary.

He haphazardly left the store, not even aware of whether he clocked out or not. The events of the recent past just exiting his memory so seamlessly because his mind was already full of all sorts of clutter he wanted sorted out. He could have sworn someone called out his name as he left the back room. He couldn't be bothered to look. He wanted closure. Answers. Something that will dispel all the concerns in his mind immediately. Nate was his only chance. How would he get any from the snep if all the snep would do is evade them and give him cryptic sentences that made no sense to him?

Lukan sauntered home, not saying anything to his mom when he made it so. He was only half glad that the snep and the cat were both absent from the otters' house again. Lukan got onto his computer to hopefully try to distract his mind with the random internet videos that he used to quell his mind on days like these. Those days in question being every day of his life at this point. That was when he noticed an email that was sent to him. Lukan felt his heart skip a beat and for a moment, he bet against himself on whether it would be from the otter or from the cat. Lukan clicked on it, hoping to see answers. It was from Nate. Lukan was mortified by what it read.

'Lukan. I wanted to send you this email for a long time now, but haven't been able to with Will breathing down my neck. In truth, the two of us are roommates. We've been living together for several months now and he convinced me to try and learn his ways of thinking. They are truly horrible. But... I realize that sometimes bad things can help the world too. Like how World War 2 got most of the world out of that depression. However... Some of the things that snep has asked me to do, I really, really did not want to do.

First of all, and it's going to hurt you to know this, I just know it, but, you do deserve the truth. Will asked me to get close to you. He asked me to try and get you to be your boyfriend. Will guessed that you would be easy to convince since Will knew how much you were suffering after Klaus had broken up with you. And then, well, once I succeeded in getting close to your heart...

It's hard to write this, but the reason why Will and I were at Klaus' house that night was because Will then asked me to get with him as boyfriends as well. Cheating on you, is what he wanted me to do. Will believed that once you had seen what emotions could do to someone's judgment, you would both see how destructive such thoughts could be and what they would drive someone to do. Will really does believe that thoughts like that could only be used to harm others.

You know what? In fact, I am not even gay at all. Not bi either. I'm as straight as can be, but I wanted to know more about what Will was thinking and why he did so. But now I am beginning to see that he isn't right. None of this is right. I don't want any of us living a lie. I do believe that depression is something the mind fabricates, like he does. But when it comes to his actions, how can he not see that they will just exacerbate the problem? I ask him, but he insists he's always right.

I'm sorry Lukan. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt anyone. Will says he doesn't either, but I am wondering how true that is! How does hurting someone lead to no one being hurt!? It makes no sense! I honestly hope that we never see each other again. I can't bear the thought of facing you after all this. I know what Klaus had said to all of us when he caught us, but please try to get this message to him too. He needs to know as well. I'm sorry. Goodbye, Lukan. I hope the best. I'll be leaving Lilac Grove in a few days so I can get away from Will. So we probably WON'T meet ever again so... I'm sorry"

--Nathais M. Love'

Lukan sat there, staring at the screen in complete and utter shock. How could this be?! How could the cat have done something like this, how could he have let the snep to allow this to happen!? Lukan was not even aware of the tears falling from his eyes as he slammed a fist into his keyboard, nearly shattering a bunch of the keys out of the board. This snep, he swore, was going to pay someday. Lukan wanted retribution. He wanted the snep to repent for such horrible things. But Lukan knew the first thing he needed to do was forward what was given to him to the otter, if he still could. Lukan, with fingers shakier now than they could be in the world's strongest earthquake, went to forward the message to the otter, but not to his surprise at all, found the email address blocked. All Lukan was able to do was reply to Nate and say that he could not reach the otter and to give it to him directly. He attached the otter's email address to the message and sent it, hoping it would reach the otter soon.

Lukan stumbled from his desk chair, body feeling as though it was run over by a car, and he half crawled to his bed where he silently half hoped to himself that he would never wake up again, unless everything he was going through now was truly a genuine nightmare.