Ring In the New

Story by Tristan Black Wolf on SoFurry

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#49 of Expectations and Permissions

After the angst and torture of the last few chapters, a little tenderness is indicated. It's New Year's Eve, and Colter Dark Claw and his husband Guy Alluvinder have invited some friends for a special celebration. There is, however, a notable absence in the attendees list, and Eoin McCracken feels the absence all too deeply.

This chapter is rated "All Ages" despite hinting at various aspects of "adult stuff"; if there's sufficient objection, I will of course adjust the rating. If you enjoy my work, please consider leaving a tip (see icon at the end of the story), or click here to learn more about my Patreon. I greatly appreciate your attention.


"Happy New Year, GMT!"

Laughter rang with the clinking of glasses filled with sparkling cider, toasts were drunk all round, and then began the joyous abandon of kissing in the new year. Eoin snagged Zachary for his first and warmest kiss, and for a good number of seconds, there was a question whether or not they might soon be asked to "get a room," as the old cliché had it. They did separate, however, if only so that the Akita could fulfill another promise that he had made for himself. The saluki smiled softly, as he saw his new lover find Jerry Bunting, taking the otter tenderly in his arms, bestowing a kiss no less warm.

"Got some left for an old tiger?"

"What old tiger? I just see a sexy young one here." The grad student embraced the first of his hosts and provided Guy Alluvinder a proper lip-lock with the associated_mmmmmwah_ sound effects to match. Eoin grinned at the handsome flit-tiger, whose black fur set off his deep emerald stripes and tribal markings to particularly handsome effect. "Happy New Year, Guy."

"With that kiss, I'm off to a helluva good start."

"Hey, put that feline down; you don't know where he's been!"

"Bet I could take a guess." Another particularly satisfactory kiss went to Guy's flit-wolf husband Colter Dark Claw. He gleefully noted that Cole's wings fluttered a little even as his tail wagged in satisfaction with the kiss, and he nodded. "Yup, I definitely detect tiger on your breath."

"Nah, just anchovies." The flit-wolf grinned through the head-slap his mate provided.

"O'n whitefur!" said a small voice. "Kiss whitefur?"

Grinning, Eoin knelt to get his sugar from Annabelle, Guy's nineteen-month-old kit, who was nice enough to share with Cole's same-aged pup Paulo, one white-furred cheek to each. The saluki provided a proper_mmwah_ to each yowen's cheek as they giggled and hugged him as best as their little arms could reach. Paulo, ever his sire's pup, shifted his wings a little, both to accommodate his wagging tail and to let Eoin reach around to hug him more easily. It occurred to older pup that the two yowens probably didn't know what the big celebration was for, but they threw themselves into it with an abandon that most likely held a barely-concealed desire to know what happened to the cake that usually appeared at times like this. Guy and Cole had, rather cleverly, found the best way to host a New Year's Eve party for their friends without harming the yowens' regularly scheduled bedtime. It might have been only 6:00pm local time, but the new year had arrived at Greenwich, and that was a perfectly respectable reason to celebrate.

"G'anpa?"

Eoin felt a kick in his heart at the soft request. He managed to smile through it. "Maybe later," he said.

"M'kay." The female flit-tiger, still awaiting the day when her wings would show themselves, was rarely one to pout. She smiled a little and pet the saluki's cheek as if knowing something far beyond her few years. Eoin kissed her tiny paw and stood as smoothly as he could. He found Guy's forepaw at his elbow, guiding him gently toward the foyer of the large house as Cole distracted the yowens with yet more hugs from the several other guests in attendance. Both Zachary and Jerry saw them pass, concerned looks on their muzzles and in their eyes. Eoin managed to nod at them and keep walking.

From the front hall, the flit-tiger led the younger male further back into the ground floor of the house than he'd seen before. At the end of the hallway, Guy opened a door and led the saluki into what appeared to be a sort of lounge area, set with simple, comfortable furnishings, including something that appeared to be a cross between a very large couch and an even larger bed, raised higher than usual, with what looked like drawers in the base that supported it all. Pillows and folded comforters lay neatly in the corners of the space, simple, comfortable, available. A small refrigerator and wet bar was tucked into another corner of the room, and a door beyond led to a full, well-appointed bathroom with a generous-sized garden tub that appeared to have Jacuzzi jets installed. The recessed ceiling lights were on a dimmer switch, set at the moment to full brightness; all around, in various locations, white candles of many shapes and sizes stood ready to serve a better, perhaps more romantic, purpose. As Guy closed the door, a silence descended that spoke of particularly effective soundproofing. Eoin began to understand what this room might be used for, although he hesitated voicing the thought.

"Eoin, are you all right?"

"I think so..."

The older male smiled softly. "Yes, that's what this room is for, and no, I didn't bring you here for that. A few of our guests will be staying late, perhaps overnight, and the five of us will be ringing in the new year at midnight, local time, in somewhat more private circumstances. We have a sitter for the yowens -- a very reliable and discreet vixen who, on such occasions, sleeps in the room next to Annabelle and Paulo's, with a special line into this room, if needed." The smile broadened a little. "You're shocked."

"No, just surprised." The saluki spoke softly, as if the room somehow demanded it. "I didn't know that you and Cole were... no, let me stop there. I was about to throw a label on you. Sorry."

"Let me offer you the short form. Cole and I married for love, for merging our lives together, and to build our futures together. Neither of us would ever close the door on who or how we love. We talk, always, to make sure we're clear about what we're asking, of ourselves, of each other, of those we wish to share love with. We make sure that anyone joining us is sharing his love as well."

"I didn't mean to suggest a drunken orgy."

"Orgy, possibly; drunken, never. Another rule of this room: Nothing to impair the mind or the spirit. And there are times when the furpile is entirely non-sexual. Not often, I confess, but sometimes, it's the comfort of being held that's even more important than the pleasures of more sensitive flesh. Cole sings for us, especially when one or more of our guests can join him. It brings us together as much as everything else does." The flit-tiger paused in his reverie and looked at the young dog with soft affection. "We never asked you, as you seem quite smitten with Benedict, and he's more of what we refer to as a serial monogamist, for the most part. I have to admit a touch of surprise at seeing you with one young,toshifumi-tora brindled Akita and not scale nor monocle of a crimson dragon. The invitation was given at breakfast a week ago, and another mailed to you both, at the house. Did it arrive?"

"I'm not sure. I've been..." Eoin moved to the couch-bed and sat on the edge of it. He was surprised at first that it had both springiness and firm support. Some tiny fraction of his brain wondered at the possibilities. "I've been staying with Zachary since the day after Christmas."

"May I ask...?"

"I got angry with Benedict." The saluki saw the question on his host's muzzle and continued. "Do you remember what you told me, Christmas Eve? About your saying how it was all worth it?" Guy nodded. "I wanted to have that talk with Benedict. Zachary was going back to his own apartment, late on Boxing Day, and when I woke, it was to what I thought was Benedict giving me quite a sensual massage. I was feeling so good, so ready to talk to him about the future. Our future. I wanted..." He sighed deeply and continued. "And then he pulls this playground-humiliation crap, laughing his tail off, and leaves..."

"What did he do?"

"He used his claws to plait my back fur. More than thirty of them, neatly braided knots, all in rows. Zachary heard me yelling Benedict's name, the front door slam shut. He came rushing into the bedroom to see what was wrong, and then he... he laughed too..."

The grad student hung his head, still smarting from the incident some five days passed. He felt the bed shift as Guy sat next to him, the flit-tiger gently pulling the younger male's head to his velour-covered chest, petting his headfur gently, letting the intense quiet rest undisturbed until the pup was ready to continue.

"It was Zachary who helped. Said he used to work with non-sapient horses, grooming them, detangling their manes and tails. He did a really good job -- didn't have to cut one of the knots, made my fur smooth as silk. We talked. I was worried that maybe he was remembering... I'm sorry, I may be telling tales out of school."

"Didn't hear a thing," the flit-tiger whispered.

"He was good to me, and we talked. He asked me to stay with him for a few days. I left voicemail on the house phone; Benedict never responded. No secret that Zachary is seeing Benedict for counseling, but the pup's been talking to me a lot more, at least during the past several days." Eoin paused, felt the need to say the rest. "We became lovers. Just a few nights ago. He's letting himself be so affectionate, so caring, and I've barely thought about Benedict. I thought I'd see him here tonight." He stopped a threat of crying in mid-breath. "I think I was hoping to make him jealous, but it's not like I haven't tried to talk to him. I called more than once. Tried the house, his cell, his office, left messages. I even called Royal at The Extra Credit."

"Have you gone by the house?"

Eoin shook his head. "I didn't have the guts. Or maybe I was trying to keep punishing him, or..."

The flit-tiger shushed the pup with a tender forepaw. "Did you move out completely? Do you still have things there?"

"I still have books, clothes, other stuff... I didn't move everything back to my dorm room."

"Then he knows you're coming back, at least to collect the rest of your things. He wouldn't change the locks or something; that would be cowardly, and that's not in his vocabulary."

For some reason, that made Eoin snort something like a chuckle. "I guess so. I'm just worried. No one remembers seeing him for a few days now."

"He hibernates sometimes," Guy observed quietly. "He can sleep for days in a row, if he needs his strength, or if..."

Eoin felt as well as heard the voice trail off, finishing the sentence for himself. "...or if he's hurt."

"Let him heal, pup. He can't hide forever." The saluki felt the kiss planted on the top of his head. "Do you have someone to be with you tonight? Will Zachary be with you?"

"Yes." He nodded against the flit-tiger's chest. "I think we'll be together tonight."

"Don't let yourself be alone. If Zachary won't be with you, come back here. You can join the furpile, if you want, or I'll beg off from the group and have you come sleep with me, upstairs. Just sleep, if that's what you wish."

"I don't think I would be good company."

"I think you would be fine company." Guy shifted, cupping Eoin's muzzle tenderly in his forepaw, looking him in the eyes. "You have a huge heart, Eoin McCraken. You love strongly, passionately, and completely. You might think it strange, but that's actually the first and most important criterion of our furpiles. And even if you didn't wish to join there, even if you wanted only to sleep, alone with me in my and Cole's bed, your loving heart would make you the best company possible. You need to be loved tonight, in whatever form that may take. Your heart is hurting; don't miss the chance to help it heal." The flit-tiger kissed his forehead chastely, looked again into his eyes. "You'll need your strength to help Benedict heal as well."

"Will he be--"

"Yes, pup. He will. He didn't get to be this old without knowing how to heal himself."

"Do you know why he... treated me that way?"

Guy considered, a gentle smile on his lips. "You'll have to ask him. I will, however, hazard a guess: It's because he can, on occasion, be a complete and utter prick."

The saluki's entire body shook with laughter, and the flit-tiger joined in with him. It wasn't as if the older male had imparted any surprising and heretofore unknown fact about the crimson dragon. Even Benedict himself had self-described as_not only a prick but an asshole -- a walking act of sodomy,_ and whether intentionally or not, he had proved the veracity of that statement on multiple occasions. It was the timing that was so horrid; why had he chosen that particular morning to play such a shabby trick, when Eoin was going to talk about... The dragon hadn't known, of course. Despite the likelihood that the drake was actually telepathic, to some degree at least, there was no reason to think that the timing was intentional. It was Benedict being himself, getting a wild hair laid just so across his smooth-scaled ass and giving in to the temptation to do something outrageous, in the sense of "causing outrage."

It was that thought that sobered the saluki all too quickly.

"Second thoughts?" Guy asked softly.

Eoin considered. "If I'm honest, yes. Also, if I'm honest, it's part of meddling in the affairs of dragons. It's not like this was the first time he's pulled a prank like this. It's not like he'd stop."

"That's when you have to remember the strength of love. And why you need to be loved and loved well, especially tonight." The flit-tiger jostled the grad student gently. "C'mon; let's go mingle before my guests think I've started without them."

They rose and left the room together. The sound of the party, despite there being only a score of participants all told, was noisy testament to the soundproofing of the "special room." Eoin felt himself blush, but also found himself wondering just how noisy a furpile could get. Tigers can roar, wolves can howl, and depending upon which of the guests were staying for the celebrations, combinations of purrs, yips, barks, growls, chitters, warbling, and screeches were possible. The budding architect in him made Eoin wonder what sort of physical structures could be made, and the blush felt hotter than before. He wasn't sure if it were for shame at thinking about it, or embarrassment that he might want to help with the construction plans.

* * * * * * * * * *

Almost as if they were on the same timer as the house carillon, Annabelle and Paulo began winding down around 7:00pm. Excusing themselves, Cole and Guy took the little yowens upstairs, their "wuff-papa" already crooning a soft lullaby. In the main room, some of the guests were readying to take their quiet leave upon the husbands' return; they had given over the afternoon to this party yet still had invitations to parties ringing in the year at "the usual hour" and wished to return home to rest for Round Two. Ultimately, it became apparent to Eoin that the guests who were to remain were a lean meerkat, a lithe fox, and a particularly large and fit Rottweiler who had already captured the first two in a fully-clothed warm-up cuddle on the couch. Perhaps in spite of himself, the saluki's curiosity had increased, but he had Zachary to consider, and to some degree perhaps, Jerry as well. He had let the Akita and otter continue their conversations largely uninterrupted, as they seemed to need it. The athlete had confided something in particular to him that he wanted to talk to Jerry about. Depending on the outcome of that revelation, Eoin's plans for the rest of the evening might very well change.

By 7:30, the vixen that Guy had mentioned earlier appeared with a small overnight case; she padded upstairs, and not long after, the flit-tiger returned to the group. "Cole is still being balladeer," he explained, grinning, to the crowd. "Cynthia's arrival has stirred the yowens a bit, and perhaps she can take up a chorus or two."

The prediction proved true; the flit-wolf appeared only minutes later, and the party as a public function began to thin out. Eoin and Zachary thanked their hosts properly, the Akita comfortable with offering chaste kisses to their cheeks. Jerry also bade everyone a good night and, since the two guests' bicycles were safely chained at the back of the house, near to his apartment, he escorted them into the cold clear December night.

"I'm really glad to see you. Both of you." Jerry seemed to hesitate just briefly, as if coming to a decision. "May I invite you both in for some tea? It feels somehow both early and late, and I guess I'm a little wired."

"I'd like that, if..." Zachary looked to Eoin, who nodded. "Thank you, Jerry."

The otter smiled at them both, as Eoin felt something pass between them that he wasn't entirely sure he could name.

Inside, Eoin and Zachary took in the large, happily cluttered apartment. "It's customary to say 'Pardon the mess'," Jerry noted, "but it's always like this, so that phrase seems a little disingenuous."

"I like it," the saluki observed. "When thinking of a garage apartment, a two-car garage turned into an apartment isn't what springs to mind."

"Precisely my happy surprise, especially considering that it's as deep as it is wide. Plenty of space for a dedicated bachelor." He grinned at the term. "Please, off with your coats, take a seat. Let me get things ready, set the water to boiling."

The guests did as asked, relaxing onto the sofa. Zachary reached over to brush his knuckles lightly on Eoin's cheek, smiling gently at him. The grad student returned the smile, kissed the Akita's forepaw softly. It was somehow just a little silly, like courtship behavior, but it felt good too. Once more, Eoin wondered briefly if he were falling more than a little bit in love with the handsome athlete, and he wondered how either of them would feel about that.

"Any particular variety?" Jerry called. "I've got several."

"What's your favorite?" Zachary answered.

"Good old Bigelow Constant Comment, or maybe Spice Dragon Red Chai from Stash Tea Company. The first has caffeine."

"Let's go with the chai," Eoin suggested.

"Good choice. Any biscuits or tidbits to go with it?"

"I feel like I've been nibbling all afternoon," Zachary grinned.

"I'm good," the saluki added, "thanks for offering."

"My pleasure. Good to have guests." The otter shimmered out of the kitchen and plopped himself into his chair with a sigh and smile of contentment. "Just a few minutes for the water to boil." His soft, dark eyes mellowed further as he looked at the saluki. "Eoin, forgive me if I'm poking my muzzle where it doesn't belong. I'm worried about Benedict."

"I think we all are," Zachary said softly. "We've talked about it a little."

"More than a little," the white-furred dog admitted. "Did Zachary tell you how he and I...?"

A blush rose on the golden-furred otter's cheeks as his tail-tip danced an involuntary bit of embarrassment. "I got him to tell me about your being together this past week. He was telling me about it because he... Zachary, am I going too far?"

The Akita squirmed a little but shook his head. "I think we've all pretty well told each other everything, at this point." He looked to Eoin, ears splayed, looking shy and uncertain.

With a tiny chuckle, the saluki managed a smile. "I'll go first. I woke up on Boxing Day, intending to talk to Benedict about our future, when..."

He told the tale just as it was, and how he had left with Zachary that day, and how they'd spent a few days talking, and discovering, and becoming lovers. The tea kettle whistled as the Akita took up the tale of how much he had shared, discovered, and learned from Eoin, doing his best to skirt around becoming too graphic in his description. As the otter brought the tray over to set it on the table in front of his guests, he took up his part of the story.

"You've come a long way in a short time, Zachary." He sat in his chair, reaching over to take the Akita's forepaw into his own. He looked past the athlete to the grad student on the pup's other side. "This may sound weird, Eoin, but what I'm feeling is how grateful I am that you've loved him so well. When I first encountered Zachary..." None of the three could help but chuckle a little at the description. "There was nothing that could have prepared me for all that's happened. And Zachary, you're all right with...?"

"I'm a lot more than all right." The Akita turned to Eoin, using his other forepaw to reach out for the saluki's own. "I'm doing what I can not to label anything. Except that..." He swallowed and, as it seemed to Eoin, took a chance. "I'm able to say that I love you, Eoin. I've tried to get rid of all the baggage, all the expectations, just let it be what it is. I've shared love with you, and it feels wonderful."

He turned back to the otter, again swallowing, daring. "It's what I was talking to you about earlier, Jerry. I don't know if I'm explaining it right, but it feels to me as if I'd shown hate to you, and I want to... well, to make up for that somehow. And Eoin's shown me that I can share love if I want to. I can share love with another male, no baggage, no labels, just..." He looked down. "Still not good with words."

"Better than you give yourself credit for, Zachary," Eoin told him. "We've talked so much over the last several days. It felt very good to me." He felt his ears splay a little, the sense of a blush warming his cheeks. "Everything you said without words felt good, too, if it's okay for me to say..."

The Akita, still not looking up, nodded. The saluki realized that it was part embarrassment and part something else, although he still wasn't sure quite what...

"I don't feel hate from you, Zachary," Jerry said softly. "I felt a lot of fear that I didn't understand, and at Thanksgiving..." The otter's tail thapped a sad, ashamed tattoo against his chair. "I didn't mean to ambush you. I was wrong..."

"You weren't--" the athlete began.

"No, I was wrong. Or, if I'm charitable, I was foolish. And I blamed you for it." Jerry shook the Akita's forepaw gently. "And I said things I didn't mean, later, and thank you for letting me take them back. And we finally talked a little, and Christmas Day..." He smiled very gently, looked to Eoin. "Did he tell you about my presents to him?"

The saluki chuckled softly. "We all knew about the CD, of course. He played it for me one evening while we were talking -- I could be convinced!" He smiled at the otter's pleased chittering and continued. "Zachary told me that you shared your first kiss, there in the hallway. He told me about it in connection with wanting to give you a kiss tonight, maybe so I wouldn't be surprised."

A chime sounded from the kitchen, and Jerry released Zachary's paw gently in order to begin pouring the tea. The scent of cinnamon and other rich spices filled the air, and Eoin found himself feeling very warm and comfortable in the otter's friendly space. He accepted the cup and sniffed even more closely at the brew, letting his tail express his delight along with his murring voice. "I'm going to have to track down more of this!"

"Easily done," Jerry smiled. "One of the local groceries has it, and you can buy it in larger quantities directly from Stash, online."

"Truly splendid. I'd bet Benedict would..." Eoin felt the comment wither and simply let it go, looking down into his cup. In only a moment, he felt Zachary's paw to his forearm. He glanced up a moment, managing a facsimile of a smile. "I don't know why I'm worried. Not like he hasn't lived this long by not knowing how to take care of himself."

Jerry cleared his throat delicately. "I think he has a lot less knowledge about how to take care of you."

"No, I can't say that." Breathing deeply, he raised his head and looked at the two males with him. "He can be generous, tender, thoughtful... and as Guy reminded me earlier, he can also be a prick."

"I won't argue with that!" Zachary laughed. "I've only known him for a few months, and he's proven that point many times already." The Akita sobered a little, squeezed the saluki's forearm gently. "You really love him."

"Perhaps he's just grown on me. Like a barnacle." He managed a weak chuckle. "I'm not his first, won't be his last. He has a history of taking lovers almost like special projects. Over the years, he has found and groomed young males of all manner and ability, finding in them something unique and cultivating it. In his years, he's cultivated an award-winning cancer research scientist, a National Book Award winner, two ambassadors, several less-known yet extremely important members of various world leaders' kitchens, and let's not forget a certain wolverine who is our university's Dean of Students." Eoin smiled warmly. "That one, in particular, is an amazing jewel in the dragon's hoard. And I have the feeling that there are others I don't know about, but each one is his own success story. Benedict finds them, somehow, and he gives them something of himself to make them flourish."

"And he chose you," Zachary noted. "And not just because you are a wonderful lover. I don't know anything about architecture, Eoin, but I've learned something about you over this past week. You... see things. When we were at the mall, you pointed things out to me, things in shop windows, or in the crowds, or the little sparrows that had flown into the Food Court from somewhere and made a life for themselves in the rafters. I wouldn't have seen them if not for you. And when I asked you to talk about you, about your career choice, you told me about your drawings of buildings, how you see them, how they come up for you in your mind. You helped me see too. That's why Benedict chose you -- because of what you see."

The saluki shrugged, strangely uncomfortable with the praise. "Maybe I'm just an entertaining date."

The athlete shook his head. "You saw me, too. You saw through me somehow. And even after..." The Akita's ears splayed sharply. "Even after I clipped you one that morning, you didn't give up on me. I don't know how Benedict sees, but you showed me how you see. He wouldn't choose me, but in a way, you chose me. And you've given me so much. That's what I've been trying to get across to you. And I'm gonna say this wrong too, but you... It's because of Benedict that you gave so much to me. He saw you, chose you, and then you..." He sighed a little, put a forepaw back to Eoin's shoulder. "I just mean that I think I understand what Benedict sees in you. I can see the gem you are."

"And when I'm done with my degree," Eoin whispered harshly, "it'll be my turn to move on."

"And you want more," Jerry murmured.

"Yes."

"You want a future with him."

"Yes. It's what I was talking about with Guy. He was the one who helped me see that I wanted more from Benedict. I want it all, and it was Benedict that I--" He broke off, sipped at his tea, burned his lip a little. "I'm sorry, Zachary, that doesn't seem fair to you."

"Don't think like that right now." The Akita put his cup on the table and put a forepaw gently to the saluki's arm. "I'm worried about him, too, for your sake if nothing else."

"Eoin," Jerry continued, "I can see you've thought about this a lot. You want to stay with Benedict past the time where he usually lets his charges go."

"Yes. I want him. I think I'd ask him to marry me. I want him that much."

"Does he know that? How does he feel about--"

"How in Hell should I know..." Eoin set his cup down on the table just a little too loudly and stood. "Jerry, may I use your bathroom, please?"

"Through the bedroom," the otter said softly.

The saluki moved quickly, barely noticing the furnishings of the softly-lit bedroom, entering the bathroom and closing the door behind him. He did not turn on the light; moonlight, reflected off the snow outside, poured in through the thick, frosted, double-paned window in the shower. He'd always had good night vision, and he wasn't here to do anything but regain himself. He sat upon the closed toilet lid, doing his best to regain his breathing even as he fought tears threatening to form against the ache in his heart. He'd had no idea just how deeply Benedict's actions had affected him. Thoughts tumbled through his head, chasing each other's tails -- to get his things from the dragon's house and never return; stay in his dorm room and never come out; throw himself onto Zachary's emotional mercy; go dive into Guy and Cole's fur pile for whatever perceived comfort he thought he could gain; quit school and disappear; find some way to abandon himself as he felt himself abandoned...

Long minutes passed as the maelstrom raged within him, finally playing out its fury into tsunamis of anguished desolation, then into the drowning sense of helplessness, worthlessness, and despair that he had fought against almost from the day he was whelped. Self-confidence is a learned trait, and not one that he had been taught by his sire and dam. He didn't doubt that they loved him, but more than loving him, they wanted to keep him safe, and they had decided early on that nothing was safer than never taking risks. He was guarded, protected, kept away from "bad influences" and "untrustworthy" furs of any age. His early years were less about becoming himself than they were about becoming who his parents wanted him to be. He could not have called his first discoveries "rebellion," since in those early years, he'd had no idea that it was what he was doing. Only when adolescence began making changes in body, mind, and spirit that were irreversible, even by the well-meaning sire and dam, did Eoin come to realize that he was having to wage a war for his Self. He found ways to focus, drive himself, put himself through college on his own merits, become himself, his own master, creating a true identity which, ultimately, his parents did their best to accept.

They knew about Benedict; Eoin hid nothing from them that they would otherwise discover from public sources, if only because there was no point, and because it wasn't fair for them to have to find out such things from strangers. They expressed the occasional murmurings of cautions, since dragons are known to be so dangerous, but Eoin had by this time completed his undergraduate degree against all odds, and he was a solid, perhaps even "promising", student of architecture who had been out-and-proud since high school, who had survived bullies, who had learned how to defend himself against verbal and physical attacks, and who still struggled to defend himself against attacks to his ego and his identity. He was pleasant to all, helpful to some, and to a very few, emotionally intimate. He chose his lovers almost randomly at first, until he learned (sometimes harshly) how to guard his heart. He did his best to protect himself without going to unnecessary extremes. He was careful. He worked to find a lover or lovers that he could trust. He worked hard on trusting and being trusted, and he was not wholly merciful with those who betrayed him. He was careful around the dragon, knowing of his reputation; he dallied for a time, let things grow physical, then sexual, then intimate. True intimacy, he had learned, was a matter of the deepest trust. He trusted Benedict, and...

...and look where it got him.

The softest tapping on the door. "Eoin?"

He wiped a paw at his eyes once more, tried not to sniff too loudly. "Sorry for taking so long, Jerry; I'll be right out."

"No hurry; we just... we want to help."

"Thank you. I'm... I'm okay, I'll be..." He paused, made himself swallow, made himself inhale slowly, tried not to be too noisy about it. He heard shifting just beyond the door.

"Eoin?" Zachary's voice came through with great tenderness. "May I come in, please?"

The saluki slumped a little in his sitting position. "Yeah. Okay. Not locked."

Silently, the door swung slowly inward. The saluki sensed more than saw the Akita's approach. The athlete lowered himself to his haunches, balancing digitigrade before him, and placed his forepaws tenderly upon Eoin's thighs. "Please let us help you."

"I'll be okay, it's not... not..."

"Eoin," the younger dog whispered, leaning closer. "Please. We're here for you."

The saluki inhaled sharply, hearing the sound of snot rattling in his nose. "Gods, I hate sniveling."

"You're not sniveling. You're fighting off a cold."

The architect coughed out a laugh at that one. "Hope you don't catch it."

"Already caught the gay; not scared of anything else."

Eoin looked up into the Akita's eyes, seeing a world of acceptance that he had helped to cultivate, had explored so tenderly over the past several days.

"I may say all this wrong, too, so..." Zachary paused, then dove into it. "You and Jerry know more about Benedict than I do. He calls himself a prick, and I can agree with that. But you love him, and you've shown me what love feels like. I don't ever want you to feel unloved. Because I know more about that feeling than I want anyone else to feel."

Something turned lazily in Eoin's chest. Hesitantly, he leaned forward to kiss Zachary on his lips. He was met with yet more acceptance, no insistence, no requirements, just a kiss that showed a great sophistication of emotion that he, to his shame, had not credited toward the Akita before. Even as he had tried to help the younger dog understand the feelings and experiences he was discovering, he had failed to notice that there was an important groundwork of emotion, of experience of life, that had made the rest possible. He found himself wanting to cry again, not for himself, but for the great underestimation of the young male who had so lovingly turned the tables on him and lent back the strength he had borrowed.

Pulling back from the kiss, Eoin felt tears forming, but now from relief. He managed a soft smile. "I love you, Zachary."

"I love you, Eoin." No hesitation, no fear. The Akita gazed at him, rising from his crouch, offering a forepaw to help him stand, stepping back as best he could to give him some space. Eoin stood and embraced him warmly, felt the athlete's arms around him, his muzzle at his ear. "Come with me."

They left the bathroom to find Jerry standing near the open door. The otter reached out slowly, as if unsure of offering too much. The saluki found it easy to smile and move in to hug his host warmly. Jerry made a soft chitter in his ear and held him for several seconds. At last pulling back, Jerry hesitated before asking, "Eoin, may I... this may come out wrong..."

Eoin chuckled. "I think we're all suffering from that tonight."

"Fair enough." The otter took a breath and began. "It's cold outside, it's dark, and the night is crazy enough when you're on a bike; it's crazier tonight, and you and Zachary don't need the mess. I want you to stay with me tonight. Both of you. Zachary and I... we want you to know how loved you are."

The saluki blinked. "I'm not sure I... am I imagining too much?"

"We both care about you, and we both want you to be safe and loved tonight. We can just sleep, if that's what we want. I didn't really think of anything beyond that, although..." The fur under Jerry's cheeks showed a blush rising even in the darkened bedroom. "I didn't get my New Year's kiss from you. If you wanted one from me."

Smiling softly, Eoin allowed, "Who would not want a New Year's kiss from so warm a heart?"

Cupping the otter's cheek tenderly in one paw, he leaned in for a kiss that only confirmed what he had said. He felt Jerry's forepaws come up to touch his shoulders gently, and from behind, Zachary stood with forepaws to his hips and muzzle to his neck. Guy's words came back to him, and he wondered if he could accept what he had been told. Pulling back from the kiss, he looked with half-lidded tenderness to Jerry, then over his shoulder to Zachary. The Akita pressed close, his muzzle over the saluki's shoulder, and Jerry pressed close to kiss the athlete's lips, and Eoin licked at their muzzles as the two males enclosed him in their embrace. Recalling what Zachary had discussed with him -- the Akita's curiosity and desire to experience loving with the otter -- he let slip the restraints around his heart, let himself love and be loved. Whatever else might occur, the last few hours of the old year and the first of the new would be spent in an affirmation of his heart and all that he was truly worth.

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