Killed in an Instant
"Can I have another piece of pie, momma." Those were the last words my son ever said to me. He died at the age of 17. I had just made some apple pie and Nova cut him a slice and sat down and ate the whole slice, that's when he asked if he could have another piece of pie. My husband and I heard three gun shots. One was to Nova, the second one was to my husband's head, and the third was to my stomach, which carried my unborn daughter. My neighbors called 911, and the paramedics said that my unborn child was dead, but I would be ok if I got to the emergency room right then. Before I left I saw Nova dead with blood gushing out of his head. Harrison, if survived, would suffer mild brain damage, and would not be his normal self. I was the only survivor. I swore to my family that I would find whoever did this and take my revenge.
Three months have passed and every clue I received was a dead end. I had no family left. I was all alone, with no hope of finding whoever killed my family. My friends would call me obsessed. But I would call myself lost. How could I let my family die without knowing who killed them? My so-called friends told me to move on and forget it ever happened. But it feels like there is a hole in my chest and that there is no way of repairing it. I even resorted in thinking that it was a supernatural murder. But I was reassured that that wasn't the case.
Every night I try to go to sleep, I wake up violently screaming. I see their faces coming at me saying their last words. I also see my unborn daughter all grown up telling me, "Mommy, why did you let me die?" I can't even imagine why I would be the blame for their deaths. I guess I lived and they didn't.
There are three kinds of fear for me. One of my fears was to not find who killed my family; the other would be dying my self. I never thought to replace my family with other people, it wouldn't seem right to me. And the third fear is that I will never be in Heaven with my family. So as I dream very sad dreams, I think about the losses that I have taken as well.
I haven't eaten for 2 days now and I am still not hungry. I might eat something small here or there but nothing too big, just enough to keep going. I will never eat the meal that we ate as a family. It was green beans, grilled chicken and home made macaroni and cheese. And I will never eat apple pie again. It's a simple paranoia that I have developed over the past three months.